#we'll be here at least a month
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We've moved again, and again things should be somewhat better here, but I'm damn tired of moving.
This makes, what, 12 moves since I lost my stable job in early 2021?
#we'll be here at least a month#after that who knows#*sigh*#admittedly one of those moves was moving that rickety leaky trailer out of an area that was going to flood#and onto higher ground#but that higher ground was in a different county and we still had to pack everything up and the person towing it ripped out the sewer lines#during the tow so from then on there was no indoor plumbing#so I'm still going to count that
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assorted honeybee things
#art#drawing#ocs#honeybee#digital#grimm#yarrow#my art#doodles#i think everything here is at least a month old and some of it is at least six months old i've been hoarding it hdgklfdhgl#as you can probably tell my the mermay yarrow. that i did in like. june#i have a few more unposted things but they're like. suggestive and i'm NERVOUS abt posting that#i do think abt making an 18+ bsky on occasion. we'll see#i KNOW i could do it on twt but twt is like. Too public. my brother is on there. he doesn't need to see that.
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my mom found this super detailed online test that helps you find careers that you'd probably like according to your answers (ofc we know that it's just a test and it doesn't mean you have to study what they give you, but i just can't find anything that i like and i'm running out of time, so we were like, why not yk) so, i took the test and after 30 minutes of answering questions you know what i got? biotechnology. the same career that i chose last year and the one i dropped out of in january.
idk if i want to laugh or cry tbh
#i mean it gives you more than one option but this was the one with more compatibility#and the other ones are also a big no for me so...#god idk what to do with my life#and atp i can't help but start thinking (again): did i drop out bc i didn't like the career or bc my mental health is SO bad#i think it's a combination of the the two bc yeah i probably would've enjoyed the few months i did at least a bit more if i wasn't depresse#but i REALLY didn't like it#tho then again i don't know what changed bc it WAS what i wanted and then i got there and i went NOPE almost immediately#and like i know your opinions can change and that is good that i dropped out if i realized that's not my thing#but i can't help but wonder if it is really not my thing or is my brain just not letting me enjoy the things i like?#bc every option i've been looking at to start next year is like... No#i can't find anything i think i might enjoy at least a little bit#i found this university that i gives you the possibility of doing the classes and exams online and everything#and that would be to study 'translation and interpretation' with english & french (& spanish ofc)#and since i'm already bilingual in english & i've a certificate in french (not bilingual but is smth) i would be able to skip some subjects#which is good i guess and i like languages but it's also like the opposite of what i've been doing my whole life bc i studied science in hs#and then again idk if i'll like it or not#and i know i won't know if i like it or not until i try it out and everyone is like 'well if it's not your thing then you drop out again'#which i mean is true i Can but god i don't want to go through all this again i need at least a bit of certainity or i'm gonna go insane#also i've been searching for so long w/o findinf anything that my parents are already saying#'well if you don't want to study you'll have to look for a job'#and if the thought of studying a carreer is already scary#if i have to look for a job rn (there are not many options here if you don't have a degree)......#the thought itself makes me sick :/#i just don't know what to do and i'm so fucking tired i just want to curl up in bed and not do anything for at least 2 months#(am i having another existential crisis after that panic attack 3 days ago or did the existential crisis not stop since january?)#(probably sooner)#(i guess we'll never know........)#venting#maca speaks
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so it turns out it was actually never that serious
#the exam literally went fine what the fuck just happened i feel like i just hallucinated that#like im not one of those people that go 'omg i did soooo badly :(' just to come out with top grades if i say it's going to shit#then it's becuase i genuinely wholeheartedly believe it#and my headspace before this exam was the worst it's been in MONTHS like i havent felt that bad for an exam since first year#and i sat down opened the paper and. remembered everything. like i literally just Knew the answers#im not saying ive passed bc am i fuck about to jinx it and i was still riding mainly blind bc i have NO idea where that knowledge came from#but at the very least there was a 35 marker that i KNOW i aced like i could picture the exact lecture slides it wanted me to discuss#and i had all of them memorised so at the very least ive got like. 30 marks. which is enough for me to pass the module#bc this exam is only weighted 75% and with my marks from the other 25% i only needed like 20 marks to pass this exam#which... makes it even more embarrassing that i failed it the first time but whatever!!!!#oh my god im so glad that's done im so happy IM FREE#just been in the kitchen dancing around to my little tunes and texting my friends <3#im meeting up with one of them when she gets off work at 5 and we're going for drinks#so ive got until then to nap and chill and then ill go to the shop and get us some food and wine#and she's gonna come here for a bit & then we'll go. like actually look at me. im having people over at MY HOUSE im going out to buy us WIN#im literally a functioning adult living independently who IS she a misty memory#alas i do only have £23 in my account so this is gonna be such a slay seeing how i make that stretch for a night out#i acc could budget for england when it comes to alcohol i think like the way i manage to have a good funky time with MINIMAL funds#is downright impressive. it's a skill idc what you say#hella goes to uni
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i applied to like.. 15 jobs today.... wish me luck................
#the hawk speaks#i'm honestly a little concerned about my ability to hit my salary goal because my work experience is so disjointed#like.. my clinical work was so hyper specialized that i fear it won't help me much#and my current xp as an RA is limited bc i've only been here for 8 months#so i'm like.. will anyone actually consider me experienced enough to offer me a position at the price point i'm asking LOL#we'll see.. at least i know i'm not gonna be homeless if i just keep working at my current job#so i can afford to not settle this time around
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best part of having ocs is that i can just write them doing whatever i want. like i can just do anything with them and it's like oh yeah. that's happening. and no one can be like hang on you can't do that bc actually i can since they're mine <3
#river dipping#like hell yeah brother of course i make aus for my ocs and daydream about them as like. vampires or whatever#anyway hello :) i really meant it when i said the suck session finale would put me out of commission for a few days#there's a ton to catch up on i bet but i'll take my time with it... tho i will be checking on kmik and valentine gen. 3 EXPEDITIOUSLY#i'm actually busy in google docs atm tho!! i'm using oc questionnaires to further flesh out mattodore. i 100% yoinked these questions#from an ask game i saw. there's like... sixty of them? theo's doc is already like 2k long and i still have ten more questions to answer...#matthias's questionnaire is finished but now i feel bad that his is only 1.8k so i might go back and add more...#sorry matthias </3 maybe be a little more nuanced as a character next time#i'll probably be posting these here actually so i can put them in my oc extras tag... tho idk how well the formatting will carry over#what else... oh i finally started working on editing the photos i took of mattodore back in march (and showed a bit of before)#i don't think i'm going to edit them as intensely as i did my pinned post bc that was... very time consuming... but we'll see#i wound up selecting just eight photos but that's still eight photos to edit so... hm. idk when i'll post 'em#oh and it's pride month!! so i'm determined to at least try to make the two final characters from echthroi this month...#i think i'm kind of getting an image of jackson going now but everett still alludes me... i'm also thinking abt changing her name#these two have gone through so many changes in the last seven months character-wise... fdgfhjkfgh#dutchie too tbf like his name originally was EDWIN... smh#OH....... and i see i have messages i need to reply to i'm sawrry </3 i will get to them........... i swear................................
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quick someone give me 2k no time for questions
#ugh#i have like at least 1k of parts and work we have to do to the van#like parts for the passenger sliding door#just getting it cleaned is going to be like $500 i bet#unless i pay the neighbors kid to do it like he offered#maybe i'll ask him what he would charge me#sigh#then theres other little things that all add up#im just tired and i don't have any money#im going to be selling more of my personal collection here soon#and then hopefully i can just get my ass up and dump buckets#but its wet and im depressed and in pain and i still feel nausea constantly#i have some basic maintenance stuff i have to do as well#and then if i replace the filter with an actual quality filter itll be like 75 dollars#but that one i can clean repeatedly#instead of dumping 20 bucks on a cheaper filter every three months#i can buy the k&n filter and just clean it every 3 months instead#yeah you gotta buy the oil spray but thats not expensive and it lasts quite a while#so we'll see how i feel tomorrow#i have to go to AS to clean my wheells#and then i have to call the stupid ass insurance people and demand an update#i only work 2 or 3 days a week but i never feel like i have enough time for anything#dl
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i found out today that i wasn't the only person on my team to get laid off, which makes me feel better. misery loves company etc
#they axed TWO people on my team of FIVE. absolute massacre#the other guy is here on a visa too so he has to find a new job in 2 months or else he gets deported#fucking awful!!!!! at least i can take my sweet time. which i intend to lmao i need a week or two to recover#i get 8 weeks severance and i'm still gonna get my annual incentive in april which'll probably be another month of salary#and i do have savings. if i'm frugal i could be fine until the end of the year#but i obviously don't want to do that lmao i'm aiming for being employed or at least close within 2 months#anyway my work bestie gave me the scoop today. she's taking over my work for me when i'm gone#my last day is the 26th and from now until then all my meetings are with her to ~*~ knowledge transfer ~*~#half our happy hour squad was laid off 😭 our friend who works at the parent company was also laid off#we're gonna go out and get trashed friday night as a last hurrah#work bestie and i are still down to keep the happy hours going lol but we'll see how the other half of the squad feels#m.txt
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⭐ Blackrock Chapter Update - 2023.01.25
The Rings (3.2k words)
The Flight (2.6k words)
Ao3 link in source. Enjoy.
#blackrock#blackrock updates#blackrock chronicles#yogscast#the yogscast#mcyt#And here we go again!#Thank you all for the patience and the warm reception I got for returning.#My hope is to upload at least one chapter a month if work isn't busy.#(although this was supposed to be a one chapter update that got spread over two)#We'll see!
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no whumptober fic today (oct 9) but we'll be back with your regularly scheduled programming tomorrow
#i think i'm going to end up skipping 5 days total this month#just from lack of inspiration from the prompts#this is the second one already but idk i think 5 skips is reasonable#that's if all else goes well so who knows realistically#if you're still reading these u must be invested so#here's a list of the dates i think i won't be posting anything:#oct 6 / oct 9 / oct 11 / oct 14 / oct 18#i hate that they're all so close together but#i have at least some sort of idea for all the other days for now#we'll see if i actually get to write all of them#anyways#sam rants#sams whumptober 2023#q
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i made a little writing-focused sideblog @in-dunkler-nacht (i. will probably change the url at some point. i was trying to think of something for a full week and that's the best i could think of)
runs on a queue currently, and i mostly made it so that i have a blog to reblog all the writing advice and writing resource lists and what have you, in one place just for that instead of randomly between posts on this blog... but ideally i'll also at some point use it to talk about my wips, post ao3 updates (once i actually have any again 🫠), maybe even participate in little tag games and such! curious to see where it'll take me.
#vinters thoughts#i really hope i can bring myself to use it to its full potential and not just let it catch dust after seven months#but we'll see.#feels weird not to have a custom template atm but at least that's one less time consuming thing for me to worry about ahah#posting here bc i know some of y'all also enjoy words#but don't feel compelled to follow etc etc
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what do you work with? 💕
welllll basically i'm a kind of temporary worker in an office working with handball. so i do all kinds of work, mostly a lot of numbers and writing email and stuff. not super fun but it gets me paid 🤑
#ah yeah I'll get back to you!! i need to#write an email first#they needed someone to come in quick and help out with their new system like a month ago so here i am#have been working pretty much every day (except for the day im in school) and will do so for at least all of october too#then we'll seeee#i get new tasks every day so i never come in knowing what I'll do#which is scary but also kinda cool#today i was in the office for 2.5 hours before i got something to do 😶 my bosses were just like#well well#anon!#asks!
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this is just me thinking out loud it's mostly dash clutter u're cool to keep scrolling i'm fine, love u
anyway i have decided that the only way to make space for tumblr as well as work when i'm working full time is if i force myself to meditate for a while every day, so here I am announcing the plan hoping to reinforce that I need to do it the way people need to eat or whatever. i am actively trying to chill the Heck out here, thank u for your patience
#too stressed to do anything while working full time and that will be me for the next 4.5 months at Least so i'm#buckling down and adjusting#working hard! making things happen for myself#glad to be here in the meantime#20 minutes after work is my goal. we'll see if i do it. but 20 minutes is the goal#i have been - this entire year - just Noping Out from this website and all social contact after a work day which .................#is not sustainable for me or my friendships actually#so#here i go#wish me luck
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the broken kingdoms is like the opposite of middle book syndrome. it was so good; a big step up from the hundred thousand kingdoms, tbh. i'd stopped mid-kingdom of gods bc it wasn't really holding my interest, read several other books in the interim, and have now come back to it, aaaand.... it's still not really holding my interest so much............ sigh. i do want to know how this all works out in the end, but unfortunately it looks getting there could still be a bit of a chore.
#tre reads#the inheritance trilogy#nk jemisin#tbf part of this is kind of my fault for reading her works so out of order lmao#black future month was the first; then broken earth; then... i think great cities came before dreamblood...?... and now inheritance#it's almost perfectly in reverse order lol (barring the jump forward in time for great cities ofc)#so it 100000% makes sense that her writing got... not bad exactly but. less polished...??? the further back i've gone#there's also like. so many things about inheritance that remind me of like. prototypes almost of broken earth stuff tbh#and i feel like she did them much much better in broken earth so i keep directly comparing them in my mind and that's not helpful either lo#(might even make a post about that at some point tbh)#although upon looking just now it does seem that i'm closer to the end of the kingdom of gods than i thought i was#only about 200 more pages and then the rest of the omnibus is the novella which i forgot about#((also holy shit what did sieh do to the glossary for kingdom of the gods i'm--))#so maybe i'll just keep on powering through here........... -w-#at least eventually ahaha. we'll see. <3#i'm also just starting two other new books simultaneously lmao so who knows what my brain will feel like continuing tomorrow !!!#but for now i shall be off to other things ahahaha
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tua fandom i love you...
#we're just here to HATE THINGS and it's beautiful#come on im so pissed ngl#i hoped that we'll get AT LEAST 8 episodes and 6 eps with only ~4 months of filming feels like an insult#HOW are you supposed to include all 454654324342354645642455454555 characters and tell their stories?? hello??#like okay you'll make luther and diego Even More Dumb + there's the kid and like. do i care? do you WANT ME to care?#6 eps of fart jokes and total dumbness instead of using all the potential s1 had !!#YES i loved s3 and i'll rewatch it again but i loved it only if we compare it to s2...#and s1 was sure an Era#and it even made me believe that i can stay in tv shows fandoms but now im like :D never again :D#things like this + tf is going on with twn remind me why i Don't Watch Shows...#i only like YOU unironically because its so awkward and horrible asqwedrfgthtyju
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february is already doomed but march WILL be my month. I'll cut my hair again go to the seaside more often and try to go to a psychiatrist.
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