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animeyanderelover · 3 years

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How would the Senju family, Gaara, Mei, Yagura and Minato react if their darling was kidnapped by shinobi of a rival village as a attempt to manipulate/blackmail the Kage?

I think all of them would lose it. But a few might act more brutal than others. It also takes some serious talent to kidnap their darlings.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, kidnapping, blackmailing, threatening, manipulation, violence, vicious behavior, mentions of killing

Kidnapping the s/o to manipulate/blackmail the Kage

Hashirama Senju

🌳It would be very hard for a shinobi from a rival village to kidnap his s/o since he basically never leaves their side. It has to be a moment where he is currently busy with his work and when his brother isn’t keeping a close eye on you. This would be the only chance these guys will ever have since the chances of these two guys not watching you is pretty rare.

🌳Full panic mode! He nearly suffers from a heart attack and feels more than guilty for not being able to protect you. Hashirama isn’t really a violent one and was actually the one who wanted the new built villages to form peace under each other. He might even try to solve the problem without violence, but through talking. But the moment the other village starts demanding things from him even he gets that they’re dead serious about it. And then he gets serious too.

🌳A good thing here is that Tobirama will for sure help him with this problem and that’s a good thing since Tobirama is very strategically. Anbu will infiltrate the village quickly since they can’t just walk in blindly, even though Hashirama would do that. They need to work fast to get you out of there. Normally a Kage doesn’t join missions unless they’re really important. This is important so Hashirama will come alongside the others.

🌳Hashirama is strong. Really, really strong so if they should get in a fight they’ll be fine since his brother would totally join him on his mission in order to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid. Hashirama is determined to get his darling back, making him go a bit rougher on the enemies, but he wouldn’t kill them. But that is only unless he finds you and sees that they have hurt you in order to get some informations about the village and him which could be used against them. I wrote Hc’s about how he would react if his darling would be hurt by someone. To make it short, he would lose it then and that would lead to some serious troubles for the shinobi who were guarding his darling.

🌳This incident will be engraved in Hashirama’s mind for the rest of his life. He would never get quite over it and would even years later still apologize for ever letting this happen. But this also makes him even more clingier in order to protect his darling. Hashirama will also hold a huge grudge against the other village for doing this. He won’t punish them directly, but he will make sure to never get into any contact with them again. But if should ever even dare to pull such a stunt again then he won’t hesitate to do something against it.

Tobirama Senju

🌊He isn’t all the time with his darling since he has work to do. But he keeps them locked up in his house and has always a couple of Anbu watching over them. But that doesn’t mean that it will be impossible for the enemy to kidnap them.

🌊Tobirama had always known that there might be the danger that someone may try to use you against him. Besides his possessiveness this might be the other reason why he keeps you locked up in this house. Frustrated and angry. That’s the emotions bursting out in him as soon as he hears the news and the Anbu who were watching over you are in for some serious cursing. He does know that this isn’t completely their fault, but he needs to take his mixed up emotions on someone out. Tobirama is a lot more aggressive than his brother and gives the other village one aggressive warning. If that doesn’t work it’s for him like declaring war.

🌊Tobirama is a genius and even though he’s terribly impatient he’ll take his time to come up with a good strategy, finding out everything about the rival village he can find. He’ll join the rescue team.

🌊Tobirama is powerful and way more aggressive than Hashirama and is ready to kill if necessary. But he’ll get hella brutal when seeing that you’be been hurt or during your time here. Then he’ll let all the frustration and pent-up emotions out on whoever doesn’t wear a forehead protector of his village.

🌊This will have some impact on Tobirama and he’ll even start blaming himself for not calculating the situation better and being more prepared for this. It’ll be one of the rare times where he’ll get emotional and apologize to his darling. But the village who took you away? He’ll make them pay for this and will corner them, demanding some sort of reparation. For as long as he’s the Hokage he’ll make sure to somehow make the other village suffer. The relationship between him and the village will be on really thin ice.

Tsunade Senju

🐌Tsunade is really overprotective over her darling since she lost her brother and Dan. She doesn’t want anything to happen to her darling and keeps them with her nearly all the time. So the shinobi need to wait for this one moment where she leaves her darling alone and take them then.

🐌Poor woman will be devastated when hearing that you have been taken, feeling like she failed again. But shortly after these feelings of despair are joined by a new one, rage. She doesn’t even try to be polite when she sends a message to the leader, if it’s one of the five ninja villages then the Kage, and demands you back. In this situation she’ll lose her temper quickly.

🐌Just like Hashirama has his brother, Tsunade has Shizune to help her out with not going complete berserk and discusses a plan with the others. And there’s no way that Tsunade won’t come with them.

🐌Tsunade only needs to land one hit with her full power to turn that person into wet stain and she’s mad so I suppose if the shinobi from the rival village don’t want every single bone in their body shattered they should run. But if Tsunade sees that you’re hurt? Flashbacks from Nawaki and Dan will fill her head, making her for a short moment shake in fear before she comes back to her senses. And. Now. She’s. Angry. If the others can’t calm her down than she might destroy the landscape. But you’re lucky that she’s a medic. She’ll take instantly care of any injuries you might have suffered from.

🐌Tsunade could have lost all she had ever loved again and will definitely get very emotional after this, apologizing to you over and over again whilst crying. If someone should ever even mention the name of the village anywhere near her again she’ll snap. If the village that stole her darling really was one of the four other nations then she’ll definitely can’t help, but be more aggressive to the Kage of the village during the Fourth Shinobi World War.

Gaara

🐼It’s one of Gaara’s greatest fears that someone will use his darling against him which is why he makes sure that they’re never alone. He tries to be near them as often as possible. But he has also work to do so in these times one of his siblings or at least one jonin are always with his s/o. So the shinobi from the other village have only a small time frame to kidnap them. I can imagine that this might have happened after the whole Akatsuki incident since the village needed some time to restore after this.

🐼Hearing that one of his worst nightmares has become true will throw this boy into a state of pure paranoia, freezing on spot whilst his mind races with worst case scenarios. But despite all of this he tries his best to try at first to solve this without violence. But if the other village refuses and continues to blackmail him with you as the bait he’ll get serious quickly.

🐼The whole village is determined to help him, including his siblings who are for sure going with him on the mission to rescue you. But all of them are also smart enough to not just storm without a plan in the land of the enemy.

🐼Gaara might have lost Shukaku, but he’s still a Kage and insanely strong. If they should have hurt his darling even just a bit he’ll be mad and whoever comes after that in his way will be crushed. Even if he’s only sweet to you, don’t forget that he has a dark side.

🐼Now his paranoia will for sure increase and he’ll be a lot more clingy after this incident. This might cause him to lock you up in his house. Gaara is terrified that this might happen again. He’ll definitely dislike the village who did this hugely and if the village was one of the other four nations he’ll display his hostility towards the Kage during the Fourth Shinobi World War. Not only him. His siblings as well.

Mei Terumi

🔵Mei knows very well that her darling can become a easy target due to their special connection to her. So she makes sure that everyone knows what will happen to a person who dares to even try to harm her darling. She is most of the times with them and if not a few other strong shinobi so for the enemy this will be a bit hard. They need to plan carefully.

🔵Mei would, to put it harmlessly, freak out when hearing this. She will lose all of her composure in that moment and needs some time to regain her cool. But I think she won’t be able to stay completely calm when she demands for the village to give you back and as soon as they refuse her already tightly stained thread of patience will rip.

🔵The village and all the citizens love her darling and will support her with everything they have. Mei will be more than just impatient and if it wouldn’t be for people like Ao she would probably just storm in there right then and there. Ao will for sure accompany her on this mission since his Byakugan wil for sure be a huge help.

🔵Being gifted with two kekkai genkai makes her a naturally strong opponent even though they try to avoid causing too much attention. But Mei will still fight fiercely everyone who comes in her way until she has finally found you again. But if they should have harmed you in any way then there will be consequences.

🔵The security around you will increase tenfold after that and now you aren’t allowed to leave Mei’s sight anymore. She’ll be more smothering the next few weeks, overjoyed to have you in her arms once again. After that there is visible tension between her and the other village and she will demand some sort of reparation. If she meets the Kage of the village during the World War they should be careful with what they say. Mei misunderstands things easily so one wrong word and she’ll lose all her self-control.

Yagura Karatachi

🐢A normal Yagura is aware of the target his darling carries on their back due to the relationship to him. He’s clingy and will stick to his darling’s side nearly most of the time and if not they’re always watched by some hunting-nin from his village. But if he was being controlled the scenario would look slightly different. He still knows that there might be the danger of somebody using you against him. But in this case being kidnapped will be the best thing happen to you. Everything is better than being locked and chained up in some isolated house guarded by a bunch of hunting-nins and shinobi of the Mist.

🐢Being calm and composed he’ll try to not panic, but in reality he’s flipping out on the inside. He’ll quickly start getting in contact with the village and will try to talk it out at first. But he knows when talking won’t be from any use and is ready to become more forceful. If he’s being manipulated he’ll have a terrifying fit of rage and hate. I can see him in this case as someone who would give the shinobi who couldn’t protect you a heavy punishment, probably even killing them. He won’t even think about talking it out, he’ll just go straight to war mode.

🐢Yagura is a smart one who tries to not get his fear get the best of him. For your sake he needs to stay calm and make a waterproof plan. But if he’s being manipulated he won’t be that strategic and will just collect a few of his strongest shinobi. He will in this case rely more on brutal strength.

🐢Yagura is the Mizukage for a reason and since he has power over his jinchuriki this makes him so much more dangerous. He would like to avoid a fight, but is ready to do what’s necessary. If you have been harmed during your time here then he’ll feel angry, but will put your health above his feelings. But in the other scenario it’ll be much more bloodier and brutal. In this case Yagura wants to fight and will destroy everyone who’s in his way. I can see him sadly in this state as someone who might not even care if he hurts innocents. But if you think he was already brutal before then try to imagine his reaction when seeing you hurt. It isn’t like he is sincerely worried about you. But the fact that someone touched what’s his and marked them is what makes him angry.

🐢Yagura will apologize more than once to you that he let that happen to you and will make sure that he never leaves you alone again. He will demand some sort of reparation for this. The controlled version of him will just drag you right back to the prison where he kept you and won’t try to make it up to you. He might even get angry at you for being so weak to let yourself get kidnapped. Never tell him that it’s his fault or even mention this near him or he’ll let his anger out on you. He’ll terrorize the other village for as long as he lives.

Minato Namikaze

⚡️Another one who is aware that his darling is a walking target for people who intend to blackmail him. He is very busy and has most of the time the Anbu, most likely Kakashi, watching over them. But he’s also aware of his Yandere tendencies so there might be a day where he’ll leave you for a short moment without security and that will give the rivals a chance.

⚡️It hits him pretty hard, knowing that it’s his fault for not seeing something like this coming sooner. But he also knows that he can’t let fear cloud his judgement. He will get in contact with the village, trying to solve things in a more civilized manner. But that doesn’t mean that he isn’t ready to do what has to be done when the situation calls for it.

⚡️Minato witnessed war and has good knowledge in making good strategies and he is very beloved by his village and count on their help. Kakashi will help him with everything he has too since he also feels guilty for not being able to protect you better and will 100% join Minato on this mission.

⚡️Minato already killed people in the war and knows that it often can’t be helped and as the yellow flash of Konoha he’s a scary enemy to face. If you should have been mistreated during your time here his first worries will be if you’re alright. He is of course pissed that you’ve been treated like this, but your well-being is his first priority.

⚡️He takes all the blame and if you should be angry at him after this he’ll take all the yelling and the cursing. I feel like Kakashi would insist on watching you from now on 24/7 since he feels guilty too. Minato isn’t someone who holds easily grudges that deep, but this will be an exception. He’ll keep a sharp eye on the activities of this village and if they should ever try this again he’s ready to get more violent.

#yandere naruto #yandere naruto shippuden #yandere hashirama #yandere hashirama senju #yandere tobirama #yandere tobirama senju #yandere tsunade #yandere tsunade senju #yandere gaara #yandere mei #yandere mei terumi #yandere yagura #yandere yagura karatachi #yandere minato #yandere minato namikaze

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hongism · 4 years

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mists of celeste ➻ eight

➻ pairing: ??? x fem reader ➻ genre: space au, pirate au, space pirate!ateez, angst, eventual smut ➻ Word Count: 3.9k ➻ Rating: M ➻ Warnings: language, violence, guns and weaponry, blood, future warnings tba ➻ summary: Sneaking aboard the ship of a renowned space pirate may not have been the best idea, but you’ll have to make do with what fate has handed to you

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mists of celeste act one ➻ part eight

“Well, since you’re intent on changing the subject, Y/N…” Seonghwa interrupts as Yeosang opens his mouth to say something else. “I guess now is the perfect time to explain the real reason I brought you here.

“Pardon?” You inquire, tilting your head towards Seonghwa now in search of an explanation.

“It’s time for your first mission.”

Seonghwa grins from ear to ear, eyes disappearing behind his lids as he looks your way. You blink back with your mouth agape. It seems too soon for you to be doing something like this. You can’t understand Hongjoong’s game plan in deciding this, but there must be one.

“A covert mission. Get in and get out without being seen or leaving tracks. Relatively simple for someone with your history, and it may hit a little close to home. We’ll be raiding a military warehouse for some supplies. Y/N, you and Yeosang will be on the watch team. San and Jongho, you’ll be on the infiltration team. Y/N, if you can handle holding a sniper rifle, your job will be to watch for guards. Yeosang will do the same at the back entrance of the warehouse while you’ll be watching the front. Yeosang, as leader of this mission, you’ll be calling a majority of the shots when there. Does this sound manageable?”

You watch as Yeosang, Jongho, and San all nod without any hesitation. They don’t seem bothered by your presence on the mission in the slightest, but for some reason, that doesn’t make you feel any less out of place. Seonghwa still watches you, eyes cracking open as his smile fades into a thin line.

“Yes,” you say quietly after you realize that he’s waiting for your confirmation as well. “But… well, I have a question.” You’re a bit hesitant, and this sudden show of authority by Seonghwa has you realizing that the others listen to him for a reason. It may not be your place to question him, but something about his methods and decisions strikes you as odd. You can’t tell whether it’s Seonghwa’s own decision or Hongjoong’s. Hell, Seonghwa may not even know the answer to your question, but you won’t let that keep you from asking. “Why would Jongho be on the infiltration team? He’s a Berserker. It would make more sense to have you be on the mission instead as an Elitist.”

A breathy laugh leaves Seonghwa’s lips. He glances away from you in favor of looking down at the table. “That’s the kind of thinking I hate. The military teaches you to be so close-minded and only think about two possibilities when there are at least eight. Jongho may be a Berserker but he is one who needs to stay away from most of the action. Yeosang is the leader of the mission because he is an Elitist, and as the leader, he needs to stay back and watch over things from a distance. Jongho can take care of any rogue guards who might be out and about, but his primary goal is to defend San. Just holding still and watching for enemies to waltz in is not his specialty. Catering to abilities and skillsets is far more important than just putting more Elitists on the field. Make sense?”

“I suppose…” you mutter more to yourself than to him. Out the corner of your eye, you can see Seonghwa grinning.

“Good. If everyone understands, then you had best get going. Hongjoong is preparing to enter the atmosphere as we speak.” The tall man stands up, sweeping his dark hair out of his eyes, and moves to leave the room.

“W-Wait, what?” You stutter out. Seonghwa stops in his tracks and turns to look at you over his shoulder.

“Did you not hear me?”

“No, no, I heard you. I’m just – where are we landing?”

“Have you ever been to Medra, Y/N?”

Shock overwhelms your body in an instant. Medra? How is that possible? You can only stare at Seonghwa with a dumb expression on your features for a good ten or twenty seconds.

“H-How? How are we already in Yuki? Aurum’s system is at least sixteen parsecs away, and we can’t have left the system too long ago. There’s no feasible way that a ship this size could make the trip to Yuki in such a short amount of time. Only the highest grade military ships can move that quickly.”

Seonghwa smiles at you and laughs again, his amusement shining through clear as day. It’s a bit embarrassing to be laughed at in such a manner but your confusion is too great to be caring about that right now.

“Why are you asking that question, Y/N? You should remember what ship you’re on. The Horizon is the pride of the Black Sea, the fastest ship in the galaxy. Atlanteia is home to only one ship that can travel this fast, and the galaxy always gives us favorable traveling conditions. It shouldn’t surprise you one bit. Now, hurry up and get ready.” Seonghwa doesn’t wait around to tease you any longer; he turns on his heel and walks out of the room without any further ado.

You blink at his retreating figure until he’s completely out of sight before turning to San. “Wh-What am I supposed to do?” You ask. You know that each and every single one of these people is expecting great things from you given your reputation, but if they don’t explain what the fuck you’re supposed to do, you won’t get to show them anything at all.

San stands up from his own seat as well and motions for you to follow him out the room in the direction Seonghwa headed. Both Jongho and Yeosang get up at well, so you rush to lift yourself and trail after San before he gets too far ahead.

“The Horizon is home to three transport ships for on-planet distance traveling. We use them for almost all of our missions, so that’s what we’ll be taking to get to the Military Warehouse. Hongjoong will land the ship a couple hundred kilometers away from the warehouse so we can avoid being seen entering the atmosphere. Our cloaking controls on the ship will help but as I’m sure you know, the military has countermeasures for that sort of thing.”

“Hongjoong flies his own ship?” You inquire, surprise lacing your tone. Somewhere behind you, Yeosang releases a loud laugh.

“Hongjoong would never let anyone else steer the ship. Not even Seonghwa is allowed to touch the controls, and the one time he did, Hongjoong broke three of his fingers.”

Your surprise morphs into horror at Yeosang’s retelling of the story. San glances over at your expression and a small sigh escapes him.

“We’re headed down to the hangar bay,” he explains, one hand coming to rest on your arm as he guides you down the corridor. His touch is light over your bandages but even with the faintness, your wound throbs from the impact. “We’ll suit up and get weapons there.”

“Suit… suit up?” You echo.

“You’re hardly inconspicuous in your current outfit. The best way to hide in your surroundings is to blend in with them.” San motions towards your outfit, a small smile playing at his lips. “Did you ever see ecosuits during your time in the military?”

“No way,” Yeosang cuts in again, answering before you have the chance to respond yourself. “Aera was the only military in Aurum’s system to get ecosuits. We were leaders in advanced technology.”

“Actually, I did see them,” you counter. Casting a quick glance over your shoulder, you spot Yeosang’s bewildered expression and continue explaining. “My unit received a shipment of ecosuits to use on covert infiltration and assassination missions. I believe it was engineers on Eros who built the first versions of ecosuits though.”

Yeosang all but sneers at your comment, and you smirk back at him. San glances back with you, a loud laugh erupting from his lips as he spots the bothered expression across the blonde’s features. For someone who is supposed to be a traitor, he sure seems to have a lot of pride in his home and military…

The man brushes off your comment a moment later. He disguises his annoyance with a smile before addressing you. “If you aren’t careful, I’ll have to put you in your place,” he says with the slightest hint of a threat to his tone.

“It’s not the first time a man has threatened me with that possibility.”

San snickers under his breath at your comment, but Jongho releases a full-bodied laugh that echoes through the corridor. It’s weird seeing a Berserker act so carefree and docile in all honesty. You have to look forward again though, because San stops you with his arm and you nearly collide with a wall. Well, it’s less of a wall and more of the doors of an elevator, but it would have been both embarrassing and painful nonetheless. San presses a button on the wall, receiving an immediate ding in response to his actions.

“It’s been a while since we’ve seen someone who can keep up with Yeosang’s level of feistiness,” Jongho comments as you all step into the elevator.

“What do you mean?” You inquire, eyes on his back as he steps in front of you.

“We haven’t had anyone on the crew who can match his temper and arrogance in a while.” Jongho shrugs while keeping his eyes forward as the elevator doors slide shut. “You seem to be the type to balance him out with calmness and humility. At least that’s the aura I get from you. Yeosang always feels so angry but you exude the opposite of that.”

As intriguing as Jongho’s explanation is, it isn’t the part that catches your interest. Rather his comment about how it’s “the first time in a while” is what strikes you the most. You were under the impression that the crew had only consisted of eight people and that’s it. You didn’t even think to consider that more people used to be a part of the crew. Yet Jongho’s words seem to confirm the presence of previous crewmembers.

“Did there used to be more people on the crew?” You ask with a bit of hesitance in your tone. You aren’t sure whether you’re breaching a line that should not be crossed. You get your answer a moment later. Jongho turns to you with his mouth open to respond, and Yeosang sends the most heated glare you’ve ever seen in his direction.

The elevator dings, breaking through the awkward tension that has suddenly arisen between Yeosang and Jongho, and San tugs you out of the elevator before you can ask if it’s a touchy subject. The moment you two are out of earshot of Yeosang, San leans close to you, his lips brushing the shell of your ear as he speaks.

“Don’t bring up any past crew members. It’s a sensitive topic for many, and some respond with aggression rather than grief.”

You nod along to his words and bring your gaze back to where Yeosang is now exiting the elevator. There’s no time to dwell on San’s words or the possibilities lurking behind them because he keeps pulling you further into what must be the hangar bay. One quick glance at the vast open area to your left confirms your suspicions.

Three identical ships reside in the bay, much smaller and more compact than you expected, but you recognize the model to be the same as those of the military. The only difference lies in the color of the ships, each a jet black hue that is a stark difference to the white, gold, and red you’re used to seeing on each planet. San keeps pulling your attention left and right though so you can’t gawk at the ships for too long when he’s dragging you to a different corner of the room.

“Here,” he starts, pointing down at a table. It’s covered in an array of weapons – guns, knives, bullets all lined up and stacked atop each other – along with a stack of what must be ecosuits. The black kevlar is a familiar sight but not a pleasant memory, and you can only stare down at the suit with disdain in your eyes. “You can step behind the cabinet to change, if you’d like. We normally just change out here but… I can see how you may not want to do that.”

You laugh at his words, taking the tough material from his hands and bundling it up in your grasp. “Oh, I have no problem stripping down with you all but that’s more of a third date kind of thing to do, don’t you think?”

San responds with a laugh of his own, nearly choking on his saliva as he struggles to catch his breath, and you step around the cabinet he mentioned to slip into the ecosuit. It’s relatively easy to slip into, despite the bandage on your arm getting a bit in the way, but the bigger issue is that you’re having trouble zipping the back all the way up. Asking for help isn’t an option; the words Daichi spoke to you in your dream days ago still linger with you and despite claiming to not care about his words, you are a bit paranoid.

“Someone near you is a dangerous threat, one that you’ve never encountered before. You must be careful. Guard yourself wisely.”

So your only option is to suck it up and pull the zipper over your cascading tattoos rather than asking for help. San startles you a moment later, head poking around the corner as you have your back to him.

“Hey,” he says. You whip around so fast that it hurts your head, fingers still on the zipper that isn’t quite all the way up. You can only hope that he somehow missed the marking on your back. “You good?”

“Y-Yea, yea.” You nod a few times and give the zipper one last yank. It gives and pulls all the way up thankfully, saving you from any further awkwardness.

“Cool, you can just throw those clothes in a pile out here.” You gather the wad of clothes on the floor and follow San back out. Tossing them atop an already existing pile of clothes, you stretch your arms a bit to get used to the tight material over your body. The military never made these things the most comfortable to work in, so tight you can barely breathe properly, but at least the tech involved is neat to some extent. You never were one for enjoying the engineering side of things but some of your closest friends were and that was enough for you to at least respect the efforts that were put into these things.

Yeosang catches your attention, pulling you out of the memories by beckoning you closer to the table with weapons across it.

“If you can manage it with your arm, this will be yours for the mission,” Yeosang explains. You examine the weapon before you, a basic military-grade sniper rifle. It isn’t much different than the ones you’ve used in the past, but this one has more intricacies and decorations. You lift it with relative ease, finding it surprisingly lightweight despite the size.

“It’s fine. My trigger finger still works just fine and that’s all I should need with this rifle.” You peer through the scope. “No fine laser tracking on the scope, but I’ll manage.”

“Well, that’s only because your job isn’t to kill anyone. Just to be on the lookout for people coming in and out of the warehouse.” You pop the clip cartridge as Yeosang speaks, finding it full of bullets. He catches your questioning stare. “With precautions, of course. It would be stupid to give you an unloaded gun.”

“It would be stupid to give a highly dangerous criminal her weapon of choice too, but here we are.”

Yeosang chuckles at your comment. “Remember that you are aboard a ship full of criminals. You couldn’t possibly take all of us on, so I think we’re opting for a safe bet in giving you a loaded gun. Maybe it’s just in our blood to think that way though.” The Elitist turns to San and Jongho. “Go ahead and board the transport ship. Jongho, you’ll take the primary pilot seat. San, take secondary.”

Jongho follows the order first, but San hesitates. After a slight roll of his eyes, he trails after Jongho and goes aboard the transport ship.

“And for you, Miss Y/N, I’ll take that off your hands for now.” Yeosang extends a hand in your direction. You push the sniper into his hands. He grins at your quick compliance. “Good girl. See, we can make you obedient yet.”

You bite down on your tongue to keep from lashing out in response. Yeosang notices your restraint and arches a brow at you, teeth sinking into his lower lip.

“I’ll gather the rest of the weapons and meet you on the ship. You can go ahead and board now.”

“With pleasure,” you grumble under your breath, but you make sure to say the words loud enough for Yeosang to hear.

The interior of the transport ship is compact and small, consisting of only two compartments: the pilot seats and a slightly wider and more open area meant for carrying soldiers. You see Jongho and San fiddling with the controls in the pilot’s cabin, but you aren’t quite sure what to do with yourself now that you’re aboard. You seat yourself in one of the seats where you can peer into the cabin and watch them work. It’s a new territory for you as you’ve never piloted a ship this small before. You’re used to spaceships meant for doing small scale perimeter checks around a system and planets. Ships like these are definitely not your specialty, and you only remember riding one on a few occasions.

Yeosang steps into the back cabin after a few minutes, his long blonde flopping forward as he ducks to get in the door. He bears a hefty duffel bag on his back but drops it to the floor without a care as he turns to shut the door of the ship.

“Y/N, these are for you.” He comes closer to you, opening his palm to reveal a thin black wristband and a small grey device.

“What am I supposed to do with these?” You ask, blinking between the items and Yeosang.

“It’s a communication system that hones you into certain channels based on the frequency. The main channel is for all members of the crew, and its frequency is around 480. The one we’ll be using for the mission is 640. They’re paired with each other, so no one aside from us can hear our conversations.”

He sighs and picks up the small grey device first, leaning close to your ear without warning. You flinch away from him at first but he inserts the device with a surprisingly gentle touch. It’s snug against your ear and rubs awkwardly against the piercings decorating the shell of your ear.

“You seem to have a lot of piercings for a military person,” he comments as he pushes past the metal barriers. “It’s kinda hot, not gonna lie.”

“Focus on the task at hand,” you scoff. Yeosang chuckles to himself but does as told, thumbing over the material to make sure it’s secure in your ear. He slips the wristband around your hand, and it snaps to your wrist.

“To change the frequency just drag your thumb across the band and wait for this radar to pop up. Move left and right to find the frequency you want, and you’re good to go.” Yeosang swipes his index finger over the band and helps you set it to the desired frequency before pulling back. He raises his own wrist to his lips and speaks softly against it.

“Can you hear me?” His voice is loud and intruding in your ear, and a crackling sound follows his words. “Good,” he says as you grimace.

Yeosang moves towards the pilot’s cabin. You can hear him speaking to someone over an intercom and recognize the timbre of Hongjoong’s clear voice. You can’t tell what they’re saying, but Yeosang explains it when he returns.

“We’ll be landing soon. It should take around forty-five minutes to reach the outskirts of the warehouse.” Yeosang sits across from you, one leg coming to rest atop the other. His blonde hair stands out even more now that he’s dressed in all black, but that isn’t exactly what’s on your mind as you watch him closely. He notices your lingering stare and lack of response in an instant. “Is something on your mind?”

You purse your lips. “Why did you leave the military?”

Rather than words, Yeosang replies with a hearty laugh. You blink at him, thoroughly unamused by his answer, and that annoyance must read on your features because he explains himself after a moment. “You’re good at deflecting, I’ll give you that. To answer your question though, I didn’t leave the military.”

“That’s not possible. You couldn’t have gotten the chains without attempting to leave?”

“Do you know why they call me the Royal Betrayer?”

You freeze at the question. “I-I didn’t even – I didn’t know they called you that.”

“Well, it’s what they call me on Aera. I was tried for treason. I was going to be publicly executed for crimes against the crown and the Royal Guard, but I was able to get out of jail the night before my execution date. I got the brand that same night before I escaped.”

“How the hell did you escape? I thought Aera had one of the most protected prisons.”

Yeosang shrugs his shoulders, settling further back against the seat. “There just weren’t that many guards that night. I try not to look a gift horse in the mouth, as the saying goes. I just accept it and move on, so that’s exactly what I did back then too.”

“That doesn’t explain why they call you – wh-what, the Royal Betrayer?”

“Lots of people don’t realize that even princes and royals are capable of treason.” Yeosang glances off to the side, staring at the floor rather than at you. …a prince? Then –

“I’ve heard of you,” you say aloud. Yeosang’s lips quirk up into a smile. “W-Well, I’ve heard of a prince who betrayed the crown on Aera. His name wasn’t Yeosang though. It was Kang something…”

“Kang Minhee,” Yeosang says for you. “Yours truly. It’s amusing to think that if you had been on Aera rather than Eros, I could’ve been one of your targets if I had stayed there. Funny how fate chose for us to meet like this instead.”

“I wouldn’t speak too soon. There’s always a possibility of me putting a bullet in your before this is all over.”

“Before it’s all over? How do you think this is going to end, Y/N?”

He’s not talking about the mission; no, that much is obvious. He’s talking about your involvement with the crew, with Hongjoong, your stay aboard the ship, and frankly, you have no idea how to respond to him. You don’t know how it is going to end. You haven’t thought that far ahead, which is typical of you, but also just something that didn’t cross your mind prior to now. When you were stuffed in a crate, you thought of escape ten times over, but you haven’t once thought of it since then.

“Consider that food for thought. It’s time to head out now. Hongjoong just opened the hangar bay doors.”

✧✧✧

a/n: here we are nearing the end of act one!! i hope you all enjoy this chapter lots! it wasn’t too eventful but the real juicy stuff is gonna hit with the next part!

taglist: @faeriewoobin @sugarrimajins @atinyinwonderland @2504-life @lil7bluedragon @sparklychangbin @jeong-uwu @jeonartemis

rather than sending me a ko-fi, i ask that you consider donating to the BLM movement!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

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ais-n · 4 years

Note

2| and where is the trauma? both hsin and boyd were severely sexually abused. and emilio's illness is always treated as a joke. look Ais, your series has done me so much good between the bad it did. i found i'm gay lmao and i'm grateful for that. i'm grateful that you wrote this ok. but there are things that were offensive, and maybe it was unconscious, since i doubt you wanted to be racist or write a mlm relationship but more like hetero. i wish i could just enjoy the books but my heart breaks

3| idk what the one who questioned that could possibly mean between all the things but thats what i mean. i appreciate you a lot. i hope this didn’t make you feel worse or whatever. but some people really did end up hurt badly after reading icos and im one of them. with all respect, and hope that i didnt disturb you much, farewell.

++++++++++++

Aha I just realized I can put both 2nd and 3rd asks in one! Which is good because, again, the gay comment makes me laugh out loud XD As I said in the other post, thank you again for reaching out, for explaining your concerns, and for the courage you no doubt had to bring forth in order to do so.

I’m getting right into the answers in this one although I will probably ask more questions for clarification on some of the points, as I did on the first one, to make sure I’m not misunderstanding or misinterpreting anything.

More below the cut! :)

EMILIO’S ILLNESS

I’m really sorry but I wasn’t sure what you meant by that. Which illness? How is it treated as a joke? Could you clarify?

TRAUMA

So this I thought was super interesting that you felt there was no representation of trauma in ICoS, or I assume you also mean its aftereffects. That’s actually one of the few points I feel pretty confident saying the series does portray a lot of, both in some cases the experience of it and in other cases the repercussions.

One of the reasons both of them are so severely dysfunctional individually and together is because of trauma.

I don’t want to muddy up this post with a huge tangent but someone had asked a few years ago about the result of the Aleixo mission on Boyd, if he was diagnosed with anything, and so on. If you’re interested, I wrote a long ass reply about the psychological effect of sex trafficking on survivors/victims and talked about some of the things you see Boyd do that are a bit reflective of that. More info at https://aisness.wordpress.com/2015/01/28/boyd-aleixo-psychology/

I think there probably would be more information on all this by now, or at least I certainly hope there would be, but at the time of writing Fade that was the sort of research that was available.

Although, full disclosure, I don’t tend to write characters looking up the DSM symptoms for this or that; I write what feels right for them psychologically, mentally, emotionally, and oftentimes later look it up and realize they would have likely been diagnosed with this or that thing or they could be displaying traits of this or that.

At any rate, with Boyd, his trauma started early on, and pretty much everything about him is a reflection of that in some form. I don’t see trauma as specific to sexual assault; it’s most certainly a result of that but also of many other things. Boyd dealt with a lot of neglect and/or emotional abuse as a child, he was bullied by his peers, and generally speaking it was difficult for him to feel like he belonged anywhere. He was very often judged by others, often negatively, for things completely outside of his control, like his parents, their jobs, his home, the amount of money his family had, his looks, etc.

If you look at the Mayo Clinic’s list of child abuse, Boyd falls pretty well under emotional abuse and a bit under neglect, and you can especially see the toll that had on his personality by reading the signs and symptoms of emotional abuse in particular:

Loss of self-confidence or self-esteem

Social withdrawal or a loss of interest or enthusiasm

Depression

Avoidance of certain situations, such as refusing to go to school or ride the bus

Desperately seeks affection

And general symptoms:

Withdrawal from friends or usual activities

Depression, anxiety or unusual fears, or a sudden loss of self-confidence

An apparent lack of supervision

Self-harm or attempts at suicide

If you look at Complex PTSD, and in particular Developmental Trauma Disorder (DTD) you can see a lot of Hsin:

Attachment – “problems with relationship boundaries, lack of trust, social isolation, difficulty perceiving and responding to others’ emotional states”

Behavioural control – “problems with impulse control, aggression, pathological self-soothing, and sleep problems”

Dissociation – “amnesia, depersonalization, discrete states of consciousness with discrete memories, affect, and functioning, and impaired memory for state-based events”

I wouldn’t say Hsin dissociates quite that extensively but I feel like he does display some dissociative tendencies at times.

Boyd has some too, like

Self-concept – “fragmented and disconnected autobiographical narrative, disturbed body image, low self-esteem, excessive shame, and negative internal working models of self”.

I think in some ways you could argue they both display aspects of:

Affect or emotional regulation – “poor affect regulation, difficulty identifying and expressing emotions and internal states, and difficulties communicating needs, wants, and wishes”

When Boyd was little, he often wondered why other people were treated better than him - why, when he was getting perfect grades, he was going above and beyond whenever possible, when he was trying to be “a good boy” all the time, when he went out of his way to stay quiet and not bother anyone – why, despite all his attempts, other people were celebrate yet he was reviled, even if the people being celebrated were awful people doing awful things. He used to study other people relentlessly, trying to understand what it was about them that made them acceptable and what it was about him that made him not.

That’s why, despite being such an introvert, he’s good at blending in and going undercover; it’s why he can adjust to new situations and, in a way, act - because he always had to monitor and adjust himself his whole life just to feel seen and loved. His dad loved him on his own so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but with the trauma that came from the loss of his dad, and what happened with Lou, plus everything afterward, it really messed everything up.

Boyd was not a victim of childhood sexual abuse, but more of emotional abuse. Well, I guess, I should say for the most part he wasn’t.

Hsin was definitely a victim of childhood sexual abuse and probably physical abuse (that bit I can’t recall for sure). He was raped even as a small child, and that led into different aspects of his life. One reason, for example, he would go berserk and was seen by the Agency as unreliable in cases of him seeing sexual assault was because he saw, in some way, himself in those victims. It was probably his way of protecting people when he hadn’t been protected, himself.

I can’t speak too much on Hsin’s specific mental health status or repercussions because I didn’t write him so I’m not fully in his mind, but I do know that sort of berserker aspect is part of what came from his sexual abuse and physical abuse and just generally how he grew up. If I recall correctly, a lot of that led into why he was so unstable and dangerous when Emilio first found him; why it took so long to get Hsin to find a way to deal with the violence and aggression and anger in him, in addition to everything else that would have happened regardless of that childhood trauma. Why, too, it was such a huge deal when Boyd was able to earn Hsin’s trust, because he had learned in his life to trust almost no one.

You can see some of the way they both display aspects of C-PTSD as adults as well in the list at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_post-traumatic_stress_disorder#Adults

I should be clear: I am NOT a psychiatrist or psychologist so I’m not suggesting that they would be specifically diagnosed with any of these disorders were they to get official diagnoses. However, the reason I bring it up is to show that a lot of the series reflects the way their coping mechanisms lead them to interact within themselves and with the outside world, all of which is often directly or indirectly tied to trauma.

Why is Boyd so terrified of anyone seeing him without his shirt in the beginning? Trauma. Why is he depressed? Trauma. Why is he suicidal? Trauma. Why does he go out of his way to avoid a certain block? Trauma. I would have to look at specific symptoms of different things but I would guess that you could also tie back some of his instability and his sometimes inconsistent reactions to trauma as well. Sometimes he does things or says things that may seem a bit reckless, or cold, or some other unexpected thing at that time - and a lot of times it’s probably in part related to how he learned to cope with things and what his levels of defensiveness are or his fears are at that moment. But he also has a complete inability to see the good in himself for a long time which also ties back, I would think, to some of the things he experienced growing up/previously.

Boyd is an incredibly unreliable narrator. He spends most of his narration thinking about how awful he is, how he should just die, how he isn’t doing a good enough job, and so forth. Yet, that fails to show the impact of some of his choices and decisions. Boyd was pretty much the first person to treat Hsin like a normal human being, to not see him as a surrogate of anything or anyone, to not have any ulterior motives or expectations of him (no matter how well-intentioned), and to truly gain his trust as a result. Yet, Boyd didn’t really see it that way. He didn’t see how important it was for Hsin that he ended up in his life; he didn’t get why Hsin was exasperated the times Boyd said he (Boyd) should just die, that there was no value to his life. He didn’t believe he could be loved so he couldn’t see it was even a possibility at first. Therefore, he spends a lot of his narration over the series belittling himself and downplaying any of his own achievements while simultaneously rewarding or acknowledging what others around him are doing. Not every moment of his narration, of course, but his default state of self is to think he sucks and others are probably better.

Conversely, Hsin is a confident narrator. He often doesn’t doubt himself, doesn’t care what other people think, and is very sure of himself in a lot of aspects like his physical prowess which, itself, is already above and beyond nearly everyone else. Yet he also learned not to trust or rely on anyone else in his life, so he’s incredibly suspicious of others because that’s how he had to learn to be. So, especially in the beginning of the series, in his narration he tends to be very factual about his own achievements and not shy away from acknowledging the things that are powerful about him (even if he doesn’t always see it as anything that special), while simultaneously seeking out anything untrustworthy, unreliable, incompetent, or unworthy about those around him. His narration tends to point out the flaws of those around him because he learned that if he doesn’t protect himself, he’s vulnerable, and when he’s vulnerable he gets hurt.

The result of that is, if you read their narrations straight as if it’s all perfectly reliable, Boyd seems even more unreliable and Hsin seems even more perfect than they actually are, because their default states of being overlap in a manner which magnifies the flaws in Boyd and the merits in Hsin.

Both of them learned to be how they were because of how they were raised, what they went through, and more. Same as how they react to various things throughout the series.

I can’t more specifically comment on anything without knowing what in particular you were thinking of when commenting in the ask about trauma and sexual abuse. But I think generally speaking, they already start the series having learned coping mechanisms that work for them based on trauma they already individually experienced. Those coping mechanisms end up oftentimes being challenged and at times destroyed or reworked throughout the course of the series. That is what leads to a lot of their ups and downs as individuals and as a couple; why their story isn’t a straight arc going up but instead derails a lot. And why they both spend the entirety of the series coming to terms with who they are both internally and externally, and what that means for their relationship, and how they can find a way to grow as a person and a significant other. They both ultimately have to work on trust; Boyd has to learn to trust himself, Hsin has to learn to trust others, and they have to learn to trust each other.

The way people deal with trauma is not the same for everyone. Sexual abuse doesn’t result in the same reaction for all people. I’m not sure if maybe one of the things you were thinking is maybe about sexual abuse during the series itself? I already linked something that goes more in depth on Fade so I won’t touch on that book, and I really can’t speak for Hsin because he isn’t my character so I don’t want to misrepresent his thought process as hidden behind narration or actions at different points.

The only other thing I can think of that maybe you’re thinking about is Boyd’s valentine status, and how he doesn’t seem to have overtly strong reactions to anything until Fade. If that’s one aspect of what you were thinking about, part of that is just how Boyd deals with things. He tends to avoid things that are difficult for him or he has difficulty focusing on, and oftentimes shuts down emotionally.

I think honestly he probably dissociated to some extent during a lot of things; kind of separated his body from his mind and felt like whatever happened, happened. For a lot of the time that he was a valentine early on, he had such little love for himself that regardless of how upsetting anything was, how little he wanted to do certain things, he felt on some level like he deserved it. Some things were probably a subconscious form of self-punishment for being born, for being who he is, for surviving when Lou didn’t, for surviving when his dad didn’t, for never being enough for his mother, for just plain existing. Then as time went on he grew to rely on Hsin and find strength in him. It’s also not like every mission he had was a valentine one, or even that every valentine has to end in anything physical.

That’s why he was able to find ways of dealing with things in some form, even if he didn’t like it or was uncomfortable at times, until the Aleixo mission. He thought he knew how to handle things; he thought he had found apt coping mechanisms. But that mission tore that all apart and nearly destroyed him. His coping mechanisms didn’t work the way they had and now he had to find a new way to survive, and from there came a lot of his instability and more that you see in Fade and as I mention in that blog post.

But in short, I feel like the majority of the series ends up touching, indirectly or directly, on some form of trauma as experienced currently or in the past by one or more of the main characters, and their resulting actions then drive the plot. That is one thing we were very specific about doing: having the plot adjust to the characters rather than force the characters to adjust to the plot. That’s why Afterimage exists, actually; the original plan was sort of like 3/4 of Evenfall and then kind of jumping into aspects of Fade. But we realized at the end of Evenfall that certain things would occur which would then lead to Afterimage and Afterimage then led into aspects of Interludes, which then led into aspects of right before Fade, which then affected a huge part of Fade itself, which then informed 1/27. We didn’t set out to write a series specifically about trauma, it’s just sort of one of those things that happens if you take two characters who have been treated so cruelly or poorly for so much of their lives, and put them together as any sort of team - but especially a team that becomes a couple, and a couple that becomes all but married.

+ +

Regarding the other stuff, I haven’t had a chance yet to check if you answered my question about the hetero relationship comment, so I can’t comment on that until I know more of what you mean. But I would say that generally speaking, I don’t know that I believe it’s necessarily fair to label anything as strictly “hetero” vs “m/m” vs anything else for a relationship. That brings with it a lot of assumptions of what it means to be not only gay or LGBTQIA+, but also straight. It seems to suggest there is only a single way or a very strict set of ways for a cis male and a cis female to be together both in a relationship and to have sex, and I guess I don’t feel like that’s necessarily reflective of reality. People are very complex and so are their relationships, as well as their sex lives.

I’m not sure how specifically the series ended up hurting you but I’m very sorry you felt hurt by anything. That’s a terrible feeling to have to experience. I hope that in whatever way, however it may work best for you, you have the time and space to reflect and recover and rejuvenate. You, like everyone, deserve it.

And honestly, if that means you have to leave the series completely in your past, never to think about it again, if that’s what’s healthiest for you, I truly wish you are able to do so. Stories are there to connect with other people, to share our thoughts and sometimes help us work our way through our own while reading. No story is worth your mental health being put in question. If it is truly upsetting to you to think about the series, it is absolutely not worth your energy. You are more important than a story will ever be. Everyone is. And I say that despite how much I love and rely on stories to get me through life.

If part of your duress is you like aspects of the writing style but the series itself and its contents upset you, you could try reading some other stuff. I have some things I wrote solo that you can find on my AO3 if you want. But also you can find other writers entirely. Depending on what you’re looking for in a story, and the sort of topics you’ve learned work well for you or don’t work well for you, you should be able to find a ton of great series out there and great authors out there who will leave you with the happier aspects of your reaction to ICoS without anything more detrimental like it sounds happened for you with ICoS.

Regardless, I truly wish you the very best. As I said in the other one, please stay healthy and safe! And, if you’re in a place to manage it, stay happy as well :)

Brightest of blessings to you and yours, my friend!

#ask ais #icos #in the company of shadows #Anonymous

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littlefaerose · 7 years

Text

the cause is the cure

WHO: Marley Rose (ft. Olivia Wisteria)

WHEN: August 19th, 2016

WHERE: Avicenna greenhouse

WHAT: Olivia is disapproving of Marley’s unorthodox solutions to her problems, per usual.

WARNING(S): mentions of bodily injury and implied tree-related violence

“See, look! They’re starting to heal over,” Marley insisted, turning to show the length of her arm to Olivia. Underneath the concentrated rays of the sun lamps in the greenhouse, what had been deep grooves cut into her skin, winding up from wrist to shoulder, were finally closing up. The affected glamoured skin was still colored with an angry shade pink and blooming green, but it wasn’t bleeding anymore. It was healing. Olivia didn’t seem too impressed, however.

‘I told you not to keep going back to your room and that tree!’ she sighed in frustration, dropping the arm in her grasp as she returned to pacing. ‘That thing has a mind of its own. It wants to hurt you!’

“But what I’m doing is working!” Marley argued, moving to stand back under the lamps. “That thing is smaller. You could see that, couldn’t you?? It was smaller when you got in there and pulled me out-”

‘I couldn’t tell. I was a little too busy saving your ass,’ Olivia glared. ‘I don’t understand why you can’t just bite the bullet and have someone come professionally remove that thing.’

“Because!” Marley sighed herself, struggling to put her thought process into words. “Because we already know that hurting the tree hurts me. Who knows what would happen if they tried to uproot it?? And besides, I think I’ve finally figured out how to shrink it down myself.”

‘How? How, Marley?’ Olivia asked, exasperated. ‘How are you going to take down a near-sentient tree that goes berserk every time you go near it?’

“August 7th.”

‘... August 7th?’

“Yes. August 7th, 2016. Does that date mean anything to you?”

‘No.’

“I know it doesn’t. But it does to me.”

‘Why?’

“Because.” Marley blew a breath out, chewing the inside of her cheek. “Because it’s a day that changed me. A day I can’t take back, and a day I’ve been trying hard not to remember.”

Olivia frowned slightly. ‘Why?’ she asked.

“Because sometimes it hurt too much to remember.”

~*~

She lingered in front of the desk while the woman behind it adjusted the glasses on her nose and skimmed over a small packet of paper clipped together. The corners of her lips slowly gravitated upward, her head nodding as she flipped through page after page.

‘This is great,’ Professor Larkspur agreed, turning her smile back to the girl before her. ‘You said you wrote this for one of your Naturalization courses?’

“Yes, the one on Sex, Gender, and Society,” Marley nodded, taking the paper back. “I hope it’s okay if I use the material and expand on it for my extra credit paper for your class?”

‘I don’t see why not. I’d love to read on how your views on the matter have evolved after taking my class.’

Larkspur turned away then, shuffling papers together to put into her bag. A beat passed, and Marley still hadn’t moved.

‘Is there something else, Miss Rose?’ she asked.

“Yes, actually... I wanted to get your opinion on a matter,” Marley replied, putting her paper back into her bag. “A... relationship-related matter.”

‘Ah... well, let’s hear it!’

“Well... okay, so we’ve had discussions in class on dating,” she said, setting her bag down and perching on the desk opposite Professor Larkspur’s. “And I’m not a stranger to dating. Not really. I mean... I’ve had... something. Or a few somethings, in the past. And for a really long time I haven’t had a something, because I had other important somethings to do-”

‘Marley.’ Professor Larkspur chuckled, giving her a bemused look. ‘Go ahead and spit it out.’

Marley blew out a breath. “Okay - I guess what I’m trying to say is that I think I might be ready to try again. Nothing serious, just... casual. But there’s a problem.”

‘Oh? What kind of problem?’

“Like a past relationship problem.”

‘And why is it a problem?’

“Because... well...” Marley hemmed and hawed until Larkspur gave her another look. “Because I don’t think the door is completely closed on this past relationship. Like some days, I think we’re good and we’re just friends. And then the next, we’re not just friends. And I keep thinking that maybe... maybe someday, we’ll be more than friends again.”

‘And it’s keeping you from finding someone else to be more than friends with.’

“Yeah, I guess.”

Professor Larkspur sighed, taking off her glasses and rubbing the bridge of her nose before leaning forward on her elbows to regard the much younger fae before her. ‘Alright. I’m going to be frank and honest with you. Is that alright?’

“Of course.”

‘Then let me first say this - I’m well aware of the other important ‘something’ you’re talking about. Your responsibility, to your sisters,’ Larkspur nodded in her direction. ‘It’s a rather weighty decision, choosing whether or not to stand with the general concensus of the fae. It’s not one to make lightly, no matter which way you go, and either way, it can still have an impact on other things... like your relationships.’

She rose from her chair then and moved to the front of her desk, leaning back against it.

‘I know you have pressures from all sides, people telling you what to think, what to do, what to believe. It can be difficult to know what is true, and what is best for you yourself. First and foremost, I would encourage you, in all things - do your research, know all the facts and all of the options, but ultimately make your choices based on what is good for you.’

Marley shifted a little uncomfortably. This wasn’t exactly the talk she’d come for. Thankfully, Professor Larkspur moved on.

‘With that being said, you’re young. You’ve got the whole world and a lifetime of opportunities, of experiences, at your fingertips... but when you put more of your focus on the ‘maybe someday’ of life, you risk missing out on the here and now. What’s ready and waiting right in front of you,’ she explained, her expression softening. ‘I’m not saying that ‘maybe someday’ is not a possibility. Anything is possible in a world like this. But waiting around for ‘maybe someday’ may mean missing out on something, or someone, truly great.’

“So... you’re saying I should let go of ‘maybe someday’?” she asked.

‘I’m saying it wouldn’t hurt to close the door and start looking for that open window instead,’ Larkspur clarified, smiling. ‘And if someday that doors re-opens and you’re ready to walk through it? Then great. But don’t limit yourself by sitting there and waiting for it to open wide to you.’

~*~

‘... I don’t get what you’re trying to get at here,’ Olivia huffed. ‘Letting go? Closing doors? How is that supposed to help your tree problem?’

“Facing the fear and doing it anyway,” Marley quoted... well, herself. Technically. Her doppel-self had said it, so close enough. “I’ve been scared and reluctant to let go of things in my past. I’ve been scared to face things about myself, and all of that stress, that anger, that frustration? It made that monstrous thing start growing. I made it start growing.”

‘So?’

“So... shouldn’t it make sense that I need to face all of that to make it stop growing?”

Marley left the bath of warm light to close the distance between herself and Olivia. She stopped long enough to pick up the gnarled, twisted root that had clung to her arm when Olivia pulled her out of her room moments earlier, and held it up for her to look at.

“You see this? This is the root I pulled out of the floor while I was in there. While I was facing - August 7th,” she waved her free hand in a non-committal gesture. “I had to face the memory of that day, and every day that tied into it, and I had to accept that that chapter of my life is over. Long over. That I want and need to move on from it. It was only when I did that, that I could pull this out of the floorboards, and the tree shrunk. I swear it did, Liv.”

Olivia yanked the root out of her hand and tossed it aside. ‘Marley, are you listening to yourself?? You almost got mauled! AGAIN.’

“But what I’m doing is working! I could really be on to something! And if I had help-”

‘No. No no no,’ Olivia furiously shook her head, ‘I’m drawing the line, Marley Rose. I can’t keep being involved if you’re going to insist on willingly putting yourself in harm’s way instead of being reasonable about all of this.’

“But Liv-”

‘I can’t. I won’t,’ Olivia emphasized, pushing past her for the exit.

“But I need you!” she shouted after her, “I can’t do something like this on my own!” She huffed out a breath of disbelief as the door to the greenhouse opened and promptly snapped shut. Sure, she’d expected some resistance but a flat-out ‘no’? It felt like as hard a blow to the gut as she’d gotten from the tree. What ever happened to asking for help?

She pursed her lips, hugging her arms to her chest as she turned back toward the abandoned sun lamps. The cogs were still turning inside her head, Olivia’s refusal aside. If she wouldn’t help her...

... well, someone else might, right? Maybe more than one someone. She just had to figure out who and how.

#paras #olivia wisteria #the cause is the cure #tw: injury #tw: violence

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bloodroyalsrpg · 6 years

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RABASTAN LESTRANGE

♕ II: CHARACTER INFORMATION ♕

FULL NAME: Rabastan Haverill Lestrange

FACECLAIM: Gaspard Ulliel

DATE OF BIRTH: 10 April 1950

HOGWARTS HOUSE & YEAR: Slytherin 1961 to 1968

GENDER & PRONOUNS: Male. He / Him / His.

SEXUALITY / SHIPS / ANTI-SHIPS: Aromantic Bisexual. Much as I should probably put Rabastan/Chemistry here, the fact of the matter is that Rabastan fully expects and accepts the fact that sooner or later some poor pureblood brood mare is going to be thrown at him so that he can do his duty and populate the world with more little Lestranges etc etc etc. So Rabastan/Convenience is the ship to sail.

OCCUPATION: Socialite (albeit one less keen to be discussed in the gossip columns than his peers). He is an amateur architect and was a professional boxer up until his 25th birthday.

ALLIANCE: Death Eater

POLITICAL VIEWS: Unabashed and volatile purist. Might as well have “Magic is Might” tattooed on his chest.

Hilariously, Rabastan, entirely straight facedly and with the blase of one remarking on the color of the sky, has frequently stated that he’s not biased. However it is often the case that those who feel the need to qualify that they “aren’t prejudiced or anything, but...” tend to be just that. Overall, it’s a spectacular lie, though not a deliberate one and therein betrays the empiricism with which he thinks about the world. In Rabastan’s mind, prejudice has nothing to do with the way he regards “mudbloods, muggles, and blood traitors”, it’s an issue of bald fact and therein are his protests and his vocal purism able to co-exist. Muggles are sub-human. End of story. In the case of one, Rabastan H. Lestrange, arguing that muggles are on the same level as wizards would be as successful as advocating that animals are on the equal standing as humans. Rebuttals that have feelings and build civilizations and cities are pointless; to draw from a exchange once held, “ants can build an anthill, that doesn’t mean they’re not insects.”

When one has other’d muggles as thoroughly as Rabastan Lestrange has, muggleborns are an unacceptable infringement upon the natural world order. They shouldn’t exist. Certainly, they shouldn’t be inducted into the ranks of wizard-kind with open arms and all acceptance as if they were due a place here. Their blood is tainted and their inclusion in society is a contagion.

On down the hierarchy...if pureblood are the template, half-blood are a mold with something subtle blemished in it. Unconsciously he’ll attribute any fault and flaw in talent or body with that hereditary dilution. His ideas about half-breed follow similar patterns. He doesn’t approve of werewolves and vampires and other “creatures” being brought into the ranks, and thinks it’s a joke to give them the idea that they have any sway.

KNOWN FACTS:

TRUTH. Rabastan was expected to enter the Ministry after Hogwarts, but rebelled against paternal orders and entered the realm of sporting fights instead. He abruptly retired in 1970, after the death of his mother.

FALSE RUMOR. He was supposed to marry Andromeda Black, but was jilted when she eloped with the muggleborn Theodore Tonks.

TRUTH. He has an extremely contentious relationship with the Head of the DMLE's Auror Office and has been a prime suspect in several cases though never ones with substantive enough evidence to even warrent a questioning, let alone anything more definitive.

BOGGART: Rodolphus’ corpse.

In the interest of heading off any sentimentalists, it must be emphasized that this has nothing to do with affection or brotherly love. For all that Rabastan frequently can’t stand the old nag (or rather, one of the reasons for why he can’t), younger brother sees elder brother as invincible. Utterly. A frustrating but inescapable constant. A dead Rodolphus means something has gone very very wrong with the world.

AMORTENTIA: Kindling after the fire's been put out. Air after it just snowed. Expensive perfume.

PERSONALITY TRAITS: At least four detailed personality traits

Cruel

Much of Rabastan’s perceived fanatical hatred of muggleborns springs from his tendency to be particularly cruel to anything less than pureblood. This is a textbook case of misattribution. Rabastan is cruel. Period. The fact that channeling his considerable penchant for ruthlessness into the offensive against "mudbloods and muggles" is more productive in the grand scheme of his ultimate goals is just convenient happenstance. One need look no further than his hard handling of Alecto Carrow to see that, when given license, Rabastan's brutality is enthusiastic and undiscerning. He naturally favors violence as a course over any other and while he knows that blood and pain isn’t always the best option he stands by the position that it’s always the fastest option.

Temperamental

Beneath the brittle veneer of gentility bred into him by generations of self-proclaimed aristocrats, Rabastan is all sound and fury. As a Death Eater, he is a force of nature. Titanic boundless emotion and unashamed to show as much. With violence as his domain to control, it'd be simple to assume reckless, berserker rage on his end when it comes to fighting and leave it there. He's nothing so straightforward, so pat. Reality proves Rabastan to be a muddled study in duality. War itself is rarely anything personal; holding a grudge is not characteristic to Rabastan, nor niggling over personal annoyances. His moods and impulses are changeable, fickle, and rarely static.

Irreverent

He lacks in respect or reverence for anything; even the Cause, his Lord, and his own narrow world view. Nothing is sacred, not even the things that he holds most important. He is sacrilegious and thoroughly stubborn. With few exceptions, trying to tell Rabastan what to do is a study in futility. Even asking him to do something for you is a useless endeavor unless you have a very excellent reason why he should, presented lecture style complete with well calculated statistics and visual materials.

Charismatic

If he were capable of letting himself out of his own head space a little more, Rabastan would make a superb leader. When he means to be, he is good with people. His social intuition and charm are one of the few edges he has on his prodigal brother. Young school aged Rabastan was a master of charming professors, but even when not exerting considerable effort, he has a magnetism that often comes pack and parcel with the irreverent and the impulsive. Broad grinning, good humored, and quick to laughter in the way that Rodolphus is decidedly not, when he’s in one of his oddly good moods Rabastan is an easy creature to get along with. At least until, eventually ( inevitably ), that latent brutality bleeds through.

Loyal

One is not elevated into the ranks of The Dark Lord’s inner circle without at least a certain degree of demonstrative fanatical devotion. For all that he is fickle and bitter, mocking and disrespectful, Rabastan is faithful down to the bone. If there is a sin in his own self-centric religion it’s betrayal. While it's a fair fear that Rabastan might stab you, one can at the least rest easy in the confidence that he won't stab you in the back.

SPECIAL SKILLS: Rabastan is thoroughly a fighter, with magic and without. He excels, particularly, in wandless magic; something he considers the most primal example of proof in the power of pure blood and raw impact. He’s a remarkable artist (surprise!) and a mathematical savant, particularly in the areas of cartesian geometry.

BIOGRAPHY: It was decided, even before he was delivered screaming into the world, that the second child to come of Odilia and Rivalen Lestrange's union would be claimed almost entirely as his mother's. The firstborn, Rodolphus, was his father's son and the family's heir, and what maternal instincts Odilia had were not sated by the time her husband usurped his upbringing. And so Rabastan became hers rather than the family's; the mother-son bond was quickly sparked and forged into something so durable that the years did little in the way of lessening the attachment. His father, a hard disciplinarian, had denied Rodolphus such mothering, seeing it as a form of affection that would no doubt soften both the mind and constitution of the boy, and so automatically saw his second son as something inherently weaker due to an upbringing he himself had allowed to continue unchecked.

And thus the family lines were drawn. He's a greedy little brat, of course -- one who ultimately turns into a greedy bastard. (Though not little. Definitely not that.) Their father's attention is tantamount, is the moon to their mother's sea, the pull to all their tides. Rabastan demands their father's eyes, nudges Rivalen with baby-strong hands, callous adolescence, and finally sullen respect. He makes himself impossible to ignore by dint of being an obnoxious shit, grinning as though he owns an entire set of especially bad secrets, even as he bows his shaggy head and offers deference in place of snide asides. Deference from the younger Lestrange would look like rebellion on anyone else; he doesn't just walk the thin line, but bounds down its path: sure-footed, cocky, smiling the radiant smile which all but forces others to return it in kind.

The template of Rabastan's relationship with his father was set; so too that of the fraternal dynamic, with Rabastan going on to make an art of swiping, prodding, and testing just how abundant Rodolphus' supply of stony-faced patience really was. Rivalen tries to whip it out of him. Second son laughs and laughs, smirking through rivulets of blood and tears to further rankle his father. Why? Because he can. Because he cares. Because insolence tastes coppery-sweet, and if he can't be the favorite son, then he'll damned well make himself unforgettable. In those long days of disobedience, he escapes by diving into his mother's cold heart. His first war is with his father. His mother, though -- soft but flinty Odilia -- she teaches him to reconcile for the greater good. He hides their lessons in his windstorm heart.

His tenure as a Hogwarts student was a matter of public record. Slytherin was both relief and annoyance, Rodolphus' own wearing of the green factoring into both, and Rabastan proceeded to forge a scholastic career in which he maintained the barest minimum of a relationship with his brother and while his instructors seemed at first reluctant to forget that he was Rodolphus’ younger sibling, but caved to the younger Lestrange’s unique brand of charm and incivility. He got into fights often and was immune to attempts at correction, but completed school for 5 NEWTs under his belt.

The question of his future thereafter was a terse discussion at family dinner table. A jeering statement that he was waiting for elder brother to set the standard and mother’s elbow jutting into the space between father and youngest son to keep them from crossing proverbial battle lines. True to his dedication to obstinacy, Rabastan’s course veers deliberately away from any trajectory intended by father or brother. Except in one area and that was swearing fealty to The Dark Lord.

CONNECTIONS:

Rodolphus Lestrange

As a babe and a boy, Rabastan assumes Rodolphus knows the way only a parent knows: everything, and everyone. He makes effort to be an occasional thorn in his brother’s side, a point of provocation and frustration because breaking that poker face would be the ultimate achievement. But in the end it all boils down to admiration, to idolization. In his own contrary, heavy-handed way, he needs his brother's grounding presence more than he will ever care to admit. At the end of the day, should he ever take his antics to far he’ll bend his pride enough to go to this man who will ever be the favorite, the wise one, the safe and strong one. Says "I'm sorry," says "brother", and they are mended.

Regulus Black

It seems like unsubstantiated suspicion, but Rabastan is all gut and instinct and his say Regulus Black lacks in conviction and cut-throat both. This generation of Blacks has as many traitors as they do members who stayed on the proper path and he’s waiting to see which way their no-longer-spare heir will tip the scales.

#sample app #rabastan lestrange

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hongism · 4 years

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mists of celeste ➻ nineteen

➻ pairing: ??? x fem reader ➻ genre: space au, pirate au, space pirate!ateez, angst, eventual smut ➻ Word Count: 5.0k ➻ Rating: M ➻ Warnings: language, violence, guns and weaponry, blood, ! depictions of a panic attack ! ➻ summary: Sneaking aboard the ship of a renowned space pirate may not have been the best idea, but you’ll have to make do with what fate has handed to you

⇐ previous | next ⇒ | masterlist

mists of celeste act three ➻ part one

“Have you been sleeping alright over the past few days?”

You glance over at San out the corner of your eye, catching his stare on you as the two of you walk through the corridor. Your gaze flits away from his in less than a second, and you redirect your focus to the floor under your feet rather than on his concerned expression. Despite heading to two separate places, the two of you walk side by side as you approach the training room. Seonghwa is waiting for you there – another sparring session meant to be rehabilitation for your thigh – whereas San is going to eat in the mess hall.

“It could be better…” You admit, letting a small sigh slip through your lips, and you bring a hand up to your hair. “Yunho gave me some medicine to help me fall asleep and stay that way.”

“I got the same thing,” San laughs, but the sound is dry, and there is no humor in it. The implication behind his words hurts a bit – the idea of him suffering and struggling with nightmares the same way you are – but you aren’t one to chastise him. “I’m glad to hear that though. You deserve some good rest. Truly.”

The softness and gentleness in his tone causes your stomach to turn in all sorts of ways. You press your elbow into his side, trying to brush off the sudden wave of embarrassment with nonchalant words.

“Don’t get all soft on me now, San.”

“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” San pushes a bit more mirth into his tone. When you glance at his face, you can see that he’s being serious, and again your gut can’t quite handle that. Luckily San decides to speak once more and save you the trouble of getting flustered. “But I won’t get all soft on you, if you catch my drift.”

“Ew,” you scoff, rolling your eyes back when San cackles at his own jokes. The levity between the two of you is welcome though, even if you have to suffer his awful jokes.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” San exhales and lifts his hands as though to defend himself from another attack.

“You’re lucky we’re parting ways here. Otherwise, I would smack you upside the head.”

“Come on now, there’s always time for more,” San chuckles, bringing a hand up to rub at his neck. You press your lips into a thin line and shake your head rather than responding. “Alright, I’ll leave you alone for now then.”

“I’ll see you later,” you say as you bring a hand up to wave at him.

“Have fun with Seonghwa. Not too much fun though.”

“Oh, I’ll try my best. Don’t worry.”

San passes another smile in your direction, and you return the gesture before dipping into the training room. As soon as you step through the doors, you are greeted by Seonghwa and Jongho. The shorter dark-haired Berserker welcomes you first, lifting a hand to wave at you when you step through the doors.

“Oh, are you sparring today too?” You ask. Jongho laughs a little and tosses something your way all of a sudden. You barely have time to register what it is before you catch it, swinging a hand up to snatch it out of the air before it hits you in the face. You blink down at the roll of tape he threw your way with a questioning gaze.

“Seonghwa is feeling a bit moody today, so I’m gonna be sparring with you instead,” Jongho explains, a coy smile playing at his lips. You glance past his shoulder to look at the raven-haired man in question. He stands off to the side a bit and wraps tape around his own wrists as well, sleeves pulled up over his biceps. He glances at the back of Jongho’s head when the man mentions him, eyes rolling ever so slightly before moving to settle on you.

“You can go ahead and get warmed up, Y/N. Jongho already got warmed up earlier, so he’s ready to go whenever you are.”

You nod in response, tugging the tape Jongho passed your way around your palms and wrists with haste. As you move, Jongho trails after you. He catches the tape when you toss it back to him and square up with one of the punching bags.

“You look like shit, by the way,” he says when you start punching at the material.

“Wow, how kind. I’m truly flattered. I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” Jongho releases a loud laugh upon hearing your snarky response. You huff out a sigh before continuing your train of thought. “I didn’t sleep well last night. A few nightmares here and there.”

“I thought Yunho gave you some medicine to help with that though?” Jongho asks, tilting his head to the side as he watches you punch the bag. You gnaw on your lower lip and mull over the question for a few seconds.

“He did,” you say after some silence. “It isn’t helping all too much though.” Jongho’s lips draw together.

Part of you feels bad for withholding the truth from San. While you didn’t completely lie about how you were sleeping, you didn’t tell him that the medication wasn’t helping much. You just didn’t want him to worry about you more than he already does. Even though you have breached the hurdle that is your fears, you can’t stand the thought of him worrying over you in any way. It’s easier to admit that things aren’t working to people like Jongho because you don’t feel that same level of attachment like you do with San. Yunho as well, but mostly because he is the one providing the medication that is supposed to be helping you. You make a small mental note to talk to Yunho about your medications again.

“Are you ready to get started?” You ask, shifting the subject so that you don’t have to talk or think about your own issues any longer. Jongho nods and moves for the sparring ring. You follow him to the ring, and Seonghwa moves with the two of you as you step into it; however, he stays outside the ring, folding his arms over his chest as he watches the two of you fall into your respective stances.

You settle into a more defensive stance at first. This isn’t the first time you’ve sparred with Jongho; Seonghwa has had the two of you fight on more than one occasion so that he can focus on making sure you’re doing things the right way for your therapy. You’ve noticed that Jongho tends to be on the more aggressive side of things even when he’s in a defensive stance, probably due to the fact that he is aggressive by nature as a Berserker. His fighting style is vastly different than Seonghwa’s, and it caught you off-guard the first time you sparred with him.

Now, you’re more ready for his quick attacks. They come in rapid bursts one after the other. Each swing he makes is returned with one of your own, and you try to match his tempo. You barely register how your body is moving and what you’re doing as you settle into instinct. Apparently, Seonghwa isn’t all too happy with whatever he sees.

“You’re leaning too much on your right leg,” he calls out after a less than a minute. You huff in response and continue to focus on Jongho’s rapid attacks, but Seonghwa speaks again and breaks your attention. “Use your left leg some more. You need to be putting pressure on it.”

You listen to his words regardless and lean your weight to your left leg. As soon as you put pressure on that side though, Jongho hooks his ankle around your right calf. Your balance falters, and he knocks you to the ground in less than a second. The air leaves your lungs with a grunt, but the impact doesn’t hurt too badly. Jongho squats down next to your fallen body, a proud smile stretching his lips, and you return the stare with a roll of your eyes.

“Again,” Seonghwa commands. You glance up at him from your spot on the ground, a bit shocked at the haste in his command. Nonetheless, you push yourself up onto your elbows. Jongho mimics your motions and looks up at the lieutenant as well.

“Can you give her a minute to breathe at least? I just knocked her down.”

Seonghwa arches a brow, eyes dragging from Jongho’s face over to yours.

“She seems fine to me. Now again. Unless you’re tired, Jongho?”

“No, sir,” Jongho says through gritted teeth. He shakes his head when Seonghwa’s gaze travels back to him.

“Good, then go again.”

Jongho was right about Seonghwa being in a bit of a mood. You can see it clearly on his features, and in the way he stands outside the ring with his arms crossed over his chest. His whole body is rigid and stiff; your back almost hurts just from watching him. Jongho pulls you back to your feet with little effort, and as soon as you’re up, Seonghwa turns away from the ring and heads off to the cabinets near the furthest wall.

“He’s in a hella pissy mood,” Jongho mutters as you fall back into position across from him.

“Really? I couldn’t tell. He seems so cheery today,” you scoff.

“I think it’s because Captain won’t tell him what’s going on. We haven’t made any progress in over a week. That’s slow. Even for Hongjoong.”

“Do you think Seonghwa knows and just doesn’t like it?” Jongho draws his lips together upon hearing them, and a small sigh escapes after a brief moment of thought.

“Maybe Hongjoong found a lead on Dorado, and that’s where we’re heading next. Seonghwa might be tense because of that.” You narrow your eyes at Jongho.

“What’s so important about Dorado?”

Jongho’s eyes find yours and suddenly grow wide. He shakes his head a few times, but the nervous gleam that dances across his eyes doesn’t escape your notice.

“It’s just a shitty place.” Seonghwa cuts in and saves Jongho’s ass from getting more questioning, and you purse your lips. Jongho releases a small exhale of relief, but his relief doesn’t last long because of Seonghwa’s words.

“Why aren’t the two of you sparring like I asked you to?”

You settle back into a defensive stance, determined to get things right this time. Jongho falls into his typical aggressive one. As he starts moving towards you with quick attacks, you pick the conversation back up.

“I haven’t even seen Hongjoong recently.” Jongho swings for your right ankle again. This time, you’re ready for it and maintain your balance better, pressing your foot against the inside of his knee. Jongho swings a jab at your shoulder, which you deflect with it, but it’s only a set up for his next attack that aims to twist your arm behind your back. You slip out of his grasp and slide behind his form.

“I haven’t seen him either,” Jongho grunts as you push him forward. “He’s been locked up in his office for almost a week. Maybe longer, I’m not sure. Once San was cleared by Yunho, Hongjoong stopped coming out. Something happened… I’m not quite sure what it was, but – I don’t know. Something just doesn’t feel right whenever I’m on the bridge.”

You hum to yourself, ducking out of Jongho’s swinging right arm, and you throw a fist of your own in his direction a second later. He catches it head-on, absorbing the force with ease and pushing back against you. You stumble backward across the mat.

“Do you know where the ship is heading?” You ask through several huffs of air. “I’m never on the bridge, so I have no clue what’s going on.” Jongho shrugs a bit before moving to close the distance between you.

“Last I heard–” he scrapes your elbow with a fist, and you twist out of the impact to slam the flat of your hand between his shoulder blades “–oof! Damn, you nearly got me. But yeah, the last thing I heard was that we’re heading to Aurum.”

In a split second, your body seizes up. When Jongho moves to attack you, you can do nothing to defend yourself, and he slams into you with an overwhelming amount of force. You barely feel it as you fall back on your ass, hitting the ground with so much power that your teeth chatter.

“Shit, are you okay?” Jongho inquires. Your expression must be one of distress because he bends down and tries to look you in the eye. You ignore his question and concern, too focused on the other bit of information he shared.

“Why Aurum?”

“Uh, I-I – we-well, I don’t know?” Jongho stammers, pulling back from your form a bit.

“Why Aurum?” You repeat, and your tone climbs a bit in volume. Panic is starting to settle in just from the thought of heading back to the solar system. The sudden tightness in your chest is not from the sparring, nor are your heart’s rapid beats that ring in your eardrums.

“I really don’t know anything about it, Y/N. I promise. I just – just heard it in passing. No one elaborated or anything like that.” Jongho lifts a hand to rub at the back of his neck, and he glances away from you to look over to where Seonghwa is still standing near the cabinets. “Seonghwa probably knows what’s going on better than anyone else.”

You reel and follow his line of sight to look at the lieutenant. Seonghwa must either sense the eyes on his or hear his name through Jongho because he shifts to look back at the two of you.

“Why the hell are we heading to Aurum?” You ask, tone shaky as you shout the words. “I can’t go back there. I can’t be there. Why the fuck are we going there? We c-can’t go there!”

Jongho’s lips part a bit as he realizes what the issue is, and a small sigh slips through. He sits back on his heels. When he fails to say anything else, the panic in your gut becomes more prevalent. You clench your fists around nothing.

“Are we really heading to Aurum? Is it fucking true or not?” You demand through gritted teeth, looking past Jongho to stare Seonghwa down instead.

“Jongho, you’re dismissed for the time being,” Seonghwa says, his tone cool and calm as he looks back at you. Jongho glances between you and the lieutenant. His gaze lingers a little while longer on you, and he doesn’t move right away. You can’t even bring yourself to look back at him, however, because your panic is making your vision go spotty, and you feel lightheaded all of a sudden. “Jongho.”

He pulls himself together and extends his hand to get you up again. He mutters a string of apologies as he helps you to your feet, but you don’t hear a word he’s saying. The only thing you catch is him saying that he’ll see you later in the mess hall. He steps away from you, not bothering to look back at you on his way out of the training room, and Seonghwa comes closer to the sparring ring. He slips his shoes off and resituates his sleeves higher on his arms.

“I’m not going to fucking spar with you until you tell me what the hell is going on,” you spit out when he steps into the ring with you.

“I’ll explain if you spar with me. Your choice.” You huff at the nonchalant shrug of his shoulders but fall into an offensive position. Seonghwa mimics your movements then begins speaking again as you start attacking. “We are heading to Aurum.”

You falter at the confirmation. Seonghwa’s elbow slams into your shoulder, and you stumble back but stay on your feet.

“I warned Hongjoong that it might be a bad idea with you onboard, but there is a far more promising lead than the last one in Echidna. It’s on Kebos.”

“Kebos…” you repeat to yourself, sidestepping as Seonghwa takes the offensive and swings for your ankles. “I can’t go there.”

“You don’t have to.” A jab then a swift kick to the ribs. Seonghwa catches your foot and traps it against his side. “Hongjoong isn’t intending to bring anyone with him except for myself and San. He doesn’t need anyone else to come along. You’ll be safe on the ship.” You jerk your leg down and free yourself from his grasp.

“You don’t know that.” You twist, swinging your left leg up to clip his chin. Seonghwa ducks out of the way before you can make contact with him. “Anything could happen. Especially in Aurum.” Seonghwa catches your wrist when you go to swing at him again, and he yanks you forward. With a quick twist, he pulls you flush against his chest and pins your arm behind your back. His breath is hot on your ear when he speaks next.

“It’s going to be okay, Y/N,” he whispers. “We won’t let anything happen to you.” Before you know it, you are trembling under his touch. The reassurances do nothing for you, and the pit of anxiety in your gut only grows larger. “We have to go to Aurum. There aren’t any other options.”

“Drop me off at the nearest planet then. I can’t fucking go back there, Seonghwa.”

“Recruit number seventeen. Name and age?” A cold tone that tears through your skin and confidence with its iciness, and yet you pull your shoulders back and stand up a little straighter.

“L/N Y/N, age 14.”

“I can’t go back there,” you repeat in a weaker voice. You should be used to the flashbacks, but you should also be able to handle the thought of Aurum without them being triggered in such a dramatic way.

“Purpose here?” The flat voice continues, and the man before you doesn’t even look up to spare you a glance as he stamps paper after paper.

“To join the military, sir.” Finally, the man blinks up at you. His gaze rakes over your body in a way that has your skin crawling, and you pull your arms closer to your chest in attempts to hide yourself.

“You want to join the military? Ha! Does this look like a charity to you?”

Seonghwa drops your arm and pushes you forward. You spin and start fighting back with more intensity and aggression. Seonghwa falters a bit at your haste but settles into the new speed as best he can with such short notice.

“We – we won’t leave you behind,” he grunts. “And we certainly won’t let anything happen to you.”

“Welcome to the team, little lady. You’re the youngest in our little bunch of recruits, but try to see it like we’re your older brothers, yeah?”

You fidget as several sets of eyes glance over your body, some kind and others not too kind. The one in the middle catches the majority of your attention though with his rounded smile and bright eyes. He can’t be much older than you are, and the mop of hair on his head is a mess of pale brown hair.

“Alright, we’re the mess of recruits, okay? They lumped us together because they think we’ll fail, but we won’t! So we gotta prove them wrong, little lady. Understood?” The boy jabs his thumb at his chest as he says the words, smile falling to emphasize his serious tone. You nod several times in response.

“Mingi and Jongho will both be staying on the ship. So will Yeosang.” Seonghwa’s words grate against your ears, pulling you in and out of the flashback that plagues you with such intensity. “Those three alone are more than enough to keep anyone off the ship.”

“Hey, little lady. Were you picked for this mission too?” You twist at the waist to look at the person talking to you, finding that boy with the rounded smile and bright eyes staring back at you with his head tilted to the side.

“Y-Yeah, I was.”

“Good, good. We’re the only two runts on this mission. You know what that means.”

“We gotta prove them wrong?”

The boy smiles and releases a small laugh.

“Exactly. It may be a small mission, but we gotta show them that we aren’t the fucking runts they think we are, yeah?”

“Y-Yeah, I agree.”

“I’m glad to hear it. I’m counting on you, little lady. By the way, my name is Jisung. Han Jisung. I hope you’ll remember it.”

“Of – uh, of course. Yeah, I’ll do my best.”

“I know you will.” He cracks a smile, bright eyes disappearing behind his eyelids. “I just have a feeling.”

The palm of your hand smacks Seonghwa in the middle of his chest. He swings back, foot connecting with the outside of your left knee, and you nearly crumble to the ground.

“Stop relying on your right leg so much,” he mutters as you recover. “Put more weight on your left one, or you’ll open yourself too much to attacks.”

You try your best to process the words and focus on the sparring, but the incessant flashbacks are getting to be too much. Everything is starting to blur together with each passing second. You can’t tell whether your heart is racing from the sparring or from the panic that courses through your veins.

“Little lady.” Two days ago, you would have met in different circumstances. Eighteen and twenty. That’s how old the two of you are now. Strange how time seems to have passed by with such haste. Yet now it feels like you’re in a standstill.

“Jisung.” You glance at the man, his face slightly shrouded by the steel bars between you. “Jisung, I–”

“I thought we were gonna work through this together, Y/N.” The stinging of his disappointment almost hurts worse than the brand on the inside of your wrist. If you could twist them, you would, but the cuffs around your wrists prevent you from doing so.

“I know…” You can’t finish your train of thought.

“I, uh, I don’t know what I was going to say. I don’t know what to say.”

“I’m sorry, Jisung.”

“Four years. I don’t want it to end like this.” Jisung shakes his head a little bit.

“They aren’t going to kill me. Just – just the brand a-and being kicked out of the military.”

“I’m going to fix this, Y/N. They can’t – this isn’t right. I won’t let them do this.”

“Jisung, you can’t – they – the damage is already done.”

“Then they’ll have to kill me. I won’t let them do this. Not to you, Y/N. You can’t ask me to sit on the sidelines this time.”

Seonghwa is talking more. He won’t stop speaking, but you can’t process any of his words. Your body is working with a mind of its own because your real mind is too far gone in the haze of flashback after flashback.

“I want to move back to Kebos once I retire from the military.”

“Come on, Sungie. You’re only nineteen. Why are you talking about retirement already?” Only a handful of months before you ruined everything. Strange how you talked about the future then but never realized how shitty it would turn out to be.

“And? We could retire tomorrow for all you know.”

“Are you trying to tell me something?”

“No, no.” Jisung laughs through his nose. “Let’s wait until I’m twenty, at least. When I go back to Kebos, though, I want to take you with me. Okay?”

“Okay, Sungie. Anything for you.”

Seonghwa slams into your chest. You’re too lost in your memories to stop the impact, and you barrel backward. Seonghwa falls with you, maintaining quite a bit more control of his movements, unlike you. A second later, you are flat against the mat with arms pinned on either side of your head.

“You aren’t focusing on anything I’ve said,” he says through a sigh.

The impact is enough to ground you though, and you slip out of the flashbacks with a gasp. Seonghwa’s presence feels like fire against you, however, and you scramble to shove him off you. Seonghwa lets you roll away from him, eyes watching each of your movements with narrow eyes. You bring a closed fist down against the mat. A shout tears through your chest without warning.

“Are you alright, Y/N?” Seonghwa asks. He stretches an arm out to grab yours, but you’re too quick and shrug him off before he can touch you again.

“D-Don’t. Don’t even – don’t touch me.” Your hands tremble at your sides, and sweat pours from your brow. You know that it’s not because of the sparring; the neverending anxiety that twists your gut in knots tells you that it has nothing to do with the sparring. The constriction in your chest is painful beyond belief. “I c-can’t – can’t breathe. I need out. Seonghwa, I-I ne-need out.”

Seonghwa reaches out to retake hold of your arm, and you swing a fist at him this time. He catches you by the wrist before you make contact. The sudden touch nearly makes you spiral. You twist and writhe, trying to yank your arm free, and Seonghwa releases your arm when you start panicking a bit more. He puts his hands up to show that he isn’t going to hurt you, and when he starts speaking once more, his voice is much quieter and slower in pace.

“Concentrate on breathing, Y/N. Breathe in for me, deep and slow breaths.”

“I need to get out of here. P-Please, I need out.” You try to push yourself back to your feet, but your muscles refuse to function properly, and you slump back to the ground.

“That’s okay, Y/N. We can go outside, okay?” Seonghwa slowly gets to his feet. “Do you need Yunho? San?”

“N-No, I don’t. I just need out.”

“Okay, we’ll go, Y/N. Can you get up on your own, or do you need help?”

You don’t respond, and instead push yourself up as best you can. Thank goodness, your muscles decide to work this time. Seonghwa watches you with careful eyes, his gaze never slipping from your form. Once you’re back on your feet, he extends his hand in your direction.

“Can you hold my hand?”

“Don’t… don’t t-touch me.” You can barely stomach the thought of looking at another person right now. The image of Jisung is fresh in your mind, intruding every thought with his rounded smile and sparkling eyes. The pain in your chest constricts more with each breath you take. “It’s too much. I – I c-can’t do it. It’s too much.”

“That’s okay, Y/N.” Seonghwa’s voice remains soft and calm as he speaks to you. “Where do you want to go?”

“Out. O-Outside. I just–” You cut yourself off. Seonghwa just nods a few times and motions towards the doors.

“We can go outside, okay?” He leads the way to the doors, but it feels like you’re walking to your door as you follow him. Every sound is like thunder to your ears, including the rattling of your rapid heart rate against your chest, but once you finally step out of the training room, cool air rushes back into your lungs.

You grip the wall with a sweaty palm and shaky fingers. Seonghwa doesn’t stop walking; he continues forward without looking back at you until you slide against the metal and sit on the floor. He twists upon hearing the sound only to find you with your back to the wall and your knees tucked close to your chest. He mimics your movements but maintains the same distance as he slides down the wall as well. Dropping your head between your knees, you let your arms fall to your sides uselessly. All you can do is focus on breathing correctly, trying to force the unwanted memories and flashbacks out of the way before they can get worse.

You don’t know how long you remain there, but the panic attack subsides bit by bit, and your breathing finds a steady rhythm that relieves the tension in your chest. Your right hand seems to move on its own as it stretches in Seonghwa’s direction, fingers reaching for his. He slips his fingers through yours within a second. You hear soft skids as he moves closer to you, and before you know it, Seonghwa is flush against your side, the fire of his presence no longer overwhelming your senses.

“We’re going to keep you safe,” he whispers after a few minutes of sitting in a comfortable silence. “No matter what.”

“You can’t promise that,” you respond, lifting your chin to look over at his sharp features. His gaze is soft as he looks back at you.

“I know.” A faint, dry laugh leaves his lips. His thumb starts to rub small circles over the back of your hand. The rhythmic pattern matches up with your breathing and almost urges you to remain in a calm state.

“How long – how long is it going to be until we reach–”

“Don’t worry about that for now, Y/N. I’ll tell you later, but you don’t need to be thinking about it right now, okay?”

“O-Okay…” You release a deep exhale and let your cheek fall against Seonghwa’s shoulder. He twists a bit to press his lips to the crown of your head as you rest on him, thumb still rubbing circles into your skin.

“I promise we’ll figure something out. We won’t put you in any danger willingly.”

“It’s not me I’m worried about.”

✧✧✧ a/n: act three baybeeeee hell yes we are here at last ssdfldkj 3/15 how we feeling ;-; jsdfkld wow anyway this was way more sad and angsty than i meant for it to be i swear it was supposed to be rather calm then shit hit the fan QUICK ouch im sorry it’s okay tho i swear it’s okay it’ll be fine okay everything is fine it’s great okay imma stop talking now oasidfjoijdf

taglist: @faeriewoobin @sugarrimajins @atinyinwonderland @2504-life @lil7bluedragon @sparklychangbin @jeong-uwu @jeonartemis @anothershorthuman @xxbluestrifexx @yayhei @haotheheckk @noonawriter @lostscenarios @nlost21 @mirror-juliet

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