#variety of hair textures and porosities and types because you spent an entire year learning about nothing else but haircair
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ok might start exiting that phase of Me severly doubting and gaslighting myself on being possibly autismal because yea when i go research mode it all adds up but even when im assessing myself carefully on DSMV criteria it gets to a point where it's like ash ...... please stop playing dumb this is rlly serious
#its like. all of the criteria. all of it. To a very confident degree#i fit it so perfectly#and sometimes im like OK BUT its normal (gaslighting myself) to have abnormal interests at times (gaslighting myelf😁)#and to just have it be your whole identity (gaslighting yourself! age 9 all you could think about was little big planet 24/7 with#no exaggeration whatsoever it impaired your school life and temporarily your relationship with your brother:) youd throw intense meltdowns#when mom and dad said go to bed after playing all day:) you refused to get up and pee when you really had to!#age 13 you would rewatch my little pony equestria girls every single day after coming back from school. age 14 you became a knowledge bank#for every single youtuber/micro influencer on instagram who you admired and spent intense amount of study and focus trying to copy to a tea#in order to mask. age 16 and you oftentimes explain your extensive knowledge to haircare as you yoursef probably able to deal with a wide#variety of hair textures and porosities and types because you spent an entire year learning about nothing else but haircair#and stayed up till 6am every night doing so. unable to stop.#age 18-19 you became so fixated on tarot the passage of time didnt exist. you almot forgot to eat for an entire 10 hours when you got your#first deck. if you were to pick up a deck at that time you wouldnt be able to stop yourself. age 20 your fixation on makeup is so strong#youve probably spent a total of 4k on makeup in the past year. you couldnt stop infodumping on both haircare for HOURS and on makeup#it is the only thing you want to talk about)#but no. its normal that EVERY SINGLE interest ive had ive had it to an abnormal extent#and its not just that. its the fact that i also have Other criteria.#my friend robin could hypothetically have interests to a weirder extent than me#but she doesnt struggle with friendships and conversations. it causes me severe distress with the way how i cant manage either#and its obvious on here too#the echolalia i have. the movements. the COUNTLESS fixations ive had since i was little (rubbing my mouth and humming whenever i heard#something uncomfortable so the vibrations would calm me down. always hating motorbikes. hating the sound of plates. bright lights.)#my teacher reporting i had poor motor skills but my parents going like chile anyways#and the way how ive always been embarrased throwing quote on quote tantrums at an age i wasnt supposed to anymore#which were basically meltdowns lol like its not nomal to feel like a danger to yourself when you're angry and want to punch mirrors when#ur makeup routine isnt going to plan#theres more but yewh hehshdhfjfj#just. i keep telling myself ok but Ash anyone can have this....YEAH BUT BITCH UR TICKING ALL THE BOXES!#also i made mistakes on saying fixation instead of stims and also listing my sensory issues#im just venting and 👍👍👍 yeah
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