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auroraphilealis · 6 years

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Too Tense to Be Undone (2/5)

Too Tense to Be Undone (2/4) | Dan’s never had an orgasm before. Despite being in a relationship with his ex-girlfriend for three years, he’s just never been able to finish. The doctor’s don’t know what’s wrong with him, so Dan’s mostly put it out of his mind. Until his gap year, when he starts talking with AmazingPhil, and accidentally admits that he’s never come before. Phil’s happy to help with more than just convincing Dan to post YouTube videos, if Dan will just give him the chance. | Phan | Explicit | Slight Friends with Benefits, Pining, Eventual Smut, Very Explicit Smut, Dirty Talk, Flirting, Getting Together, 2009, Skype | 5,732 Words This Chapter

Intense thank you to @imnotinclindedtomaturity again because she’s amazing and makes me a better writer I love her. Also thanks to everyone who commented and sent me nice asks! I’m so excited about this fic it’s all I’ve been thinking about for days. Finals whom? Anyway, I’m building you up to some… more fun coming soon. I’ll see Thursday ;)

(previous chapter) (ao3 link)

“Phil, did you see?” Dan asked the moment that Phil had answered his skype call. “I’ve actually got like, subscribers. Already!” Dan crowed. He was just so freaking excited. When he’d posted his first video that morning, he hadn’t actually thought that anyone would start following him right away, but he already had a dozen or so email notifications of new people following his youtube channel. Some of them said two or three people had subscribed, while others said 10.

He still couldn’t quite believe it. He’d been waiting all day for Phil to get back from filming with Charlie and Stephen so he could celebrate with him.

“Yeah, I did,” Phil replied, chuckling. “I sort of re-tweeted you, remember?”

Dan rolled his eyes, but he didn't let Phil’s teasing get him down. He could feel himself practically bouncing on the bed in his excitement to share the news. “I can’t believe they actually want to see me make videos. I’ve already got like, a dozen comments, too! Did you see?”

Phil was staring at a blue mug he was awkwardly holding, with his fingers practically backwards on the handle. His gaze was weirdly perturbed, before he took a sip, and offered Dan a sort of chuckle. The fact that Phil was paying his mug of coffee so much attention was really annoying Dan. He knew he could be clingy, but a cup of coffee, over Dan talking - especially about YouTube, which Phil had pushed him into in the first place?

“Phil!” Dan whined, as he was want to do. “Pay attention to me. I’m really excited! It’s not my fault you’re used to having 20 thousand subscribers already. Let me get excited about my 53!”

Rolling his eyes, Phil finally turned his full attention onto Dan. Those blue eyes were so much more intense these days than Dan was used to.

Ever since their conversation about Dan being unable to orgasm, Phil had looked far more ardent than he used to, blue eyes fiery with a feeling Dan couldn’t quite place. It was almost as if Phil was hyper-aware of Dan all the time, now, and sometimes he looked like he wanted to reach through the screen and fuck him. Hard.

Just the thought made Dan shiver with want.

“I told you they were going to like you, Dan,” Phil teased. “I don’t know why you’re so surprised. You're funny, and cute.”

Again with the flirting. Dan wasn’t sure how much more of it he could take. It was bad enough he’d only recently booked his train ticket to Manchester Piccadilly, much to the complaint of his parents, particularly his father. But now, he still had to wait another eight days to actually meet Phil in person. And plus there was the fact that he was only going to get three days with the guy. Did Phil have to make every skype call difficult too?

Shrugging Phil’s words away, Dan shook his head. “Whatever. Which video do you think I should upload next? Butterfingers, or Procrastination?”

“Butterfingers, definitely. I think more people can relate,” Phil suggested quickly. His eyes were twinkling. “Besides, you get practically naked in Butterfingers.”

Dan could feel his blood freeze. He remembered exactly what Phil was talking about. He’d filmed a scene of himself waking up in the morning to check how his channel was doing, and he’d bit his lip with his eyes half closed in the perfect shot. Even he’d thought he’d looked pretty provocative, but for Phil to bring it up was. Something else.

“Oh my god, Phil, shut up!” Dan complained. “Quit thinking with your dick, I’m serious. I want people to like me! And my content!”

His cheeks were bright red, he was sure, but he couldn’t help it. Phil was just such a fucking flirt, and everything he said had so much more meaning now, considering their plans for when Dan came to visit him. They hadn’t spoken about it much since Dan had texted Phil that he’d bought a train ticket, and Phil had called him on skype to celebrate.

There had been some blushing from Dan, a question from Phil if Dan was still up for it, and that had been it.

Phil had intensified the flirting, though. Before, he usually stopped on the cusp of making it real, but recently, he’d been pushing the limits as much as he could get away with, making it very clear what he was interested in.

It made Dan feel wanted.

It wasn’t as if he’d never felt that way before, but the way that Phil looked at him, the way that Phil spoke to him, made Dan feel like he was only person in the entire world that Phil desired.

Unaware, or simply ignoring, Dan’s embarrassment, Phil pressed on. “I know, but seriously, Dan. How do you do that with your face? You’re fucking hot. I’ve watched that part of the videos you uploaded far too many times to count,” Phil added.

Dan didn’t know what to say to that. He knew, he knew Phil had seen his unedited footage more than once, because he’d been forced to upload privately to youtube just to share it with Phil, and the view count was… well, uhm. Not 1, to put it lightly. It was just that, well, he hadn’t expected Phil to bring it up. Seriously, what had Phil done, jerked off to the clips?

Dan felt heat rush to his cheeks, making his blush even darker, and he tried not to think too hard about that possibility.

Phil seemed to decide he’d pushed Dan far enough, then, because he relented, putting his mug down and waving his hand at Dan a little. The stupid little smirk he always had these days fell away to reveal a more sympathetic expression as Phil peered at Dan.

“You’re such a dork, Dan,” Phil said. “I don’t know why you’re so worried. I don’t understand how you can’t see yourself the way I see you.”

This was one of those comments that made Dan wonder if Phil was interested in him for reasons other that just sex. Despite all of their flirting, they hadn’t ever actually talked about any potential feelings. In fact, they rarely even talked about the sex thing in any seriousness. But that didn’t change the reality that Dan was falling more and more in love with Phil. He’d always been one to crush easily, and Phil was definitely not an exception to this. If anything, he’d found himself crushing harder and faster on Phil than he’d ever crushed on anyone before - and that included his ex girlfriend. Dan was seriously starting to question how serious his feelings had really been for her if Phil could make him feel like… this.

Maybe Dan just fell too fast. Maybe he was already in love with Phil, and was a complete and utter goner. All he could do was hope that he didn’t end up getting crushed just as quickly.

“And how do you see me?” Dan asked, testing the boundaries a little. He might also be fishing for compliments, but. Well. Sue him.

Phil never seemed to have a problem doling them out, after all.

Phil smiled. He didn’t seem at all perturbed by Dan asking. In fact, he almost seemed to see right through Dan, but at the same time, didn’t seem to mind.

“I see you as a guy who has no idea just how talented and funny he actually is.”

Phil’s smile turned into more of a smirk, his eyebrows raising and his voice dropping.

“And as a guy I’d really like to fuck.”

“Phil!” Dan shouted, bursting into laughter at the way Phil tried to wink seductively afterwards, failing as he did that awkward double blink again. “Fuck off! You can’t just say things like that!”

“Why not? It’s true.”

“Phiiiiil!” Dan whined. He wouldn’t deny that he was laughing (and maybe a little turned on, but who was counting), but that didn’t mean he couldn’t tell Phil off. Phil was laughing too, though, his expression a weird cross between a goose and a cat who’d caught the canary. Dan was completely and utterly enamoured with the look.

He found himself laughing even harder because of it, a weird, giddy sense of affection surging through him to combat the faux annoyance he had at Phil for flirting with him. Dan never wanted this feeling to end. The way Phil made him feel was… unlike Dan had ever felt before.

Phil’s eyes were dancing, and Dan found himself continuing to fall harder and harder. He wanted nothing more than to believe that Phil wanted just as much from Dan as Dan wanted from Phil, but it was difficult to believe - as far as Dan could tell, Phil hadn’t said anything to suggest that he had deeper feelings for Dan.

He just said shit like this, and expected Dan to read between the lines, or something.

Dan didn’t like reading between the lines. There was too much room for misinterpreting things. Too much room for building his hopes up, only to have them torn down. Too much room for getting hurt.

But for Phil, he’d try his best to figure it out.

Once they’d calmed down, Dan reached up to wipe away the tears that had gathered at the corners of his eyes, and smiled widely at Phil.

“You’re such a dork,” he complained.

Phil offered him a shrug in return. “No, but really. You really are really funny, Dan. You’re quick-witted, and you don’t even have to script yourself to make a funny video. Most of your best lines come from improv, and that’s a really good skill to have for YouTube. I think you’ll be really big one day.”

The words were far more thoughtful than the previous ones, and they made Dan smile, this one a little smaller, a little more private, as he looked down at his keyboard. He still couldn’t believe Phil Lester was his friend, let alone someone he could now consider a co-worker, in one way or another. And to add to that, Phil thought Dan was pretty great. In whatever sense.

It made Dan feel warm all the way down to his core.

“Thanks,” he finally replied, because he felt like Phil deserved some kind of appreciation for his kind words. He didn’t have to say them, and yet he had. That meant a lot to Dan, and suddenly, all of the success of today didn’t even come close to the feeling Phil’s compliments gave him.

Clearing his throat to get rid of the emotion that suddenly seemed to be clogged there, Dan decided to change the subject. “So, how did filming go today?”

Phil perked up a bit at the mention, before his expression turned a little sour. The conflicting emotions confused Dan, who just kind of waited nervously for Phil to explain.

“It was okay. Charlie was late, but Stephen and I got some stuff done for ApartmentRed before he showed up. After... was not so good. I’m only just now getting in because Charlie seems to think it’ll make me jealous to see him hanging all over Stephen, and it made getting any filming done take ages, when we should have been done in a couple of hours.”

Dan didn’t know very much about Charlie and Phil’s history, but he did know that Charlie had once been publicly and fowardly interested in Phil. As far as Dan knew, they’d never fucked, but that hadn’t stopped Charlie from wanting to get into Phil’s pants.

Phil had said that at one point, he’d thought it was kind of nice, and he’d considered it, but. It had just never happened. Dan wanted to believe that, he really did, but. Well. Phil talked so much about hooking up with people that Dan worried sometimes Phil was just trying to protect him by pretending he wasn’t as… sexually experienced as he’d originally painted himself out to be.

Dan tugged his lip between his teeth, gnawing at it nervously. He couldn’t help wondering why Phil’s mood had turned sour. Was it because of Charlie dating Stephen? Was he actually jealous? Or was he just annoyed that Charlie had ruined their filming schedule?

Dan was kind of afraid to ask.

But Dan knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep if he didn’t know.

Dan was jealous and possessive, even a little bit mean when it came to those darker emotions. He couldn’t always seem to hold himself back from making it very, very clear that he didn’t like the idea of his person being someone else’s. Or even someone else wanting his person.

And for right now, Phil was kind of sort of Dan’s person. At least to the hopeful part of his mind.

“Hmm,” Dan responded, so that Phil wouldn’t feel ignored, but so that Dan wouldn’t say what he actually wanted to say.

“Yeah. I think Stephen could tell I was starting to get annoyed, because he made Charlie knock it off a few times so we could finish up. Charlie didn’t really take the hint though. A couple of times I had to tell them to stop being an ass before I clubbed one of them over the head, just to get this all over with.”

“Yeah…” Dan replied noncommittally, glancing down at his keyboard again rather than facing up to Phil. He didn’t really want to have to deal with confronting this one, but he really wanted to at at the same time.

“Mmhm. I gotta admit. Stephen and Charlie make a cute couple, though. They’re both pretty hot,” Phil mused, seeming all to unaware of how uncomfortable he was currently making Dan.

Dan didn’t even bother to answer that one. He stared studiously at his keyboard and prayed that Phil wouldn’t notice his reluctance to talk about this. He just wanted to brush past this topic and try not to dwell on the unwarranted jealousy that was building up in his stomach. His face scrunched up in distaste, something he did his best to hide from Phil.

Phil, however, seemed to see straight through Dan, and the sour expression Phil had adopted turned to one a little more mischievous.

“What? Is something bothering you, Dan?” Phil asked. “Are you maybe… jealous?”

Dan felt his face start to go red.

“N-No!” he replied right away. He sputtered on the word a little, and shook his head. “Of course not. Why would I be jealous? I have nothing to be jealous of.”

Phil’s grin didn’t leave his face.

“No? So you aren’t jealous of Charlie at all, then? Because I’ve got to admit, he is pretty fit. I wouldn’t mind seeing him undressed.”

Dan could feel his blood beginning to boil. He didn’t like the way Phil was looking at him, let alone the way he was talking about Charlie. He knew that Phil had, at least at one point, looked at Charlie as a potential partner, but to talk about Charlie like that to him? It felt a little like… a slap to the face.

“Doesn’t he have a boyfriend now?” Dan spat, because he couldn’t help himself. He just really didn’t want to hear Phil talking about anyone else the way he talked about Dan. It was bad enough that Dan didn’t know if Phil had any proper feelings for him, did Phil really need to rub it in his face, too?

It seemed like every time Dan starting to have faith that Phil might have any kind of feelings for him, Phil would say something like that and just… make Dan question everything all over again.

Maybe he shouldn’t have ever agreed to let Phil fuck him. No matter how badly Dan wanted to know what an orgasm felt like, he sure as hell didn’t need to deal with someone who didn’t actually want Dan as anything more than a plaything. He still had time to back out. Maybe he should consider canceling his train ticket, and ending his friendship with Phil altogether, before it was too late…

“Dan,” Phil called, his voice a little softer now. He didn’t sound so cocky and teasing anymore. He sounded sincere, so Dan risked looking up at him. Phil was still sort of smirking, but the expression was softer now. He didn’t look so malicious. “I’m sorry,” he added. “I didn’t mean to make you angry. I’m just surprised you’re jealous of Charlie. You know I was never with him like that.”

Dan kind of nodded his head. Sort of. His mouth was still set in a firm line, and he still felt kind of mad, but Phil was right. And he’d apologized, so there was that.

“Whatever,” Dan moodily shot back, but Phil didn’t seem to be having it. He dragged his laptop closer to him, so that all Dan could really see was Phil’s face and those gorgeous blue eyes. It was kind of mesmerizing, if Dan was being honest.

“Dan,” Phil said again, “Come on. I’m really sorry. I really don’t see Charlie like that. And besides, there’s someone I’d much rather have right here in front of me. Charlie didn’t make me jealous, he just made me annoyed. You, on the other hand…”

Dan gulped. He what? What was Phil getting at? What did Dan do to him? Part of him knew Phil was talking about wanting Dan physically, but the other part was hoping, begging, for Phil to say it was more.

“Do you remember the promise I made to you on skype the other day?” Phil practically purred.

Dan nodded his head dumbly.

“I’ve been doing a bit of research. I’ve had a lot of sex, but I’ve not experimented with that many things, and I’m not all that sure how to extend the foreplay. I’ve got a feeling you’re going to need a lot more than my cock in your ass,” Phil explained.

Dan’s breath caught in his throat. The very idea of that made Dan’s dick stir with interest. He wanted that. He wanted that a lot. Since the last time he’d talked to Phil about the two of them having sex, Dan had done a little bit of research himself, and he’d watched a few porn videos about that exact scenario. The way the bottom moaned had made the situation seem… electrifying.

Of course, Dan had gotten hard, and of course, he’d tried to get himself off, but nothing had really come of it. Eventually, he’d resigned himself to his fate, closed his browser, and took a cold shower.

The fact that Phil had done research for him though… and the fact that Phil was willing to try that and so much more... That was not only an exciting thought, but set off a warm feeling in the pit of Dan’s stomach. All he’d ever really wanted was to find someone who didn’t mind that Dan had a problem finishing. All he’d ever really wanted was to find someone who’d try anyway.

“I’ve got so many plans for you, Dan. Things I’ve never done with anyone else. Do you want to hear them?”

Phil’s voice was practically molten heat. Dan felt like he was going to explode.

He’d never gotten this hard this fast before. There was that familiar sensation of frustration at Phil teasing him all the damn time and arousal surging through his veins that he always seemed to get with Phil these days, but it only made the whole moment more intense.

Did Dan want to hear what Phil had planned for him? Eight days out from actually getting to experience it? Was having Phil fuck him even a good idea, in the long run?

Dan knew he should lay his cards out on the table, make it clear to Phil that what he wanted was so much more than an orgasm. He knew that he should make sure that Phil wasn’t going to leave him high and dry after he got one little taste, or get Dan addicted so he’d keep coming back for more until he and Phil were in a proper friends with benefits relationship without all the feelings Dan so desperately wanted.

He knew that he should admit he had feelings, and that he was all in, but it was so fucking hard when his dick was doing all of the thinking for him.

So, against his better judgement, Dan nodded his head.

Phil’s grin turned wicked.

“Are your nipples sensitive, Dan?” Phil asked, eyes glowing. He looked like a lion intent on his prey, and Dan couldn’t wait to be gobbled up. He was so distracted by the look Phil was giving him, that he couldn’t even began to focus on the question. What had Phil asked?

Oh. Oh.

“Fuck. Yes,” Dan whispered. The words came out far breathier than he’d intended for them too, and he added quickly, “And my neck. God, my neck.”

He could already imagine Phil getting his mouth on him, sucking at his nipples and leaving marks on his neck. The very idea made Dan’s body tingle, and he had to close his eyes when he let out a soft groan.

“Good,” Phil replied, voice so fucking husky Dan had to open his eyes to check it was still Phil. From what Dan could tell, Phil’s pupils had dilated, and his face had flushed red. Was Phil getting turned on by this?

Fuck, the thought that Dan actually made Phil hard was completely insane to him, and yet made his dick twitch in his pants. Sure, Phil had joked about getting off to dan's nakedbooths and rewatching the clip of him half-naked from his video files, but seeing how Phil looked now... maybe those hadn’t been just jokes.

Glancing behind him at his bedroom door, Dan made sure there was no light filtering in from outside, and double checked his headphones were in right. There was no way in hell he wanted his parents to walk in on this.

“I read something online. It’s usually girls that have a difficult time reaching climax, did you know?”

“Fuck you,” Dan gritted out. He didn’t particularly love Phil making fun of him like that. Right, like he needed a reminder that Dan was different, and that most guys were perfectly fine. At least Dan could feel sympathetic to the girls who struggled to get off, unlike Phil.

Phil just laughed.

“Shush, it doesn’t matter,” Phil said, pacifying Dan’s worries. Dan couldn’t repress a sigh of relief, and Phil flashed him a grin. “Just means us guys are usually a fair bit luckier in that department, but you. Now you, I get to have my fun with,” Phil rumbled. “Anyway, they say that the best way to get a girl going is to play with her nipples, because they’re so sensitive, you know? So I thought, why not try that on Dan. See if I can’t get him going just from my mouth on his chest.”

The words caused Dan to squeeze his eyes shut at the mental image. He really did like that idea, after all. His ex had brushed over them a few times, but a mouth? Fuck, Dan couldn’t even begin to imagine. If his ex’s hands barely brushing over them felt good, lord knew how amazing it would be once Phil got his mouth on him.

“You said your neck’s sensitive too, right? The internet says I should focus on your favorite spots, avoiding the… c-cock and, uhm, balls altogether. That’ll get you nice and worked up. So I figure, why not start there? I’ll get you hard for me just by sucking on your nipples and mouthing over that gorgeous chest of yours, and then I’ll move up to your neck and I’ll make damn sure everyone know who you bel- what you've been doing.”

“Phil,” Dan groaned, staring at him with his mouth unhinged a little. “Fuck, that all sounds so good,” he rasped. Just the idea of all that Phil wanted to do, the idea that he wanted to mark Dan so that no one could miss the fact that he’d been having sex, was making him feel wild.

It was just that, despite the fact that he could already feel his dick throbbing, Dan knew playing with his nipples, marking him, touching his body wouldn’t be enough, and Phil had said that he was going to just… avoid Dan’s cock entirely, that fucking him might not be enough. Did that mean he wasn’t going to try for anymore? “But I’ve tried everything, except… you know, anal, before. I’ve tried slowing it down, I’ve tried… foreplay. It’s never enough. None of it works, I still can’t -”

“I wasn’t done,” Phil interrupted. “Did you really think I was going to stop there, Daniel?” Phil practically growled. “I’m not stupid. I figured you’ve tried the basics, and I promised you so much more. Don’t you think I’d try a little harder than that?”

Dan didn’t have an answer to that. Phil was right. Dan had been assuming that Phil had thought that would be enough, but Phil seemed to be serious about wanting to make Dan actually orgasm, and, well, it was still insane to Dan that Phil was putting this much effort into it.

Phil had gone out and done research, and was willing to spend however much time just on foreplay, when most guys Dan knew... Well. If what his mates sometimes said was true, they didn’t much care for working up to anything. They just wanted to to get to the fucking part as fast as possible.

Dan had always been a fan of foreplay, but he got the distinct feeling that wasn’t the norm. Maybe he was wrong, the guys were teengers, after all, but it made Dan think.

Why was Phil trying so hard?

“Why do you care?” Dan asked, before he could stop himself. The words just kind of burst out of him despite the heavy way he was breathing. Phil quirked a brow at him, always the pro at a poker face, but there was something about the way he hesitated in answering that told Dan the question had thrown him off.

After a moment, Phil’s slow grin returned. “I can’t just let a friend spend his whole life without an orgasm, now can I?”

Dan’s breathing stuttered.

He didn’t get a chance to respond before Phil moved on.

“Do you want to hear what else I’m going to do to you?”

But Dan wasn’t sure. He was still caught up on what Phil had said about not letting a friend spend his life without an oragasm. The word kept echoing around in Dan’s head, a painful reminder that what they had… it was nothing. It was just sex, and flirting, and a little too much tense arousal for any two men to ignore. It hurt. It hurt more than Dan could say.

Friend. Dan was just a friend to Phil, and suddenly this whole situation just felt too weird. Dan couldn’t deal with it. He knew he should have told Phil that he was interested in so much more than what Phil was currently offering. He wasn’t the kind of person who did one night stands, and Phil was. Suddenly the possibility of it not turning into anything more than a one time thing seemed so much more real.

Phil only considered Dan a friend, and it was killing him inside.

“Dan?” Phil asked again, trying to get his attention.

Dan looked at him.

“Come here. I want to try something,” he said. There was something about his expression that made Dan feel like he was meeting the Phil who was great at sleeping around, but didn’t keep very many people in his life.

Dan knew that Phil was the sweetest person in the world, but he didn’t fall in love easy. In fact, he’d admitted to Dan that he didn’t think he’d ever been in love, and here Dan was, falling for him anway.

Dan swallowed, and tried to wet his mouth. There was a part of him that was intensely worried about what Phil might want, not because he didn’t trust him, but because suddenly, Dan wasn’t sure if he wanted to be involved with this side of Phil. He wanted… he wanted.

God, he just wanted more.

Slowly, he asked, “What,” his voice just as hoarse as it had been before.

Phil offered him a slow grin, and pointed to Dan.

“Take your pants off.”

Dan’s eyes went wide, and he found himself shaking his head before he could even form words. Phil wanted to have cyber sex, right here and now, and Dan couldn’t. He couldn’t do that, not with how he was feeling now. Besides, didn’t Phil understand? Dan couldn’t get off, especially not on his own.

“No!” Dan finally managed to spit out, tone probably more harsh than it needed to be. The word sounded loud in his ears, but when Dan turned to look at his door, he didn’t see or hear anyone coming. He turned back to Phil, and tried to hold back the well of emotion he was currently feeling. He could feel tears of frustration pricking at his eyes, and he didn’t really want Phil to realize.

“No, Phil. I can’t do that. I can’t just - I can’t have skype sex with you. I told you, I’ve never had an oragsm. Do you really think me wanking off over a camera to you is going to make me come? I’m not just some - some - some toy for you to play with, to experiment with. I’m your friend, you asshole!” Dan barrelled on, practically hissing the words. “I’m not a science experiment…”

As soon as the words left Dan’s mouth, he regretted them. He hadn’t quite meant to snap like that, and he definitely hadn’t meant to make Phil feel bad, it was just that he was sick of feeling like some kind of play thing, or - or - or god forbid, a medical mystery. He just wanted to be Dan. A person someone considered special, worth it.

Phil, for his part, looked taken aback, and maybe a little chagrined.

“Dan,” he tried to say, but Dan cut him off.

“No, Phil, it’s not going to work. Just listen to me, okay?” Dan nearly begged. “I don’t - I can’t - Phil, you’re my best friend. I don’t think this is a good idea. It’s nice of you to want to help me out and all, but…” Dan stopped himself short before changing the direction of his sentence. “But I can’t lose you.”

The words weren’t exactly the confession Dan should have made, but they were something. They were better than continuing on like this idea was a good one, throwing caution to the wind, and ignoring every warning sign that sprang up in his face. It was better than showing up on the train in eight days, and allowing Phil to fuck him silly, only to go home and find out that Phil was ignoring him on every single piece of social media they shared. Or worse, Phil expecting them to carrying on like nothing had happened between them.

Putting a stop to it all now was better. It was so, so much better. Especially if Phil only saw Dan as a friend.

For a while, Phil didn’t say anything. He admittedly looked a little bit like he’d been hit by a freight train, but it still made Dan nervous. What if Phil hated him for going off on him like that? What if thought Dan was being a dick, or taking all of this too seriously? Dan didn’t want Phil to be angry at him for changing his mind nearly at the last minute, but…

Finally, Phil seemed to snap out of it, and every piece of him that Dan could see seemed to soften; his eyes, his face, his shoulders.

“Oh, Dan,” Phil whispered. “I - I’m really sorry. I didn’t even think. I probably didn’t give you the best impression telling you about my past sexual history, did I?” he asked. Dan was kind of surprised he hit the nail on the head so fast, but, well. He was Phil, and Phil always seemed to be able to see past any bit of bullshit Dan tried to feed him.

What really surprised Dan, though, was the fact that Phil didn’t seem mad at him at all.

Rather than answering Phil’s question, Dan kind of just lowered his gaze, and stared at the little bit of his own chest that he could see in the light coming from his laptop screen. Dan didn’t really want to face Phil right now, and if he weren’t so afraid of ruining their relationship, he might have just slammed his laptop shut and forgot everything else that had happened.

Maybe that way, tomorrow he could start fresh.

But Dan couldn’t do that to Phil.

Phil sighed, seeming to get the hint that Dan didn’t have anything else to say. For a moment, Dan thought Phil might actually just hang up and say goodbye, and that would be it, but Phil didn’t.

Instead, he started talking again.

“Listen, Dan. Our friendship means a lot to me. I know I’ve said in the past that I don’t like… that I’m awkward, and I don’t make friends easily, but you’re different, and I’d never do anything to put that relationship at risk. So, if me having sex with you is something that you think would ruin us, then we don’t have to. But I… I really want to have sex with you Dan. I want to be that guy who gives you an orgasm, and helps you figure out how to make yourself come. I just. I care about you a lot, okay? And I thought this was something that we both wanted.”

Dan’s head snapped up at that.

“I do want it!” he blurted out. The truth was, he really wanted it. He wanted everything that Phil had offered him, and so much fucking more. That was the problem. Dan wanted more.

But what if this was all he could get?

“I’m just. Afraid, is all,” he added lamely.

Phil seemed to understand. He offered Dan a sympathetic hum, and then cleared his throat.

“I won’t let anything ruin our friendship, Dan. That will always be my top priority. But… it’s up to you whether we do anything more when you come visit, okay? I won’t pressure you into anything. It’s completely your choice.”

The words brought a special kind of comfort to Dan, and he found himself smiling despite all of his self doubts.

He wanted all of Phil. But he’d take whatever pieces he could get.

“Okay,” he agreed, and left it at that.

#phanfic #phanfiction #phanfictioncatalogue #phandom #phan #phan smut

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wellhellotragic · 6 years

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If Looks Could Kill 11/27

Summary: Emma Swan is a dedicated FBI agent getting over a bad breakup. When she and her partner, Ruby Lucas, are forced to go undercover as contestants on a reality show, Emma is forced to try and win the affections of Killian Jones, a man she despises.

Killian Jones is a lost boy. Having recently been nicknamed the ‘Bad Boy of Boston,’ he’s been living up to his moniker using women and rum to avoid dealing with his dark past. When he’s forced to take the lead in a reality show, he encounters a gorgeous blonde who turns his world upside down.

Miss Congeniality meets The Bachelor

Rated: M for language, violence, and smut.

Catch up here: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

“Spill!”

Emma hadn’t even put both feet through the door before Ruby’s interrogation began.

“Spill what?” Emma tried to feign ignorance but Ruby saw through it.

“Don’t play dumb with me Emma Swan! I’m talking about you and the hunky guy one cottage over.”

“Ruby,” Emma sighed, “there’s nothing to tell. We’ve mutually decided to be friends since we’re both stuck here against our wills. That’s it.”

Ruby glared at her with narrowed eyes and furrowed brows. “Then why do you blush when I bring him up?”

Emma rolled her eyes. “That’s not blush. That’s the blood rushing to my head from frustration at your pointless prodding.”

“Emma, you may be a human lie detector, but you’re still a piss poor liar. I didn’t push it in front of Ava, but I’ve known you for six years now, and I’ve never seen you like this before.”

“I’m not anything. I’m just trying to make it through the operation with what little sanity I can maintain. You do remember that I just ended a two year relationship a few weeks ago, right?”

“That relationship,” Ruby spat as she used air quotes around the word relationship, “was crap and you know it. He was your safety school, not your dream university.”

“Ruby!” Emma’s anger surged. She knew in part that Ruby was right; Walsh was a safe bet, and when push came to shove, he would never be the love of her life. Perhaps in time she could have come to feel love for him though. “He proposed the week before we broke up.”

“What,” Ruby screeched. “Why didn’t you tell me? Did you say yes to him?”

Emma took a deep breath trying to temper her seething rage. “I didn’t tell you because I knew you would try to talk me out of it. I told him I needed time to think about it, but before I could give him an answer, I found him in our bed with another woman. And yes, I was considering it before I saw her riding him to kingdom come, so while you seem to think my love life was a joke, he meant something to me.”

Emma was as headstrong as they came, and although she had had that exact argument in her head more than once since the break up, this was the first time she had come to the conclusion that Walsh was someone to her. She wasn’t sure if it was an epiphany, or the result of taking a stand against Ruby though.

Ruby opened her mouth twice to say something, but quickly closed it both times. Emma had done the impossible. Ruby was speechless.

Every nerve in Emma’s body was telling her to flee, from Ruby and the thoughts running around in her own head, but before she could leave her door crept open.

“Sorry to bother you girls,” Ava started, “but can we talk for a minute, about the show?” Ava winced a bit knowing that Emma still didn’t love the idea of being undercover in the house and was certainly not going to enjoy what was coming next.

“What?” Emma tapped her foot on the ground in an effort to relieve some nervous energy.

“Well, I just heard from Regina and the network and, after the fight last weekend, they want to market you as the bad girl, Emma.”

“What?” It was more of an exclamation than a question.

“Well, they’ve shown some of the footage to a focus group and apparently they ate it up. They aren’t really your biggest fans per say, but they loved watching you snap at the other girls. You bring a certain amount of drama to the show and the focus group kept saying they couldn’t wait to see what you did next.” Ava took a step back just in case Emma’s balled fist tried to find a place to attack.

“You have got to be kidding me! You do realize that you don’t actually work for the network, right?”

“Emma,” Ruby interrupted, “this could actually be a good thing. Think about it. It lets you stick around without having to be the phony nice girl you hate playing. You get to be more ‘you.’”

Emma whipped her head at the last remark and gave Ruby a fierce look. If looks could kill, Emma’s emerald green eyes would have been the deadliest weapons the world had ever seen.

Is that really how her best friend saw her? As a surly beast that hated everything about the world?

It happened. Emma ran.

Killian had been given instructions not to do anything too exacerbating for the next day until they needed him for filming. He had missed four days already, meaning there was one group date and a one-on-one date he needed to make up.

Killian’s first instinct was to ask if Emma could be his one-on-one date. While he knew what they had wasn’t romantic and it may be awkward for both of them to film intimate scenes, it would be nice to have someone there that he got along with and didn’t have to feign interest in being around. Someone that he felt he could trust.

The producers, though, had already decided to send him away on a glamping trip with a woman that went by the name Tink. He had also been informed that no matter the outcome of the date, he would need to make sure to present her with a rose. Killian couldn’t even remember which one she was though.

The group date would include ten women from the house taking a trip into the city to one of Boston’s oldest distilleries, followed by dinner. Killian had asked to see a list of the women who were going on the group date but Mary Margaret had explained that she didn’t have the updated list yet.

Killian felt everything slipping away. He had completely lost control of his life. Every facet of the next seven weeks of his life had already been decided. It took getting admitted to the hospital before he was even allowed to speak to anyone outside of the show, aside from Regina.

Since Killian couldn’t film for the rest of the day, the producers had allowed him to visit with Robin and Will at his cottage, as long as their presence didn’t disturb filming background shots of the women to be used as fillers for promos.

Robin and Will had brought over a few six packs of beer, but after his brush with alcohol and Xanax, Killian felt sick at just the smell of beer.

“So, I managed to get a peek at some of the lovely lasses you’ve been tasked with wooing, and I’m not really sure what’s crawled up your arse. Do you know how many men would give their left hand to trade places with you?” Will had barely even sat down before starting in on Killian.

“And how, may I ask, have you seen the women here? Have you been abusing your FBI power?” Killian was seated in what may have been the world’s most uncomfortable armchair.

Robin interrupted, “Depends on how you look at it. Regina brought home some of the unedited footage to view on your behalf, and Will and I may have caught a glimpse.”

“Great.” Killian slumped down in the chair and let his head fall back. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose in an effort to calm himself. He was glad his friends were there, but he didn’t need them to have ammunition against him later. Then there was Regina, and somehow her showing his friends footage without his permission felt like another betrayal.

“Seriously though mate,” Will continued, “some of these birds are hot as hell, so why are you so opposed to being here? It’s really not that different from being in a bar full of willing women.”

Killian took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure how to properly explain his disdain for the show in a way that Will could understand. Will was used to the FBI telling him what to do and where to go on a moment’s notice. He had already been programed to accept orders without question. Killian had always had his freedom though, and this was something that he would never get used to. Instead, he chose a tactic that spoke more to Will’s tastes.

“This is completely different. When I take a lady home, it’s usually with the knowledge that she and I will spend a pleasurable night together that includes very few words. Here though, I have to listen to them drone on about the most idiotic things. Do you remember that blonde you dated until last year that drove you insane? Anastasia? She’s actually here as one of the contestants. And as far as the rest of them go, it’s like being around twenty of her.”

“Bloody hell.” Will took a long sip of his beer.

“Speaking of,” Robin started timidly, “Regina really does feel awful about what happened.”

Killian grunted.

“Killian, I understand your frustration. What she did to you was wrong, but the intention behind it was pure - ”

Killian cut him off. “I’m sorry but you can’t be serious. She’d been drugging me for who knows how long. If she were really doing it to help me then she wouldn’t have felt the need to hide what she was doing. Regina was looking out for herself first and foremost.”

He hopped up and made it the kitchen in only four strides. He grabbed a beer out of the fridge and downed it in one go. As sick as the smell and taste made him, it was worth it if it helped drown his anger for a few hours.

Sensing the tension between Killian and Robin, Will made an effort to change the subject.

“So wait a minute mate, you’re telling me that out of all of the girls here, there’s not a single one you fancy?”

Killian hesitated for only a second before denying it, but that second was long enough for Will to pick up that Killian was lying.

“Oi, you do fancy one of ‘em don’t cha?” Will sat up excitedly like a dog being offered a treat.

“I just said no.”

“Your words said no, but that pause said something different. Who is she?”

“Will,” Killian warned.

“No, no, lemme guess.” Will tapped the neck of his beer to the side of his head. “Lets see. I know you’ve always been a bit partial to brunettes and the occasional red head, so that cuts the list in half.”

“Don’t forget that he goes for blue eyes too,” Robin chimed in.

“Right, so who does that leave us with? Let’s see, there’s the librarian, the marine biologist, and the bear trainer.”

“Bear trainer?”

“I think,” Robin supplied, “that he’s referring to the park ranger that said she’s been helping some orphaned bear cubs.”

“I meant what I said. She’s been training ‘em up like pets. She was gushing about them like they were part of ‘er own family.”

Killian rolled his eyes, a habit he was almost certain he had picked up from his short time with Emma.

“The model!” Will exclaimed. “You’ve got a thing for the knickers girl. I could get behind that. Maybe she could arrange to give us all a private show with all of the latest fashions.” Will raised his eyebrows at the other two men.

Killian barked out a laugh at that. “I assure you it’s none of them.” Realization dawned on him that he had just admitted that there was someone. “I don’t fancy anyone. You both know me. I’m a one-and-done guy.”

“No, no, no. You don’t get off that easy mate.” Robin wasn’t normally one for gossip, but Killian had never shown genuine interest in a woman before and he was intrigued.

Killian ran his hand through his hair, before letting his fingers settle behind his ear. “Look, it’s not like that. I’m friends with one of them, but that’s it. Neither of us have any desire for it to be anything more.”

It was mostly true. Emma had never shown any interest in him beyond friendship. He was certain that her concern for him before was a mixture of guilt and friendship, and while he could easily admit to himself that she was highly attractive, he refused to let himself feel anything more for her. His heart had already been claimed and he wouldn’t betray that.

“Killian Jones, ‘friends’ with a woman. I never thought I’d see the day,” Will joked.

“Perhaps I should buy a lotto ticket since apparently anything is possible now,” Robin added.

“Hey, before we leave did you want us to help you look for your necklace again?” Robin was already walking towards Killian’s bedroom to start searching.

“No need mate, it’s been found and returned already.”

“Where the bloody hell was it,” Will asked.

“It was on the balcony where Emma found me.” Killian didn’t even realize he had used Emma’s name like it was so common his friends should already know who she was. He never used women’s names. It was always the girl from last night, or that girl in the black dress. “I guess the paramedics removed it while they were working on me, or maybe it just slipped off. She found it though and gave it back yesterday.”

Will and Robin exchanged a look. “What?”

“Nothing,” Robin supplied.

Will wasn’t ready to let it go so easily though. “Ya, I’m just a bit confused mate. You see, we spoke to Regina and between all of the production crew, grounds keepers, and contestants, no one seems to have known about the entrance to that balcony.”

“And your point is?”

Will walked towards him with a definite strut in his gait. “It just seems a bit odd that you would be up there, or that this ‘friend’ of yours knew where to find you. Ya know, unless you had planned on meeting ‘er up there.”

“Will, I’ve already told you, it’s not like that. We’re just friends.”

“Ya, keep telling yourself that, mate.”

Both men finished their beers before excusing themselves to leave, explaining that they still had some work to do on their current operation. Before they left, Killian pulled Robin aside to ask him for a favor. Killian still wasn’t ready to speak to Regina yet, but he needed her to pull a few strings and do him a favor.

Emma hadn’t planned on finding her way to the docks. She had meant to wander aimlessly through the gardens, but before she knew where she was going, she started to smell the salt in the air.

When she reached the waterfront, she sat down and let her legs dangle over the edge. The tide had come in and the water was almost to her feet. She sat there for a long time, letting the breeze hit her face. It had helped to calm her.

She wasn’t sure how long she had been there before she heard footsteps approaching.

“Ruby, I swear to God, if you say more one more word about him I’ll shove one of your sky-high stilettos up your ass. “

“Sorry, love, but I’m not into that kind of play.”

Emma cringed at Killian’s voice. She had been certain that it was Ruby coming to track her down. It hadn’t even occurred to her that Killian liked coming to watch the water too.

“So this ‘he’ that you referred to, is he a friend or foe?”

Emma looked over to Killian who had come to sit next to her. Smiling at him she responded coyly. “That remains to be seen.”

Killian cocked one eyebrow up at her with a lopsided grin on his face. Emma rolled her eyes at him. “It’s nothing. Ruby seems to think that there’s something going on between us and won’t let up about it.”

“And why would she think such a thing?” he teased.

“Oh I don’t know, perhaps it’s all of the clandestine meetings we’ve been having.” She chuckled a little. “I think finding out that you and I had a shared secret balcony set her off.”

“Ah, and what would she say if she knew about the torrid love affair we’ve been carrying on out here at the docks?” He shot her shit-eating grin.

Both of them stared out at the waves for a while before Killian interrupted the silence. “I’ve been meaning to ask you, what happened to your eye?”

Emma furrowed her brows. There was nothing wrong with her eye. Killian raised his fingers and gently brushed them over the now healing gash above her left eye.

“Oh, that. I got in a fight with a unicorn.”

Killian was kind enough to let it go at that, but she knew he wanted to press her further.

“Let’s just say that having twenty some odd horny women locked up in a house together isn’t the most peaceful way to spend a weekend.”

Emma watched as Killian’s eyes widened, understanding. He gently grabbed her chin and pulled her face towards him so that they were only inches apart. Her lungs became paralyzed as she felt warm puffs of his breath hitting her face.

He studied the gash for a moment before looking her straight in the eyes.

“Are you okay?

His genuine concern startled her. She could feel her heart starting to race as he looked at her with worry.

She swallowed loudly. “It’s nothing really. You should she the other girls.” She tried to smile at him but he was overwhelming her and she wanted to run again.

“Oh, speaking of,” she growled out, changing the subject. “My antics, as it was put to me, didn’t go unnoticed. I was just informed that I’m being branded as the shows ‘bad girl.’”

“What?” The previously concerned look on his face had shifted to confusion.

“I’m supposed to seduce you, while stirring up trouble and picking fights with the other girls behind your back.”

Killian gave a genuine laugh. “Emma Fowler, the bad girl of prime-time TV.”

Emma gave him a very pointed look.

“I’m joking of course. This whole thing is just entirely too ridiculous sometimes.”

“On that end I can agree.”

Killian’s laughter had finally died down. “Well at least it means they plan on keeping you around. I know it’s not really what you were hoping for, but for the sake of my own sanity I’m glad you’re not going anywhere too soon.”

Emma felt a slight flutter in her stomach but wasn’t sure why. Yes, Killian was an attractive man, and when he wasn’t a drunken fool she could understand why women were drawn to him. She just wasn’t one of those women.

“So tell me, Emma. How are you planning on going about seducing me? Just so I can make sure to act accordingly, of course.”

There was a sight glimmer in his eye as he watched her. The fluttering almost doubled, but she did her best to push it down.

“Oh, that’s the easy part.” She gave him a sultry smile. “Here, stand up.”

As both of them stood, Emma placed herself so that she was standing directly in front of him.

“You see, seducing a man is much simpler than seducing a woman. There’s no mind games, no intricate word play involved. It’s all about tactile sensations. First, there’s smell. A good perfume can do wonders for enticing a man.”

She watched him nod in acknowledgment.

“Next, we have touch.”

As she said it, she lightly brushed her fingers against his forearm, dragging them softly up to his bicep. She leaned forwards towards him just close enough to whisper in his ear.

“And then there’s sound,” she whispered close enough that her lips brushed the shell of his ear. She felt him tense. “Men respond to low sultry voices.”

She leaned back again so that his eyes were trained on her face. She saw his jaw clenching and knew that her efforts were having the intended affect of him.

“There’s sight.” She let her tongue graze across her lips wetting them. His eyes fell downwards. “And finally, there’s taste.”

He closed his eyes and leaned forward, trying to close the distance between them. For a moment, Emma almost let him. She almost let herself want it, but her flight instinct kicked in and she took a step back.

“See? Easy.”

She watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he took a hard swallow. She was having a difficult time catching her own breath and needed to get away.

“I see. That’s, um, good information to have.” he choked out.

Both of them stood in silence trying to regain control over their bodies. Emma had only meant to rile Killian up, but somehow she had set herself off as well.

“I, uh,” he stammered breaking the silence. “I should probably get back. I have a one-on-one date set up with Tink. We’re glamping overnight, whatever that means.”

With that, Emma deflated, feeling like she had been kicked in the stomach. “Oh, I didn’t realize you were filming again already.”

“Aye, I have to make up for all the lost time this week.”

Almost sensing her thoughts he continued. “I, uh, I tried to ask for you, thinking it would be less awkward having an intimate date with someone I knew, but I don’t actually get much say in any of this as I guess you can imagine.”

Emma nodding back at him watching him toy with that nervous spot behind his ear. “Well I should let you go, I guess.”

Killian lingered for a moment, looking like he wanted to say more but just didn’t know how. Eventually he excused himself, leaving Emma to watch the water alone and wonder why she was so bothered by the idea of him spending a night alone in the woods with another woman.

When Killian arrived back at the cottage, makeup and wardrobe were already waiting for him. They readied him quickly, leaving him with a more rustic look. This was possibly the first time he had ever worn plaid in his life and he found that he didn’t hate it as much as he thought he would.

After he was finished, he was met outside with a small crowd. There was a town car that would take him, Tink, Mary Margaret and David, the main camera guy to their campsite. A small filming crew would follow behind them in small van.

David filmed Killian helping Tink into the town car before following her into the back seat. He also filmed them driving away into the sunset for thirty seconds before the car was ordered to turn back around. When it came back, Mary Margaret and David squeezed into the opposite side of the car so they could film the drive.

“The drive is going to take roughly an hour so I need you two to banter for a while for the camera,” Mary Margaret informed them. “Nothing sexual though!”

David turned to Mary Margaret giving her a quizzical look. She responded with a shake of her head before turning back to Tink and Killian.

“I guess we should start then.” Tink was ecstatic. “Thank you so much for asking me on this date. I’m really honored that out of all of the women in the house you picked me to get to know better.

Killian forced a smile, knowing damn well that she wasn’t his pick. “Well, lass, I look forward to seeing what this night brings us.”

They made small talk for a while, about how excited she was to be in the woods overnight, and her love of trees. As Tink made a joke about her love of wood, she brushed a finger up and down Killian’s forearm.

Killian tried his best to hide his smile, not wanted to lead her on. But when she leaned in and whispered something in his ear, he couldn’t help erupting in laughter. He hadn’t even heard what she said to him. He could only think about Emma, and her girls guide to seduction. They were only thirty minutes into the drive and Tink had already made her way through half of the list.

The only difference between Emma showing him and Tink actually using the methods was that Tink was having zero effect on him.

#If Looks Could Kill #ILCK #wellhellotragic #hellotragic #cs ff

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dansleftthigh · 7 years

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I was tagged by the lovely @phreckledphan ! :)

Rules: 1. Always post the rules 2. Answer the questions given to you by the person who tagged you 3. Write 11 questions of your own 4. Tag 11 people 1. How long have you been in the Phandom? It’s a bit hard to pinpoint when exactly i started watching dnp, but i’d say it was 2012. I’ve been in and out of the phandom ever since then.

2. Do you remember how you discovered dnp or who told you about them? I kept seeing them on my dash. One of my friends was really into them at the time so I kept wondering “who that guy with the weird hair” was (it was phil) asdfghjhgfds

3. Favorite color? Black.

4. Footage of Dan and Phil meeting at the train station or the entire unedited version of the first Phil Is Not On Fire? (this is so hard to choose fuck) Oh gosh...okay, well, PINOF is already already perfect the way it is so i’m gonna go with footage of dnp meeting at the train station. :)

5. What has been your favorite Phan moment so far and why? Oh god, why would you ask that? I can’t choose just one!!! Okay, so I have a lot of favorite phan moments but the one that comes to mind is actually kind of obscure and might not even be considered a phan moment to most people. It’s the part in Dan’s video “I nearly blinded myself” when he tells Phil he sprayed deodorant in his eye and Phil freaks out and makes him go wash his eye out and then proceeds to drop like 10 different eyedrops into Dan’s eye. I don’t know! I just think it’s a cute little domestic moment and it makes me really happy. Like it’s nothing serious or big but it’s just really caring and sweet...i don’t know. its like a glimpse into the little things they do for each other. Also putting eyedrops in someones eye is kind of intimate imo??? (like you’re right next to that person’s face....also you feel kind of vulnerable because that person could poke your eye out if they wanted to. lol.)

6. What country do you live in? USA

7. What languages can you speak? English, but i’m learning Sign Language.

8. 2009 Phan or 2017 Phan and why? Hmm...I’m gonna say 2017 phan because Dan and Phil seem to finally be more confident and not terrified of being outted. And honestly, I feel like we’re currently on our way back to the level of openness that was 2009 Phan.

9. Do you think they got married in Japan? My phan heart would love that, but nah. I don’t think so.

10. Why is Dan a rat? Dan is a rat because he knows what he’s doing and he gives me heart palpitations at least once a day

11. okay here’s the most important one,,,who tops and why? Phil.

please don’t make me explain to you why Dan is a bottom like if you don’t understand that then i can’t help you sorry. - Uuuuh...i’m gonna cheat a little because i’m shy and I don’t feel like I know anyone on this blog well enough to tag them so...yeah i’m not gonna. :S sorry. but if anyone wants to take this quiz and do it, be my guest!

#phreckledphan #personal

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myfandomswillresurrect-blog · 7 years

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Finally an update

For all of the people not following long drawn out, unedited saga of Dan Rydell and his gay soccer player... I’ve finally written another piece

The next day he had found the tape and cursed the fact that his office tv lacked a VCR, he would have to go to the editing room to watch the old interview, but it could wait. He could wait until after the show aired. Get all his writing for tonight done. Dan tried to concentrate on the work at hand, but something about Gabriel Ralston and the up coming interview was bothering him. The more he heard from Natalie and Casey the more important he felt it had to be. He was looking up stats, this guy hadn't just been the first rookie of the year in the MLS he was also the player with the most appearances for the Mutiny as well as the most goals scored. He must be so serious in interviews because of how serious he was about soccer. He had to find that interview tape. He had to figure out why a man who hated interviews would want Dan Rydell, a man who hated soccer, to interview him.

He could only last as long as the noon run down meeting. He spent the whole time doodling on his not pad, answering all questions directed his way in yes/no statements. As soon as the meeting ended he rushed over to Natalie.

"I found the tape. Let's go watch it in the editing room."

Kim interrupted their conversation "Which tape?"

"Dan's interview with Gabe Ralston."

"Gabe Ralston is so intense."

"And dreamy."

"Definitely dreamy"

"Do you remember how well he did last season."

"It's a shame they didn't make it to the cup last year. I would have loved to watch him play that."

"Those

"While this conversation is so interesting, I'm going to watch the tape."

Kim and Natalie continued to discuss just how attractive Gabe Ralston was when he played soccer, what with all that sweat and heavy breathing and the bright uniform that brought out the blue in his eyes.

Dan put the tape into editor and fast forwarded to the interview. As soon as the old footage started running, he knew why he remembered the name. On the film he was sitting next to Gabe Ralston, whose blue eyes look deeply focused despite wandering between Dan's face and the camera. He answers to questions were brief and regardless of what Dan was saying his smiles rare.

Now the the footage rolling Natalie and Kim were bickering about whether or not Gabe's featured were more "stoic renaissance painting of an angel" or "boy next door". It came down to that stiff look and few smiles compared to his tousled blond hair and freckles. Dan was just trying to focus on the interview, while the women were trying to get anyone walking by's opinion. Dan was trying to focus on the interview. The cadence of Gabe's speech, how the corners of his mouth would turn up just the slightest bit at Dan's jokes but Dan couldn't get a full smile out of him until talking about his goal in the Conference Finals.

"He's a boy next door."

"Dan how could you say that? He hasn't laughed at any of your jokes."

"Wait one more minute."

Casey wandered in. "Is this your first interview?"

"Yep."

"Have you asked the question yet."

"It's the next one."

"What question?" Kim asked with slight confusion.

The Dan on the screen then asked "Before the interview started, we talked a little bit about your personal life and growing up as a soccer fan in Texas. How proud are you not just to be rookie of the year, but to be the FIRST rookie of the year in the MLS?"

The quiet and reserved Gabe from the first 4 minutes of the interview just seemed to fade away. He was now all charm, excitement and smiles. "Growing up in Texas everything is football. The booster clubs, the pep rallies, the colleges, the excitement all revolve around football. i was rail thin and had horrible hand eye coordination. Then one hot summer day I was trying to stay out of the heat and found a different type of football. It was a game between two teams I don't remember now and I couldn't really figure out any of the rules because I didn't know any spanish, but I thought it was one of the most exciting sports I had ever seen. Now kid's don't have to learn spanish to learn the game. Now I can inspire another generation of American kids. I honestly believe that MLS is one of the best things to happen to American sports and I'm so proud to be a part of that organization. It really is a dream come true, not just to be recognized as rookie of the year, but to play in front of groups of American fans, to bring the most popular sport in the world to places where all people talk about is American Football." The smile he gave to Danny at the end of that interview was pure boy next door.

"And that is when we all knew you would be great." Casey sounded surprisingly proud. Dan didn't think that anything about himself in that interview was great. It took so long for Gabe to look even a little bit friendly, even a little bit open and honest.

"He wasn't even supposed to ask that question." Casey continued. "It was supposed to end with "How proud is your family, to have a world class soccer player as a son?"

"A good interviewer would have asked that question. Instead I tossed him softball."

"No one would choose the standard 'My parents are so proud and I am so lucky they supported me all these years' over the genuine passion and excitement he showed at the end."

"It wouldn't have been a standard answer."

"There's another way to answer that question?"

"You might not understand, but for some people no matter what you do your parents will never be proud of you. There's just something lingering in your past that they will never get over. No matter how many games you play, how ever many goals you score, to them it will never be enough to make up for your failures, it will never live up to their expectations. The told me that after asking me not to ask that question. So I didn't. So we'll probably never know why his parents aren't proud of him."

"Dan, if you hadn't ditched that question he wouldn't be asking for you to interview him."

"He's assuming I'm just going to lob a bunch of softball questions again."

"Maybe, but the more times we get Gabriel Ralston on our show, the better ratings we'll get. What his parents are upset about probably has nothing to do with sports and you know that and so you didn't ask the question. You can still ask about his lack of World Cup appearances if you want? He won't like answering that one."

Dan tried to smile weakly. He would want to ask him harder questions, to be a better interviewer, but he also wanted to see that giant smile across Gabe's face.

#Dan Rydell #casey mccall #sports night #sn #dan rydell so so gay #slash #pre-slash

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