eiffel has low pain tolerance and he would say he'd do just about anything to avoid it, but if you put him in that experiment where he could either press a button to give himself an electrical shock or sit alone and do nothing for fifteen minutes, he would press it. and he would press it again. and he would exclaim and whimper and whine about it, and every time he would be like, okay, i'm not doing that again. but he would still opt for an unpleasant form of stimulation over no stimulation at all. there is nothing he wants less than to be alone with his thoughts. and that's the source of a lot of his problems.

Listen. Listen. I am gripping your shoulders painfully. I know this is just Morty in The Hole and the whole thing is about his dependence on Rick but. They buy a house together. Why are you dialling the number for the psych ward

thoughts on Ginny and Harry as a couple?

There are a lot of people who find their romance in HBP forced. I don't think it's forced so much as underwritten, and the books don't get the chemistry quite right (though the movies certainly don't, either). There's potential, but they just don't get enough actual scenes of substance (besides Harry thinking she's pretty or feeling jealous of Dean) for a lot of readers to buy that they're not only in love, but deeply enough in love to break up, get back together, and wind up married.

That's not to say I don't see the appeal. There's a very cool scene in Book 5 where Harry's doing a woe-is-me-Chosen-One act, and Ginny effortlessly puts him in his place about it by reminding him that she was possessed by Voldemort at eleven, which is a rare glimpse into her character and also a great synecdoche for their relationship — Ginny is a grounding presence who, like Ron and Hermione, isn't going to be awed by his past adventures because she knew him before they happened. In that respect, Ginny's probably one of the few women Harry could feasibly wind up with, because he only ever seems comfortable around people (let alone girls) who can see past the Chosen-One schtick and treat him like a normo (see: Ron, Hermione, the Weasleys, Luna, Hagrid). True to type, he doesn't get interested in Ginny at all until she's ditched her celebrity crush and ceased to view him as an idol, because in his heart of hearts, Harry wants to be a normal boy, and it's stressed over and over that part of what he likes about his relationship with Ginny is how normal it feels. He kind of has a horribly supercharged version the celebrity dating problem: after the Battle of Hogwarts, anyone he meets is going to know him first as Harry Potter, Chosen One, Boy Who Lived, and Actually Fucking Resurrected Messiah of the Wizarding World, which is... I mean, it's possible that there are witches out there who could get over that, but Harry's not an extroverted guy, and I'm not sure how he'd go about finding them. Ginny's the one who's been there since the beginning, doesn't need anything about him or his past explained to her, and actually likes him for who he is.

When you look at it that way, it's not surprising he married his high school girlfriend. She's one of the few people still alive who doesn't see him as a demigod.

thinking about when guts sent a bunch of his men directly into zodd's meat grinder without even knowing demons like him existed. and that moment after the fight where casca runs to griffith unconscious on the floor and tells guts it's all his fault. and the time gambino tells him he's bad luck and should have died instead. and about how he tells griffith he cares about his men, and how casca doesn't seem to see it. and the time guts is thinking about casca telling him it's all his fault (after he got griffith hurt) and then griffith comes to him and says (like it's nothing) do i need to give a reason every time i come to save you? or whatever. like he's worth it. like he's worth dying for, and like it can be a choice people make because they value you. like he's a good luck charm, like griffith needs him to reach his goals, his full potential. like griffith is not enough to make it without him. like griffith finds out when guts leaves. fuckin.g gnawing someone else's legs off because i still need mine to run into traffic

thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder

Amphibiuary Days 11 + 15: Painted and 3D

A holdable friend

sorry I'm gonna cringepost again.

there's something I need to expel from my brain in terms of how astarion grapples and feels resentment/disgust/derision toward the concepts of heroics and ""good"" people and the way that emrys craves deeply to be good but will ultimately always fall short of the mark (in her own mind, at least) because she's too angry + too violent + too impulsive + too outraged (toward injustice, cruelty, in the world), the paladin ideal will never be met. and how when they're put together in the same room they line up to smack each other RIGHT in the thing theyre sensitive about. astarion lays out clearly the failures of the very foundations of her belief systems, makes her grapple with the things that are too extreme, whats long since become burdens to her, and she forces him to endure the fact that there are at least a few people in the world that are willing to fight with him and for others. and they're both? scrappy people, really. and go hard in the opposite directions but on the same wavelength of... interaction; both snarky, stubborn, toe to toe on everything, admirable of resilience. sort of forced together by circumstance, but completely filling in the gaps the other's got going on. it's just where he's got the lying and the charades and the bullshit and she is so Brusque and bludgeoning through at all times that the charade is moot. completely antithetical to everything he's been doing for the last 200 yrs, which is as irritating as it can maybe be refreshing. and he makes her laugh. WHICH IS NICE.

some silly AU doodling...

I thought it would be fun to send them to the renaissance festival... especially since I cannot send them to the rodeo due to the timing of specific events in-universe 😅 and hey, an excuse to put Kaine in a skirt 😂😂

Also I thought it would be fun(ny) if either Donald or Wally went all the way in on the costume theme. I picked Donald because he had a fancier shirt at the rodeo in the comics LOL but the idea of Wally being extremely dressed up is also very funny to me... instead he looks like a square. because he is a square.

oh yeah here's one without the dog so you can see wally's socks:

i have a scene where kaine ends up at the petting zoo w/ aracely, petting a bunny, and i wanted to sketch it but the sketch turned out bad so i'm not posting that

For the ship ask game: Sisko/Garak, Kira/Dax, O'Brien/Bashir

Sisko/Garak: ship it!

What made you ship it? I Do Not Remember. It may have been @ectogeo-rebubbles ITPM fic and it gradually grew on me but I don't know what to do with I now.

What are your favorite things about the ship? 1. Potential analysis for a very different way of being intimate with Garak, for one. With Julian he's always performing a bit, and his intimacy with Julian is cloaked in layers of complications and subterfuge- they're both very used to performing, performance is how that communicate. I find their dialogue often very easy to write because they're both very witty and vaudevillian (it's a dynamic some of the guys from my attempt at an audio drama have lol). But with Sisko I've noticed that Garak has points where he drops the jovial attitude and is very straightforward with him, kind of like he's dropping a ruse. It's not that Sisko doesn't enjoy those mannerisms of Garak's- as I think @wanderingwriter87 pointed out, Sisko appreciates Garak's bits- or that that's false behavior from Garak, but it's a kind of unmasking Garak is not prone to allow. 2. There's a very different power dynamic between them- perhaps controversial but during the run of the show I think Garak is put in a weak position, powerwise, compared to the vast majority of other characters as an exile who does not seem to have his citizenship sorted out. Socially, however, there are ways he wields power with Julian or even like, Quark where he's clearly got an upper hand that he doesn't with Sisko, who is of the same generation as Garak. Like, Garak does very notably manipulate him, but not the way he does with other people. And 3. Comparing and contrasting the social contexts they come from. Obviously Hebitians are like, my blorbo culture, but they're both middle aged men who adore children, and are pretty family oriented! However Sisko has a pretty healthy relationship to his family and Garak's family is an... on fire dumpster. Garak is very loyal to his father and craves his love and needs his approval for survival, while also calling him a monster and wishing him dead. Sisko seems to have trouble understanding that other people have severely negative relationships to their parents that may not be able to get resolved (it happens at least twice) because his father has been a good man to him. And to top all that off, Sisko has a son who's coming into adulthood! Children are their own whole people! Family is not a physically distant concept for him!

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship? I don't think there are popular opinions... maybe that I don't think Garak actually caught Sisko as off guard as people act like he did during IPTM. Like, Sisko’s anger is less about what Garak did and more about the fact that he knows what he did. Sisko knows who garak is, what he's capable of, and if not specifics of what he used to do, the kind of things he used to do. Hell, this is after Garak went to jail for trying to do mass murder. Sisko was planet side during that!

Kira/Dax: I have no hard feelings on it, but I think saying I ship it is lesbian-pair the spares type cheating. I find Kira interesting and have been trying to read more stuff about Jadzia to understand more about her, but I don't rotate them in my head as much separately or together to feel like it counts. I think I've written more like- character analysis? On Kai Winn than on Kira through my perspective of her as a martyr-that-wasn't and how I think DS9 fails to accurately understand and critique the religious context Bajor exists within. Which is funny, because I like Kira and think Winn is a super shitty person- I've mostly ended up thinking about her more because people have such bad takes about her.

O'Brien/Bashir- I don't ship it

Why don't you ship it? Honestly I genuinely think Miles is straight, I don't think his and Julian's relationship has that kind of intimacy and I struggle to understand the intimacy they do have as friends (Miles being an "everyman" means he's a bit of a "shittyman" and we'd be fine co-workers- he's a lot better than some of the people I worked with in welding, which is like winning and award for tallest dwarf- but I would not voluntarily talk to him on off hours). And frankly any openness I've had to it has been killed by the shitty and annoying behavior I've seen from Jiles fans towards their "competition". I'm sure some of it isn't like- sincere? But it's a style of humor and behavior I find rude and off-putting. Also like- I don't like how most people talking about it regard Keiko.

What would have made you like it? You could maybe analyze how Julian thinks he knows what's best for people and that makes him more inclined towards decisions in intrapersonal relationships that really are bad for everyone, I did read a ficlet like that once with it that I found compelling

Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it? I do think it can be an interesting analysis of repression on Miles's part and I hope people have fun with it

You know when you really want to talk about a character but you find very little content about them and sometimes it's because it's a small fandom, sometimes because they're not very popular, but sometimes you distinctively realise people don't talk about them because they're not hot enough? Hate when it happens

Ah fuck it, I lied! I won't be migrating to pillowfort completely. I just do not have the brainpower to maintain two things at once. I would still encourage people to sign up and at the very least snag your current username because I *really* think Automattic has a good chance of ruining tumblr or shuttering it because they can't make money off of it.

For now it's just going to be crossposting when I remember.

totally love that a student is alluding to there being rumors about me concerning him among adults that i work with but he's refusing to tell me any information but plans to dump it all on me in two weeks after he graduates. like.... no. either tell me now so i can handle it or don't tell me at all.

I FINALLY BEAT TOTK!! After like 3 detours for other Zelda games lmao

And I did it in the Twilight Armor set. because I could 😌

It was alright! Honestly, I don't know if I liked it more than BoTW, I'd need to replay that one. It's been a bit. But that last fight was more Zorah Magdaros than I was expecting (iykyk) and not in a good way. Idk, I think people are focusing purely on the spectacle when they say it's amazing, which is fine! Dragons are cool and it's cool that you get to ride around on your girlfriend, but mechanically it's just Colgera again. And yeah, the ending felt like a big ass-pull, I'm sorry lmao. zelda just suddenly isn't a dragon anymore?? With no lasting effects of giving up her entire being? Which clearly wasn't true, but she doesn't even remember any of it?? Link doesn't get to keep the arm?? Or isn't at least down one?? Where even was Sonia before that last bit?? Could they have done that the entire time?? And Link didn't even hug her???!? Also did the ancient sages even have names???? Idk, suspension of disbelief and all that but the little things the devs don't address add up and take me out of it. It'd be easier to ignore if there wasn't so much, or if the rest of the game made up for it and it doesn't for me lol.

That is not to say I didn't have fun with it, honestly I spent more time running around on foot than I did in BoTW (mostly because I wanted to complete the map but still) but I only pushed myself to finish it so I could justify replaying Okami since I already took so many breaks and, well. I don't know how to put it better than that. Solid game, others are better, 7/10

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i think part of the reason his more recent videos seem to be lacking of charm compared to the early days is down to him becoming a bigger creator and parasocial relationships.

i still enjoy his new videos, it’s evident that he always puts a lot of care into his work to the point that he will amend years old videos over minor mistakes and i have nothing but respect for his dedication. that being said i do definitely prefer the older ones. they feel more friendly, more intimate, it’s like you’re actually in the space with him and he’s talking directly to you (or them for the old techdif) but now it’s hard to feel like anything other than a spectator.

because he’s grown so much he can’t really have that kind of close relationship to his fans anymore even if he wanted, but i think that’s a deliberate choice from him, knowing his stance on parasocial relationships. i guess he feels he has a duty of care to us to not let those things happen, and to him for his own safety, as while parasocial relationships aren’t inherently unhealthy they can very easily become that and can get out of hand (i have personal experience with that so i completely understand his point of view).

i think his new videos feel colder, because they are.

also i know we all hate it but “the algorithm”. to win at the game you can’t always do what you want, make the things you want, he’s fighting a losing battle against an invisible dictator. he’s stated so many times that he doesn’t like how clickbaity he’s having to be which means he’s probably had to turn down so many wonderful ideas because he knows no matter how good they could be, the algorithm won’t treat them kindly. he may not even like the change himself but has to keep up with it to survive.

we don’t know what goes on in his personal life, i noticed recently he’s been looking tired, more so than usual and we know he’s nearly burnt himself out in the past. maybe just needs a break.

maybe he’s had more and more bad experiences with the fandom (i think we can all understand that) and wants to distance himself from us, if i were in his position i’d feel the same and i’m guilty of a lot more than i’d want to admit here.

either way we can’t fault him or be too harsh, he is human after all and he’s going to change, he has every right to not be what we want him to be.

yeah it's worth pointing out that a lot of the time in the early days, he was literally making videos for a couple thousand people who knew him personally. And the algorithm's effect on his content is not helped by the thing I mentioned in the previous post about him making up arbitrary rules - you can bet that if it seems like the algorithm might slightly favor some factor, that's going to turn into an unbreakable law of content creation for him, possibly far past its actual relevance to his success. Case in point - the ridiculous drama with the lateral podcast and his ongoing refusal to provide a full length video version of the episodes. (God forbid we give the podcast a few months to build an audience before we make the decision on whether video works for it or not...!)

Nonetheless, I still think Matt behind the camera made a big difference. He will still come along to film sometimes (obviously, understandably, it can't be as regular as it was in 2016, this isn't a criticism, just an observation) and the difference in Tom's vibe is always noticeable from the moment the video starts.

Joshua, Probably*: Life is pain and I’m under no obligation to make the afterlife any better.  In fact, it would be cruel of me to send you back without making sure you’re properly prepared for it, I’m doing you a favor.  A humanitarian like me loves people, after all.