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#we've definitely deduced that my parents church will not be big enough for everyone if all that showed up at the farm plus more will be ther
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The amount of times I have had a thought to send to my sister and remembered she will never get it 😭
#kee speaks#we went to the funeral home yesterday and it felt so surreal#mom shared the note my sister left with me and my brother so we know what her mindset was like and her reasoning#but it hurts that she never voiced it to us when we could've reassured her#she parked her truck in one of our farming fields behind a row of thick bushes so the truck wasn't visible from the road#you wouldn't know a truck could make it there unless you've been in that field before like we have#but it's right next to a dammed lake and that's where my brother in law proposed to her and only four days before their wedding anniversary#and then he was the one who found her#none of my family made it over there to be there with him#my dad tried but he blew the engine on his truck just a few miles from the farm; not even a quarter of the way to the field#i think that was a sign that he shouldn't have been there#but my brother in laws family all made it over there so he had his immediate family with him and my family was together at the farm#when the cops were done talking to him over there him and his family came to the farm#from Friday afternoon until Sunday night it was just a continuous parade of people coming and going from the farm#even yesterday evening a bunch of people stopped by#i don't think i have ever received so many hugs in a 72 hour period before#we've definitely deduced that my parents church will not be big enough for everyone if all that showed up at the farm plus more will be ther#we picked a day almost two weeks away for the funeral so that people can make arrangements to come#im so exhausted though#i keep crying over things that feel stupid to cry over#like she was the one who convinced me to read the Murderbot Diaries and the next book comes out in the next couple months#i wont get to talk to her about it#i was going to lend her my PS5 so she could play Jedi Survivor#on Saturday i kept crying over a pin that has been sitting on my mug shelf in the cupboard that was meant for her#i convinced myself to wait until Christmas and put it in her stocking#and now I feel bad that i didnt give it to her when i bought it cause maybe it would've brought her some joy
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