#weve been aware we had a pirate arc coming up for a while now but ohhh my god it was even more fun than id thought | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

silverislander · 11 months

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(radio announcer voice) last night at dnd! our intrepid heroes have stumbled into a pirate gig and are setting a course for waterdeep, but not all is well in the hold!

captain is hot

both the old man wizard and the twunk drow barbarian are trying to fuck him UNTIL...

he appears to know too much about the barbarians past in waterdeep

he seems to be lying about his cargo, or at least not telling the full truth

he flirts with both the ranger (idiot) and cal (dyke)

but we agreed to join the crew anyway, against our better judgement, because we were given a tip telling us it's the right way to go to finish our quest (and the pay is 40 gold a week, that's more than half of them have ever made in their lives). ranger is acting navigator, we've got the wizard helping the ship medic, the barbarian doing whatever the fuck w the sails bc he's strong as shit, and cal and the monk (previously a pirate himself) acting as powder monkeys. things only got weirder from there

ranger has never seen barnacles before. he quietly tries to speak to them, in awe of this new creature, only to be sung at barbershop-quartet style

he's also hungover and has never been on a boat he's about to invent new kinds of seasickness

cal isn't great at being a powder monkey- gets fed up with how big and inconvenient the cannons are bc she can't clean them right. monk says they have to be that big to do damage to other ships. cal retorts that maybe there should be smaller cannons, like hand-size, but they could just use more of them instead. monk and cal invent the world's first gun

the captain calls cal calliope. she corrects him because she doesn't go by her full name. nobody told him her full name how the fuck does he know her full name.

(cal joined in part bc she thought you couldn't get arrested on the ocean if this motherfucker knows her or god forbid has met her enemy on the guard she's so fucking dead)

a storm rolls in and almost knocks cal and another sailor overboard. an octopus is flung onto the monk's face. she's screaming about almost dying, he's screaming about the kraken, the barbarian is rescuing people left and right like the cover of a romance novel

... and after it's over, a coffin bound in heavy chains is laying on the deck of the ship

it's gonna be a long way to waterdeep.

#IT WAS SO GOOD #weve been aware we had a pirate arc coming up for a while now but ohhh my god it was even more fun than id thought #and were gonna be on the ship for a MONTH theres gonna be sm DRAMA and INTRIGUE #whats in the hold! how tf does he know cal!! how are the barbarian and monk gonna hold up they visibly didnt want to do this #levi.txt #dnd tag #cal javernick #also lmfao at cal as a powder monkey. she literally was told shes assigned this job bc shes small #shes gonna fucking hate this idk how shes gonna deal w working under the captain bc rn she HATES his ass #and to be given this dirty meaningless job? fucking. manual labour bc of smth she cant control? she sees that as a slap in the face #shes a city bitch with a chip on her shoulder abt growing up poor this motherfucker isnt in charge of her #(yes he Literally is. shes gonna wind up walking the plank for it)#anyway w the name thing i think my plan rn is to meet up w the captain later and lie abt it #ill tell him her names callisto or smth see if that knocks him off her trail #i do have insanely high deception so im counting on that tbh

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