#who even WANTS a pathetic wet dog. kill mein self pt 2 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

uriboos · 1 year

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also for a long time “i am not worthy of being loved and devoted to” was the thought that haunted me but now that i am older and able to analyze myself on a more realistic and mature level for Real bc i am at that age when ppl actually start considering their futures, the thought “i am not capable of loving and devoting myself to someone in a healthy and stable manner” has been added to the mix so that’s fun

#i think because i wasnt around many ppl for years and bc im very inexperienced romantically my Own ability to love didnt really occur to me #until recently bc according to how i want my life to go. having a partner within 5yrs is ideal. and that is TERRIFYING #bc i sat down to think about it and i realized that i will be thee most broken person in a relationship just because the nature of a #romantic relationship forces you to be much more vulnerable than most friendships do #and i am so good at holding myself together even when im falling apart internally bc i dont really let myself get vulnerable so if/when #i get a partner all hell will break loose #or it wont and i will just keep my partner at a distance which will inevitably lead to a failed relationship.#kill mein self #this is much more horrifying to think about considering my fp is a friend and i STILL fall apart nearly daily just from my emotions #surrounding them and i dont even show it. bc i dont have to. but w a romantic partner if i want shit to last that ugly stuff will #come to the surface and oh god oh lord. to love and to be loved is to allow yourself the room to be a pathetic wet dog #BUT I DONT WANNA BE A PATHETIC WET DOG #who even WANTS a pathetic wet dog. kill mein self pt 2 #entry

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