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#we went from a slow motion breakdown to full on freakout meltdown today
opens-up-4-nobody
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20 days
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#ugh. im so tried. why is crying so exhausting? i havent done anything. this is bullshit
#we went from a slow motion breakdown to full on freakout meltdown today
#luckily no one was around in the lab this morning bc i couldnt stop crying
#so i went to the counseling center and made myself their problem
#canceled my committee meeting. which everyone tells me is fine. its all fine
#think about going home for a while they say. maybe tell ur dad ur having a bad time thry say
#but im so tired. and i dont kno what to do and its all falling apart
#i just feel like im brushing up against the limits of what i can do intellectually and its like well where do i go from here?
#what do i do with my old data? how do i move my project forward? whats the point of any of this?
#why did i put myself in this position? would taking a leave even help? id still have to come back to the same mess
#its just so frustrating bc theres no solution ill find satisfying. everything just sucks.
#idk what my advisor even told my committee. bc we were supposed to meet tomorrow morning. ugh. it would have been so bad
#it also sucks bc im so drained that i can just feel my own weight when im trying to talk to ppl
#like u kno when ur being a wet blanket but u dont kno how to fix it. like srry my vibes r wretched. maybe im just stuck like this
#i dunno. my dad invited us home for a week in july and also plans to come out to visit me in August. but that seems like a long time away
#i dunno what im gonna do. what a disaster
#unrelated
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