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pointless-discourse · 1 month

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homestuck characters as related to trans stuff

head canon

JOHN EGBERT

closeted repping tgirl who will likely not realize she's trans until after 16

avoids mirrors, unhappy with appearance but tries to avoid looking at it

gets dressed in the dark

once she comes out she's gonna dress like the most hideous anime girl for the first few months

like goes HAM

her fav nerd shirts paired with a weird fucking skirt but eventually it looks really good just because of how much time she spends on it now that she likes how she looks

DAVE STRIDER

cool cis guy that will respect the pronouns

will treat people the same regardless of transness

goes down the transfem nonbinary any pronouns route in mid 20s

unfathomably chill

JADE HARLEY

divisive subject. either cool nerdy tgirl or closeted trans guy

tgirl jade puts a lot of effort into dressing for the sake of mirrors

doesn't necessarily look GOOD (ultranerd furry island social recluse) but she looks intresting

however tgirl jade doesn't voicetrain and not only is her voice kinda clocky but also very hoarse from lack of use

closeted transguy/transmasc nonbinary jade is very online and performative feminine stuff until he realizes in his late teens he's trans

does not learn what trans is until late teens, very in sheltered parts of the internet despite being very online

was out online years before he came out irl

third option: chill cis girl who, during

ROSE LALONDE

terf

no hate to rose she is one of my top three characters in all of homestuck but she is very terf vibes

she spends a lot of time "debating" with trans people online (harassment) and frequents a lot of terf forums

i think that after a few years of earth c and maybe meteorstuck she grows past it and eventually to her it's not a fight she's proud to be the lead general of but a phase she's really embarassed of, much like her other silly 13 year old traits

i also really like tgirl rose, not for character basis but i think its cool and i (obviously) love trans headcanons

KARKAT VANTAS

i am very divided between ftm and cis guy.

cis guy karkat is cool, he's very much just some guy who's comfortable in his "girly" hobbies and, while isn't really tied into his physical appearance, isn't dysphoric and is just a little insecure

however: humanstuck karkat will always be trans in my mind, just for the persecution bit, although i would also buy ethnically-middle-eastern adopted into a white american family karkat

he'd be a truscum or just kinda shitty to nonpassing trans people i think, we've seen how many alternian empire boots he licks so conforming to the status quo as a pick-me minority is not above him

again i think he would grow out of it in his later teen years/early 20s (like in the comic) but i don't ever see humanstuck karkat escaping the eternal shame that kind comes with being trans

ARADIA MEDIG0

ily weird unnerving tgirl aradia she is like so that to me. she reminds me of the boymoder NEET memes i see chronically online trans girls on reddit posting

but also i do equally enjoy weird girlboss cis girl aradia

either way she is far too etheral to be bothered with gender stuff

like you could come out to her with sixteen hard to pronounce xenos, pass so badly you unearth masculinity/feminity so prominent it burns to the touch, and she would not give a single fuck. and she would never mess up with pronouns and shit

tAVROS nITRAM

i see her as a hardcore deep deep in the closet repper tgirl as like a core part of my interpretations and yet i can never imagine her coming out

like i just see her boymoding forever

not really? like i think it would happen eventually i just can't visualize it

hypothetically i could see her being one of those cool goth girls named lilith but it seems very removed from the original starting point

2OLLUX CAPTOR

repping tgirl or amab nonbinary or just plain cis

either way still horrifically greasy and that will never change

there is no self reflection that will even vaguely incentivize sollux to maintain his hygeine

:33< NEPETA LEJION

cis girl

maybe comes out as ftm in 20s? if trans, i could also see nepeta repping till death

like just a weird cis girl who is like "oh, you're trans? just like in my warrior cats rp discord server!"

again, gives more of a fuck about gender than aradia but it is close

she just cares if you will listen to her talk about her ships and art

nepeta is the type of person where it might take her a while get the new name and stuff right

"HER PRONOUNS ARE THEY/THEM!"

but she would be your staunch defender

KANAYA MARYAM

eh? nothing strong here, i don't really have a hc for her

but there is a lot of mtf symbolism in the comic and i do enjoy that

like a socially awkward youngshit who's not out to many people because she can't really bring herself to correct people in public but still has a really passing voice even after first coming out

bad facial dysphoria

do like her as intersex. feels right

TEREZI PYROPE

nonbinary

no genders, all the genders, new genders, old primal genders, everything

both simultaneously afab and amab but not intersex?

the living embodiment of androgyny

probably has a very long list of neos/xenos but is any pronouns

you cannot misgender her. hes too cool.

VRISKAAAAAAAA SERK8!!!!!!!!

transgirl transgirl transgril

literally not even a headcanon at this point vriska is a trans girl and that is that!!!!!!!!

if you disagree im kickng your ass so hard it comes out of your mouth. your days are numbered and that number is 0. (not 8 :( )

EQUIUS

option one: cis gymbro chaser.

he sleeps with trans men to steal their t shots

in the streets he'll occasionally say the weird shit but i know he'd be crankin his hog to futa/cuntboy shit by night

option two: trans girl

never comes out because of insecurity but indulges in long hair and the occasional skirt in private and then feels really bad about it

option three: insane roided trans man

t gave him big muscles and big sex drive

option three poiont 5.

racist sexist homophobic nonbinary

like drops the most despicable shit in conversation and finsihes it off with "my pronouns are actually they/them), like one of those nazi femboys

GAMZEE MAKARA

does not gaf

cis (? idk) guy who is fine with any pronouns and crossdresses for fun

i guess not technically cis? but still identifies as a man when it comes down to it. like barely guy

FEFERI PEIXIES

cis girl who is a little infantilizing

if you're transfem she will give you makeup tips

but still a little hugboxy

"oh no you totally pass even though you're 8'100 and have a full beard! women come in all shapes and sizes!" (not shitting on the made up trans girl here, passing is fucking hard and it has no bearing on personal worth)

JANE CROCKER

jane is a repping/closeted trans man and you can pry this from my cold dead hands

the mustache? the projection onto only male figures?

also i think its fun with jane's ties to the girls-only fuchsiablood club that he ends up a dude

also st4t janeroxy my beloved

DIRK STRIDER

gonna be honest here no strong leanings

i am a firm believer that estrogen would save her but i dont really think of dirk as anywhere on the gender spectrum

maybe just cis dirk? i could buy cis dirk

JAKE ENGLISH

one one hand i would like the transmasc rep being not restricted to hairless twinks and i would enjoy ftm jake that way

transmasc nonbinary jake is an insane concept to me but i do find myself intrested

a little iffy on the trans headcanons (especially transmasc) because a big part of the concept of jake english is that he's a big strong man who takes on the literary role of an objectified girl character and having him be

ROXY LALONDE

ex twinkhon femboy now BDD gigapassoid

literally one of the most gorgeous trans women you will ever meet

creating e substitutes in her laboratory since age 12

again not even those most immersed in trans culture and the ways of clocking would be able to tell thats how good she is

her speaking patterns hail solely from those cutesy minecraft/unboxing youtubers she religiously watched as a small child

however she is fully convinced that she doesn't pass for shit so she believes that every genuine complement and people treating her like a woman is just them being nice

she'll attempt to boymode and go "stealth" in scenarios where she doesn't want to be visibly trans but it fucking backfires because everyone assumes she's ftm

DIRK STRIDER

trans man with literally no basis because my dirk-themed friend is also a trans man

4channer transman robotics nerd dirk my beloved

DAMARA MEGIDO

transfem ig? or cis woman

very girl adjacent

idk i dont think about the dancestors much

RUFIOH NITRAM

cis man

MAYBE trans man

i am also cool with that

MITUNA CAPTOR

cis man

MAYBE transfem nonbinary

KANKRI VANTAS

trans man because very few cis men were tumblr "SJW"s

and he reminds me of of some chronically online trans guys i used to hang around

also hes very fuckign petite and girls and feminend and twinky dinky and im just projecting my dysphoria onto him sorrie kankri fans

MEULIN LEJION

cis fujo girl

when she discovered trans men she was like 'YAAAAAS MPREG'

will respect your pronouns and shit but is VERY HORNY

lowkey chaser that will also date cis people

PORRIM MARYAM

two choices: cool goth transbian or lesbian terf

cool goth transbian is the nice one. first off, she looks a lot like some transfem transition goals ive seen online.

second, cool feminist could also be trans rights and trans people are kinda forced into being political

third, being flat as a board could also be interpreted as her just not having tits (tho she does seem like the type to DIY HRT)

TERF porrim (correct): first, a lot of "feminists" turn out to be bitchy to trans people

second, her activism for groups she's a part of and groups she likes is good, but she really infantilizes kankri, and considering that's the beforan equivalent of hemoracism, if trans people didn't fit her motto she would not hesitate to shit on them

LATULA PYROPE

cis girl. maybe she/they

ARANEA SERKET:

trans girl serkets trans girl serkets

would also buy cis girl that makes you wonder if she's actually a repressed ftm because some of her actions are a littttttttle suspicious

HORRUS ZAHHAK

cis man who ends up hanging out with a lot of trans women anyway due to shared intrests in hyperpop and furry stuff

again very respectful, very small chance that he's chaser-y

KURLOZ MAKARA

i honestly do not know and this isnt because i dont really care about his character, it just evades me

transcends gender

could be cis woman, fuck if i know. i'd buy that

all and neither a gender above our human comprehension

CRONUS AMPORA

trans man that proves tboys are real men because they can be just as creepy and awful as cis men

thinks him being trans means he's immune to all types of discrimination

uses it a pity point/to get out of stuff

MEENAH PEIXIES

maybe tgirl? idk

may just be cis

possibly transmasc nonbinary

tho i lean mostly towards cis woman whos gnc and actually cool with trans peopel (be aware she will still groom them tho)

equal opportunity grooming

CALLIOPE

technically transfem anyway because her body isn't sexed so shes kinda intersex

but even if she wasnt a cherub she would still be transfem anyway

chronically online transgirl who spends most of her time in internet spaces with cis girls of her same age

warrior cats fan

humanstuck calliope hung around the warrior cats girls since elementary and never left

CALIBORN

evil trans man

transmasc for same reasons as calliope

humanstuck caliborn avoided all female socialization because he didn't socialize and instead spent his formative years on 4chan

the nature of the /lgbt/ board probably gave him some shame about being ftm

DAD EGBERT and crocker as well, very similar people

cis man who is a staunch ally

MOM LALONDE

cis ally

she's trying? can't say anything more

will occasionally and unintentionally say some out of pocket shit about trans people she knows when drunk

will mess up the pronouns a lot because very scatterbrained

GRANPA HARLEY:

cis man who lowkey fetishizes trans people

straight but fucks non-passing transmen because he doesn't see them as men

trans women are some exotic fetish

if jade came out he would repair his ways tho

NANNA EGBERT

transphobic

not even a terf because she has beef with feminists

but again if john or jane came out she would badger them at first but her love would win out and she would change her views

BRO STRIDER

personally i see him as a cis man but i think trans man bro strider is cool and also an icon

DIRK'S BRO:

cis bisexual man who is cool with trans people

ROXY'S MOM:

cis woman who is in a fucked up evil messy situationship with a transgirl

will trans rights

GRANDMA ENGLISH:

either a. elder trans woman

or b. cis woman (a little nonbinary) who is accepting

does not know the terminology

"oh so you want to live as a woman now? alright, i suppose. i had a friend like that back in college"

HIC:

evil elder trans woman who has an illegal diy hrt empire

will sell out the trans community if it benefits her

grifter

LIL CAL

i dont know it s scary

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iknaenmal · 2 years

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I am thinking about them

#i had a hard time fitting all the pictures haha #homestuck #meme #rose lalonde #jade harley #aradia megido #nepeta lejion #kanaya maryam #terezi pyrope #vriska serket #feferi peixes #roxy lalonde #jane crocker #girls #homestuck girls #ikna talks

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homestuck-iconz · 1 year

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Random generated ships pt 2

Terezi and Nepeta

Vriska and Karkat

Equius and Dave

Gamzee and Equius

Eridan and Nepeta

Feferi and Tavros

neprezi - 9/10, i wont elaborate but theres a vision here

vriskat - 4/10, honestly I feel like these two would end up killing themselves and others if they tried any sort of romance. I cannot explain that at all but it's the vibe I'm getting.

davequius - 5/10, interesting for sure???? I dont think I've ever seen someone who ships this but they could have funny interactions.

equigam - 5/10, I don't hate this idea at all actually. Makes murderstuck even sadder wtf.

erinep - 3/10, not a fan sorry gang

feftav - 4/10, could be fun but i perfer other ships for both of them.

#terezi pyrope #vriska serket #equius zahhak #gamzee makara #eridan ampora #feferi peixes #nepeta lejion #karkat vantas #dave strider #tavros nitram #mod rose #rose says things

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hyperfixation-hopper · 1 year

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Homestuck Hungergames ROUND 2! (Pt 2)

#homestuck #Terezi Pyrope #john egbert #Dave strider #vriska serket #karkat vantas #nepeta lejion #Caliborn #Jadesprite #Calliope #mituna captor #Eridan Ampora #gamzee makara #ROUND 3 MAYYYBBEEE??? in the works!

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spectral-coyote · 2 years

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Sleepovers with some kids that may or may not be the same person

#coyote art #homestuck #this is supposed to be alpha kid sprite components if that wasn’t clear #feel free to read as ship #left to right>>#eridan ampora #sollux captor #nepeta lejion #feferi peixes #hal strider #equius zahhak #gcat #tavros nitram #vriska serket

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oswalish · 1 year

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happy 4/13!!

i redrew the art i did last year

my current artstyle is being as lazy as possible and i have not improved with perspective and proportion but yippee!!

last years art:

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gamfart · 1 year

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WIP on the line up bc idk if i’ll ever have the energy to finish it so i’ll just put it here for now

#aradia megido #tavros nitram #sollux captor #karkat vantas #nepeta lejion #kanaya maryam #terezi pyrope #vriska serket #homestuck #doods

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trans-harlequin · 1 year

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Tavros is dead

AT: yA DA YA LA TA DA, AT: iT IS A GOOD DAY TO BE, nOT DEAD, AG: POW! You are DEEEEEEEEAD! AT: i AM DEAD! AG: Hehehehe >::::) *Hears Eridan coming* Oh, shit- CA: *GASP* Tavvros is DEAD! AT: yES, i AM DEAD, CA: WWHY is Tavvros dead? AG: I dunno. AT: i THINK, iT WAS- AG & CA: SHH! YOU ARE DEAD! AT: oKAY, *tunnels into the ground* *car crash* GC: WH4T'S UP Y4 TROLLS?!? WHO'S UP FOR 4- G4H! WH4T TH3 FUCK JUST H4PP3N3D? AG & CA: Tavros is dead. GC: T4VROS 1S D34D?!?! CA: Correct! GC: >:D CA: So, did you see the murderer? AG & GC: No, sorry mate. CA: *SLAM* I wwill find them. I wwill capture them. And NO ONE wwil evver die again. *clapping* GC: OH, NOW TH4T'S N1C3. AG: I am daaaaaaaamn proud right now. CT: D--> ATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENTION! TAVROS IS DEAD! CA: Wwe knoww. CT: D--> WHO KILLED HIM? CA: Wwe don't knoww. CT: D--> I will find CLUES! *sniff sniff* CT: D--> What's that? A weapon!? CT: D--> THAT thing is why TAVROS IS DEAD! AT, CA, & GC: TAVROS IS DEAD??!? CT: D--> YES! *SLAM* HE DIED! *Shocked gasping* TA: IIIIIIIIINCOOOMIIIIIIIIIING!! *Equius gets hit by a car* TA: RAU2, RAU2! MOVE, NOW! TA: *kisses Tavros* AT: *begins floating* hOHOHO, tAV- *dies aain* TA: Iin my mediical opiiniion, TAVRO2 II2 DEAD!!! GC: SOLLUX, WH4T H4PP3N3D? >:? TA: My profe22iional opiiniion? *SLAM* TA: TAVRO2 WA2 KIILLED!!! GC: OH TROLL J3GUS... *Worried murmuring* TA: Ii don't thiink iit'2 anythiing two worry about. GC: W3LL, NOW WH4T? AC: :33 <Meowity meow motherfurr-kaBOOM! AG: Oh coooooooome on... AC: :33 <Lookadis! Furreakin' Tavros is DEAD! ... AC: :33 <Whattaya think of that? ... AC: :33 <Uh- CA: Yes, yes, Nepeta. AC: :33 <Yea- CA: GO HOME. *Aradia waves from the car* AC: :33 <AWW COME ON! PFFFTfurreakinunbelievablenoseriouslyyouallsuck- *CAR EXPLOSION* CA: Okay. Let's get back to the point. AT: i THINK I AM DEAD, AG, CA, GC, TA: TAVROS IS DEAD??? TA: *GASP* Nepeta! Ii wiill heal you! *dies aswell* AT: oOH, sERIOUSLY! wHO KILLED ME? TC: *chugs a bottle of Faygo* It WaS mE, mOtHeRfUcKeRs!! Everyone: *GASP* TC: yEs! *gulp* I dId It LiKe ThIs! *Shoots Terezi* TC: WhOoP dE dOo! GC: *Is bleeding out* TC: *Gulpgulpgulp* tHaT's A jOkE, lAdS. *laff* TC: It WaS y- *burp* HeR! *points at Vriska* AG: *GASP* How did you know? TC: i DiDn'T! tHaT wAs A jOkE tOo! AG: Heheheheh.... >::::) (TC: Oh, I'm DeAd) AG: HAAHAHAHAHAHAAA! AG: THAT'S RIGHT! IT WAS MEEEEEEEE! CA: You monster! AT: bUT WHYYYYY? D: { AG: Cuz you're CRIPPLED, 8oy. And another thing? You're. Ugly *The two argue. Eridan stares into the void and shrugs* AT: v R I S K A AG: AW god DAMMIT Tavros FUCK OFF! You are DEAAAAAAAAD! AT: nO YOU, pOW! AT: hAHA! yOU ARE DEAD! nOTBIGSUPRISE, AC: Wwell, that wwas idiotic. Off to hang myself! Wwatch and lea- *neck snap* AT: i AM ALIVE! iS NICE. AT: ... AT: yEAH, tHIS IS STUPID,

#tavros nitram #vriska ser #eridan ampora #terezi peixes #equius zahhak #sollux captor #nepeta lejion #aradia megido #gamzee makara #homestuck #heavy is dead #tf2 #Heavy's meme shed

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sylvaneagle · 1 year

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fucking neppy!!

#homestuck #digital art #art #nepeta #still wip #who knows if vriska will exist #nepeta lejion #she deserves to kill people

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bramblestar334 · 6 months

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Even more. And I'm not done yet.

Karkat and Nepeta are cats, Terezi is a dragon (without wings), and Vriska is a snake. Also Terezi paints her nails and spikes and Nepeta dyes parts of her fur like her tail and paws.

#bramble's art #homestuck #homestuck art #karkat vantas #nepeta lejion #terezi pyrope #vriska serket #judging by the fact that im making animal designs at all you can purrobably guess who my favfurite is #and if not. the cat puns should have told you

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anglerfishchef · 5 months

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#homestuck trolls #hs #homestuck #poll #polls #trolls

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pointless-discourse · 15 days

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hs diet/cooking skills headcandons :3

what would they eat. i prommy im not scrambling for ideas, i am being fully genuine when i say i think about (the majority) of these a lot. disregarding my trans hcs for consistency and to try to reign in my fanon perception and keep it at least semi-accurate

content warning for disordered eating

JOHN EGBERT

eats very well, if a little heavy on the sweets just based on how many are in his vicinity. his dad loves baking. there will be baked goods. despite how sick he gets of sugar, he's gonna nibble.

however, i'm sure his dad knows how to cook and passed that onto john, at least how to follow a recipe

i think john would be a recipe follower most of the time tbh

living with nanna on the ship wouldn't significantly alter his skills

maybe with all that free time he'd start to improv more in the kitchen?

anyway, he is a good cook and is probably going to end up cooking for his disaster friends a lot because he is a charming young man

well not really? like he'll be on it in a pinch if he's asked too, or immediately reminded that his friends can't fucking cook, but she, in typical egbert fashion, will remain doing her own thing a lot of the time

charming young june gets tradwife'd ig

fuck i transed her . oopsie

DAVE STRIDER

we've seen that his fridge is full of smuppets and he hides his food, so his stash is small and is made up of foods that don't need to be refrigerated

texan heat is def a catalyst for that rot

his stash is also made of cheap, low quality food, because i doubt he's getting a lot of money

just an assortment of non-ingredient food like apples and mcdonands

this is on the hypothesis that bro gives dave food money or dave's somehow monetized his skills

if bro is providing this food, it's probably semi-often paywalled behind weird shit or swordfights

TLDR: he likely doesn't have a consistent supply either. enough to sustain some muscle so he can live up to what we've seen in comic, but he's underweight

you think he'll learn to cook on the meteor? wrong. why learn to cook when you can alchemize? what's the point of alchemizing the ingredients for a PB&J and then assemble it when you can just magic up a sandwich?

he cannot cook. he will burn the water. the only appliance he can use is a microwave, and that is iffy in itself because, until he gets the hang of it, will leave a slightly lukewarm hamburger in there for ten minutes

JADE HARLEY

plants. a lot of plants.

freshest thing near her. everything else she has to get through the airplane mail.

she'd forget to eat for a day or two, and then wonder why she's so hungry and then eat enough to feed a family of three. horses. three horess

she lost her grandpa at a young age and then was raised by a dog, so i doubt her eating habits are completely normal

she eats like a dog. jade does not use silverware because she does not like doing dishes. all food is finger food if you're not afraid.

what she eats is of very high quality. if she remembers to eat and can prepare her food correctly, she'll do fine.

on that topic, she's not a bad cook. her chem know-how would help her estimate what would work. but she's never had another person interact with her cooking, so it's lacking a lot of stuff.

research can get her cooking close to the real thing, but it's still mediocre. she doesn't even know what she's missing, because she's never known anything else.

she has a lot of weird tastes that can only come from an insane amount of time to kill. i'm talking mustard everywhere.

john and nanna might be able to reign her in a bit? they would definitely help her improve her cooking skills. watching her eat, there would still be something off about her.

however, she can cook for herself, and it tastes kinda good.

ROSE LALONDE

like john in that she had someone there who would cook for her.

mom lalonde is very absent, but she's still on top of things. she responds to rose's notes. she vaccums. she would still cook for rose on a regular basis, give or take a few off weeks.

that cooking would not be good, because she's wasted whilst making it.

even if the food was good, rose wouldn't admit it.

she often makes a show of pecking at her food, but still eats.

unlike john, mom never showed rose how to cook. rose never asked.

when she gets to the meteor, like dave, she alchemizes all the food she needs. there has never been a reason for her to learn how to cook.

she could probably put effort in and, with strife, successfully follow a recipe, but she is a horrible cook. she does not understand it for the life of her, and she won't until she studies it

she'll master it. eventually.

JANE CROCKER

like june. their upbringings are very similar.

one exception is that she cooks more and is a much better cook than she is because jane genuinely cares about it.

she also has some mad pastry skills.

jane can make macarons.

she would attempt to teach her disaster friends to cook, but would quickly lose patience.

and then she would try to cook for them, but get sick of it a meal in. they are very picky and her temper is not long

DIRK STRIDER

survives purely off rations/canned food

again, dave's food is fuel mindset extends to him and he can stomach a lot of "gross" things, like an entire can of peanut butter. i may have mentioned that before, so i'll give you some PD lore. i have eaten an entire jar of peanut butter out of hunger and i think about that event a lot because it was not nice for my tastebuds

however, i think as a control freak he would be adamant about his food schedule, even mathing out the amount of calories he would need to consume for every meal proportional to what he does in a day

and then a half-hearted attempt to balance out protiens, fats, minerals, and the other stuff

he is very adamant about his schedule and consuming the food he needs to survive, but that schedule is fucked

ex. 3 cans of canned peaches for breakfast at 3:50 in the morning. two large, burnt mutated fish for dinner at noon. no lunch. or eats half a can of peaches for the twenty hours he is awake in a day.

he can cook, as in prepare meat to be consumed alright. it's edible, and it's not that bad. but he is assed at combining ingredients. he cannot create something successful. all his food tastes like shit because he does not pick up on taste. though, i believe if he was cooking for someone else, he could set aside a few days and come up with something that's high-tier in the mediocre range.

JAKE ENGLISH

he eats only the meat of the beasts he's killed. he has scurvy.

he is a good cook (in the sense that he can competently prepare meat) though, and genuinely cares about the quality of the food he makes for the sake of his taste buds, and cooking is something he can get lost in

however: he has insane tastes. he is an expert in preparing food in this hyper-unique way that he is insane for but is absolutely disgusting to anyone else

ex. after years of eating similar tasting meat, he was motivated to use seasoning. he does not own seasoning. he is going insane and cannot eat the same thing again. he uses dirt. tastes bad, but god he is dying for something new after x years of eating the same thing for breakfast lunch and dinner. he continues to eat it because he cannot eat unseasoned meat anymore and repetition-causes-complacency's himself into genuinely enjoying the taste of dirt.

dirt is just the tip of the iceberg

jake is also unintentionally bulking (bodybuilders eat a lot of meat to gain muscle). he eats a lot of protien. however, he hasn't herd of the concept of 'cuts' (where you stop eating as much to let the muscles show) so he has a bit of a tummy

but also, he's sixteen so he's not a fridge. i also don't see him as that tall (huss draws him as shorter than dirk anyay huehuehue) but he has muscle if you look. twunk if anything

ROXY LALONDE

genuinely horrid diet

so zoned out and depressed she barely recognizes her own hunger and even then has no drive to do anything about it

will eat sugary stuff for the happy chemicals

roxy is the one trans headcanon i have where i am completely unable to distinguish it from canon

she is trans in my head. that is as much a part of her to me as her love for cats is

anyway like a lot of trans women she's pressured to be petite and small in her portion choices so even when she has the drive to eat i dont think its a lot

because of her likely not weighing a lot shes a lightweight

part one million on how is roxy not dead yet

and as expected, she cannot cook

she also has some really weird tastes

she is really good at baking a few specific sweets that she eats on repeat (with a lot of recipes from jane)

once she enters the medium and works on her drinking problem i think her eating problems would also get less intensive

not drinking as much she has to face her hunger more

and being around jane, a big gal, face to face, i think that would do something to her idea that to be a woman she has to be small

KARKAT VANTAS

troll rations

not only is he poor so no money for all the nice stuff i also dont think troll society has a big focus on cooking

their only main professions are military based and art doesn't seem to be a big focus, just a highblood thing

again probably some nasty cheap ration bars that keep him alive

but i do think he eats regularly and normal amounts, he has that fighting spirit to stay alive and get stronger

but yeah i don't think troll society would require you to put a lot of effort into culinary stuff. but he can prepare the food well

the meteor inspired no one to cook, but he'd get the hang of human food and probably enjoy it as compared to tasteless lowblood troll slop

humanstuck karkat is a kid chef. he is so fucking good at cooking. baking too.

ARADIA MEGIDO

mmmmm yummy troll slop

same as karkat

ghost aradia didnt need to eat anyway so i doubt that would've affected her diet habits

same with got tiger aradia? don't think she would bother with it, too much else to do

but once she starts hanging around in the dreambubbles, exposed to non-troll slop cusine, she'd have a fun time trying to learn how to cook and delight in all those new flavors

then when she gets to earth c she's a good cook who loves cooking

TAVROS NITRAM

i dont have any headcanons fro tavros because is hate him

sorry tavros fans

uhh he probably eats POOP!!! and LIKES IT!!! because he TAVROS!!!

SOLLUX CAPTOR

troll-slop-enjoyer, but also likes aradia's cooking

humanstuck sollux survives purely off doritos and g-fuel

NEPETA LEJION

utter chad

survives solely off the giant beasts she kills herself

ripped yet still small and nimble

her diet is entirely protein

no troll slop for her

unfortunately for her, this means missing out on non protiens and fats

nepeta has scurvy

humanstuck nepeta is less feral and also eats cute japanese cat themed sweets

KANAYA MARYAM

dont know if it was stated in canon but she would garden alongside eating troll slop

blood

yumy blood

roses blood

you would not believe it from looking at her but humanstuck kanaya eats a lot of spicy food and has a horrifically high spice tolerance

she's also pretty good at cooking, mediocre at baking

TEREZI PYROPE

?????? chalk???????

hopefully alongside the slop

either that or troll chalk is really nutritious

VRISKA SERKET

despite technically being a highblood i doubt she'd engage in their fancy food

she eats to survive, not for the taste

she may have access to higher quality sludge though

i think this part of her would persist, but she does love june's cooking

EQUIUS ZAHHAK

pure, distilled protien and milk

so much milk

its not 2%, not 3.25%, it's 100% milk

he suckles it straight from the moobeast teat

it is really weird and he does not get invited to parties

gigachad

humanstuck equius's diet is 1/4 food and 3/4 protien shakes, bars, and the like

he'd probably also be like those bodybuilding influencers who eat eggs raw or camel nutsacks

GAMZEE MAKARA

similar to roxy in that he's too checked out to remember to eat

but what he does have as a highblood is insanely high quality

sober gamzee does not require any sustenance to survive in a similar fashion as to how he got shot down by caliborn and was fine afterwards

humanstuck gamzee can bake. he cannot cook. he has the diet of an insane college student, ramen cups interspersed with weed brownies

occasionally he gets the munchies and eats enough to feed four full grown goku

i like thinking that someone realized he wasn't doing alright tried to help him, maybe roxy? in a universe where he didn't get lil cal'd

ERIDAN AMPORA

only the finest fish food for him

he dines like a king

he projectile vomits when in a 50 mile radius of the sludge

agile, but weak

doesn't cook, has other people do it for him

humanstuck eridan has a private chef and is offended if you expect him to cook for himself

FEFERI PEIXES

finest fish food for her, dines like a queen

but also attempts to live like the normies once and a while

and take a bite of the (highblood edition) slop

humanstuck fef also has a private chef but helps out in the kitchen from time to time

gonna b real dawgs, i cannot concieve of the dancestors in this manner. peace

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