#what about my older sister who'll sneer and glare at me in disgust like she has in the past?
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everyone is always distancing themselves from me and i cant help but feel like im just deeply pathetic
#3/6 of my close friends from hs haven't talked to me. like talked to me properly in months#i havent hung out with 2 of them in a year#and the third one and i hung out TWICE this year#in 2022 we hung out like 8 times or something#i get that theyre busy but theyre not too busy to make new friends and travel and party?#so theyre just too busy for me.#and it's like ok so you reach out first!#and I've tried and failed#the conversations are so dry. the plans always fall through because something comes up#why does everyone always LEAVE#and its like 'always' is very black and white because the 3 remaining close friends haven't left#yet.#they haven't left yet but they probably will too!#and it's like ok well thats jumping to a conclusion. second unhelpful thinking style.#but then what about my parents? what about them when they find out im gay and kick me to the curb?#what about my older sister who'll sneer and glare at me in disgust like she has in the past?#what about my younger sister who needs to think about her own financial situation and will obviously side with my parents?#i was born and my life has been a tragedy since i took my first breath because my mother didn't want me and my father was disappointed#z.post
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