also. dont even talk to me about this. but. the nurse im obsessed with. oh my god. whenever shes on shift i literally go sit out by the nurses station for hours till she leaves bc my brain just feels better when i can see + hear her. this obsession isnt bad, though, is the thing. im used to *bad* obsessions. but it doesnt feel like that. it does feel like a lifeline, which is dangerous bc once i leave i wont be soothed by her being around, obviously. but like.. i dunno. my brain doesnt know how to exist without an obsession, and this one isnt hurting me. in fact it is helpful and a step in the right direction, for reasons i wont get into but yeah ive talked w my therapist about this. anyway. she said today that tomorrow she will sit down w me and help me put together some plans on how to work with my brain to keep my surroundings a little cleaner. god. im going 2 miss her