#u can tell i am in 0 mood of writing specific scenes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cheolbooluvr · 3 years

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phew, im sorry for the wait!!!!! >< finally just got the chance to sit down and respond to this tn... and can i just reiterate how dumb it is that desktop tumblr is still limited by that very meagre ask word limit...

also what a mood... it's not mess if you can't see it!!!! altho sometimes i am guilty of leaving like... clothes on my bed for days at a time... particularly when i take my laundry in and am too lazy to fold it HAHA... so then i get a free disembodied lover to sleep next to for the next few days until i do fold it and put it away

LMAO same? i go for ages without seeing him sometimes and well every time i greet him after a break like that I'm always like man i forget how tall you are. i have a similar thing with my tall friend too haha, he's pretty much only friends with girls so there's constantly questions of whether or not he's dating us which like. the answer is always no!!! also woah... wild height difference??? but if they're happy it's all good!

you're very welcome! I hoped to have read a few more things since your last messages but I have yet to do so 😭 but yeah I think its definitely a good idea to give the reader that sort of freedom, unless you do need to describe something specific for the sake of foreshadowing or whatever! because people will fill in the gaps anyway. i totally understand the self consciousness thing! im not sure if ive said this before but like, there is a vulnerability in making art and posting it to any public degree, so of course there would be self consciousness! you're presenting a part of you to the world so getting acceptance in return is super helpful, I imagine. I understand haha. writing in general is very like ... I often have very specific imagery or scenes in mind that I want to get to, but uh, they often need so much context to get up to that point hahaha, so I definitely understand that impatience. there's a recent saying I came across actually that I really liked, and I'm paraphrasing a bit, but it was like, 'no art is ever finished, just abandoned', and idk, I think it really did speak to me on an idea of like, you could really spend forever perfecting your work, or you could get it out there

omg yeah no all that premium nonsense i'm like tumblr what are you doing... like even when they started having sponsored ads on the dash that got increasingly nonsensical overtime, haha. yeah I agree, for all my issues with tumblr, it is a nice app to read fanfic on, and I sorta wish there was an ao3 app as well haha.

that is really beautiful to think about! kinda like how you can't really check how a polaroid is going to turn out until its printed, which... I say that but I'm notoriously bad at being in those kinds of photos haha. I can do pretentious selfies if I must but what do I do when I have to pose???? but tbh id say that makes you a photographer through and through! I saw you mention you did a friend's wedding? that's so neat! what kind of other events have you done for them? but I would love to see your photos if you're okay with that hehe. no worries if you're uncomfy, I'm just curious!

omg I'm so glad!!!!! does that mean that photoshop is all good now? I'm so glad though, I too would be incredibly worried if my computer started beeping at me, LIKE TELL ME WHAT U NEED... and look I'm so glad to hear that, the last thing I want to do is be condescending fjkdjff it's like one of my biggest fears. what a mood, I definitely feel like I'm in a similar spot with computers haha, you just sorts Google and hope for the best

ooh, wait, you draw as well? 0: anything in particular? and ahhh, what songs have you learnt on the uke? genuinely that's so cool that you've dipped your toes into so many art forms though!!!!!!!!!!!! and see funny you should ask that because it was originally a fanfic, but um, its become such a big thing on its own that I'm actually hoping to get it published to some degree, even if its just self published, haha. like genuinely the original thought was an angsty old flames to lovers kind of deal with vampire minghao but now its this 50k word monstrosity with world building that I'm genuinely very proud of, even if that makes me sound a little arrogant! so I was thinking I might not even post it at all, and rewrite it to be original once I'm done with it haha... which, if I'm continuing at my current rate (about 10k a week keke), I'm hoping will be within a month... but we'll see, because I've never finished anything that isn't a one shot before... but this is my longest work yet, so crossed fingers... ? oh yes absolutely, I definitely know that struggle haha. like its so hard because you do want to consistently post but inspiration and writing progress is such a fickle, fickle thing. I really admire those who can post on a schedule consistently, I used to for an old writing blog but i think only for about a year or so? and all those fics were meant to be short anyway, so idk if that counts

ooh, okay! so was this creative writing class an elective, I'm guessing? wild that it was related to one genre though haha, although creative writing was one of my majors so I suppose I would find that a little odd, but not in a bad way. I totally understand though, I ulted two groups before seventeen and while I definitely thought about it and even started writing, seventeen is the only group I've posted for, haha. but that's so neat! I love hearing peoples fanfic origin stories, especially into reader insert fanfic because it's still seen as like kind of a niche within a niche, id that makes sense. (also, original stuff??? do you have a lot of em floating around? 👀)

still! I do have plans to get through your masterlist hehe, both in author solidarity and because I like your writing! I've also done that a few times too haha, like when you accidentally plot a fic on a messenger and you're like oh wait... this is post worthy actually... hehe I think he would have, and i like (this is gonna make me sound a little sadistic, but I just enjoy this type of angst haha) thinking of how more hurt hed be that the main character left without saying anything... and you should definitely post it 👀 i mentioned this in the other message but angst makes the heart yearn harder and tbh I feel like a lot of memorable fics are really angsty

right... I see videos on twitter of fans interacting with em and some of them are so BOLD... like the ones that FLIRT with the members? I'm like how do u even GET the courage... and yes... so far, minghao, jun, josh, wonwoo and mingyu have tried to murder me in some way HAHA... juns murder hurt me the most because he broke my heart and dream me wanted to be dramatic ig and died... joshs was the weirdest because he turned into a house and tried to eat me in one of his hallways (????), and mingyus and wonwoos was a joint effort... like, I was so happy to be reunited with wonwoo for some reason, so when I greeted him in my dream I did the running jump hug thing... and he caught me and carried me up some stairs, and I was like wild where is he taking me? turns out mingyu was waiting at the top of the stairs with a chainsaw and ngl when I woke up i was very annoyed for a few minutes because I was like I was so happy to see u wonu and u couldn't wait a single second before attempting to murder me??????? rude. also very rude of them to ignore u, like if they're in your dream domain the least they can do is say hi! and it is very strange haha I've heard stories of Joshua in high school because of our lack of degrees of separation

I'm in the same boat with bts haha, I used to be a yoongi stan with jungkook as my bias wrecker! but yeah, I really haven't been keeping up with them 😔

that's so cute tho hehe! do u know when you'd be able to get a pitbull? I'm personally a cat person but I do live with a dog that belongs to my roommate and he's cute as hell even with his occasional moments of brattiness haha. seungcheol is SO competitive! its very funny to watch haha like did you ever watch one fine day where he like, yeeted dinos sled or something when they had to race I think?????? but that might be a leo thing hehe, I actually know a lot of leos in my life (and cancers, which makes july a whole cluster of birthdays...) and they're all competitive to some degree haha. actually, question for you! I know you're a leo sun sign, but do you know what your moon, rising, and others are? o: I admit to being a little bit of an astrology nerd haha, but only a little one since my knowledge isn't super vast or anything. also, fun fact, I know two leo carats outside of you and they're both jeonghan stans hehe, so it is interesting that you're a boo one! (my other leo carat friend is a seungcheol stan)

gotcha hehe! thanks for the rec! looking up the ep I've realised I've seen bits and pieces of it haha, but that's probably because I spent my Friday watching seventeen compilation videos. omg for real? I love that!!!! I personally just love saying things ... not exactly the way they are lmfao. onions especially came from a typo but I just use it on purpose nowadays... some other favourites of mine are inch resting for interesting, or laid ease for ladies.

I think it's the only explanation too haha. like my dreams with minghao can verge on scarily real sometimes, like this one I had years ago where we were just hanging out and he went, 'this doesn't feel right.' and I was like '??? what do you mean this doesn't feel right its just a dream?' and he was like, 'yeah, but its the only time we get to spend together' and I woke up was like what kind of... meta nonsense is that. also honestly HAHA for someone who does lovingly call carats his friends... he can get really flirty sometimes and I just. I shake my head at you, minghao. before I add tally to my list of how many times I need to fight him

hehehe song wise boom boom isn't super like the song genre im usually into, but I have a soft spot for that song because I wrote one of my longest fics inspired by the mv, which... while I haven't finished, was a lot of fun haha. and oh yeah 100%! like sometimes it's late at night and then if a loud hip hop unit song comes on it'll give me a damn fright if I'm not expecting it haha. and look I was saying all one too haha. but I do think its fun when they do have wordplay like that... like I love the play on words for swimming fool, because I've never thought to make that pun before!

omg yessssss. very deserved haha and can I commend you for your taste for having my I as one of your gateway songs? and ooh! seeing mingyu and seungkwan before junhaos? how was it when u did see junhao perform it for the first time? I also love that minghao supposedly got inspired by an anime movie for it, haha.

ahhh no worries, i've also been so busy lately (idk how this happened, it's still summer break and i haven't started classes yet) !!

that's so weird abt the ask word limit klsjlkdfa ugh tumblr has so much they need to fix before they add new stuff -_-

HA THE CLOTHES PLZ I DO THAT TOO T^T DISEMBODIED LOVER AKFJDA THAT FEELS LIKE A FUN HORROR CONCEPT (i don't even like horror but it's just funny HELP) it's like a second blanket, esp in the winter LOL i am just too lazy to be asked to fold it nicely when no one is gonna come into my room anyway. doesn't help that my closet light is broken now anyway, so what's the point?

ahh no worries abt reading my fics!! take your time and don't feel any pressure to read them if you don't want! but yeah, i remember being suuuuuper nervous when i first started posting, like, will anyone like my writing? i get a lot of imposter syndrome just generally, so, i was especially nervous abt stuff like this >.< i like that saying a lot!! it kinda feels similar to how i feel abt life hahaha like you never stop growing basically. totally relatable tho, and definitely helpful when i need to tell myself to stop overthinking everything and just POST.

yes! polaroids are the perfect example of like semi-analog(?) photography. i feel you tho, i'm always like, "i definitely blinked," and like lighting is especially hard w polaroids bc of the flash and everything akfjdalf. yes!! i did do my friend's wedding :D i can share some non-person pics :)) i'm actually v proud of how they turned out! i don't usually do events, let alone weddings. rly i only said yes to them bc it was a small wedding hahaha, but i typically just do landscape and portrait photos for like graduations and stuff!

YEAH OMG IT'S LIKE A BABY. i got so scared bc i was like welp i'm gonna need to buy an entirely new computer now (and this was a custom build i bought from a friend, and i am NOT ready to try to build one on my own akljfalkdf). and no don't worry!! you were NOT condescending at all, just helpful and very pleasant :))

i do! kind of. i do a lot of fanart hahaha but i don't love any of it. and i also do little doodle-y animations :) as for uke songs, i've learned a lot of svt songs, classic oldies like stand by me, can't help falling in love with you, christmas songs!! i can't sing super well, so this is a fun way for me to practice and also have something to fidget with for my fingers :D i love art sm, and as an enfp, i'm constantly trying new things bc my brain is like WHAT IF I DID THIS and then i always start projects and never finish them LOL

OMG YAY PUBLISHING!!! okay so actually that's how i got into fanfic writing was starting to write og stories, but then i switched to fanfic when i hit a writer's roadblock lol (in addition to writing imagines in my friend's dm). that's super awesome and if ever you would feel comfortable sharing it w me post-publishing, i would LOVE to read it. and no it's not arrogant at all! you are free to love and be proud of the work you create in this space and anywhere! 10k a week omg you are insane but in the coolest way!! i am keeping my fingers crossed for you! plz lend me some writing willpower bc i can barely write like...1k a day, if that.

yeah, the class was an elective! my major is/was international studies, so not related at all hahaha. the class was abt world building and the teacher was a sci-fi writer lol so i guess it made sense?? but it was fun nonetheless!

speaking of reader insert, idk if i mentioned this in my last answer, but i was so anti-reader insert before i got on tumblr. and just anti-fanfic in general alkjfaldkf but how the turns have tabled!! my original stuff is still tucked away in my google drive bc it is FAR FAR FAR from done :') i have maybe a few scenes written out and a general idea of the plot and what i want to happen, so it's on the backburner for now.

thank you for your author solidarity :((( i appreciate that sm T^T when i finally find out who you are (i might have an idea now, but i'm not 100% sure haha), i would love to read all of your works too!! i need to do more reading!!

omg you and i are so similar bc i love bringing myself pain too. the jun angst fic i'm writing made me cry. PHEW I KNEW IT WAS GONNA BE SAD BUT DAMN I BROKE MY OWN HEART!?? i'm almost done w it, will send it thru some beta readers probably, and then get it posted :)))) GET READY FOR SPAIN BABY

omg plz i could never. if i ever meet them, i'd want it to be as like a famous cool person, y'know? but will i ever be famous and cool? idk but a girl can dream T^T i can't believe they've tried to kill you what aklfjadlfad i would def confront them too!! the joshua one! idk if you're american or at all familiar w the movie monster house, but that sounds like the same premise hahahaha that's so funny!! but also i'm sure that was super scary in your dream lol honestly would be mad at wonwoo too if he tried to lure me and kill me!! i love that you have super vivid dreams tho, that's honestly cool! i need to start remembering my dreams again, i used to have very very strange ones. usually involved me being chased and running away in slo-mo.... but yeah they're so rude for that and you deserve an apology >:[

i have a good friend who is an up and coming(?) actor so i kind of understand that lol. i couldn't imagine knowing someone who knew joshua or any kpop idol for that matter aklfjdakf

yeah, i've kinda lost interest which makes me rly sad to say. but their last few songs just haven't rly done it for me :(

i'll probably get a dog when i move out or if my parents leave our current house! my mom hates pets lol and i'm so busy so it'd be hard to take care of a dog rn :'(

OMG OFD JAPAN YEAH i love him so much, i just know if ever i were to meet him, we would be so competitive and try to one up each other in everything. i'm a capricorn rising and aries moon :D which is super funny bc then if you look at it, my big three are just my bias line!! leo sun (cheol), cap rising (boo), aries moon (mangyu) <33 my sister is an astrology nerd too!! i love it, it's super fun and like i know it gets a lot of shit, but it's rly just a fun thing, ya know? oooh that is interesting!! jeonghan funnily enough is like my arch enemy LOL i still love him tho

i love svt comp vids, so that sounds like a wonderful friday night! omg i love laid ease!! let's see, another one i love is eggzacklee, inch resting is so funny and good. yeah i love writing things out phonetically!!! it's just so hilarious and everyone is always like ????? OH and lack toes and taller aunt is another good one!!!

HELP HOW ARE YOUR DREAMS SO META kjfakldjfla!!! i love that for you tho, dreams are so fun. i can't wait for you two to have your showdown, i'll be cheering for you w my popcorn B) minghao has been so dangerous, like in the anyone choreo dance practice??? bye. BYE. i can't be here anymore!

ooooh a fic based off of boom boom!! i am curious!! again, once i find out who you are, i'd love to read it or bits of it if ever you feel comfortable sharing, but no pressure! it just sounds fun and i've never heard of that concept :) yeah, i just love their discography, it's so good and always a bop and honestly the songs grow on me a lot. swimming fool being one of them, but now it's such a fun summer bop! ^^

when i watched junhao's, i honestly fell in love. boogyu's was funny, but junhao, man, that video did smth to me and it solidified my i as a fave. i love performance unit's songs and choreos, they're so good T^T i didn't know that he was inspired by an anime movie!!! i wonder what it was. do you know??

#cheolbooluvr asks #😺 carat anon #carat anon event 💎

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maggiejulienne · 7 years

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2017 Midway Check-point and Writer Feelings

Hello, the internet!

2017 has undoubtedly been the best year of my entire life. It’s amazing what getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship can do for the mind, body, soul, and career! I highly, highly recommend it. I hear it’s a lovely time of year not to have been in one in the first place, but if that isn’t an option, telling him “boy, bye” is a excellent back-up plan.

So let’s re-re-re-re-re-rewind!

January

February- Asked to do a treatment for Someone Else’s Musical So I Can’t Tell You More which definitely went under the category of “labor of capitalism” rather than “labor of love,” but it was

March - Demo recorded for Musical Chairs.

April - Begin work on Monster Prom, an exciting new computer game, with one of my dearest school friends who I’ve known for more than a dozen years.

May- Ahhhhh! PRINCESS TEN TEN AND THE DARK SKIES workshop in my homeland of Southern California!!! This trip was a dreamdreamdream.

June - Back in New York! Hard at work on Invincible, Monster Prom, and did a lyric brush up for Someone Else’s Musical Screenplay So I Can’t Tell You More But It Was Fairytale-Themed And Therefore Awesome.

July - The toughest month so far - one of my best friends went through a lot of really hard stuff back-to-back and since she doesn’t have a great family support system I really heavily took that on emotionally trying to be there for her and help her in whatever way she needs - she 0% put any obligation on me, but that’s where my soul lies so it’s always gonna be what it is. That being said, she’s doing MUCH better now and we’re both so much happier for it. I finished the last piece of Invincible materials needed for the author to start pitching to producers, and am now good to set that aside until the next step, when- and what-ever that may be. I saw a whole slew of friends, Natasha, Ashleigh, Hannah, Katherine, Hallie, Zach, their friends, all multiple times within a very brief time-span, and that was great.

So to recap, that’s one short film with my lyrics (Smile), two pieces for a collection of one acts (Alcestis: A Tragiquilt), three musicals based on pre-existing material (Invincible, Musical Chairs, Princess Ten Ten and the Dark Skies), one movie adaptation of a preexisting work of mine, two brush-ups on other people’s scripts (shh! you’ll never know), one computer game (Monster Prom) and a partridge in a pear tree.

That’s NINE projects for other people in six months.

Holy kjahkjhkajehkehrh oh my goodness SO #blessed, so thrilled to be making my living as a writer, so happy to feel the validation that comes from having the same people hire you again and again because they like your work and they like who you are as a person and have them recommend you to others and you make new connections etc. It’s wonderful, truly, and it’s an amazing feeling and an amazing life.

Now. You will notice that conspicuously absent from the above are such phrases as “my original musical” “my screenplay” “my T.V. show”or “my novel.” And yet I have m-u-l-t-i-p-l-e of all of the above either finished or in-progress. Just in the past month or so when things were getting kind of “eh” in my personal life because of how much my friends were hurting and how deeply that affects me when it’s people I love, I really started missing my own work. Getting paid to write has been a double-edged sword in a way - it makes me feel more like a “real” writer in a very external, tangible way, it does that capitalism thing where I can feed and house myself, and it gives me hard deadlines and people to report to who believe in my work enough to have chosen me over everyone else. On the other hand, it gives me hard deadlines and people to report to who believe in my work enough to have chosen me over everyone else.

I haven’t stopped working on my own pieces during this time, and actually wrote my first-ever short film(s, two of them) since I’m starting to get anxious about getting my feature done and want to start making some kinda movie and it seems like all my friends have produced shorts at this point and YOLO. But I LOVE my feature so so so so much and it’s gotten almost exclusively positive feedback from everyone who’s read it, but hasn’t quite stuck the landing by finding the right person/place/thing with the right resources and the right opportunity at the right time. I may now have a production company for it but we still need to finding funding, and although it’s low-budget as far as feature films go ($500k-$1mil), it’s not exactly crowdfunding material. Mostly, with all these projects, especially the ones on strict timelines, I’ve started carving out time to make sure I’m continuing work on my Most Favorite Novel I’ve Started Since I Was An Adult, here after referred to as MFN.

Tonight, around 10:45/50ish, I got into bed to finish up some Monster Prom/Alcestis work before going to sleep (breaking my recently-instated rule of working on the couch in the living room and sleeping in bed, like a human, but hey). I was casually scrolling through Facebook when I saw an advertisement, inadvertently screamed, threw my phone across the room, curled up in a fetal position with my fists so tightly they hurt and yet I couldn’t unclench them, and sobbed myself to sleep.

WTF?! you ask (no, you don’t, I presume NO ONE will read this whole thing, but this is my e-journal, so I’mma post whatever I want)

I saw an advertisement for a book, the cover of which could easily be for MFN, and the title of which is one I have actually used at one point. I finally had returned to it and started actively scheduling ways to make sure I stayed on top of it, and someone had beaten me to the punch with a shocking level of specificity. There are a lot of things that make me feel strong feelings and my life is an emotional rollercoaster and I just don’t blog quite often enough to write about every single mood shift.

But I have literally never experienced a feeling quite like that in my 26+ years of being alive, and I didn’t know there were entirely new feelings left to feeling.

I’ve never been literally “paralyzed with emotion,” but that’s how it felt. As I said, I literally felt as if I could not loosen my fingers, could not move my knees from my chest, could not open my eyes. I just folded in on myself and fell asleep within minutes, something I haven’t done in weeks, because my body literally needed to shut off rather than deal with the emotional pain I felt of, in one picture and twenty-five words, feeling like a piece I have spent the past eight years working on had been rendered useless and defunct and - I’ve sat here struggling to think of a word to describe exactly what it was but the best I can come up with is - dead. And dead. It felt like MFN,this thing I love, was dead, had been killed by the unfairness of the universe that gave two creative souls the same thought and let one beat the other to the finish line.

What should make this less surprising to me is the fact that the darling young newlywed playwright assigned the Alcestis scene immediately after mine came up with - independently of me, having never met, never discussed the piece - almost the EXACT SAME premise and themes for his interpretation of the text.

(And this author’s book was published by the same publishing house that published my friend’s book that I was explaining to this gal I’m just starting to be friends with led to a kind of complicated dynamic with this other person da da da because of fucking COURSE it was)

Anyway it’s 6:51AM right now and I need to go to sleep so I can wake up and do the writing I’m being paid and/or asked to do rather than just writing about the writing I’m being paid and/or asked to do, so I’ll hafta fill in a few of the beats tomorrow but these are the bulk of my feelings and there’s just a lot of them lol. Mostly I hope that my current trajectory continues and maybe if my writing reaches a broader audience people can see these records of how I got there since we usually only see the sort of “overnight success” moments and miss all the work to get there.

So let the record show that for the first five years I lived in New York, I got a total of about four or five writing jobs, and now have had nine in the last seven months. I did a whole buncha acting in that time, but will soon be acting for the first time in a year and a half. So it took a long time of writing before people started asking me to write things on a (too???) regular basis, and now we’ll see how long it takes until people start asking me to write my own things and they’ll pay for them and let other people see them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

XOXO

gossiprat

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