Objectively i know jealousy in relationships sucks and removes subject agency and that harassment/schmoozing is deeply uncomfortable and violating but at the same time I want to see my blorbos overcome. I wish to see them be protective and start biting people with no boundaries. I wish for them to see the other person fronting or glaring or unable/unwilling to fight and step in smoothly. I wish for emotional conversation about self esteem and the fear of people leaving bc they realized u suck. A self chastisement for your own possessive and jealous feelings. I'm thinking about Valenstrifesodos

this might be a controversial opinion but i think there's nothing inherently wrong with jealousy in a relationship as long as it is communicated and dealt with clearly in a way that all sides are in agreement with. just like any other emotion, the experience of it is uncontrollable and not inherently (im)moral in any way, the important thing is recognizing that it is irrational and dealing with it accordingly. the main problem with it is that if it isn't handled healthily it often drives a deep distrust of one's partner and attempts to control them without their consent. like obviously no one should be making demands like "seeing you with other people makes me jealous so stop going out with other people" and so on but at the same time "no one is allowed to feel jealous and/or insecure ever" is just as unachievable

and i think a lot of the time we do like the idea that someone cares enough and thinks we're special enough to be afraid of being replaced with other people in our lives, whether out of romantic attachment or not. we want to see people protecting themselves and each other without regard for consequences in a way we are never really able to protect ourselves in real life. we also want to have people see our insecurities and flaws after having acted out and still love us enough not to leave.

basically this is fiction and inherently self-indulgent and even if you want to portray an unhealthy form of jealousy that would suck in a relationship irl literally who cares??? anon you're valid go out and write the valenstrifesodos possessive boyfriends you want to see in the world

Why I’m tapping out on Scottish football

This isn’t a site that has ever really done much in the way of profanity but, at this time, it perhaps feels like that should be well and truly broken.

Because, at this juncture, I think I may just have to call it on my love of Scottish football. In a way, it’s been coming - I’ve not subscribed to a service that offers live Scottish football for some considerable time and my following of highlights has, this season in particular, spotty at best. I’m a Celtic fan but can count the number of games I’ve watched this season on one hand.

On the other hand (the one not being used for counting), I’m proudly Scottish and proudly a Celtic fan but, fuck me, I think I’m done.

As no-one could avoid, we are in the midst of a pandemic. As no-one could avoid in Scotland only, we are in the midst of a footballing existential crisis. Arguably, the SPFL are the only party handling Coronavirus worse than Donald Trump, and he literally told people to inject themselves with Toilet Duck then tried to walk it back claiming it was sarcasm in spite of the fact that he’s meant to be the leader of the free world and that sarcasm isn’t included on his role profile. The SPFL’s crisis stems, of course, from the Dundee email vote saga, a saga that would have been averted had anyone in Hampden thought “Huh, maybe I should check our Spam folder before the deadline of this massively important vote”.

Say what you like about the British government’s attitude towards PPE stockpiling, but at least they bothered to check and read the EU scheme emails before deleting them. The SPFL couldn’t even be arsed to do that before announcing a partial result on whether we should end the season or not.

Don’t get me wrong, that the season is over in Scotland was the right call, but it was done in such a manner that one would have to find an easier job than organising a piss up in a brewery to actually compare the SPFL’s handling of the vote to.

In a time where we are asking clubs and the nation as a whole to come together, like The Beatles song, Scottish football is managing to fall apart, like The Beatles. And little shows this more obviously than how reconstruction could be passed - a committee of fifteen of which ten are directly involved in either a promotion or relegation fight. Rangers might want an independent inquiry into the SPFL’s emails, like a Trump supporter any time the words “Hillary Clinton” are mentioned but me? Well, I’d just like even a single hint of independence when it comes to what should be the defining reorganisation of Scottish football more so than when Rangers went kerblooie. I’d like to be able to say the SPFL had an independent group which actually decided to do something for Scottish football solely in the interests of what is best for Scottish football. We don’t have that.

And let’s be honest, if the best thing for Scottish football didn’t involve expansion of the top flight, it wouldn’t be given the time of day by the large amount of the panel that would lose out by rejecting expansion. Is Ann Budge really going to chair a meeting that says “Hey, maybe Hearts should be relegated because they’re terrible?”

No, she bloody well isn’t.

Rather than working together to improve Scottish football, we have instead commissioned a football club version of The Hunger Games, where clubs only ever look out for themselves. That League Two clubs have already joined together and demanded 14-14-14 shows that. Brora and Kelty would be deserved and valuable additions to the bottom tier but, whoops, looks like those League Two clubs want to pull up the drawbridge to everyone else. The playoff at the bottom was brought in to ensure that sides who didn’t deserve to be in the league on merit, because they didn’t invest and more, has proven to be a good thing. East Stirlingshire and Berwick have gone to be replaced by Cove and Edinburgh City, two sides who show ambition and have thrived. Their success has set the template for other clubs lower down the ladder to show ambition that was previously not possible. But if you’re a club like an Elgin, a Brechin or a Stirling who have built the club on foundations of ensuring the status quo, the playoff has served its purpose and allowing other ambitious clubs in the league would just hasten their own exit from the leagues. Denying Brora and Cove would just send the message that ambition isn’t welcome and there’s no point shooting for the moon because, well, league clubs will seize upon a crisis to move the moon that bit further away.

In a way, it’s hard to blame clubs for acting like dicks. Coronavirus poses an existential threat to many of them due to the unique revenue mix of Scottish football. But reason now would get repaid with renewed interest later. Acting entirely selfishly will only kill that.

You’ll note I’ve not yet mentioned Rangers’ dossier of SPFL misdeeds, backed by Hearts and Stranraer. Funnily enough, the clubs that stand to lose out the most are those making trouble and that is what this is. Whatever Rangers have on the SPFL, publicly muckraking and stringing the saga out only serves to undermine any interest in Scottish football. All to what end? To try to taint a title that Celtic would have won anyway? Celtic, who have been noticeably silent, get dragged into the situation simply by not biting. The accusation of Peter Lawwell running Scottish football from behind the scenes that Rangers’ actions play into is utterly ridiculous - not because he isn’t influential but because if two decades of running Celtic have told us anything, it’s that Lawwell couldn’t possibly be this incompetent in running a business.

The issue is clear - the SPFL makes decisions through the consent of clubs. Those clubs provide plenty of competent administrators to help work out what their club’s view should be. But, ultimately, the SPFL’s failure is that there is absolutely no clear leadership, there are only 42 competing views leaving no-one happy and, in many cases, some loudly crowing about perceived injustices. Anyone able to get a bloc of votes can vote down pretty much whatever they like, leaving us in a paralysis where the only decisions that get made are those that are the least controversial. Perhaps the only thing the SPFL has gotten right since this all began is that they thought reconstruction would be difficult to achieve.

If nothing else, this crisis has shown the utter damned futility of the SPFL in its current form. It’s democracy, if that’s what you call it, has failed. If reconstruction blows up and Hearts end up in the Championship, they will blame the SPFL and not being bad at football. It shows the sense behind a position such as that of MLB commissioner - a representative who would get to make all the calls that need making in a crisis like now who acts not at the behest of clubs but with the implied consent of them once elected by clubs. It might not quite be a benevolent dictatorship, but the desire of someone trusted to be able to turn around and go “We’re going 16-16-10, lads because I’ve had a bunch of research done and that’s what’s best” is pretty hard to resist at this moment in time. Hell, they even have a centralised clothing commissar who keeps an eye on costumes to make sure they make the most of branding and whatnot.

One other thing in baseball’s favour is its journalism. Baseball, the national pastime, has its own myths and elegies that have allowed writing to shine at this time and have been the most enjoyable part of my current free trial with The Athletic. Alternatively, football has offered numerous treatise in how we get back to normal, while Scotland has offered the same in how we want to get back to normal, but not that normal, because when stuff was normal, those boys over there were arseholes and, anyway, here’s the opinion of a sectarian bloke from Derry on Scottish football and, oh, he’s not got any actual stake in Scottish football but we just thought, you know, why not and we’ll hope for the b…

Can you see why it makes you want your head to fucking combust? You could spend your time reading writing of sporting myth or you could look at Scottish football, which is the artistic equivalent of a graffitied cock on a toilet stall and we’re having an existential crisis over how many pubes we should draw on it.

On a personal note, I don’t need it. Talking about Scottish football a lot gets me abusive tweets. Talking about all the South East European football I consume doesn’t, it gets me nice ones, it inspired a surprisingly popular successful podcast (The History of Yugoslav Football Podcast, available on all good podcast providers!), it gets people actually being grateful that you spend the time doing something you enjoy. It, unlike Scottish football, doesn’t have me in an abusive relationship.

There is time and opportunity to rectify all this. To work together rather than pull apart. But it won’t happen. Scottish football isn’t just too fractured, it has an identity among many fans where taking a gun to it’s foot and managing to shoot itself in the head is both a defining and desirable trait. We have people in our game who will disagree just for the sake of doing it. We have a mainstream media presence in papers, online, on tv and on the radio which is less Sunday Supplement and more the “Hello, I’d like to have an argument” sketch from Monty Python.

It’s insufferable. It is. Scottish football is fucked and anyone who wants to fix it appears to only be interested in fucking it that bit more.

I’d like to be proven wrong. I’d love to be proven wrong. I’d love there to be a reason beyond ten in a row as a Celtic fan to engage it but, hell, even I know that it’ll actually just be 8+2 in a row or 9.5 in a row or however it will be spun by the commentariat and, eventually, everyone outside of Scottish football. When you know full well that even your justification for keeping the faith, the culmination of a decade of work at the club, will just be undermined by fucking semantics until it’s scarcely an achievement at all, then what is the point?

What is the actual point? What’s the point in Scottish football? That we can produce an endless list of entertaining anecdotes and happenings yet we can’t run a league with any common sense or, let’s face it, integrity? That self-interest has been put so far ahead of anything else it prevents any effort to actually move forward together towards a better future?

Clubs are suffering. Players are suffering. Fans are suffering and will vote with their decreasing wallets.

I hope it proves me wrong. I hope some person takes over and sorts things out. I hope some person reading this will be able to produce an argument that would restore my faith. I hope, but I don’t expect.

Until it sorts itself out, however, it’s hard to argue it's worth my time. Or yours.

Should Natural Parents Avoid Doctors?

New Post has been published on http://www.healthgoesfemale.com/should-natural-parents-avoid-doctors/

Should Natural Parents Avoid Doctors?

Whenever I share about my preference for alternative and natural remedies, I have a few supposed medical professionals (I find it hard to believe that a busy medical professional uses their free time to troll the internet, but I guess it takes all kinds) yell at me that if I prefer home birth, or to avoid vaccines, or use herbs, that I should just stop seeing doctors all together.  Apparently, if you feel that you should have the right to informed consent, and to choose which medical care you’d prefer to receive, you should be denied care.

Funny — I didn’t think Western medicine was a one-size-fits-all system to submit oneself to.  That it was all-or-nothing.  I thought it was a system of caring, compassionate individuals, who respected patients’ rights and cared about their very different needs and helped them to receive the care that is right for them, no more and no less.

Guess I was wrong.

Unfortunately, there is a very worrying trend of doctors who are speaking up and saying “My way or the highway.”  Basically, if they recommend particular care (drug, test, procedure, vaccine) and you refuse it, they will kick you out of their practice and refuse to provide care for you anymore.

While, sure, doctors can make the rules about who they want to care for — private business, after all — I think that this speaks volumes about the way doctors view patients, and themselves.  They are the experts; we are there to do what they say.  Or else.

Should Natural Parents Avoid Doctors?

Honestly, this leaves natural-minded parents in a bit of a predicament.

Many parents feel like they need to have a doctor.  They need to go to regular well-checks and establish a relationship.  The reason for this is generally two-fold:

One, they want to have a doctor around just in case anything really bad ever happened.  But, I ask you, if your doctor was one of the type above…would you even trust their recommendations in that case?  If not, no reason to see him/her now.

Two, to avoid being reported to CPS or similar services.  Many people are a little too authority-happy these days, all too eager to call on families who are “a little different” over seemingly nothing.  We’ve personally known families who were called on for homeschooling, not vaccinating, allowing their children to play in their own front yard, elementary-aged children playing outside without a jacket, and similarly ridiculous reasons.  Should CPS get involved, having a “paper trail” proving you get regular medical care, and are not medically neglecting your child, can be helpful.

Notice that in these two reasons, neither is because the family thinks that these visits protect the child’s health right now.  The first reason does deal with health, but parents need a doctor they actually can trust, and not just “someone” to see to prove a point.

Unfortunately, we’re seeing more and more of the type of doctors — often driven by insurance companies or new laws — who believe that patients exist to do what their doctors tell them, and who will be dismissed if they don’t toe the line.

What is that nonsense, anyway?  In what other industry would we accept that we have to do what we’re told, without question?  If an auto mechanic told us to replace the entire engine in our car, would we do it immediately?  Or would we get a second opinion?  I can’t imagine anyone would take the word of a single mechanic they did not know or did not trust on such an expensive fix, without question.

It’s just so odd.

We’re being asked, by some, to choose between doing what we’re told…without question…or be left with nothing. Because clearly, if we prefer not to get vaccines or to get a prescription for every sniffle, we don’t deserve any medical care at all.  Right?

It’s unbelievably arrogant to tell patients that.  To assume that just because they are cautious that they don’t need or want medical care, ever.  Of course, it’s also unbelievably arrogant to say, as some have, that “When you really get sick, you’ll come running back to us to save you.”  This is sometimes accompanied by “…and we won’t help you.”

Better to Avoid Doctors

I don’t think we should allow ourselves to be treated this way.

It’s cruel.

The very idea that we don’t have the right to decide what goes on or in our own bodies, in the form of medical care…that it’s “take it or leave it,” is cruel.  Everyone deserves the right to make their own decisions in these matters, hopefully with the help of an understanding and sympathetic doctor, who treats the person and not the illness.

If the choice we’re left with is doctors who will bully and mock us, and who will refuse to care for us if we do not toe the line they set out (be it vaccines, or statin drugs, or routine induction, or any other “standard of care”), then we would be better off avoiding them entirely.

There’s really no room for such doctors, or the “care” they provide.

This leaves patients in a predicament, one that many natural-leaning mamas face often.  When their child is ill…what do they do?  Do they risk taking them in, so they can be bullied over their choices and given a solution they don’t want?  Or do they stay home, and risk missing something that is truly serious and requires assistance?  It’s a very, very tough call for many families to make.

This means that some children, who do honestly need care, will slip through the cracks.  They will slip through the cracks because their parents are legitimately afraid of how they will be treated.  And worse, much worse, is not the fear that they, as adults, will be bullied. Most parents are willing to deal with that when they know their children honestly need help.  The real worse part is that if medical professionals disagree with the parent’s decisions or opinions, they can have custody taken away from them.

That in and of itself, drives many people away from doctors’ offices and hospitals.  They will avoid the system to keep custody of their children, or at least prevent a stressful and unnecessary intrusion in the form of an investigation of their family and parenting.

The medical system has set up and “us-vs-them” mentality.  Too many doctors think parents are brain-dead sheep, who ought to be just smart enough to know that they don’t know much, and ought to simply listen to the doctors.  (Obviously there are many exceptions to this, in the form of caring and compassionate doctors.  This is not about them.)  But, parents never know who they’ll get — will they find one who is open-minded and compassionate?  Or will they find one who thinks they are stupid and ought to fall in line with doctor’s protocol?

It’s nerve-wracking, and it’s easier to simply avoid the medical system than deal with all of this.

And yes — it does matter.  In my area, there are many doctors and hospitals, so if there’s a bad one, it’s easy to go to another.  But not all parents have that luxury. In some areas, there’s one option, or a small handful of options, and none are good.  They deserve better.

A Practical Solution

It’s not always possible, nor advisable, to always avoid the medical system.  There are times when care is needed, typically in emergency situations.

I propose that parents arm themselves with important information about what’s serious and what’s not, including warning signs of “when to call” so that unnecessary doctor’s visits are not made.  I’ve spoken to mainstream medical professionals who’ve told me that many of the cases that come in for sick visits do not need to be there.  Parents need to be informed about what truly constitutes a “need” to visit.

I further propose that parents learn how to treat the simple stuff at home.  Arm themselves with herbs and other natural remedies to treat the bumps, bruises, sniffles, and tummyaches.  These things rarely need medical attention.

Finally, when it comes to involving medical professionals, do not be bullied.  If any doctor becomes arrogant or tries to force something on you or your child, demand they back off and leave immediately.  “Fire” them if they are a primary care physician and do not go back.  Tell everyone who they are, by name and location.  If what they have done is egregious enough (if they actually force a procedure and not just verbally coerce), report them to the medical board.  Hold them accountable for this abysmal behavior.

If we, the people, refuse to allow doctors to treat us this way, then they will slowly stop.  Doctors keep bullying people because they think people will take — because most of them do!  Most feel like they “have” to listen to the doctors.

But hear me now.  Doctors have no authority over you.  They are no different than hiring any other professional.  You would not let a teacher bully you, or an electrician.  Doctors should not bully you either.  It stops when you say it stops.

Bottom line, the question isn’t, “Should doctors fire patients who refuse to vaccinate/comply,” it is, “Should patients allow doctors to force them to make medical decisions with which they are not comfortable,” and the answer is a resounding NO.

Should natural parents avoid doctors?  Do you avoid them?

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