Why am I having a critical Avril Lavigne moment HELP ?

Luis’ Storytime: Wanda’s Day Out

A Luis story I wrote to manage the rage and make @thelittleblackfox smile

Overheard at the next table during brunch last Sunday:

“Yo yo yo, so, like, you remember last week when I was all ‘why doesn’t Wanda come out with us anymore to Brunch Roulette?’ And you were like, ‘I dunno brah, but now that you mention it she didn’t hang on movie night neither’. And that was Tremors night yo! Kevin Fuckin’ Bacon - you remember the look on Little Stevie’s face when Rhonda tricked the worm into flying off a cliff to its explosive death? Pure victory, bro! You just know he’s saving that strategy up there in his eidetic memory banks. So’s, like, I solved the mystery dude, but you’re gonna like it about as much as I do, which is like, nada, nil, nyet as you say when you slip into your dark side. Fuck bro! Watch it where you throw that potato hash! Shit is hot! Anyways, so I’m wandering through the common room just back from that abstractionism exhibit at that chill gallery down on 3rd when I find our girl just staring at the news. ‘Course she heard me coming from a mile away but her sixth sense was distracted just enough to not change the channel until it was too late and I caught a glimpse of the reel at the bottom of the screen. Big, bold letters, yo: Wanda Maximoff -should the Scarlet Witch be allowed to walk the streets? Congress to decide on bill regarding inhumans. ‘Inhumans’. In-fuckin’-humans, can you believe that? Barely eighteen years old and the people running this so-called civilization you call home have already decided you’re not a human. They’re going to have a big ol’ chat about how none of the laws that are there to protect their citizens apply to you because they’ve already decided you’re not one of them. Perfect fuckin’ strangers have an opinion about whether you deserve to live your life or not. And that’s not even the worst part bro, not by a long shot. Internet trolls are one thing, just about everybody’s got a case of those sad fuckers, but guess who’s standing in the fucking kitchen making his triple-shot mocha latte? Tony My-girl-left-me-so-I’mma-take-everyone-down-with-me Stark. And you know what he says? Put down the knife, my man, he ain’t standin’ right behind me. Is he? Well, since Vision took his douche-filter out to be de-scaled or somethin’, he says to Wanda, ‘Better stay in the Tower until this blows over. And by ‘stay’ I mean that I’ve already altered security protocols, so, you know, stay. And try not to send someone to their own personal hellscape just because you’re bored, ‘K? We have x-box for that.’ And poof! He’s gone like a leprechaun.

I KNOW.

I can see the murder in your eyes, amigo, I am right on that train to avenge-ville with you but it’s not gonna help and you know it. Just make all kinda things worse for that sweet little redhead, ya know? No, I don’t mean Nat! What’s wrong wichu? Don’t get me wrong, I love my girl, but last time I called her ‘sweet’, well, let’s just say that my Twitter followers will never recover. Yes, I have more than just Scott following me. Steve Fuckin’ Rogers, for one. Clint, too. Uh, Sam, Rhodey… Oh yes, he fuckin’ does! I beg to differ, brah. This may come as a surprise to you but your Golden Rod of Morning Wood is a killah on social media. You ain’t ever seen him go after some corrupt government official online? Duuuuude someday you will cave and get an iPhone and get learnt, I’m tellin you! He called himself that bro, don’t get mad at me! Your boy has all kinds of creativity, I’m sure. Sorry my man but ever since I got a taste of those lumber jacked arms around me I gotta bit of a homey-crush, know what I’m sayin’? That’s a fuckin’ secret asshole, don’t you go all giggle fit on me. What is in these mimosas, dawg? Super-trooper truth serum or some shit Bruce cooked up, no doubt.

But, like, as I was sayin’ Wanda looked down, bro, like already given up. Like, when you get told some bullshit so often you start to believe it, all doubting yourself n’shit. Nah, man, no way, that snapped me out of the frozen stupor caused by Tony’s douche-ray and I immediately put my arm around her and said, ‘Girl, I am taking you to see some fish.’

No, I am not talkin’ about my prima Leticia’s boyfriend’s little brother’s mariscos place down by Fulton’s, Bucky. Well, I guess ‘Cente makes a decent ceviche, you know, for this latitude, and yes I am a ‘fuckin food snob’ as you so eloquently put it, and who’s one to talk bro! You’re the one who sent back your poached eggs because the yolks were three-quarters dry. Pot, kettle, black, that’s all I’m sayin’. I was going for a little something more life affirming, and where do I go when I want to just escape and remind myself of some goodness in this world? The aquarium! Yeaahhhhh, now you’re gettin’ it. I know how you liked those octo-dudes in their camo hanging out on those rocks when I brought you the first time - the look on your face when they appeared from outta nowhere, duuuude, I’ve seen love and I’ve seen envy and those complicated emotions with all their little nuances blending together like a Norman Lewis, that was your face! But Wanda, she had a harder time letting go of the outside world and just, you know, experiencing these other-worldly creatures. There were a couple times when her eyes would light up at manta rays dancin’ like they’re flying all around you, or the jellyfish all glowing and ethereal. But always something would make the sadness in those big brown eyes of hers come back, you know, all pull the hood down around her, shrink away a bit deeper into herself. And like maayyyyybe I was talkin’ too much, you know me when I get onto a subject that I know just enough about to be dangerous. My cousin Frankie says that’s why they wouldn’t let me into no science clubs at juvie, ‘fraid I’d accidentally blow somethin’ up. I know, right! Like it’d be an ‘accident’. But Wanda just says in her soft voice that no, she likes it when I talk. Don’t have to tell me twice, homes! Probably the only time I was speechless was when we went to see the otters. Oh my gawd, bro, they are so cute. And smart! And there was this aqua-lady with a mic explaining how they can like float on their backs and use their bellies like a table. I know, I totally thought of Clint too when he’s all cozy on the edge of the sofa and settled in to watch Myth Busters. And otters, those little hedonists, will do shit just for the fun of it. Sometimes they’re like lone wolves of the sea, but mostly they live in groups. And here’s the cutest shit of all, homes, they hold hands when they’re sleeping so they don’t drift away from eachother. Wanda was so into it, these smart little creatures going about their business havin’ fun in this world and livin’ it up. Then she takes my hand, gives it a squeeze and says, ‘Thanks for not letting me float away.’

You know how sensitive I am, bro, I teared up for sure at that, eyes all red rimmed, snifflin’, the works. Just made Wanda smile, so it’s worth it, obvs. So I get her a soft little otter key ring at the gift shop and she cajoles me until I get that ‘AxoLOLtl’ t-shirt I’ve been hummin’ and hawin’ about. We sneak back across town, and she’s grippin’ that fuzzy little otter like it’s the only thing keepin’ her feet on the ground. But you know, she didn’t look down once the whole way back, sat there on that train just like everyone else. So, maybe she’s not ready for Brunch Roulette, but I don’t think she believes that shit people say about her, and she knows she ain’t gotta prove nothin’ to nobody.

‘Course, coulda been that emotional speech Little Stevie gave to her when we got back to the common room that really drove it home. All ‘we’re a family, we’re in this together’ and ‘who here can call themselves human if not a one of us has half the kindness and heart and bravery that you have’. Oh my gawd, bro, when Steve Fuckin’ Rogers gets goin’, I mean, not a dry eye in the house, fuck, I’m tearin’ up just thinkin’ about it. And Wanda just nods and accepts his words and like lets him hug her and kinda sags a bit into his teddy-bear embrace, I mean dude is all-encompassing, I guess I don’t have to tell you that, you dawg. And I have never seen Tony look so conTRITE! His face was so red, I am positive Cap had given him his own speech, not the huggy kind know what I mean, and dragged him by his ears to apologize, like literally, and I don’t gotta remind you the grip your boy has with them strong hands, dude’s like a vice with them muscles, but soft too. Oh shit, is it hot in here? Garçon! Another mimosa, and keep ‘em comin’ brah.”