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#try not to think about how Lae’zel is one year older than me
astarionsilverbough · 7 months
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“Darling.”
And it’s Different, when it’s for him.
Because, you see - Astarion calls everyone ‘darling.’ Even Shadowheart (though for a while that one is a bit… cruel).
And everyone gets a different version of the word, of course - and variations of it for different circumstances and events. So far, Gale has the most variations of the term - Halsin’s kept count. They range from affectionate and fond to absolutely poisonous and sometimes dangerous. There are, by Halsin’s count, thirteen versions of ‘darling,’ for Gale (who, again, is Astarion’s best and most steadfast friend - though Astarion would wrinkle his nose at the term).
But when it comes to him?
When it comes to him, there are three. Three variations of ‘darling’ that no one else - not even Gale - gets.
1.) Utterly and absolutely… soft. Oh, but it’s so soft. Often it’s used only in private - in moments when Astarion can cup his jaw or slide into his lap and murmur it against his lips. Halsin can think of two times Astarion has used that ‘darling’ in front of everyone else: the first?
When they (‘they’ being Astarion, Gale, Shadowheart, Lae’zel and Wyll) had found Halsin broken and alone in the Underdark after he’d carved through the goblins alone.
It was the first time the two elves had seen each other in two hundred years and five months. Through the haze of drow poison and blood loss, Halsin had heard the sun.
“Halsin. Darling.”
Achingly soft and so beautiful. A calloused but gentle hand cupped his chin and Astarion - older and more magnificent than Halsin remembered - had swum into focus above him.
Oh, but how he’d fallen in love with the man all over again in that moment… The thrill of it had been just as intense as it had been the first time, when they were younger and more afraid.
That was the first time he’d ever heard the soft variation of ‘darling’. Two hundred years and five months after the last time he’d seen Astarion Ancunín, who was more magnificent than he remembered but smelled exactly the same and could outburn the sun.
The second had been -
“I have to do this alone, Astarion.”
The darkness was like ash clinging to his skin. Karlach had been throwing stones into the abyssal waters; Gale was pointedly trying not to listen while Shadowheart was watching them like a vulture about to clean a carcass.
And oh, how he’d been terrified. To wander the Shadowfell, nothing to go on but a glimmer of vengeful hope and the scent of lavender… would he ever see the sun again?
Would he forget what gold sounded like?
But then -
Astarion’s plush lips part and his brow creases, brilliant sunset eyes big and glistening. For a moment, Halsin expects - well. Nothing good, that’s for certain.
A foolish thing, to try and predict the heat of the sun.
A nimble hand slides over his chest and catches his chin. The next thing he knows, he’s being kissed with tongue and fang. Solar flares explode in his lungs and Astarion thumbs over his cheek.
“Come back to me, darling,” he says.
It is a command, gentle and easy. Soft in the way that inspires hope somewhere inside his bones.
Not a hint of worry. Trust him - he knows what the worried variant of ‘darling’ sounds like.
Speaking of which:
2.) Astarion trusts Halsin in a way he isn’t sure how to hold; he feels a bit like a child cradling a bird with a wounded wing in his palms. One wrong move and that wing could shatter and leave the little bird he seeks to protect incapable of flight.
He doesn’t use the worried variant of ‘darling’ when Halsin is about to or has already attempted something foolish or heroic (see: ‘darling’ variant no. 1).
Astarion’s concerned and slightly lilting “darling,” comes when they’re in situations and he needs Halsin to look exactly where he’s looking at that very moment. It is a precise and hard-learned code, one that Halsin is more tuned into than even the method by which nature forms the reality around them.
It starts immediately: they’re in the Underdark and Halsin is still aching from the effects of the drow poison and the blood loss, and he can feel Astarion’s presence like sunbeams on his skin.
But even as he’s so acutely focused on Astarion’s presence, he’s still aching from the effects of drow poison and the blood loss, and so when Astarion’s sharp and tense “darling,” comes, he looks around just a little too late.
The Spectator catches them by surprise. Somehow, they survive the fight.
Halsin is looking at Astarion with every snapping “darling” he utters, now.
But even as the worried variant of ‘darling’ is the command he exists by and the soft variant is the one that sends heat through his bones and burns them gold, the variant of ‘darling’ that Halsin adores the most is -
3.) Sheer, raw fury.
It has only been used with such enchantment once. So far, at least. Who knows what the rest of the eternity he intends to spend beside the moon-kissed elf will bring, but so far…
So far it’s just been -
“Be well, then, darling.”
And oh, the way it had seared across Halsin like a lash of flame! How it had made his soul twist and his heart stop, commanded still by the sheer weight of the viscerally vitriolic venom in the word.
There was to be no doubt, then. A mate he was, and a mate he would always be. Some part of Halsin was snatched away in that moment. It fused with Astarion’s shadow, and there it would stay until he was led back to the young elfling.
The compass to lead him home.
Because this variant of ‘darling’ - this horrible, wrenching barb of a thing - had been shot at Halsin after he had told a twenty-year-old Astarion that:
“I cannot give you what you seek,” after a quiet and heartbreaking:
“I love you. I’m - Halsin, I’m… in love with you.”
And he’s over a hundred and Astarion is twenty and even if he’s everything Halsin wants, it’s not time. Not yet. The seasons need more time to show Astarion what the world can offer. He needs to taste the fruits of many before he settles on his favorite.
So:
“Oh, my little star,” Halsin had said in elvish; “I cannot give you what you seek.”
It was like watching the winter freeze settle in. It was seeing the sea go black before a storm; it was the flicker of divinity in the pit of Halsin’s belly and the hunt at the height of the season. It was every perfect and horrible thing all at once and Halsin loved this creature more than the earth beneath his feet.
“You are so young - there is so much you’ve yet to witness, experience.” He’d taken one of Astarion’s hands. It had been limp, cold. He’d kissed it anyway and stepped back. “And I must go my own way for now. Don’t worry. You’ll see me again, little star.”
And it was silent then, the kind of silent that made Halsin’s skin pebble with gooseflesh.
Until:
“Be well, then, darling.”
A dismissal. Inelegant and so wrathful. A blessing lain on the path beneath his boots. The sun blazed so hot it carved itself into his soul and stole a piece of him away.
It has not rejoined him. That’s alright; he feels it whenever Astarion is near, and these days it’s rare when he isn’t. Halsin is his sword and shield, the crown on his head and the throne beneath him.
And when the word comes this time - “darling,” - it’s just for him, spoken against the shell of Halsin’s ear as a damp, fresh-from-the-bath Astarion settles over his thighs and slides his arms around Halsin’s neck. Heat lunges up Halsin’s spine and he frames Astarion’s slender waist with keeping hands. So lost in the taste of the man’s skin, Halsin barely notices he’s been talking at him until Astarion gently tugs at his hair.
“Halsin, darling.”
His ears perk up. That’s a new one - slightly exasperated, clipped and somewhat offended in a small, quiet way. A vulnerable way.
“Were you even listening to a thing I said?”
Stomach clenching, Halsin slides his keeping hands over Astarion’s flanks and scans his face. He’s pouting. This is a new face, a new variant. Halsin’s nerves align and he cups Astarion’s chin.
“Forgive me,” he says soberly. “I was lost in thought. Tell me what I missed - speak to me, lover.”
He jostles Astarion a bit and the elf’s expression softens just before he arches a brow and tips back with a shrewd, playful glare. Halsin keeps him supported with a big hand at the base of his spine and chases a hopeless kiss he doesn’t get on a whim.
“And what, pray tell, was so important it stole you away from me?” Astarion demands, fingertips guarding Halsin’s lips.
Halsin smiles against his touch. “You.”
And when Astarion’s expression changes, it makes Halsin feel like spring. Those sunset eyes go dewy and Astarion’s body melts against the strong plain of his own.
“You,” he mutters against Halsin’s lips, “are a menace, darling.”
And he’ll never tire of it - never tire of learning every cadence this man can shape. Maybe one day he’ll earn more variants than Gale - for now, he’ll settle on keeping the Different ones, the ones no one else gets to hold.
There is no greater honor.
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unreadpoppy · 1 month
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down by the river - Chapter 10
Raphael x Warlock!Tav
Read on AO3
Chapter 9
A/N: hey guys it's been forever, I know. My college classes came back and so did my internship, I'm participating in two different plays and just recently did I go back on my medication, so it has been very hard to find some time to sit down and write. This chapter is shorter because of that but I'm glad to have finally updated the story.
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It was the last night before they finally attacked Moonrise Towers. 
Everyone in camp was tense, especially after the previous night’s events. Shadowheart, in her path towards becoming a Dark Justiciar, ended up turning away from Shar, and freeing the aasimar Aylin, the source of General’s Ketheric immortality. 
Minthara and Lae’zel both were sharpening their weapons, the drow more tense then the other. Karlach, Gale, Astarion, and Halsin made conversation, leaving Tav and Wyll by themselves. 
The two warlocks sat in one Last Light’s balcony, looking out at the sky. Ever since the Nightsong flew free, it seemed as if the moon shone brighter. Tav had her feet up on the table, Lihala’s lute on her hands,  while Wyll looked down, troubled. 
“You alright?” She asked. 
Wyll looked up and shook his head. “I was just thinking how one’s life can change in an instant.” He looked at her. “Karlach was just a bodyguard when suddenly, she was sold to Zariel. Lae’zel, Minthara and now Shadowheart have all but practically abandoned their gods.” Wyll looked to the sky, closing his eyes. “With a wave of a hand, Mizora turned me into this.” 
Tav nodded, choosing to remain quiet. Her fingers stroked the chords of the lute, playing a familiar tune from her childhood. 
Wyll listened closely, lost in his thoughts. Then, he shook his head. “I never heard that one before.” 
Tav smiled. “It’s an old song from my time. It’s not played as much nowadays.” 
His head tilted, confused, and raised a brow in a silent question. He chuckled “It’s just… you don’t strike me as that old, Tav.” 
She smirked. “I’ve been around much longer than you could imagine, boy.” 
“How old are we talking, then?” 
“Older than Hasin.”
Wyll frowned. 
“It’s part of my contract with Raphael.” She explained, noticing his confusion. “As long as he is around, so will I be.”
“I see.” A moment of silence passed before he spoke again. “Doesn’t that worry you? To have your life tied around a devil?”
In the time they had spent together, it wasn’t the first time that Wyll had questioned Tav’s relationship with her patron. 
Tav sighed, putting her lute down and her feet off the table, sitting closer to him. “I understand your worry. We all saw the way Mizora treated you, and I’ll be the first person to help you bring her down. It’s only reasonable you'd be wary of any of the…infernal persuasion.” She smiled kindly at him. “I appreciate your concern, I really do. It shows how much you care about others but… I know what I did when I signed that contract. And I have not regretted that decision since.” 
She leaned back on her chair, taking the lute back. Tav noticed how Wyll’s shoulders slumped and how his brown was furrowed. She wondered what she could do to try and ease his worries. 
Tav looked down at the instrument in her lap and then at her hands. As her fingers once again began to play a familiar melody, a memory came to mind. 
“Let me tell you a story.” 
A year had passed since Tav had signed the contract and in that time, she had yet to play her lute again. 
The ink on the contract had not even dried when she felt her hand healing, bone, skin and muscle going back in their places. She felt a relief she had never felt before, and the urge to play once again. 
And yet, whenever she picked up the lute, she faltered. Her hand would begin to shake and then freeze right on top of the strings. It had been so long since Tav had last played, that old voice of self doubt, the one who followed any new artist, was plaguing her mind again. 
‘You can’t do it, it will be terrible, you should just give up and-’
“What are you doing?” A familiar voice brought her back to reality. She turned her head and saw Raphael standing very close to her. 
Tav had decided to go to one of the many balconies in the House of Hope, away from the suffering debtors so that she could play in peace. 
“I was…going to play.” The devil nodded and then took a seat across from her, gesturing towards the instrument. 
“Go on.” He said, making himself comfortable. “Entertain me. I want to see that my fixing of your hand was for a good reason.” 
Tav gulped and her hands began to sweat out of nervousness. She took a deep breath, trying to ease her mind, but the moment her fingers touched the strings again, Tav froze. 
She was transported back to her first performance on stage. Her heart beat loudly, she swore that the audience could hear it. There was an unsteadiness to her legs, as if any wind would take her away. She remembered looking at all those people, staring at her, waiting for her to fail. She had closed her eyes before playing the chords and-
“Tav.” Raphael said sternly. “I gave you an order. You’d be wise to oblige.” 
“I know. Just-” She took a deep breath. “Give me a moment.” 
He raised a brow, leaning back on his chair. “It shouldn’t be this difficult to play, dear. You are a bard, after all.” 
‘You are a bard. You are a bard. You are a bard.’ 
The phrase echoed in her head, almost like a mantra. Her first performance, how had it ended? 
Tav remembered it. Once her fingers began to play, it was as if the music just came out of her. Playing, singing, it was as easy as breathing for her. 
‘You can do this, Tav.’ She told herself as the first notes were played, her voice following after. 
Lace your heart with mine
Let your sleeping soul take flight
Take me through the night
Down, down, down by the river…
Opening her eyes, she looked at Raphael. He had leaned back on his chair, eyes closed and a serene expression on his face. When the song abruptly came to an end, he was quick to question. 
“Apologies. I haven’t finished writing this song. Didn’t get the chance.” She explained, looking down. 
He hummed. “It’s an interesting song. Full of potential for something great. I’d like to see it finished.” Tav nodded, a smile beginning to form on her face. “Now, play something else. Something completed this time.” He leaned again and closed his eyes, just as she began again. 
Back to the present, Tav looked at Wyll, reassuring him one last time. “Raphael is not perfect, not by any means. He is a devil, after all.” Wyll huffed at that and she reached forwards, putting a hand on his arm. “But he gave me back the gift of music. He gave me my life. You do not need to worry about me.” 
Tav stood up and left.
Ketheric Thorm was dead. 
And with his death, new life was breathed into the shadow cursed lands, the first in a century. Tav smiled as the sun shone on her face, a glowing tree sprouting on where once was nothing. The land would heal. 
The attack on Moonrise Towers had also brought new revelations. The truth about the Absolute had unfolded in front of them. The chosen of the dead three - Orin, Gortash and Ketheric - were in control of an elder brain, and had a planned attack towards Baldur’s Gate, which would have happened if the Apostle of Myrkul hadn’t been brought down. 
With one nether stones in hand, the party had two new targets to strike before they could be rid of the tadpoles for once and all. 
Tav’s mind wandered towards Raphael. Before her infection, her patron had sent her on a mission: Discover what Enver Gortash, the boy who had escaped Raphael’s claws, was up to. She hadn’t understood then what he meant but now, the picture was clearer and many questions had arised. 
Tav had a distinct feeling that very soon she would get her answers. 
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bledmagic · 3 years
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**the following is no way indicative of direct rp interactions & is solely referring to the personal canon to idrylla. if your muse wants to refer to the closeness of one of the companions listed here by all means, unless you are holding another rper muse in mind as that connection is different & not based upon these by the interactions idrylla & that muse has had. however if you would like to base interactions on these descriptions with your muse def lemme kno & we can plot on this further !
idrylla is not the only focus of the story, they are one of many that line the cast of our main tale & the interactions between idrylla & these characters drive the story forward or back. as the game still rests within the area of early access & there are hints from datamining of future companions this list is not complete nor is it going to contain anything proper beyond act 1 in terms of connections. with the previous statement said, here is each of our companions & the relationships held with idrylla as per the canon to their character & me. **i will note if i have romanced a npc like this, as the game is in early access n just like in who’s line is it anyway the choices n points dont matter there is no canon romance for idrylla at this moment in time. 
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LAE’ZEL: idrylla has very few memories of the nautilus. their capture, their containment, & the escape itself is somewhat of a blurry mess. what they do remember is lae’zel. they remember her face, her struggling, her escaping that pod. they saw the moment the mind flayer infected lae’zel & the fear held within the githyanki’s features. all of this is unspoken between the two, but for idrylla it’s spurned a lot of emotions that have boiled down to pushing idrylla to get close to lae’zel & be quite defensive of her with strangers( shadowheart can make a few insults as a treat, lae’zel in return can make some serious threats in return as a treat ). it is with the first weeks of travel idrylla can be found hanging out along side lae’zel like a safety net, finding the familiarity of their escape as a bridge to base a friendship upon. despite that link that idrylla has tied between them they find lae’zel absolutely delightful in every way possible & considers lae’zel probably the closest friend idrylla has had in years, the honesty lae’zel shows in the most blunt way a refreshing change from the passive aggressiveness of the wizards guild peers. beyond all this, lae’zel is also the first githyanki has ever known & has prodded the poor warrior with a multitude of questions to absorb the info like a weird elf sponge, even going out of their way to learn on their own & ask lae’zel about later on. idrylla holds lae’zel’s opinon in high regard & often will ask her or look to her for her advice & even if not followed takes it in consideration. anyways they are best friends. ( lae’zel: we are not ‘friends’ / idrylla: you’re right. we are best friends, pal. / lae’zel: tch. ) **lae’zel has been romanced 
SHADOWHEART: while idrylla did try to save shadowheart from her pod, idrylla also has particularly failed at every turn to get shadowheart to even attempt to trust them. traditionally anyway. since the common ground of the parasite & needing to team up & trust each other has failed to get shadowheart to loosen up, idrylla has taken the approach to just be a utter nuisance to shadowheart. often chiding the other with jokes or teases, stirring up trouble between shadowheart & lae’zel, forcing shadowheart to go talk to people at parties( notable example is when idryl forced shadowheart to dance with them at the big fun tiefling celebration party in which shadowheart was so emabrassed she probs would have died on the spot if she wasnt actually having fun the whole time ), etc etc. shadowheart stresses idrylla out, so tightly wounded & clearly bothered by something that is clearly at times more dire than the worm in their brain. it activates idrylla’s older sibling mode near instantly as often the fussing of the other reminds idrylla very warmly of their younger siblings, one being very similar to the uptight cleric. when shadowheart does breakdown some of those walls & reveals her religious beliefs idrylla presents themselves as very accepting. while agnostic themselves, they do make a point to show they hold no ill will to shadowheart & support them, but more importantly wants shadowheart to learn to rely on them from then on to be more honest about anything. it’s after this shadowheart tends to be less antagonistic toward idrylla. but only a little less.
WYLL: idrylla noted early on that the “”””stone”””” that rests in his socket has a heartshaped looking pupil & annoyingly( to everyone except wyll himself ) calls him hearteye. as a baldurian they are very well versed in knowing the various tales & stories of the blade of frontiers. wyll is idrylla’s favorite drinking companion & the two get along like a pair of bros in a budding bromance that will make the fans go crazy. wyll holds a hard sense of justice that idrylla tends to think of a buzzkill at times, but does value the pull of morality his chiding holds considering her own moral standing at current is fuzzy at best. she does truly worry about how skiddish he tends to be about his guarded secrets & once learning upon the truth they promise to aid them in his quest to save his ‘totally not devil girlfriend’ & when wyll protests about such a title idryl simply responses ‘oh no i totally get it, hearteye.’ with a laugh & wink. idrylla also has wyll teach them the use of the blade, taking those teachings & applying them to their learnings of the staff as a weapon vs a channel for magic. often one can see them sparing in camp on down time. wyll is also the only one of the companions who gave idrylla a proper condolence when idrylla’s less than tragic backstory is revealed to the the companions, to which idrylla who was properly touched thanked him with a hand to their heart & a ‘aww, thanks man. you’re a real one.’
ASTARION: idrylla is far softer on astarion than they should be & they will deny it. usually such a judgement of letting astarion getting away with ( in most cases, literally ) murder is preceded by a loud groan or sigh. it’s not that idrylla wants to dull astarion’s sparkle, but more of a general worry. the more idrylla learns of him, the more & more they just feel bad( astarion: i rather be spared of pity, thanks / idryl: it’s not pity. i don’t pity you its just. well hearing that shit that happened to you ? makes me sick, man. horrible things to go through. makes me want to hit something. ). but the primary worry is what will happened to their newfound friend once the parasite is extracted, will astarion burn up in the sun ? prevented from hanging out with them at bars ? will they not be able to find something for him to eat on the journey they set on ? idrylla has no real way to comfort astarion in the face of his past & it makes them uncomfortable. all that can be offered is a arm about his shoulder & a ear to listen.  beyond all this, however, the two get along disturbingly well. idrylla’s current fuzzy moral standing & general pull to do really stupid things setting a stage for the two of them to act in their own chaotic fashion. the two make comments with each other that would make people wonder if they share a braincell. idrylla often pulls lae’zel into their shenanigans much to her dismay. the fact that astarion is a vampire spawn has absolutely zero negative effect or reaction from idrylla. **astarion has been romanced
GALE: i hate these two. considering gale being a wizard busybody i have to do the most divergent shit with this mf. love this catdad, anyways here go. gale & idrylla absolutely know of each other prior to the events of the game & have a loving rivalry friendship thing going on. they have met a few times due to the wizarding guild( take in mind, this wizard guild is something im developing for idrylla & is not canonical to the game ) of which gale would visit, but is not apart of, due to his associations. the two never had a proper moment of conversation prior but are as i said, very aware of each other at least in terms of their talents in magic. so whilst there is a pre-established link between them they are without a doubt strangers. their rivalry comes out at any time magic is spoken about or knowledge thereof. a interesting change in demeanor for idrylla who, for all intents & purposes before & during the events, tended to not have a proper ambitious or know-it-all bone in their body. the two will often agree about magic or purposely disagree. they speak of other wizards & generally are capable of working together to figure out spells or something magical in puzzles. when gale says that idrylla knows nothing about the weave, it took everything in idrylla to not set him on fire. when faced with the truth about gale’s utterly stupid need to consume magic & the reason behind it, idrylla simply just starts smacking him on the arm & calling him an idiot( considering idrylla’s recent expulsion from the wizarding guild spurred on by peers that are  power hungry & would do whatever they could to get ahead, the ordeal of gale sits very heavy on idrylla. while they does apologize later & explains the why. ). over time the two have gotten less antagonistic to each other & more or less bicker for the fun of it, showing that the two have found themselves more or less comfortable with each other & in their aventures found respect in each other’s talents. so far anyway. idrylla has threatened to steal gale’s cat( in jest to make gale wig out. )
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