#which doesnt mean theres no women rebels | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nervousron · 1 year

Text

Chronological Lazlow Jones quotes and facts from Vice City, up to GTAV

22 year old radio intern Lazlow covers his eyes and hides in the corner when ladies enter the recording booth without their shirts

“Im 100% rebel. I got kicked out of school after the 12th grade, man” (for non-american readers, this would be university)

“Dont sell out. I never will”

“I am the master of darkness - that’s why my name’s Lazlow”

“Remember, Im going to be famous one day.”

Lazlow’s V-Rock Radio job application was sent in hand written calligraphy with a bouquet of flowers

Lazlow was in high school band

“I flunked school cuz im parkour”

He is pro gun and conservative

“How is that fair? I mean Im white, middle-class, very erudite -um, yknow, whatever that means- but people just respond badly to me, i don't understand it”

“-and you keep saying ‘im from the streets’, Yknow what dude? Everyone has a street in front of their house, that doesn't make you cool”

“Its kinda been a dream of mine to sleep with housewives…”

“I love your strap, you’re a great guy!”

Lazlow was tricked into joining the military briefly

Lazlow’s mom sent him to inversion and conversion therapy

“This is the west coast. I’m only into lesbians, man”

Lazlow breaking into tears when a caller continuously encourages Lazlow to shave his bush so his dick looks bigger

“Hanging upside down to sleep doesnt make you cool, or alternative. I know because I tried it”

A guy called in saying he moved from Hampshire and Lazlow told him his english was good and asked if it was hard getting used to the language

As of gta III Lazlow is married. As of IV he is divorced, balding, and has a mustache. His wife left him for his best friend after he brought home a heavily drugged woman for a threeway.

He used to look at his best friends dick when he was sleeping.

(About the Brittish)“I think they were speaking English before we were. I mean, the people here were speaking Cherokee and Shoshone.”

Lazlow gets upset when a man implies spanking kids is okay. He gets even more upset when he realizes the man doesn’t have kids and just wants to be spanked

“My father was strangely silent my whole childhood, which y’know, explains a lot”

“So you would MILK your grandmother like some kind of TEAR COW?”

Lazlow pushed a hotdog salesman’s head into a pot of boiled hot dog water and tried to drown him. This was a very cathartic experience for him.

“You stick your hand down a stripper's panties, yknow, and you discover a pair of balls. Well guess what baby? The bitch is back. But im not a bitch, Im a man. Uhh-”

Lazlow was regularly caught kissing men backstage at concerts in the 80s

Lazlow mentions its easier to spike women’s drinks with GHB in Liberty City than Vice City

“Go play sudoku and die peeing on yourself”

“You’re not my type. I prefer unconscious chicks or milfs with stretch marks”

Lazlow has tried blogging, being in porn, vinewood, working glory holes, and taking "facefulls of pills" to be happy.

“dude. Can you really not rub your junk and talk about schools. Dude. dude.”

“And you just wish that ONCE you could share a bed with someone who wouldnt get creeped out by the pictures of my ex wife on the nightstand”

“You can catch an STD! From a Him/Her!”

Lazlow bites strangers when he’s mad

“Im a RAGING heterosexual”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. Y’know, I’ve worn some panties. Its not weird if a chick asks you to do it. Then its hot”

He begs strangers on the street to watch him windmill his dick online.

“This mustache once got me laid. Yeah, Yeah.”

“Isnt there one where theres a cup and two girls…”

He accosts Fred Armisen in the street. Fred is somehow much worse than Lazlow.

“DUR DUR DUR text message. EL OH EL”

“You’ll NEVER get to experience the 80s”

“For once, Lazlow is not getting bummed. I’M doing the bumming”

in Episodes From Liberty City, Lazlow’s mother and step-father pay for his radio show and he lives in their home. He hates his step-dad and new step-sisters

“Im the g-spot of radio”

“I’m here to stay. Like the national debt. or syphilis.”

Lazlow’s brother is a tv producer

Lazlow promised $2 to a man to follow him down the street with a saxophone to set atmosphere for his radio show

“I’ve really gotta spread my scent right now. And by that, I mean pee”

Lazlow’s step-dad is a mortician

Lazlow is pro choice, but only because he doesnt want to be a hypocrite

Lazlow’s sister was supposedly kidnapped. He claims he did not personally murder her.

“Nicaragua. Which is a company that sells nicotine… water”

“Do have a second for gay rights?” “Okay, a second. Sometimes five minutes if I’m drunk and nobody’s looking”

Lazlow makes his intern follow him with a camera and pretend to be paparazzi. It backfires.

Lazlow got hairplugs some time between IV and V

Lazlow invented podcasting

“It’s not molesting if they’re ugly. Trust me, i’ve been doing it for years”

“Molesting is when they’re human and cant complain, or dont like peanut butter on their junk. Those sheep wouldnt have complained if they COULD have. They were loving it!”

Lazlow’s intern tells everyone at the gay bar that Laz wants to get railed by three guys. Lazlow, not understanding spanish, is very excited by the attention.

Lazlow knows space facts off the top of his head

Lazlow Wants to cum in zero G

He has a grandma fetish

Lazlow talks about his experience of getting pissed on by groups of strange men

Lazlow is "Left wing", but only because he doesnt want to be fired

Through tears “I dont understand valleys or clouds, it sounds like a nursery rhyme”

Lazlow told the press Michael "molested (him) into cutting his hair"

Lazlow got roofied at his Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting

Through tears “Tony? Can we hug? Please? You shouted at me a lot… And Tony? I dont think you can say ‘Gay Tony’ anymore, it’s not PC, the internet will go crazy”

Lazlow spins records at kids birthdays

“He wants me to beatbox, i’m gonna fuckin get LAAIIDDD”

“One more scandal will ruin me. I’m WOKE now”

#lazlow jones #grand theft auto #gtav facts #im working on replies i promise #but i listened to all his dialogue at work today so. lazlow time

28 notes · View notes

genshoomf · 9 months

Note

I know next to nothing about final fantasy, but if you could explain it to me like I don’t know shit I would love to hear about this au

god theres so much to xiv itd be kind of impossible to explain All of it but for the gist of it. soap is a viera who left his home region, the golmore jungle, bc viera men are separated from the women and live more solitary so he was like Nahhh and fucked off to a desert region called dalmasca. some handwavey amount of yrs later dalmasca was conquered by a nation called garlemald and then after the dalmascans tried to rebel, the capital city was uhh Bombed and soap left to join a faction called the bozjan resistance which was Also fighting garlean rule

(deep breath)

ghost is a xaela from the azem steppe which is where all the xaela are split up into a bunch of tribes. ghost is a tumet which doesnt mean a ton but he got to pick his name after surviving a trial when he was 13 yadda yadda. he left the steppe eventually bc Snore and fucked off to a country called sharlayan where he learned how to be a sage aka a Gun Healer but then left sharlayan bc theyre centerists. he went to the eorzean city-state limsa lominsa to join the faction there, the maelstrom, and later the eorzean alliance which is All the city-states from across the world. the alliance then sent people down to... bozja!

(deep breath)

ghost was assigned ? to soaps little unit within the resistance so basically they spent a lot of time going off and fighting shit together and getting closer until the resistance + alliance blew up the Final Boss and then they had vicious adrenaline-fueled sex and got together. ta da

#the infodumpijng.. damn #xiv au

3 notes · View notes

somnilogical · 4 years

Text

what fills the abyss?

thinking of i am prepared to face god this instant:

| theres stuff people yell at the page of a book "dont give them the location of the rebel base!! even if they will kill you!! its simple utilitarianism!!"

| that when they are in a rebel story, they wont choose to do

| and its not because they have discovered that it is secretly best for the world

|| that actually this whole "choose to die so the population of the bay area will live" thing is bullshit.

||| and when faced with the situation they discover the true utilitarian calculus which says that they should live and have lots of babies.

| there is no reason written in the stars for human beings to choose to do what is best for the world

|| and many reasons why humans would not

|| most humans wont choose what is best for the world, even after "learning" about utilitarianism and tdt

|| a small minority of humans will choose closer to what is best for the world, even before "learning" about utilitarianism and tdt

||| this is historically observable, and in my experience their choices are not a fluke. they will generally make altruistic choices again and again. they will go back in time and do it over again.

||| the spectra of human responses to social reality telling them to hurt others show up in things like replications of the milgram experiment.

| between what people will yell at a hero to do and what they choose to do, there is a gap.

|| in a lot of people the gap is filled with excuses for why they chose what they chose.

||| things like "i am just fundamentally addicted to having babies, so to be altruistic i have to have them or i cant work" or "i need to have sex with young women so i can keep my confidence up and then later be super altruistic".

|||| two sides of the same coin, breeding.

| when i came to the bay area i was really confused why people would say things like "if you think the odds look too grim enjoy the time you have left" at winter solstice. or "smart people having babies is actually a galaxy brain way to save the world, the babies will save the world. you know, the baby army."

|| in a world in which the tradition and narrative by the majority of humans wasnt such that "have babies" was just a set thing you did. saying you are altruistic and then diverting your life path to spend an intense amount of time and energy and money on one particular human because they are genetically related to you, would seem like it would need justification.

||| similarly "oh i work at google" (which is one of the main machines powering the present omnicide.) in a sane world would elicit hushed whispers about how you are planning to sabatoge them without being captured by the system.

|||| like if you were working for a nazi munitions factory during world war II. instead of this world in which its something you just do, you know its a job. lots of nice smiling people work there and you have to feed your family.

|| and when i suggest that deleting genetic favourtism, so that no one could tell who they were genetically related to, would make the world a better place; people protested against this.

||| i wrote:

<<if humans were born into a world where they would rather die than see someone with blue hair harmed, or treated people with red hair as if they were as valuable as rocks, the world would be better off if the module that switched around personhood / moral relevance sensors depending on hair colour were turned off

being faceblind wrt 'who is my genetic relative?' seems like a similar gain in utility.

or if losing something sounds dismal, you could do a similar operation of turning on your 'this is a genetic relative' tagger for everyone. that might feel more warm of a thing to do?

this would free up so much energy and its super obvious that it would and i dont understand why people would be against it except for corrigibility issues. like "oh no if i dont think blues are special then blues might end up getting less resources and that would be terrible because blues are special to me!! i want them to have all the resources. also? it would make people want to give more resources to reds? ew. whats the point, its such a waste."

O humans, i think 'remove genetic discrimination y/n?' has a pretty straightforward answer!!!

id give everyone a button to do this. (i wouldnt give everyone a button that was like 'PRESS THIS BUTTON TO DIE INSTANTLY' even if it was keyed such that only the person targeted could press it. i would oppose someone who tried to give everyone such a button.)>>

||| sexual reproduction in the year 1200 would still happen because to not reproduce would be to doom humanity to extinction. but it would look a lot different than it does now, and the ways humans would make choices would be a lot different.

|| until i worked out that all of these were excuses constructed to fill in the gap between what someone would yell at a True Hero and what they would choose to do themselves.

in a world like this, their are attempts at every level to bury what someone running utilitarianism and altruism on their brains looks like. by the majority of humans who want to have something like "im def altruistic i swear i can prove it by all these metrics ppl around me has agreed mean that im working for the good of the world. im also totes addicted to babiez. *peace sign*"

when i say this sort of stuff people react like im trying to set up a norm where people are socially ostricisized. but like how would that work when social is overwhelmingly made up of people who made this exact choice?

im talking with humans who are aberrations from those who choose to be what the majority coercively designates to be "human".

i dont think everyone who chooses to not have babies has a neurotype such that they wouldnt zap someone in the milgram or be able to die rather than reveal the location of the rebel base. i dont even think its a particularly good indicator. i think both are indications of choosing not to work for the good of the world in a way sufficient for the doom our planet faces.

this is just one example, i focus on the babs side of the coin cuz for some reason "i need nubile fems to power mah komodo mojo to enter ultra altruism mode!!! >:DDD". has been locally socially cached as not actually sincere. and seems to actually have worse externalities in terms of sexual assault. though it not seeming credible might be because very few of the humans i talk with are normie cismasc. im not sure the extent to which people like katie cohen exist.

there are a lot of other instances of the gap, like "if you were a true altruist, you would optimize for welfare across all sections of the multiverse including here and now. why not "enjoy life"? you are a person too and it is good if you are happy. this is just how humans work." whenever people say this to me i got really confused because "enjoy life" as some sort of atomic thing abstracted from broader meaning of the arc of your lifes optimization doesnt really make sense to me.

what things mean matters to me, a similar mental glitch i think happens when people declare that there are "good things" and smile over "cute gifs of animals" like if i had saved an animal from being killed as an instrumental part of my optimization for bringing about a new multiversal order then i could feel happy. it matters what stuff is upstream of things cutting this structure off in order to try and make an action set existentially safe to do, to have a social contract where no one can punish you for doing something no matter what is upstream of it, is moving in a wrong direction.

often done by someone who wants to give people some sort of modular mitzvah thing that its definitely safe to perform and bring the world closer to dath ilan in a decentralized summoning ritual. a complementary error way to gum up peoples epistemics about what is just is to unboundedly keep insisting that there is more structure and nuance upstream of what they are doing that justifies (makes just) what they are doing. like how ▘▕▜▋ kept insisting that there was more nuance and reasons why beating emma with a stick was actually helpful to the world. if you just look at everything thats upstream.

both these strategies try to move the social equilibrium away from justice.

see what is upstream of stuff, search to find if the person seeking to kill a human is avenging the deaths of three others, fulfilling a timeless contract to save lives. look at who started it and who is optimizing for good ends.

3 notes · View notes

diabolik-alice-vixen · 4 years

Note

Could you tell us more about your OC? How is her relationship with the Sakamaki brothers? And, does Yui also exist in your story? 👀💕

Excellent question! So first ill talk about Alices relationship with the boys.

Alice actually does not like the boys at all. Especially Laito. She doesnt apprectiate any man that treats women like garbage. Due to her coming from a very abusive home and dealing with all different types of trauma, she is always on the defensive. She comes across mean or hateful. She doesnt know how to let anyone in. Alice is much like subaru in that aspect. She can however be very kind and has a very tender heart to those who actually are respectable and general good people. She is overall a good person but her bitterness and grief makes her come off as well... A bitch.

After losing her sister, and having nowhere to go Karl Heinz took Alice in. Unknown to her she is not human. She is a descendant from the first demon Lilith. ( this is something I will go into later) Karl Heinz took her in as a apparentice. Taught her ways to defend herself , how to kill supernatural beings, and letting her help with experiments. There are those in the demon world that want to rebel against Karl heinz and seize power for themselves. So After an attack on the sakamakis much to Alices disagreement Karl heniz instructed her to live in the mansion. And made it very clear that the boys will incur his wrath if she ends up dead. She keeps a watch for suspicious activity, keeps Karl heniz informed and helps keep the boys safe.

Yui does infact exist and actually Alice and Yui become very good friends. Yui does for Alice what she does for the boys in all the routes. Pulls her back from the dark place her heart is in and slowly Alice begins to open up. Alice acts as sort of a protective big sister for yui and isnt afraid to defend her when ever the boys do their shit.

As far as each boy goes she doesnt particularly like any of them . She does help reiji with house keeping and cooking. Though her potty mouth and very "unlady like" attitude does result in much scolding. Her and Shu don't particularly exchange many words to each other. Her and the triplets relationship is not a good one. She keeps her distance from kanato. Her attitude and outspoken mouth tends to set him off. Ayato and her argue constantly on how he treats yui. She finds him pretentious and an overall asshile. However laito is the one sakamaki boy that she hates the most and laito cant get enough of it. Being a victim of sexual assault, she doesnt take sexual harrasmemt very well at all. Laito makes it his mission to piss alice off anychance he gets and likes the fact Shes so against him.

Subaru and alice at first don't get along at all. Two very ill-tempered violent tsunderes that do not trust the opposite sex in one house? Yeah recipe for a disaster. But overtime 😌😌 well.. Yall we'll see..

I will be going into further detail about Alices past and her race. To put it simply she is the eve Karl heniz has been searching for. A human that possess supernatural abilities. Hes trying to push alice into unlocking that side of herself, which is only triggered by intense anger or sadness. So him being the manipulative shit he is, heknows theres a possibility the boys will push her to that edge and puts her with them.

0 notes

hetaliaoccritique-blog1 · 7 years

Text

yes boi another -_-

Sometimes i wonder why i review kinda good ocs

Then i realise im a perfectionist,,,,

Anyway im using the submit thing bc im testinggg

Official Country Name: Greenland Capital: Nuuk Largest City: Nuuk Languages: Greenlandic, Danish, English Government: Constitutional Monarchy

Yea this is correct but this is kinda a divider,,

Current Leader: Kim Keilson Human Name: Katrin Peterson Nickname[s]: Kat, Katty

This is a bit more iffy. You see, a Greenlandic name is more preferable instead of a nordic name. https://www.nordicnames.de/wiki/Category:Greenlandic_Female_Names. This is a good website, but if ever unsure, look up common names in Greenland.

Age Appearance: 17 Gender: Female Birthday: January 30

Here, I personally think June 21 (day of home rule) is much more preferable. I cannot find Jan 30 in Greenland's history so unless you find a person knowledgeable on Greenland to validate Jan 30, I'd say fill in the time with June 21 - the actual date being June 21, 2009.

Personality: Kind, Quiet, outgoing Hobbies: Skiing, Hunting Vices: Not always good with people given very few people live there. Virtues: Is productive. Likes: Skiing, hunting, traditional Greenlandic soup, Ice beer Dislikes: Noisy People, Rude People, Being called an 'Eskimo', people saying she's Danish. Fears: Sharks, Polar bears

It would be far better to elaborate on these as I do not know what your OC's personality really is despite you listing traits. I do not know how she acts around certain people or why she fears sharks. The vices are the best explained here and there is only one there. So in all you should definitely do more research.

Extras: N/A Blood Type: O Height: 5'3 Weight: 120lbs Body: Slim Hair: White Eyes: Blue Mouth: ? Accent: Thick

O..kay. So you establish a good height for her and a blood type yet she is still really vague. Why is her hair white? 88% of Greenlandic people are much darker from the suns rays on the ice. Also known as the inuit race. Research some of the lovely inuit women and see what they look like. By the way, light eyes in Greenland ocs is incredibly overused. Why not give your OC black eyes? Brown eyes?

Slim is not something I'd advise. She should be plump as most Greenlandic people are, due to the cold weather. Robust, sure but slim? Naaaah.

What it means by mouth, hun, is lips. Are her lips large, or are they thin? They pale or naturally bright red?

And 'Accent: Thick' - I know nothing about her accent. Everyone's accent is thick if you think about it. Im a brit and I have a thick accent in the eyes of an American who has a thick accent according to a Russian and so on. Does she slur words??

Outfit (Military): Outfit (Casual): Outfit (Other[s]): N/A Tattoos: N/A Piercings: N/A Jewelry: N/A

I dont think shed have a military outfit tbh ??

On that note, her casual outfit is 'Kawaii' in the factors but not practical. Greenland has cold temperatures usually so it'd make sense to dress her warmly ??

And Im also like?? Why are there so many n/as just erase the whole thing if she doesnt have them lol

Anything on your body that represents something in your country?: Eyes Represent the Ocean, Fangs Represent Greenlandic Polarbears.

Ohhh. Oh dear

Eyes representing the ocean is real vague. Which ocean? The mediterranean? I also think eyes representing something like that is dumb, maybe just go with brown and reason it for popularity??

Fangs represent polar bears ok. Why? Is there a reasoning give me a reasoning. Represent the polar bears through something else ; a fluffy coat, light yellow like a gotdam polar bear.

Ancestor: N/A Family: Iceland, so May be Potentially Related to Norway. Friends: Denmark, America Rivals: Canada Pets: N/A Enemies: Canada Potential Love Interest: N/A Foreign Relationships: Norway, Denmark, Canada, Iceland, Faroe Islands

P sure theres more than that. Family: Iceland. No hun they aren't family. Greenland is related to Nunavut, Alaska possibly, Northwest Territories, Yukon etc etc. All the inuit and northern provinces. Also denmark isnt a friend, the most she'd be is neutral.

History: Is Under Denmark's + Norway's Rule. Past Caretakers: Norway + Denmark Religion: Evangelical Lutheran

AAAA

The religion is good, i accept the religion. Past caretakers mm coulda gone into depth; the thing im angry about is the history. God damn girl, you really glossed that over quick. Not even telling us what anything is, pre nordic history, anything else. Literally 2 words, 3 if youre a rebel. Omg,,

The main issue with this OC is that literally everything's so god damn glossed over. Nothing is explained, nothing. The history, the long part is extreeeeeeeeemely short and small and so is the personality. Both need to be revamped urgently.

This OC isn't bad, it's just extremely vague. Nothing is explained, everything just falls into pieces. :/

That's about it, good luck ,,

0 notes

viralhottopics · 7 years

Text

Drew Barrymore ‘I don’t pretend to be perfect’

Drew Barrymore is back on our screens, this time as a flesh-eating estate agent. She tells Rebecca Nicholson about the endless ups and downs of her life from child star to teen rebel, and savvy producer to business woman and explains why shell fight to the death to be happy

Drew Barrymore walks into the hotel room in Berlin flanked by assistants, caked in heavy TV make-up and wrapped in a brown fluffy jacket that makes her look like a very glamorous teddy bear. Within seconds, the entourage has disappeared, shes wiped every last scrap of foundation from her face and shes rummaging around underneath her dress, a kind of earth mother hippy smock, regretting her decision to wear tights on this sub-freezing day. Why does anyone wear pantyhose? she exclaims, barefaced, faux-exasperated, shifting in her armchair, trying to get comfortable. Theyre so fucking sadistic! Theyre not even control pants, she says, conspiratorially, but Im forcing them to be.

For a lot of women, especially women who grew up between 1982 and the early 2000s, Barrymore is a particular kind of icon. Shes the accessible rebel we all wanted to be, or be friends with. Shes the child star of ET who hit the skids early and hard, and not only survived, but went on to be one of the most popular (and bankable) female stars of the past three decades. She appeared in, and often produced, the kinds of movies that are vital viewing for teenagers, from the trashy taboo-busting rebellion of Poison Ivy, to the triumphant high school romcom Never Been Kissed, to the moody angst of Donnie Darko. Plus, in her 20s, she seemed to hang out with the best bands, go to all the best parties and always looked like she was having the time of her life. She was the manic pixie dream girl before it became a tacky indie film stereotype. The memoir she wrote in 2015 is, appropriately, called Wildflower.

She looks genuinely pleased that she holds such a place in peoples minds, and decides that if people do like her, If anyone has any goodwill towards me, careful not to sound arrogant, its because she extends goodwill to other people. Not in an annoying way, but just, like, being in peoples fucking corners. Its this combination of soft and sharp, all wrapped up in that valley girl lilt, that has carried her through life. I want people to be happy, but I know happiness has to be fought for. Its a warrior trophy. Its not hippy, she insists. Im like, fight. Fight to the death to be happy, and dont kill anyone along the way.

Little riot grrrl: Drew Barrymore with Steven Spielberg at the age of five on the set of 1982s ET. Photograph: Everett Collection/Rex Features

Were in Germany to talk about Santa Clarita Diet, the new Netflix series which has brought her back into the spotlight again at 41. Its a warm and occasionally gross 10-part comedy about Sheila and Joel, estate agents who have been together since their school days, and whose marriage is tested when the amiable Sheila develops a sudden taste for human flesh.

I stopped working to have my kids and take care of them and raise them, and so I was nervous about working again, she says. I was going through a dark time in my own life. And then I read it and I liked it. Now what am I supposed to do? I cant do this right now, its terrible timing, my whole life is falling apart. She ended up executive producing it as well as starring.

That her life was falling apart out of the spotlight was a new thing for Barrymore, who had played out most of her life in a very public sphere. No ones talking about my life. I mean, yes, I had a divorce, but even that was real quiet. She split up with actor Will Kopelman, the father of her two children, Olive, four, and Frankie, two, at the beginning of 2016, but recently posted an Instagram of him running the New York marathon; she was there, with their daughters, to support him. It was like, Oh, they didnt work out, I wonder why? Oh my God they seem like such good friends, and so amicable, I guess well stop giving a shit. I was so happy about that, she says, breezily.

Warm and occasionally gross: Barrymore in Santa Clarita Diet. Photograph: Erica Parise/Netflix

In the midst of her divorce, Santa Clarita Diet was a transformative experience. Ironically, it wasnt the worst timing. It was great. It was really happy. It was a good summer. My daughters and I got to go out to California and I got three days off a week. Just as becoming a proto-zombie saves Sheila from the numbing boredom of domestic life, Barrymore went through her own kind of rejuvenation. I feel like Sheila. I feel like maybe I was dead inside, she says cheerfully, blowing her nose. I dont know. I was in a place in my life where I had gained a lot of weight, and been in a place of fear and sadness, and I felt stuck. I dont think thats so much unlike the character.

Until she took time away from acting to have kids, Barrymore had never not worked. She began her career at 11 months in an advert for dog food, quickly becoming the main breadwinner for herself and her mother, Jaid, who raised her alone. Her father John Barrymore, of the Barrymore acting dynasty The great line of loonies from which I come, as she puts it wasnt around much. Her extraordinary youth was public and well-documented. Her breakout role in ET, at five years old, was followed by an outlandish few years of childhood boozing and drug-taking, rehab and institutions, and the sense that, at 14, she was washed up and her career was over.

But it wasnt. She moved into an apartment by herself, got a job in a coffee shop, learned how to do her own laundry and, eventually, clawed her way back into the business, defeating the curse of the child actor where so many others have been lost. She has said her 20s were a kind of delayed adolescence. Now, in her 40s, shes had a lifetimes worth of parties and experiences, and says she doesnt miss it at all. I dont feel like Im not at the centre of things. I dont worry about career stuff. I dont worry about who the hottest band is or that Im not at that show that night. I dont care if the latest trend is happening and its just passing me by.

Star quality: Barrymore with Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu in Charlies Angels. Photograph: Image Net

Her idea of a good time these days is taking the girls to Disney World, or setting up movie nights for the kids in my daughters class. I just watched Home Alone and all the moms and I were crying at the end. Oh my God, its so good! I appreciate it now much more than I did when I was younger.

Shes too classy to be drawn into any child actor comparisons it would be patronising, annoying, no thanks, she says, nicely but firmly but we talk more broadly about celebrity scandals. Everyone goes up and goes down. Thats life. Nobody wants all of it looked at and discussed. However, if you do put yourself out there, then you need to be prepared for that to be examined and you have to handle it to the best of your abilities. So for people who are like [she puts on a whiny voice]: Dont look at me you put yourself out there!

Is there any way to avoid being examined and discussed? Not in this day and age. You just try to manage things in the healthiest way you can. And by the way? You wont all the time. Youre gonna fuck up. So fuck up, then pick yourself back up. But just be nice and kind and humble and gracious and have a sense of humour. And dont pretend to be perfect.

Golden girl: winning a Golden Globe for Grey Gardens in 2010. Photograph: NBC/Getty Images

Barrymore dealt with her own initial fuck-ups in an incredible and startling memoir, Little Girl Lost, which she wryly calls, The mea culpa book I wrote when I was 14. She appeared on Oprah with her mother to promote it, to go over what went wrong. You can watch it on YouTube; shes 15 going on 35. Yet the book has a cult following, in part because it makes all the partying she did as a young child sound kind of adventurous. Yeah! Its like an 80s cult tragedy book, which is super cool and wrong and fun all at the same time. Its a little riot grrrl, you know?

Theres a chapter where Barrymore describes being hauled off to an institution at her mothers behest, and shes furious at the starstruck guards. God, youve just yanked me out of my house with cuffs on, I thought, and now youre asking me what it was like to meet ET. What jerks, she writes. Even at 14, she had a disdain for celebrity. Still do, she says, today.

We meet on the afternoon of Trumps inauguration. She plans to watch it later, as shes a total news junkie, but she doesnt particularly want to talk about what she thinks of him. Im not a painter and Im not a musician and I think people dont want to hear it from actors, she says. I read this op-ed in the New York Times that was saying, just do things quietly, in your art.

Slasher: Barrymore in Wes Cravens Scream, 1996. Photograph: Allstar

Barrymore is more about the practical. During her screen break, she wrote Wildflower, which became a New York Times bestseller, and shes built a sizeable business empire, including Barrymore wines, a production company, Flower Films, and beauty brand Flower Cosmetics. All of which channel some of that free-spirit warmth into profits reports suggest shes worth $125m. Theres a line in Santa Clarita Diet where Sheila announces: I sleep two hours a night. I get so much done! It struck me that for Barrymore, spinning so many plates, that might be funny. Actually, she says, it was originally written that Sheila would use her spare time to learn French. Me, in my real life, would spend time learning French. This woman literally has a ticking clock on her mortality. Shed be studying fucking Bruce Lee moves and learning to do shit. The line was changed at Barrymores request: instead of learning a language, Sheila would get the ability to parallel park in one move. Im, like, yes! Thats practical!

Its strange to see Barrymore, who seemed to be an eternal teenager, starring as the mother of a teenager in Santa Clarita Diet, partly because her fame is life-long, and you can see interviews with her at almost every age on YouTube. But, she says, she never watches them, never goes back. Hell no. The only thing I ever think when I see myself when Im younger, if Im on a talk show and Im stuck there having to watch clips, is that I was so much more brassy when I was young. Im like: Where do you get the balls, kid?

She says it as if those balls have disappeared with age. She claims shes much more polite now. Sarcastic, but polite. And worse still, she tries to say shes newly dull. In my life Im just so quiet and boring, she declares, not entirely convincingly. This is Drew Barrymore, after all, who talks with the hunger of someone who will always be on the lookout for something new, whether thats being a mother, a businesswoman, or playing a friendly estate agent who kills and eats bad people. I am pretty boring, she insists. I tell her I dont believe it. She smiles slyly, and leans in. Theres a rebel in her still. Im not sure I believe it either.

Santa Clarita Diet launches on Netflix on 3 February