38 from the character development questions, dealer's choice of who :)

38. Is there anything they wish they could change about their worldview or thought processes? What, and why?

ooh this is a very good one for Irenni (my other KC that I haven't developed as much despite loving her almost as intensely) because the thing about Irenni is... she's unequivocally, objectively Good—at least as per the rules of a world where Good is something you can be and not just something you do—but she is also torn between many different sides of herself & their accompanying mindsets

Irenni is Neutral Good and in the Angel path and her first and foremost priority is always, always to help people and make the world a kinder place and become the better version of herself she can be—but there's so many versions of Irenni. it's a kaleidoscope. she's an Angel of Compassion but as the game progresses she becomes absolutely obsessed with the concept of attaining divinity to the point where it clouds her judgment and she makes some... questionable decisions for the sake of love; she is a Rakshasa-blooded tiefling with fey ancestry (or at least she assumes so, considering her abilities as a Sylvan Sorcerer) and sees that as a burden on her, which is why she actively, openly rejects Chaos and Evil as fundamental forces of the universe, because she has to prove she's More Than, perhaps over an innate desire to just do Good. and there is little place left amidst all that for Irenni Korez, for whoever she is without the Mythic powers and the tiefling blood and the fey ancestry.

so with this ABSOLUTE BEHEMOTH of an introduction out of the way, and please do forgive the behemoth I just get carried away sometimes & moreover it is relevant to the answer, I swear: she is, overall, satisfied with her worldview, with her moral compass, even if it's less than perfect and all too often hinges on sentiment. however, her thought process is... another matter entirely. every single time she has a less than charitable thought, something rude or mean or chaotic, the temptation of an easy way out, she wonders if it's Irenni -the-person thinking that or Irenni-the-tiefling, or Irenni-the-fae-blooded, or a mixture of that. as of late, all her good thoughts are met with the same amount of existential suspicion: is it her, or the Light of Heaven? (and... the less I say about the state of her thought process post-Areelu's reveal, the better.) and she wishes, oh-so-dearly, that she could stop nitpicking and overanalysing every thought that crosses her mind because ultimately it matters little, her actions are what's important, what define Irenni-the-person in opposition to Irenni-and-her-trillion-influences. but it's difficult, and she can't take one single step without asking herself where the urge to take said step came from, and is it benefitting anyone, and is it hurting anyone, and there a better way, and and and and—

she thinks circles around herself and, despite knowing it's hardly ever of use, she can't stop it because she's terrified of what might happen to her identity if she does. but she wishes she could. she wishes she could allow herself to just... be.