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saunne · 2 months

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“What are you going to do now ?” Jing Yuan finally asked, while Jiyi had gone to curl up in his armchair, absent-mindedly playing with his elaborate hairpin.

“Retire and devote myself to writing, I think,” mused the poet with a distant look. "And... I'm thinking of returning to the Fanghu."

This news, more than that of his retirement, made Jing Yuan's heart sink. "You're going to leave ?"

Jiyi turned towards him, eyes weary and lips in a tight smile but unable to hide their quivering. “I can't... I can't stay, Jing Yuan. Not after all of that,” he confessed under his breath, his gaze falling on the pin in his hands. “Not after him.”

Him.

Yingxing.

“You loved him too, didn’t you ?” he muttered in realization, late, too late.

Jiyi laughed in response, a soft and lovely sound like bells or wind chimes, joyful despite his sadness, affectionate despite his sorrow. “Yes Yuan-er, I loved him. Not like you or Yinyue loved him, but A-Xing was….”

He left the sentence hanging, his gaze lost in the distance as the hairpin dug into the fat of his palm, his grip suddenly tightening before he released it with a small breath of laughter that sounded hollow.

“We, Vidyadhara, are tragic creatures for whom love is both the greatest strength and the greatest sin. There's a reason our greatest songs are elegies, Yuan-er.”

The Vidyadhara looked at him with a half-lidded gaze, the pale green of his eyes almost emerald in the semi-darkness of the dying day. Jing Yuan felt himself shuddering with unease at the intensity of his gaze, having always felt deeply uncomfortable when Jiyi dropped his cheerful persona to reveal the hidden and severe depths of his psyche, the exact thing that had made him one of the finest poets of their generation.

“Take care of Dan Feng, Jing Yuan. Because if I can only offer immortality to Yingxing through my works, our dear High Elder and all his following incarnations will never escape the memory of this love bigger than themselves.”

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