star log: #042223

when I'm feeling very depressed I find my hyperfixations become all the more deep and consuming. the best way I can describe it is that it feels like a weighted blanket. (never had one before but my friend noah let me use his while eating thai and watching bob's burger for the first time at his place).

at first all I could focus on was how heavy it felt, and I told him that but then I got quiet when it soothed me almost immediately. the show was fun, and the food was good, but I felt present for the first time in the day. i'd been on the bus for hours and at a queer event that was nice but a bit too loud. the words blended together, and while I sat I was glad I'd brought my cane along.

right now sonic feels like the most colorful and softest of blankets i own, fandom wise, because it's been the series I've followed since I was a kid. the corners are tattered and there are holes that've been patched over multiple times but it's still a big warm safety blanket and feels like a very big hug.

this spring's been one of the hardest juggling unknown chronic illness, finishing the semester and seeing the horrors of anti-trans legislation happening to folks in my community. but it's been so wonderful getting to engage with things that bring big comfort again. (therapy 2x weekly helps too!)

try to be gentle with yourself, ok?