Sometimes I truly love myself but on other days I feel like what people say about me being ugly is true and idk what to do at this point because I usually just cry till I forget about it but it just comes back

hello anon! thank you for your vulnerability, and as someone who used to really struggle with this exact thing, i’m gonna give my insight under the cut.

i think that as a society we place way too much emphasis on looks, aesthetics, and physical beauty; ideally, trivial things like these shouldn’t even matter at all! however, it’d be utterly naive of me to say that one’s physical appearance doesn’t affect or shape their lived experiences, because more often than not, it does. in reality, people do treat others differently based on their appearances, and it’s so many levels of fucked up.

i remember reading somewhere that “pretty privilege” is rooted in racism, colorism, texturism, classism, fatphobia, and a whole plethora of other -ism’s and -ia’s. i find this to be true— these systems aren’t only put in place to physically/economically oppress minorities, but to also diminish our sense of self-worth and self-esteem. and this lowered sense of self-worth is just another way to subjugate minorities, to keep us submissive or subservient, and to trick us into buying into these fallacious notions of “beauty” (which are often based on western/eurocentric ideals, at least in places that were heavily colonized by europeans.)

moving on from the holistic, (and feel free to disregard everything i said up there ^ if it made no sense HAHA), here’s my one, cardinal piece of advice: give yourself grace. a lotta people like to boil down self-love to something akin to a destination, like it’s this arduous journey up a mountain and “self-love” is the mountain’s peak. but i honestly don’t think it’s like that at all. y’know, you’re always learning and growing as a person, and at other times, you’re unlearning or maybe even regressing, and that’s okay. people aren’t meant to be stagnant, you’re meant to change, and the least you can do for yourself is be gracious with yourself as you navigate through life.

and in the same way that self-love isn’t a destination, it’s also not a static state of being either. some days, i think i’m the best person in the world. other days, i think i’m a piece of shit! but that’s why grace and self-forgiveness are all the more important on those days. it’s what will help you understand that “hey, i’m not perfect, and that’s okay.”

tl;dr (bc i know i rambled a bunch LOL) but those people who are saying you’re ugly are pricks, and grace is the best gift you can give yourself! (also, and this is by no means meant to be facetious in any way, but therapy and counseling work wonders. i know it’s scary and it’s not the most accessible service, but if you do have the means, i highly recommend it! i honestly think that everyone should go to therapy lol)

sending you love thru the screen!! 💞