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#where Grogu can eventually three-shot the other kid but if Din so much as brushes past Ragnar he automatically instant loses
omaano · 1 year
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Big Blue joins The Mandalorian Meets Hades Project!
#I was sitting on that dialogue for a week orz don't judge me here. their love language is insults#in my defence I forgot how to draw in the past weeks and needed to fuss with this a little to reset my brain#paz vizsla#dinpaz#pazdin#the mandalorian#the mandalorian fanart#hades au#din djarin#my art#I'm actively thinking about what trinkets to assign to Paz but if I don't post it now I never will#I figured Paz would be great in the Asterius role in-game even if he has more of a theseus like shit talking kind of vibe lol XD#Like make it a Din and Grogu vs Paz and Ragnar kind of battle#where Grogu can eventually three-shot the other kid but if Din so much as brushes past Ragnar he automatically instant loses#and will have to crawl back to beg for forgiveness#I didn't have it in me to draw out a pocket Paz next to pocket Din in the bg#and I don't trust myself any to make it to the arena in hades rn either XD I haven't booted up the game in months#so I had to rely on background screenshots from when I started this project lol#just enjoy how absolutely bit and massive Paz is okay? I can fret with my perfectionism in peace over here XD#never drawing that minigun again NEVER#next one should be Bo-Katan and co as the furies because I really want to draw up Axe and Koska as well#you know whenever I'll have some free time like in July XD#I'll save my very specific Hungarian issues with the Vizsla name because I'm too tired to type out all that rant here lol#BUT WHY IS IT WRITTEN WITH A “ZS” WHEN ABSOLUTELY NOBODY CAN PRONOUNCE IT RIGHT????#just write it with a Z or an S and let me have my peace please this is driving me up the wall every single time I think about it#why name the House/Clan after a hungarian dog breed when then nobody bothers to pronounce that ZS right??#it's not like anyone would know that you're dropping a letter there whatthehell why#you're robbing me of precious hours of sleep here every second week#*cough* okay maybe you are not spared from my rant oops
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acourtofsnakes · 3 years
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Haalur - Rogue, Chapter 17| The Mandalorian x Force Sensitive! Reader (f)
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Summary: Din begins the frantic race for your life, desperate not to lose you. 
Warnings: Swearing, injury, drowning, talks of death, brief mention of suicide, angst, fluff
AN: The good times start from here, folks. I’ve put you all through enough ♥︎
AN: I highly recommend listening to Bruises by Lewis Capaldi for this chapter for the vibes 🖤
Credit to whoever owns the gif 🖤
Word count: 5.5k +
Rogue Taglist:  @snipskixandbeskar​   @weirdowithnobeardo​  @the-bottom-of-the-abyss  @jackgrzs  @sarahjkl82-blog  @boomtownboy @goldielocks2004  @seninjakitey  @what-iwish-you-knew @queenofthefaceless  @rosiefridayrogersunday  @greeneyedblondie44 @itsnottilly  @welcometothepedroverse​
Rogue Masterlist | Introduction| 1: Solus| 2: Arir | 3: Tor | 4: Gaa'tayl | 5: Kyr’am | 6: Cabur | 7: Ret'urcye Mhi | 8: Haran| 9: E’tad | 10: Tome | 11: Aliit ori'shya tal'din| 12: Mar’eyce | 13: Kov’nyn| 14: Ne’tra| 15: Or’dinii| 16: Dar| 17: Haalur| 
Mando’a Translation: Haalur - Breathe
As soon as you were sucked into the water, Din felt a terror so potent that he was sure he had just died. It gripped his heart, pulverising it in his chest and making it hard to think, breathe or even see. 
He was rigid, unable to comprehend what was happening, before Grogu’s repeated warning cry jolted him awake. 
Din hesitated no longer. 
He sprinted across the surface of the lake, going too fast to worry about the huge cracks forming under his feet. 
The stretch to where you had fallen seemed like miles, like you were getting further and further away despite the closing distance. 
By the time he made it, the hole had already begun to freeze back over, and Din frantically smashed at it with the heel of his boot. He couldn’t risk shooting at it, in case he caught you in the firing line. 
With a suitable hole made, he turned on the flashlight on his helmet, sucked in a deep breath, and then dived straight in. 
Immediately, the sub-zero temperature of the water gripped his ribs like a vice, a cold so intense it felt like his bones would snap under the force of it.
Glacial water immediately gushed in under his helmet, choking him with the bitter taste, burning his eyes and rendering him blind for a moment. 
He choked, thrashing around for a moment as he struggled to breathe.
“Calm down.” He snapped at himself, “Stop panicking. Breathe. This isn’t about you.”
 Saving you, that’s all that mattered. 
Din allowed his body to relax, to will his heart to slow down. 
He moved his head around, searching the cloudy, pitch-black depths for any trace of you. 
The weight of your clothes and the force of your drop would have sucked you down quickly, and Din felt the clock begin to tick down, the timer of your life being thrust into his hands. 
He shifted his body around, using the ice above his head to push himself down and begin to swim for you. 
It was just so dark down here, like he’d gone through the ice and emerged up into space, blindly navigating the cloudy abyss whilst searching for the one person he wanted to give everything to. 
Panic and terror fuelled his strokes, the weight of his armour aided him in sinking deeper. 
It might have been hours; it may only have been seconds. 
Din’s lungs burned, and his head throbbed with the pressure of the arctic water. 
Every pound of his heart reminded him that your own may have stopped - 
There!
Sinking slowly to the bottom of the water, looking like you were plucked straight from the stories the elders used to tell him, there you were. 
Eyes closed and lashes brushing your cheekbones… like this, in the dim light from his helmet, you could simply be asleep. 
He nearly sobbed in relief, scrabbling in the water and he tugged you gently to his body, holding you against him and he started to kick toward the surface. 
But it was harder, more of an effort this time.
He was graceful on land, able to move with the ease of a shadow even with the armour but underwater, his beloved protective shell made him cumbersome, the weight combining with your limp body threatening to drag him down. 
He kicked his legs harder, keeping his head focused on the ice above. He was desperate to open his mouth, to suck in air, even though it would only be a mouthful of bitter, icy water. 
Din didn’t have the time to worry about his own rapidly clouding vision. 
Your clock was nearing its end, the thread of your life fraying and unwinding from his own.
Just when he thought he might simply pass out, that the pair of you would sink back down, maybe be devoured by the creatures that he had luckily avoided so far, he saw it. The opening. 
Though it had begun to freeze, it was just visible with the strange light filtering through. He fumbled for his blaster, shielding your head and he shot at the ice, quickly rushing up to the gap it opened. 
He hauled himself up, depositing you gently onto the side of the ice and then he dragged himself over the edge, sodden fingers scrabbling on the ice as he collapsed next to you. 
Din sucked in a few deep breaths for a moment, coughing and spluttering but then he turned his attention back to you. 
He rolled you gently on your back, and his heart constricted at what he saw. 
Your lips were already a purple-blue colour, like a bruise. The water on your skin had already frosted over, giving you the appearance of being encased. Your hair crackled as it froze together in matted knots and you just looked… well, dead. 
He fumbled with his gloves, willing his numb fingers to cooperate and he eventually yanked them off, pressing them against the soft, cold skin of your neck. 
Nothing.
Din blinked a few times. 
That’s not possible… You’re just unconscious, you’re just… you’re not-
He shook his hands out, trying to get the blood flowing in them again, that’s all it was. His hands were too cold. 
He pressed them to your neck again, but… your pulse that usually beat so strongly, so familiarly… it wasn’t there. 
You were dead.
“No, no, no, no, no-“ He burst into a frenzy, ripping your cloak out of the way and he begun to do compressions on your chest, remembering the movement from battles far and wide. When all the tech failed, when the sprays and med-kits didn’t work, this was the last resort. Manually encouraging a heart to begin to beat again. 
But what if it didn’t want to?
No. 
He couldn’t think like that. 
He kept the compressions in time with the counting in his head, pausing every now and then to pinch your nose shut and blow air into your lungs. 
Except the more he did, the more he heard the bubbly sound of the air hitting water. 
Your lungs…you must have somehow swallowed the icy water, which was stopping you from being able to breathe. 
“Okay, okay... lift her up. Get rid of the water.” He whispered the instructions to himself, and then followed them. 
He braced your chest against his arm, leaning you forward so your head was tilted and then he delivered a harsh smack between your shoulder blades. 
The movement jolted your body but did nothing to remove the water. 
So, he tried again, and then again harder. 
He heard it shift, and a small trickle of water just slightly dripped form your lips, so he began a frantic routine of compressions, mouth-to-mouth and then smacking the water from your lungs. 
It might have been hours, or only minutes, but his instinct was telling him what his heart couldn’t bear to acknowledge. 
It wasn’t working. 
He couldn’t lose you. 
He just couldn’t. 
You were everything he needed, every single possible thing. You both slotted together, the cracks and dents in your souls fitting and securing each other. 
This couldn’t be it. 
The relentless hand of the clock was slowing, each tick becoming heavy and tolling, taunting him. 
Din sobbed, gripping you against his chest, rocking from side to side, “You can’t leave me. You can’t do this.” The tears that slid down his cheeks were hot, almost stinging against is frigid skin, “You promised me you wouldn’t leave me. It was supposed to be me, you and the kids remember? A clan of three. Clans don’t just leave each other.” He rested the forehead of his helmet on the top of your head, his chest aching, everything in him just hurting as he held the dead weight of you against his body. 
Grogu’s sniffling sobs, and Duru’s broken yowling provided the only other noise in this barren, frozen land of death. A heartbreaking symphony to the scene unfolding. 
Over and over, Din mumbled to you, “You promised, you promised, you promised-“
How could you do this to him? How could he have let you be ripped out from under him?
He was going to do it. He was going to tell you how he felt when you’d left this planet. 
It was all planned in his head, exactly what he wanted to say. 
He’d even splashed out some extra credits and bought the sweet treats you loved, storing them safely away so they’d stay fresh. 
He didn’t even get to show you his true face…
A frustrated, desperate growl slipped from his clenched jaw, and he braced you over his arm again, delivering one final blow to the middle of your back that he knew would leave a bruise, that even stung his hand. 
Silence. 
Din closed his eyes, feeling his entire being split in two, everything he had built and hoped for shatter in front of him like the ice that had stolen you. 
What was he supposed to do now?
The clock had stopped ticking. 
~~
~~~
You were floating. 
It was quiet here, peaceful. 
There wasn’t a darkness, so much as an absence of light and… things. It wasn’t warm and it wasn’t cold… and there was noise yet… silence, all at the same time. 
You don’t know how long you floated for, just being at peace, but you felt a warm breeze wash over your face, smelling of flowers and something sweet. 
It was a smell from your childhood, one you hadn’t been near in… too long. 
Your mother. 
“Hello, my sweet darling.” 
“Hello, mama… I’ve missed you so much...”
“I know, my dear. We’ve missed you too. We’ve always been watching… So, so proud of you.” 
“Proud of me? Mama, how can you be proud of me? The things I’ve done… the people I’ve hurt... you didn’t raise me to hurt people, mama. You shouldn’t be proud.” 
A new scent suddenly appeared, rich, earthy and a little spicy almost, “We raised you to take care of yourself, starlight. However, you need to. You’ve grown, sweetheart. You’re a warrior.” 
“But papa… I don’t want to keep hurting people. I… I hurt people every day by lying to them. By putting them in danger-” You felt your throat close, tears springing to your eyes even though you were both everything and also nothing in this floating world. 
You felt a phantom caress over the top of your head, the same feeling you used to have when your father brushed back your hair, “My sweet starlight, you do not bring danger to people. You are a joy to them; you help them see the world through a different set of eyes. Through eyes that see wonder and beauty even in the darkest of places.” 
You felt the brush of your mother, stroking her fingers on the back of your cheek, “You have always been such a wonder, darling. You feel everything so intensely. Such happiness that shines from you like sunlight, sadness that drowns you like a wave, anger that burns as fierce as the brightest flame in the darkest night… I know it’s hard sometimes, sweetheart, I know that sometimes you want to give up… But there are people that need you.” 
Your heart ached in your chest, feeling both heavy and light, “But… I can’t help but feel…” 
You might have seen your mother smile in the darkness, her head resting on your father’s shoulder, “You feel that you are a burden… Darling, you’re not. I assure you. People need you in their life… The Mandalorian needs you...” 
That surprised you. “Din… needs me?” 
A gentle, rough chuckle that belonged to your father, “Of course, starlight. He needs you far more than you know. Do not let go of him… The threads of your life are so tightly entwined... you have belonged to each other since the Maker and the stars decided it.” 
“Okay…” 
“It’s time to wake up now, sweetheart…” Your mother’s voice was sweet, fading a little. 
“Can’t I stay here with you and papa? It’s been so long…” 
Your father’s voice faded as well, “I know, starlight… But we’ll see you again. There are other people that need you more now… We love you, starlight..” 
“I love you too, mama, and you too, papa..” 
“Goodbye, my love...” 
~~
~~~
Awareness came rushing back to you with complete and utter sheer intensity. 
The biting cold wind, the ice beneath your limp body.
You could hear frantic sobs, mumbling in a familiar deep baritone, “Haalur, haalur, haalur, haalur. Come on, princess, please… Please. You promised me.” The voice was tight, leashed emotion barely restrained. 
There was a sharp thud on your back, and then another, right between your shoulder blades. 
Something inside your lungs shifted, and then exploded as you erupted into deep coughing, choking up the bitter water. 
That power inside you seemed to me forcing the water up as well, pushing it up out of your chest, aiding in helping you breathe. 
It came pouring out of you, coming out of your mouth and your nose in a vast torrent, choking you and burning like fire despite how cold it was. 
Dimly, you heard a strangled noise of relief, “Oh.” And arm leaning you even further forward, supporting your body and rubbing your back, over the bruise already forming, “Easy, princess…”
Everything hurt. 
But it wasn’t “I’ve just been punched whilst fighting for my life” sort of hurt. 
This was… so much deeper than that. 
This kind of pain lived in every weak thud of your heart. 
The frantic shivering of your body only jolted each broken part, but you couldn’t stop shaking. You were just so cold. 
It ravaged your lungs raw with each gasping breath, but you were unable to slow it down, because you needed the oxygen now that you had emptied half of the lake from your body. 
You needed more. 
There simply wasn’t enough, you were drowning again, sucked under into that deep abyss and trapped beneath the surface, your lungs filling up and freezing – 
“Easy, easy, darling.” A hand rubbed your back, coaxing your airways to open up, “I’ve got you. You’re safe now… Haalur…” 
Of course, it was Din… who else would dive headfirst into a frozen lake to save you. 
You became aware of his arms, one supporting your chest to lean your limp body forward, and the other across your back. His hand continued to rub soothing circles on your back, mumbling, “Haalur…” softly, over and over. You had a feeling he wasn’t just doing it for you, but for himself as well, like he was using the rhythmic motions to hold back some kind of flood of emotion. 
You forced your sluggish brain to focus on the parts of him you could feel, your eyes still a little too blurry and just… so heavy. You were so tired. And so damn cold. 
You tried to speak, to ask him if he was okay, but your aching throat cracked and gave out on the first syllable of his name. A soft whimper escaped your lips, fresh tears rolling down your cheeks and you tapped at his hand. 
Din understood, because he gently eased his arm under your legs, scooping you up into his arms and keeping both sodden capes around you. “I’ve got you, it’s okay.” His voice sounded all funny, all bubbly and full of static, presumably from the water. 
Guilt wracked through your body, and you tilted your head up to look at his helmet. You wanted to touch it, but your arms felt too heavy to move. You swallowed, managing to barely croak, “Y-your helmet…” 
Din shook his head slightly, whistling for Duru and Grogu and he began to carefully and quickly make his way across the lake toward the bank, “Don’t worry about it.” 
Ice sparkled on your lashes as you blinked, dancing across your vision like little sprites lulling you to sleep, “But...” 
Din shook his head harder, helmet focused forward, not looking at you, “Helmets can be fixed. You cannot.” Below the static, his voice was hoarse, from the crying you’d heard before you fully came back to yourself. 
But… there was something else. An underlying note of… anger? 
You decided to keep silent. 
The gentle sway of Din’s body didn’t help the internal struggle you were having not to fall asleep.
With his footsteps as a steady ambience, you allowed yourself to succumb to the darkness, where there was no pain. Only peace and the scent of leather, metal and something woodsy that was distinctly him. 
~~
“Cyar'ika?”
That familiar voice was reaching through the darkness again, pulling you back toward the surface.
“Hey, open your eyes…” 
A gentle tap against your face tugged you upward, and you struggled through the veil for a moment before it all came rushing back in at once. 
The fuzziness cleared and you saw that Din was looking down at you, the planet too dark to allow you to see your refection in his visor. 
His shoulders seemed to slump in relief when he saw you awake, and he looked away quickly. He fiddled with something and then you heard the ramp open, “Keep your eyes open.” There was a trace of command in his voice, enough that it riled you just a little. 
You had just died after all. 
“Why? I’m freezing and I’m tired.” Your voice was still hoarse, but the rest he had dragged you out of seemed to have helped. 
Din walked up the ramp, closing it behind him, “Because I don’t want you dying on me again. That’s why.” His voice was thick, a little ragged. He propped you up on a low crate, leaning your back against the wall of the Crest. He reached into a box, and then removed the two sodden cloaks, and replaced it with a thick, dry blanket. 
Duru jumped up opposite, with Grogu in her mouth and pair watched you with large, worried eyes. 
The warmth surrounded you, making you audibly sigh in relief and it perked you up just a little, despite the shivers that still wracked your body – and the strange atmosphere coming off of Din. You tugged the blanket a little higher, leaning into the wall. 
Little did you know, now that you were… somewhat okay, his fear had turned into absolute seething frustration. Not directly at you, more the situation. 
You watched silently as he rummaged in the med-kit for something, the line of his shoulders taut beneath the frosty armour that was slowly beginning to thaw. 
Din turned to face you, holding a bacta-injection in his hands, “Show me.” He motioned to your side, where Haran had driven his lightsaber through you. 
A slightly hysterical laugh bubbled out of your chest, “You’re kidding, right? There is no way you’re coming near me with that.” You would have crossed your arms, if you’d had the energy. But you didn’t, so you settled for raising your eyebrows at him in a disbelieving manner. 
He walked over to you, stopping in front of you. “I need to make sure it isn’t infected. I know it’s already cauterised but who knows what you picked up in that lake. Show me.” His voice was firm, no room for argument. 
You swallowed, watching the frost on his armour melt and roll down the armour in rivulets. “We might need it some other time. It’s expensive… I don’t need it. I’m fine. Truly.” You shivered again, a wave of cold washing over your body as water ran off of your hair and down your back. 
Din sighed, “You’ll face off against a creature four times the size of you, but you won’t face one tiny injection?” That strange, clipped tone was back in his voice and you started to realise he might be mad at you. 
Still avoiding his stare, you nodded once, still watching those water droplets. 
Din muttered something you didn’t hear from the static in the modulator and made as if to turn around. 
You relaxed, closing your eyes but then suddenly, you felt a sharp stinging just under your ribs and then a push of liquid being forced into your body. 
That bastard!
A snarl worked its way up from your chest and your eyes snapped open. “Hey!” You glared at him, eyes spitting fire and a little hurt, “What the hell did you do that for! I said no!” 
Din growled himself, pointing a finger in your direction, “You don’t get to make the decisions tonight. I do.” He threw the empty syringe to the side, and then scooped you back into his arms. 
Struggling slightly, you made a noise of dissent, “So, you’re going to lock me up somewhere now, are you?” 
He practically stomped through the levels of the ship, making his way to the living area, “No.” He walked down the hall and opened the door to the ‘fresher, “I’m warming you up considering you’re still shivering so hard I can hear your teeth grinding.” He swiped the small collection of cleaning supplies off of the ledge, and then set you down inside, leaning you against the wall and the small ledge. 
Okay, so he had a point there.
But that didn’t mean he had to be so… Din about it. 
“I can get myself in here you know.” 
Din turned his attention to the taps, “Mmhm. I’ll believe you when you can take off your tunic.” 
Your cheeks coloured just slightly at that, but ever the stubborn one, you reached down and fumbled with the ties that held the outer tunic together. 
It was just a simple knot holding the lacing together, but your hands were still numb and uncooperative, and you couldn’t gather the strength to grip the string. 
You clenched your jaw, knowing Din was watching you and you absolutely hated it when he was right. 
Almost as much as you hated being this weak and helpless. 
Gloved hands gently pushed yours out of the way, and within seconds, he had freed the laces and tugged the tunic off of your body, leaving you in the long-sleeved undershirt. He threw it out of the shower with a wet thump, “You were saying?” He fiddled with the taps again, and then warm water cascaded down over your body. 
Despite Din’s frustration with you, you sighed in delight. The water probably wasn’t even that warm in reality, but compared to your icy body, it felt like absolute heaven. 
After a few moments, you couldn’t bear the tense silence. 
Peering at Din, you saw that he was leaning against the wall watching you, overly tense and you realised he was trying to hide the fact he was shivering himself. The armour would have been like cubes of ice on his body, trapping the cold in the damp underclothes that clung to his skin. 
You cocked your head, feeling coming back into your body now, “You should be in here too… You must be as cold as I am.” 
He shook his head, “I’ll wait.” 
Stubborn. 
“Din, you and I know both know the hot water won’t last. Stop being a stubborn ass and get in here.” You pointedly closed your eyes, to show you wouldn’t look. 
You heard him hesitate, but a few seconds later, you heard the sounds of metal on the floor as he shed his armour, and then felt his presence as he stepped in with you. 
A soft sigh escaped his lips, and you couldn’t help the smile that just tugged at your lips, “See, I told you.” 
Din snarled again, very quietly, “Shut up.” 
Surprise filtered across your expression, making you raise your eyebrows, “Excuse m-“
“I said, shut up. You don’t get to say that. You don’t get to make jokes after what just happened. Not this time.” There was something behind his words, the sense of that breakdown that he had been holding back on the ice. 
But still, how was this your fault? “Why am I getting the blame? What could I possibly have done wrong? I didn’t ask to be stabbed with a lightsaber, or fucking drown! If you have a problem, go and sort it out with Rena, Haran – whatever the fuck his name is. Not me!”
Din laughed, but it was cold, almost somewhat hysterical, “Oh don’t worry, princess. I plan to.” He moved closer to you, creating a darker shadow across your darkened eyelids. “But I am mad at you. I am… furious with you.” He stopped just in front of you, the slight raggedness of his breathing audible, “I warned you not to call him, or get involved with him. And you didn’t listen to me.”
You opened your mouth in protest but felt his bare finger press against your lips. 
“No.” There was that tone from that night, in the kitchen when it was all command and pent-up emotion. “You talk when I say.” He removed his finger, but stayed close, “You went ahead and called him anyway. I don’t know why, and I’m not going to ask, but how could you not think something would happen? All I knew, was being in this damn shower, and then everything exploded. I felt the Crest go down, I heard you scream. By the time I got my armour back on and got out of here, I didn’t even know which way was up. I couldn’t get to you.” 
His words were slowly getting a little quicker, and it floored you because in the entire time you had known him… this was the most he had ever spoken. 
That was the only reason you bit back your retorts and stayed silent. 
You heard him suck in another breath, “When I woke up, I searched this whole ship, this whole fucking ship three times over. I couldn’t find you, or Grogu, or even Duru. You were all just… gone. I didn’t know if any of you were alive, if you’d been hurt, if you were stuck somewhere, if someone had taken you. 
I went out straight away, and all I could think was… what if I couldn’t get to you in time?” His voice was choked a little, still mixed with frustration and you heard him pace across the tiny area of the refresher. This had really shaken him, allowed him to feel a fear so potent he didn’t think it was possible. 
If you opened your eyes, he would still have his helmet on, but you would see the rapid rise and fall of his armourless chest, see the way he held his body, like he was preparing for battle as all of these emotions and words tore out of him, like he could no longer stop them. 
The water still poured down over the pair of you as all of this emotion cascaded out of him, “When I saw your arrows on the floor and the dead Trooper, I knew you were alive.” He paused for a breath, or maybe to try and stop his outpouring?
Either way, you took the advantage, “How? How could you know I’m alive just from arrows and a dead Stormtrooper?” 
You felt him look at you, his voice softening for a moment and sounding sort of… proud? “Because if you were killed, there would have been a hell of a lot more mess. You wouldn’t have gone down without a fight. It was too clean, so I knew you were hurt. And then… Then I felt it. A pull toward you. I ran, so hard, so fast and when I saw you, trapped on that lake-” He cut off with a soft noise, “My entire world stopped. He had you. He had you there and I couldn’t do anything to stop It without risking you or the kid. And I shouldn’t have hesitated like I did, I shouldn’t have sat there and let him dictate his terms. I should have just killed him as soon as I saw you and none of this would have happened.” 
He was starting to spiral into guilt, you could feel it, and it physically pained you to hear him blame himself, “Din, stop. Please. None of this was your fault, none of it at all.”
“No! It is my fault!” His cry was so different to his usual lower baritone, that for a moment you thought he was someone different. “The only reason you went to him, is because I haven’t made you comfortable enough to trust me. To trust me with… whatever it is you went to him for.”
He carried on too quickly for you to register where he was going with that. “You were kidnapped by him, because of me. He hurt you, and did Maker knows what to you, because I couldn’t protect you. You went into that lake, you nearly died… because of me.” His voice cracked on the word ‘died’ and broke to a whisper at the end. 
It tore straight through you, and you pushed off from the wall, stumbling the few steps to him blindly and you rested your hands up onto his helmet, “Din…”
His hands flew up, grasping your wrists by instinct but then they softened, holding them gently, “Please don’t tell me otherwise.” You could barely hear him over the sound of the water. 
Ignoring him anyway, you forged on, willing him to understand with your words since you couldn’t let him read your eyes, “None of this was because of you. You have made me feel comfortable and safer than I ever have before, in my entire life. I trust you, completely. What happened to me, today, it was my fault. My foolishness, so please, please stop blaming yourself.” 
It was like Din didn’t even hear you, like your words floated in one side of his helmet and dropped out the other, “Do you know what I would have done? If I hadn’t been able to save you on the ice?” 
Tightness gripped your heart, and you shook your head, “Don’t.”
He grasped your wrists a little tighter, “I would have hunted Haran down and killed him and then I would have taken Grogu and Duru to Peli. And given her the Crest, she’d look after it. Or sell it for parts. Either way, it would have been in good hands. And then I would have lain you to rest, somewhere beautiful and peaceful, like you always talked about.” 
You tried to pull your hands away, but he held fast to you, gently, “Din, stop. Please don’t say it, please-“
“And then I would have laid down next you, taken off all my armour and I would have driven a blade into my own heart.” 
A hard flinch ran across your body, and you shook your head fiercely even though the action made your head swim, “Don’t you dare say that again. I don’t even want to think about you doing that, Din. Why would you even do that? Why wouldn’t you just live out the rest of your life in peace? Go to that Sanctuary planet you talked about and be free? Don’t throw away everything you’ve been through because of my own stupidity.” You yanked your arms free, backing up a few steps and stumbling up against the wall again. 
The shadows shifted and you knew Din was following you forward, “Because I would have failed you. I do not deserve to live after it’s my fault you died. Grogu shouldn’t be brought up by someone who can’t save the people he lo – cares about.”
You made a noise of frustration, turning away so your back was to him, opening your eyes and you glared at the wall, tears stinging your eyes, “Just stop!! I don’t deserve that! How can you talk so easily of throwing your life away for someone like me! Just stop, Din – it’s ridiculous.” 
Even though your parents words echoed in your mind, you just… couldn’t believe them. 
Din’s hands rested on your shoulders, “It’s not ridiculous, cyar'ika. It’s the truth.” He said it so simply, so easily and that just made you even more frustrated. 
“No!” You shook your shoulders, ignoring the bolt of paint hat ran through your side, “It’s not the truth. You can’t just leave the kids without a father; you can’t just lay down and die just because I’m not here. I don’t mean that much to you, Din, honestly.  I’m a pain. All I’ve done since I came here is cause you more grief. So, if you say one more time that you’ll die for me, I’ll – I’ll..”
“You’ll what?” 
You swallowed, a tear rolling down your cheek, “I’ll leave.” The words stung, low words that hit below the belt, but Din had to understand. “You have to understand, Din. I am not worth that.”
He remained close but didn’t touch you. His words were in that rumbly baritone again, the one that shot straight through you, “You have to understand, princess, that I can’t stand here and listen to you talk about yourself like that. You are worth everything. All of this, all these people after us, the old and the new, it doesn’t bother me. I don’t care.” 
You groaned, raking your fingers through your knotted hair in frustration, “You’re not listening to me!!” 
Din’s voice rose, equally as riled up again, “No, you’re not listening to me! I’m trying to tell you what I’ve been thinking about for… fuck, for months. And you’re not hearing it, you’re not listening to what I’m saying!! Just like always.” 
Without thinking, you spun round, eyes blazing, and you waved your hands in the air, even if it did make the floor feel like it was swaying, “Then what do you have to say, Din? What are you so desperately trying to tell me? Huh?” 
Din didn’t react to you seeing him in his helmet and black underclothes. It was like he didn’t care. 
His hands were shaking at his sides, curling and uncurling into fists, “I’m trying to say that – that I..”
You rose your eyebrows, “Well? Come on, spit it out if it’s bothering you so much that I won’t understand. The floors all yours, Din. You have something to say-” 
Before you’d even finished speaking, he cut you off, shouting above you and the water, 
“I love you.”
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