I’m still trying to process my emotions. It has been a very traumatic week.

On Saturday, we were on our way to the orange grove to buy some fruit for the car ride back to Tennessee. Before we could even get onto the interstate, we found ourselves at the site of a horrifying crash. A compact had crashed into the trailer of a semi. Mom got out of the car because medical aid had yet to arrive. There were also several delivery drivers surrounding the car, using every tool available to create larger openings in the vehicle to free the passengers. Two children and their father had been freed from the wreckage, but the pregnant mother was still trapped inside. Mom had to hold the man to try and calm him, because he was starting to become manic. Once the police and EMS arrived, though, we left the scene to get Mom cleaned up. She had the man’s blood on her, and she had glass fragments all over. When we got home and started dousing her in alcohol and picking off glass, we eventually discovered that she also had a chemical burn on her arm.

I also found out that my friend tested positive, just before messaging her about our plans, and that I was bringing her a Christmas gift. So, there’s that.

On Sunday, when we made it back to our hometown, my aunts had asked us to come to the lake house. They both broke down when we got there. Of all of Granny’s children, my aunts are taking it the hardest. We spent a few hours with them and their families, as well as one of my uncles, his family, and a small group of family friends. Papaw seemed to be in good spirits, but I could tell that he was just putting on a brave face. We spent the evening collecting photos of Granny for a slideshow for visitation, and trying to work out what we should do after the burial. Everyone was exhausted, mentally and physically.

Monday afternoon was the visitation. Papaw’s legs gave out when they took him up to see Granny. They had to rush him into a chair. That nearly destroyed my composure. I couldn’t approach her casket. The closest that I got was 5ft from the foot of it before I had to turn around and hug a wall. Dad hugged me after that, and that made me break down in sobs. We’d decided that Mom, Cat, and myself would leave before the open visitation, in order to avoid exposure to a larger crowd. Dad would stay for my aunts and Papaw. So, the three of us were picked up by my grandmother, and we spent the rest of the day with Mom’s family. It was extremely comforting.

Tuesday was the absolute worst. Everyone was traumatized at the funeral mass. A great deal of it was a blur, but we were all on edge just before it began. They wheeled in the casket to be in position for the start of the service, and we were all forced to stand around it as we waited to start. Several of us had the same thought; of Granny just going “What are you all doing standing there staring at me? Can we get this over with already?” I don’t know how long we stood there, tightly packed around her casket, but it was enough to trigger several of us. From that precise moment, and until we got into our car for the procession to the cemetery, my tears did not stop. I was having to squeeze my hands throughout the mass to keep from screaming. When we got to the sign of peace, and I turned to see all of the people behind us (that none of us had even registered as being there), I was racked with silent sobs. My mask was completely saturated by the time we reached the car. Even the loops around my ears were soaked through. I will say, though, that I felt slightly more free to cry because of the mask. No one could see my ugly red, snot-covered face under it.

Mom and I didn’t exit the car at the cemetery until sometime after the burial. I couldn’t bring myself to get out because of the memories of Granny hugging me through Papa George’s burial. Mom stayed in the car because she was nervous about her ankle, and having to stand in the crowd around the grave. We did walk up after everyone had left, though. Sitting in the car that whole time was a little soothing, though. It was the first time in days that I felt like I could breathe.

We spent the rest of the day at the lake with family and friends. I think our living in Florida ended up being a helpful distraction for everyone one, because all I can remember is being asked questions about the move and talking about the things that we love down here. We also teased the newlyweds a bit, because of their playful banter with each other. Also, my cousin’s baby girl is due in a little over 2 weeks, so my aunt was asking for our opinions on what she and my uncle should be called as grandparents. All-in-all, I’m very grateful for the time that we got to spend with family.

I hardly remember any of the time that we spent at our friend’s house, other than not getting enough sleep there. Still, I don’t know what we would have done without him. He made sure we ate every night, and he distracted us with photos of his new grandson. Mom even helped him to trim his hair on the last night.

The ride home yesterday was awful. It rained the entire way, Mom and I suffered from aches and pains, I kept getting pinned in awkward positions by my seatbelt, and more. Fortunately, we had the Shrek soundtrack to lift our spirits. But then, just 15 minutes from home, all of our phones start shrieking at us: tornado warning. We couldn’t see the tornado, but you could definitely tell which direction it was in based on the sky. When we made it home and started following it on the news, this thing just barely skated past us. That defnitely had me in a panic for a while.

So, the whole time that we were out of town, my legs and feet had been swelling up. It was really bad by the time we got home. I could hardly bend my knees, and I couldn’t stand on my toes to reach a mug from the cabinet. I had to wait hours for a bath because of the weather reports, but I was most thankful for one when I finally got into the tub. I made a bubble bath with a soothing shower gel and soaked for a while (honestly, that was actually more effective than using it as a shower gel). Between the bath and getting to sleep in a bed, the swelling was gone by the time that I got up this morning. I know that the biggest culprit for the swelling was the long car ride, but I think sleeping the way that I did at our friend’s place didn’t help matters. The first night, I’d slept on the sofa, but I tossed and turned all night because I couldn’t get comfortable. The rest of the trip, I slept in a recliner, and I think that my legs were still angled too much.

December 2020 is really hitting us hard.