#vale having a mean goose makes me giggle | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hotmessmaxpress · 5 months

Text

Based on this post.

I stopped what I was doing to write this, and it’s not proofread or well done, but I thought it would be fun! So I wrote it.

AKA: the soulmate goose AU

The goose appears at the ranch, long necked and waiting patiently in the box for the riders to stop for the day.

They all laugh and joke, wondering who the goose is for. It makes no move toward any of them, simply cocks its head and looks between them all.

“HONK.”

Bez startles on his bike and Pecco punches him in the arm good-naturedly.

“Surely it’s for you, no? With your hopeless romantic life.”

Bez shakes his head but keeps a wary eye on the goose as they all begin the process of storing the bikes and stripping out of their dirty gear.

They all linger around the track until the sunlight starts to fade, perhaps subconsciously not wanting to see who the goose follows. The goose makes the first move, though, waddling out from under the roof of the box and taking a short flight to the waiting cars.

It lands solidly on Vale’s car, setting the car alarm off.

The first 24 hours with the Goose are fine. It flies above Vale’s car on his short drive down the street from the ranch to his home, and it waddles behind him as he parks his car and walks into his home. It sits politely outside the bathroom while he showers, and when he dries off and tugs on a pair of boxers to sleep in, the Goose makes a nest in the corner of his room with a throw blanket and an extra pillow.

The problems with the Goose begin the next morning. Vale had heard that soulmate geese take the personality of the unlucky soul they are supposed to be guiding, but he had assumed that wouldn’t be an issue.

His Goose is a pain in the ass. It squawks at him when he tries to make his coffee, just to startle him. It steals bites of his breakfast off of his plate and snaps at his ankles.

It has fucking teeth.

Vale isn’t sure if he can bring the Goose on the plane, but he can’t miss the race weekend, so he embarrassedly asks Ucchio to make sure it’s okay. He has no desire to have the Goose follow him during the race weekend, but he has read enough stories to know that trying to impede or thwart the Goose isn’t a good idea (especially with a goose as obnoxious as his).

As if sensing his thought, the Goose waddles down the private jet aisle and bites his ankle.

“Fuck!” Vale swears.

Ucchio snorts next to him, and Vale turns to glare at him. Before he can say anything, the Goose turns and snaps at his fingers where they’re resting on his armrest, chomping Uccio’s thick fingers in his tiny, sharp goose teeth.

Vale and the Goose share a satisfied look.

The Goose is an even bigger menace in the paddock. It bites a woman on the ass, to Vale’s horror, and he gets stuck signing a helmet for her in exchange for her not suing him or trying to kill his goose.

It steals a Sky sports microphone and flies above the paddock just to drop it and shatter it on the pavement. It snatches food directly from Quartararo’s hand, and Vale actually feels a pang of guilt at his sad face.

Vale draws the line when it attempts to drag Luca away from the Honda garage by his pant leg, and he has to carry a screaming, squawking Goose away to one of the VR46 motorhomes. Once inside, he sets the Goose down just long enough to tend to the bleeding wounds it has caused, and he watches with suspicion as the Goose stares at a television in the corner.

On the television is a clip of Alex Marquez in his Gresini leathers, giving an interview about qualifying ahead of the race.

The Goose is suspiciously silent, and Vale has a moment of terror at the idea that his soulmate could be Alex Marquez.

“No,” he informs the Goose. “Absolutely not.”

Vale is sure that if the Goose could growl at him it would.

When he finally leaves the motorhome, trusting that the Goose has calmed down, it follows him quietly in the direction of the VR46 garage. Vale lets his mind focus on the boys, and how Diggia and Bez have been getting along.

He makes the mistake of momentarily forgetting the Goose.

“HONK. HONK, HONK, HONK!”

The Goose spreads its wings and comes suddenly after Vale, who abandons his dignity in favor of running away from his murderous Goose. He wonders for a moment if this is actually a soulmate goose or if it is instead some sort of secret-agent goose trained to assassinate him.

He looks over his shoulder as it honks and squawks and flaps its wings, nearly reaching his ankles, and he ducks around a corner only to slam full-force into Marc Marquez.

He knocks the smaller man off balance, and they fall against the wall behind him. Marc lets out a small ‘oof,’ then seems to see who has slammed into him.

Vale watches as Marc’s eyes widen. His hands are on Vale’s sides, having grabbed him to try and steady him, and Vale’s arms bracket his shoulders.

They share a few breaths before it occurs to Vale that the Goose hasn’t yet scratched his face off. He turns, and the Goose is sitting at their feet.

It’s the most polite he’s seen the Goose since their first meeting, and he looks between the Goose and Marc.

“You’re serious?” he asks the Goose.

“Honk,” the Goose replies politely.

“Wait, is it-” Marc starts.

“Honk!” the Goose responds again, waddling over to bump its head gently against Marc’s leg.

Vale watches in shock as the Goose delivers one more swift bite to his ankle and then disappears with a ‘poof’ and a flash of feathers.

He and Marc stare at the now goose-less spot in silence, still pressed close.

“Was that a-”

“I can’t believe it-”

They both begin at the same time.

They both stop at the same time, turning to look at one another.

“That was a soulmate goose,” Marc observes.

“That was the meanest fucking goose I’ve ever met,” Vale explains. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I’d like to kiss you before it comes back to peck my eyes out.”

Marc narrows his eyes.

“I’m not kissing you just so you can avoid a goose, Valentino.”

Valentino winces.

“I’m sorry. It’s been a long time since we’ve spoken. My brain is still scrambled by the Goose. Can I start over?”

Marc takes a deep breath.

“Please.”

“You look amazing in your Gresini leathers,” Vale starts, finding he means it once he starts speaking. “I am happy to see you back on a bike and ready to win, even though the thought of you winning more championships than me makes me want to disappear into the ocean forever,” he explains.

Marc opens his mouth to argue but Vale shakes his head.

“I am old, and so lonely that I got a Goose. A very, very mean Goose. That has maybe opened my eyes to some things. We can work on the things that have happened in the past. For now, I’ll watch you race.”

Marc’s eyes light up, and it melts something in Vale.

“Okay,” Marc says brightly. “You can watch me win. And you can have one kiss, but only if you promise it’s good luck.”

Vale bends his head, pressing his lips to Marc’s, and sends a silent thank-you to the homicidal Goose.

#vale having a mean goose makes me giggle #also if you’ve never seen goose teeth GOOGLE IT #rosquez #marc marquez #valentino rossi

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