We* made a snowman!

*mostly I

Hot, Chicago summers are generally, not very fun but somehow, we manage. This past month was nothing short of spectacular – even despite the sweltering, blistering, hell heat. We kicked the month off with a visit to the very critically acclaimed Par-King miniature golf course out in Lincolnshire. Solely based off of the reviews on this place, expectations were HIGH. To ensue extra, satisfaction, I purchased a Groupon for an Indian Restaurant by the name of Marigold Maison through whom we purchased some bag-insulated yummers for dinner. I’ll save you the suspense and tell you the food was not good. Although I’m fairly certain we’ve become tikka masala snobs at this point. Service was super awkward as well as the restaurant has a grocery attached to it with shelved goods that look as though they’d been there for god knows how long. In any case, I wouldn’t venture there ever again. But back to the golfing. We arrived mid-day on a Wednesday in hopes of beating any summer-time crowds. And much to our delight, the place was not busy at all. I will say we were gravely disappointed in the different themed courses that felt very lacking – especially after reading of the reputation of this joint. The literal best thing about the entire course was the ‘roller coaster’ hole which well, Sharon grabbed some awesome video of so be sure to check that out in the montage (shameless plug). I would consider trying it again – maybe with the other course since the ‘cooler’ holes were all on the other game option. Let’s also take into account that Sharon was dealing with some mental and emotional bullshit right before we started playing so she wasn’t exactly in the right mind-set to even attempt enjoying the golf of minisculeness.

And then there was the Fourth of July. Which well, we usually don’t do much for – simply based on the elements of too many people being out and about in the world doing dumb and annoying things. But for some reason or rather, the lure of a Paranormal Circus presenting itself to us, did we become much bolder this year. But I’m getting ahead of myself. The day started off with a bit of work-from-home since I’m commission-based and don’t get PAID on days off. Following that, I believe the boozing commenced which involved a lovely rendition of Berry Vodka reminiscent of snow cone syrup. Following that, we baked some pre-bought chips and ate some previously purchased pasta and potato salads while we vegged on the couch to enjoy the down time.

Once it became a decent hour to leave, we headed out to the Paranormal Cirque located out in Orland Park. I had read that there was a pre-show to the event so of course, we arrived hella early (pun intended). Gates weren’t even open as we reached the mall parking lot where dark tents had been resurrected. Twas quite a strange sight, really. But we enjoyed taking pictures and videos of the tented darkness awaiting us. Once we were finally allowed in, we entered the main tent area where a table was set up selling masks. There was also a face painter in the corner adjacent which I considered partaking in but the artist was taking far way too long for my liking. As we stood around in the main area awaiting this ‘pre-show,’ we noticed a Mad-Max, steam-punk looking little person riding around on an electric wheelchair. She’d speed up close to unsuspecting victims, point her gun and scare creepily at them before slowly backing away. It was cool for the first couple minutes but eventually, we came to the conclusion that there really WAS no pre-show.

After we were finally allowed into the show arena, we met several, random performers who were entertaining, yes, but nothing extravagant. Once seated in our front-row elitist-ship, we watched a little person clown walk around and harass random people. He quite enjoyed throwing popcorn at me. As the time dwindled on, we become more and more annoyed with the fact that yet again, another show was NOT going to start on time. Sadly, the venue wasn’t very packed either. Once the show resumed, we were mildly entertained. The man ‘comedic’ character was hilarious but the crassness of the show was a bit too much for our liking. As such, we darted out at intermission to enjoy a colorful, sky extravaganza on our way home.

Next on the party-bus roster for July was Garden a Go Go – a burlesque show that sounded most intriguing. Situated in a warehouse-looking building in Humboldt Park (a clear indication nothing good could possibly come of us), we again, arrived very early in anticipation of much awesomeness. Unfortunately, our $20 donation didn’t seem worthwhile for the non-air-conditioned frenzy of annoyance we were met with. Granted, there was a very awesome hoop aerialist doing some ‘pre-show’ performance while we yet again, waited the untimely nature of the production. We sat and sweated and listened to DJ-ed music accompanied very ineloquently by a saxophone player. Not even the sax could save our spirits. Let me also point out that drink tickets were mandatory and that no bottled water was available. After staying to watch the show until, literally, we finished watching the Abraham Lincoln performance, we left immediately and pondered actually picking up and dropping off a case of water for the poor souls continuing to suffer without quench.

As remedy to our disappointment for the Garden a No No, I suggested we stop off at my most beloved Sidekicks for a drink and song. Sharon was most agreeable and we headed over. This night was COMPLETELY turned around by this decision. Not only did we become cool with the karaoke guru, Joe, but we made friends with my waitress’s friends, Bart and Maria who were the coolest people ever. Bart was literally creating self-echoes over the mic and ended up buying us buttery-nipple shots at one point. I even discovered one of my dance student’s moms also waitresses there! Talk about your small world! Had a blast. We would end up at Sidekicks two more times that month. The second was just as fun. The last was well, not as anticipated but all in all, it’s a great default place to scout out any time. Ah concerts. How I do loathe thee – unless you are outdoors and I have plenty of personal space which is precisely what we achieved this month! We grabbed some super cheap tickets for Hollywood Casino Amphitheater in Tinley Park for 311 even though we were actually going for the opening bands. After having our sunscreen and bug spray discarded my security (doh) and having to walk the perimeter of the joint to get the correct ‘will call’ window, I paid way too much for plastic mason jars of vodka. Lawn seat were spectacular and we came prepared with Skip-Bo which, due to wind complication, involved putting every item we owned on every card pile to prevent throw-aways. The opening bands were good up until the last one before 311 at which point, we could not muster the will for it was quite horrendous. It was strange to pack up before the main band but quite satisfactory.

Ravinia. Can’t go wrong. Every year I try to make it a point to find SOMEONE to see here. Again, lawn seats are the absolute best for comfort. We again arrived with Skip-BO after venturing to Viaggio in Highland Park for some take-away dinner goods. The place was PACKED for arriving at 5 o’clock on a Sunday! I’d never seen it so full so early on in the day. But we valiantly made our way around the venue until we found a sufficient spot to lay our wares. The music performance was The Music of Queen with a vocalist named Brody Dolyniuk who, was an awesome singer but horrendous speaker. Guy sounded like an infomercial. Several songs into the performance and after battling a swat of flies whom invaded one suspicious corner of our blanket, we headed out.

I never claim to be of Irish descent, although, my brother allegedly found out our family is a small percentage Irish, but that has never been necessary for partaking in the Irish Fest held every year at The Irish Heritage Center. We grabbed some food at a local spot conveniently across the street from Sidekicks, Old Irving Brewing Co. before making our way to the Irish Fest. After arriving we observed the place to be very much dead – which is always in our favor. We immediately grabbed drinks and headed to the outdoor tent area to take a gander at the vendors and musical performances. Sharon entered us in a Trip to Ireland drawing which we clearly didn’t win. We popped upstairs to take a look at the indoor exhibits and watched some Irish dancing for a hot second before heading out an inevitably ending up at Sidekicks (which we’ve previously discussed).

What better way to spend a Tuesday evening than drinking and BINGO’ing? It’s not often I have Tuesday evenings available due to dance scheduling so we took advantage of an opportunity to visit Eris Brewery and Cider House for their special BINGO event. We’d previously been here for their cider and were a bit underwhelmed. The same was true this most recent go. But I will say, their sweet potato waffle fries with bacon and a bunch of other awesome stuff were off the CHAIN! SO good! BINGO involved maybe three tables including ours, there were about 11 of us total? And it STILL took several people leaving before Sharon’s ‘luck’ kicked in during the last three games. Brian, a brewer, was the caller who was most entertaining. His gibberish between games was hilarious – until he went on tangents about making cider at which point, I was buzz, tired, and pissed I hadn’t won and therefore, was no longer amused. Sharon came away with a t-shirt and a bunch of other, random, useless items. I came away with much embitterment, per usual.

If you’re ever looking for a delish, Philly’s cheesesteak, look no further than Monti’s near Albany Park. I loved this place since the first time I tried it. It’s cute, carefree and I’ve never experienced bad service. After parking a bit away and trekking endlessly in the blistering sun, we arrived, grab some $5 martinis and consumed some delicious goods! Martinis take #2 underwent and buzzed, we headed off to the second event for the night: K. Karaoke and Paint. Because what could POSSIBLY be better than drinking, painting AND singing? Oh yeah, yes, it’s also BYOB so we grabbed our insulated Moscow mule cans from the car and walked a short way to the storefront. Once inside, we grabbed our seats, iced some cups and awaited the rest of the attendees. Eventually, we began our painting project of a sunflower in between which, I sang a song or two. The more we boozed, the more ‘creative’ our paintings became. At one point, Sharon was beckoned to the make-shift dance-floor at which time, everyone forgot what they were doing. At the very end of the event, you guessed it, we headed to Sidekicks (again, already covered this) and ultimately, took our paintings back home where I drunkenly decided to leave our art work outside the doorstep of our old-lady neighbor, as a gift. The following morning I barely remember this act of generosity and to this day wonder just what she was thinking when she noticed them.

We were very much looking forward to attending the Bristol Renaissance Faire this month, however, due to the heat severity, we determined it would not be the greatest idea to do so in July. As a replacement, however, we decided to get some tattoos. Sharon acquired a bridge and I, a sheep. Not a bad time for a lazy, hot Saturday.

The month of July was wrapped up with a few cat themes. Poor monkey-bear was taken to the vet due to violent, butt-licking tendencies which resulted in some prescribed laxative and pain medication. He’s doing much better now. I believe the demons haunting his butthole have vacated. Aside from that, we took in a performance of Cats downtown at the Nederlander Theatre. So here’s the thing on that. I don’t get it. I’ve never gotten it. Every time I try to understand that show, it fails. I couldn’t understand a damn thing the actors were sing/saying other than ‘Jellicle Cats’ which til this day, I still don’t know what the hell they are! Does anyone? Someone respond to this blog with an explanation please. Again, we left at intermission, very glad to have at LEAST experienced ‘Memories’ which is always a good, inner cry.

All in all, not a bad month – despite my obvious, aforementioned bitching. Complications and let-downs aside, nothing was going to stop these queens from enjoying this sexy, hot summer.

First-Act Queens Hot, Chicago summers are generally, not very fun but somehow, we manage. This past month was nothing short of spectacular – even despite the sweltering, blistering, hell heat.