please tell me, am i in the wrong?

so basically i decided to join here cause i at least know my post wont get removed here. i tried posting my story on reddit’s AITA but my post kept getting removed because on their posts you cant post about abuse. so fuck it, here i am, hoping for someone other than my bf and myself to tell me im not wrong. context:i decided to invite my boyfriend over without telling my parents, i did it max 5 times. i was 16 at the time and he was 18. i got caught and my punishment was to get my phone taken away, my number cancelled, im no longer allowed to drive a car or get my license, im only allowed one friend, im not allowed my laptop anymore, im no longer allowed outside without constant supervision, cameras were installed in and out of the house, and just about every day since december of 2019 ive been getting told how disgusting i am for wanting to be with a n****r (my bf’s half puerto rican half white, i’m half hispanic and half white too), how if he was white he would have come to the front door and shook my parent’s hands and asked for permission to date their daughter, how im a dirty n****r lover who will get pregnant from him and have to slave away to take care of our half breed mistakes, how if i stay with him he’ll sell my body on the streets for money, how if i have sex with him ill get every std on the plant, all that 50′s bullshit. ive gotten pregnancy tested (im celibate), drug tested (mom claims she smelled weed in my room, so he’s a dirty n****r drug dealer apparently forcing me to do drugs, guess what i am against drugs since i know itll change my brain chemistry and i have weak lungs),and std tested (still celibate).  for the first few months after they found out i was allowed my laptop at home to do homework, and only allowed my phone during school. one day i got home and i got greeted to the fact that i no longer have a laptop and now have to use the house computer to do all my work at home. of course i got mad because for months ive been doing everything they wanted, and suddenly im being punished for being suspiciously good? my mom got on top of me and fought me to take off my backpack to take my airpods too, left my phone on the kitchen table. i grabbed my phone and locked myself in my room. she found out i took my phone, and once i unlocked the door i held my phone above my head so we can just talk. instead she got on top of me and started scratching me and all over my arms to get to my phone. i dropped it from the pain of the scratches on my arms. earlier that same day i was getting ready for school with my laptop open, camera taped over, looking for any school assignments i missed. my mom unlocked my door and saw my nude body getting ready with my laptop open, and just went back to the kitchen table and told my dad how much of a slut i am and how im posting my nude body on the internet. i quickly put on clothes and came up to her yelling how im just getting ready for school and how theres tape over the camera. i even told her to look at the laptop, the only thing open was google classroom. my dad got up and started yelling at me for being a slut and for talking back. for once i finally got tired of being yelled at, i finally stood up for myself. he punched me in the face and when my mom got in between to defend me (she caused the whole situation), his swings went back in on her stomach. i screamed dont hit my mother and tried to push her off him, he used the oppurtunity to grab my shoulder by my uniform and punch me in the shoulder. everything was a blur after that. my mother drove me to school and yelled how i shouldnt have been a whore on the internet. i fought back. before i got to school i yelled “please, just fuck off”. this is important later, because she used me saying that as the excuse for her getting on top of me and scratching me and ripping my backpack off my back. because i swore at her. it was okay. but here’s the important part. he hit me in front of the camera. i knew the police would ignore the emotional abuse ive been getting for my entire life. i got my physical evidence. finally, after 16 years, i had my evidence. i told my boyfriend what happened, and we agreed to meet after school the next day and call the police. i wanted to be emancipated, since my parents adamantly agreed that i (apparently) only wanted to be emancipated because my ‘poor street rat n****r boyfriend’ was manipulating me into it. ive been dreaming of this day since i was 8, when i realized what ive been told wasnt normal. they showed up on the corner of where i called. i told the policemen what happened to me the day before. they asked if i had any scars or bruises. i said no, he didnt punch me hard enough to get a bruise the next day, and my mother didnt scratch me hard enough to get scars. they knew what would happen if they gave me physical evidence. after i said that, the policeman interrogating me asked me something that will stay with me until the day i die. “he never really hit you, did he?” i began crying and saying yes! yes he did! i have video footage to prove it! we have cameras in the house! it happened right in front of the cameras! more questions ensued, and i was brought to the police station while my boyfriend waited at a local coffeeshop for me to finally be free from the abuse. at first i was scared, but the cops calmed me down. i told them everything. all my memories spilled from my mouth like water from the niagra falls. everything came rushing out, my fears, my forgotten memories i forced into my box of never to be remembered, the times before i feared for my life, the times i knew something wasnt right. i told them everything from the bottom of my heart. they listened and asked all the right questions.(if you want to know what happened to me and what i told them, ill post them in a future post if anyone cares)  one of the officers, the only one with melanin skin and a father to a beautiful girl, expressively felt sick from my stories, from my life. not even he could understand why, as a father, why any parent would find it right to do to me what they did. he was my favourite police officer, he was the kindest and the only one who really wanted me to feel comfortable. he talked to me on the level of a person, not a child. eventually cps came and he told me to tell her everything too. i did. she asked where i wanted to go if i got emancipated. i said to live with my boyfriend, his family is willing to take me in and once i get a job ill pay minimal rent so i can be free. she said ‘no, you cant live with a minor.’ i said he’s not a minor, he’s 18. she said ‘oh, then yeah you definetly cant live with him’ she said if i wanted to leave i would be put into a women’s shelter since i was too old to be adopted/put into foster care. she said i would be r*ped if i was put in there. she said i should just take it until im 18, then ill be fine. she said that there were no scars or bruises, so it wasnt that bad. (this part is blurry, the more i remember it the more the memories overlap, im sorry for any confusion) the police interrogated my parents. they believed every word they said. my mother used whitepages as a source to prove how my boyfriend lied about his name. my mother used our hours long calls to prove how im obviously being manipulated to lie. she said how im just a liar, as my father said, a pathological liar. they had no cause to me being a pathological liar, i was just born that way. i was lying to get into my manipulative boyfriend’s arms for my body to be used by him and his friends. i was obviously being manipulated, why would i want to leave my loving parents arms? i was obviously doing this just out of anger of getting my laptop and phone taken away, obviously. its not like they EVER did anything wrong to me, they were just teaching me to grow up a mature adult, ready for the world. they would never put their hands on me. the police never looked at the cameras. they never questioned me again. i was a liar. at home the child protective services lady said my room quote ‘ranked of weed’. i have never done weed. my boyfriend has never done weed in my room.  at the station they said they couldnt find a record of my boyfriend. i later found out that, even after he gave them his social security number, they still questioned his existence. at the station they told my parents they couldnt find his record (he has none, hes never committed a crime). at home a therapist came. to my knowledge, my boyfriend was never real (no record) and i would still have to be at home. i wanted to die. the therapist said she wanted to take me to a mental hospital. my mom was there and consented. my dad later came home, yelled at me in front of the therapist. she said im suicidal, with his consent she would call her supervisor to take me to the local mental hospital. he consented. while she called her supervisor from across the kitchen, he said: “she wants to kill herself? fuck if i care, she can drown herself in a river for all i care” i sat there shocked.  the mental hospital was a blur. once i got home i got my phone taken away too. my only communication would be from the 10+ year old computer we have in the kitchen. facing out so anyone that walks by can see what im doing. one of the cameras is watching me at all times, but is positioned so that it cant see what i am doing.  once i got home i used our kindle fire. i logged into discord on incognito mode. i asked him to send me his birth certificate. was he even real? was i even real? was our late nights of cuddling nothing? were the walks in the park nothing? were the ‘i love you’s nothing? did meeting his family from an hour long train ride mean nothing? were the chinese food dates nothing? were the confessions of our embarassing secrets nothing? were the times we had non-vaginal sex and laughed in the middle from how silly we were being mean nothing? were the times we had tiffs and talked it out mean nothing? did he save me from my ex-abusive partner just to use me? were the times we layed down next to each other with the only covering being my blanket, staring at each other in wonder of how lucky each of us were, was that nothing? when we spent hours telling each other our  entire life stories, was he lying? did the times he called my body the most beautiful thing he ever has seen, the times he’s said he didnt think he’d ever fall in love again from his ex, was that a lie? he sent his birth certificate. it was real. his birth date his name it was all real. he told me what happened to him. i told him what happened to me. he apologized for it going the way it did. i apologized for doubting him. child protective services sent a therapist me and my mother had to meet with weekly. 2 hours, 10 times. it lasted until the first weeks of quarantine. me and him are still in the same love we’ve has since before he found out how truly insane my parents are. the only reason we’ve ever gotten into fights is from how much he wants me to run away (before you say ‘ok maybe the parents were right, he sounds manipulative’, no, he only says that after every time something else happens at home and how he has to cope with the fact that im okay with being abused since its my normal. he wants me to run away from the abuse, not just so we can see each other again, so i wont be hurt anymore). he’s still the man i want to marry, the man i want to call mine and for him to call me his. we get scared the other might get tired of the waiting and just decide to leave for someone each other’s family would like. we talk through it. we know we can wait. i know i can take it until im 18. he knows he’ll be prepared to take me in once im 18. we know we can take the late nights awake, missing each other. we can take it because this isnt puppy love. this isnt purely passionate love. he wants me to be safe, and i want to finally be free. so you’re up to this point and you’re probably thinking one of three things: jesus christ can this lady capitalize anything?? or holy FUCK this is long it better be good or why did she title her post that? first of all, i do what a want nehenehenehneh second of all, whoever reads this needs the full context before i ask my question third of all, because of what happened a couple of days ago. a month ago my dad passed from covid-19. ive become the housewife while my mother has taken over the family business and my brother does the grass once a month. my mother still cooks, but i clean the dishes and fold laundry every day and vaccuum the whole house twice a week. a letter came in the other day stating how our child protective services case is now closed. they never found signs of physical abuse or neglect. my mother reminded me for the infinitieth time how stupid i am for getting manipulated. how much of a dirty n*****r lover i am. how i will never be anything without her. then she brought my father into this i started the situation, which made him depressed. he was depressed, so he couldnt fight off the virus. because he couldnt fight off the virus, he died. she blamed me for killing my father she blamed me for my father for deciding to go out every day without a mask for my father deciding to put in his eyedrops in an insanitary environment she blamed me  it was my fault i knew i was leaving when im 18 i knew i wanted to tell my mother at least a month before i left that i was leaving but now theres no going back once im 18, im gone im never turning back i will never be treated like this or talked down like this ever again but who will clean? who will vaccuum? who will make sure the house is organized? do i stay? can i even go? i just dont know anymore should i go? and well, what i started this post with, please tell me, am i in the wrong? for planning on leaving when im 18? to finish this post, i just want to say a few things. dont tell me to call the police or child protective services.i already did. they believed my abusive parents and told them how they can protect themselves against me, since i was the one who started all this. plus, look at the fucking news. no fucking wonder they believed my parents. my boyfriend looks hispanic and i look white. no fucking wonder they believed my parents. fuck cops. not all cops are bad, but no cop should fucking gun down people for their race. no person should be judged from some racist  person saying “oh im fearing for my life” and the person in question is black/a poc and is doing fucking nothing. they believed my fucking abusive parents because they threw my bf under the bus as bait and the police went for it. dont come after my family. all that will do is make everything worse for me. my mother can’t even look at a poc without claiming they’re related to my boyfriend and are going to follow her to kill her. dont do anything to me. just please answer my question. please just tell me if im in the right or if im in the wrong. i know this is abuse. i know whats happening to me is wrong. but i know i can take it. i know i can survive. i will survive and achieve my dream of becoming a doctor. i will be my own person. i am me

KCON

Hello friends so I went to KCON this past weekend……… Here’s my story.

HELL ON EARTH i made a cute kcon vlog and made vanessa sit down with me for a kcon chat about the first day but its too long and do i have time to reedit that? No. so here’s my kcon experience my bros.

KCON DAY 1

Wowie so we had like p5 tickets so we kinda just walked around the convention. We sat in on Joan and Edward’s panel for a while and then we stayed for GoToe and Sunny’s panel and GOTOE IS SO CUTEEE I honestly only used my camera to record him he was…. Adorable. But the panel was so quiet and awkward bc of the language barrier and Sunny wasn’t even talking she was just quietly doing his makeup. And there were only… like 30 people there? It was interesting. Then we bought a few albums (Vanessa bought 2 svt albums and a poster and I got Eclipse and we got AL1 for a friend). We went to this photobooth where you could take a picture with a drama background and they had this wall to vote for your fave dramas and leads and INNOCENT DEFENDANT DESERVED BETTER IT HAD HARDLY ANY VOTES. Anyways we were in line for the picture and we chose the Strong Woman background. As we were walking towards the green screen for our turn we were cut by a bunch of Korean businessmen and they turned around and apologized “I’m so sorry. He’s the president of __” and we honestly didn’t hear what company we kinda blacked out from the shock of these men talking to us. Anyways we were at the green screen to take out picture and I motioned to the photographer like “I am going to pick her up like a baby” and his eyes got so big he was like “Y O U?”. now let me tell you, Vanessa is 5’8 and I am 4’8….. He was like “There’s not much time…. How long can you hold?” anyways we took the worst/best picture ever and he was not amused at all lmao he looked so done with us. So we sat down at food street to wait to be picked up and I opened my EXID album to look at it. Two girls were sitting at our table and were like “Did I hear EXID?” so we started talking about the gorls then they asked if we were here to see VIXX (I was wearing a VIXX shirt) and we were like “No, seventeen” and one had an epiphany and said “WAIT i have a seventeen audience pass” AND WE WERE BOUTTA CRY she only had one tho bUT she also had a red carpet pass so I Took svt and vanessa took redcarpet for $20 each (People had been selling them for $200….) AND WE WERE SHAKING SO MUCH it felt so unreal we were both going to SEE SVT and honestly Eclipse it… the bible… a sacred album tbh, blessed. Then we got some FOOD and ended up sitting with these 3 ladies and they liked my pants and BECAUSE THE LIKED MY PANTS they offered us a bunch of free passes!! They had like 2 oh my girl, 4 Astro, 2 SF9, 1 Kard audience passes and this was literally like 20 minutes later we were SHOOK. We took Oh My Girl and gave them to Mely and Vanessa :^) But honestly we went in expecting NOTHING and the day was so crazy Its been a few days and I still can’t believe how kind people are and how lucky we were it all feels like a dream.

KCON DAY 2

I MET KAYLA WHAT A SWEETIE HI KAYLA IF U SEE THIS UR CUTE AND YOUR DRESS WAS CUTE!! ALSO I MET MELY LIKE UUUHHHHHHHHH ITS BEEN 5 YEARS AND VANESSA DIDNT FIGHT ME THANK GOD. SO we didn’t have many workshops we were planning to attend so my Vanessa and I watched Mely and her Vanessa learn how to dance DWC and Mely was talking up how she wanted to do all these dance workshops AND SHE DIDNT EVEN TRY Mely u looked like a limp noodle. Vanessa was better than u. Then Vanessa and I got some food with Kayla and Sophia (HI SOPHIA NICE MEETING U) and we noticed that it was about 12:30 and the line for SVT’s artist engagement was already forming so we waited a bit and ate as we watched that damn line grow. We eventually got in line and waited for an hour in the sun and it was abuse KCON im suing u. But Vanessa waited TWO HOURS in her line for saturday’s red carpet but she’s got more melanin than me. AND we talked to some really nice people in line IDK who ya’ll are but I lvoe you!! Anyways. We were like? In the 3rd row in the audience and there were a few people letting me get in front of them because I’m TINY and one really nice girl who was just a bit taller than me was trying her best to help me get by tall people and she was so sweet I wish I could have thanked her a million more times ;-; So there were like 3 people from a fansite to my left that wouldn’t let me by (of course) and then THESE TWO LADIES who when we asked they just looked down on me and shook their heads AND THEY WERE SO EXTREMELY TALL I WAS EFFENDED. I didn’t tell anybody this but they were playing DWC mv and i actually almost cried bc after all that anticipation I thought I wasn’t even going to be able to see them and I was so hurt. BUT After a few minutes I decided it wasn’t worth being so hot to not even be able to see SVT so I went to the back and watched from the projectors and WOWIE were they beautiful. Everybody was screaming so much /literally/ the only thing I heard was Joshua say “number two!”. But Scoops was so bubbly and had such prominent dimples, Vernon was a sweetie pie, Blond Jun looks better irl, Mingyu: an angel, Jeonghan????? BEAUTIFUL and dainty he really did look like an angel, Joshua is fkn pretty boy nerd he was just happy to be in LA. DK was his sunshine self and Mingyu…… is so cute?? I wish I coulf give much more descriptions on all the boys but I didn’t have a very good view :^( But let me tell you…. Lee Jihoon…………….. The most beautiful man I’ve ever laid eyes on like he honestly made it all worth it he’s absolutely drop dead gorgeous and I felt bliss amongst the chaos he’s truly a walking miracle on this earth. And omg he’s so tiny.

While we waited for Vanessa to finish the red carpet we got some bomb ice cream i loved that man. And OH BOY WAS VANESSA ZAZZED WHEN SHE RETURNED.

And now here are Vanessa’s thoughts about the red carpet: Ok so the red carpet was really GOOD but I was talking to the girls I met while waiting in line we all kind of agreed its kind of not worth it if you’re in the way bc fansites (I think I saw Jihoon’s fansite mintbreeze there). Also it was really cute seeing all the different fans there. I had a VIXX stan standing in front of me and she was just adorable. SF9 were really cute and one of them said “ITS LIT” before they left and I was like wow same. Donghae and I made eye contact for like 1 second and it was so awkward I had to look away. Cosmic girls were ADORABLE and Xuan Yi kept smiling and waving at fans which made all the fangirls scream and that made Xuan Yi smile even more. When VIXX greeted they greeted and all of them bowed except for Leo who had his hands together as if he was praying and I was like wow that is the most Leo thing i’ve ever seen. Girl’s day…. When I saw Minah’s outfit the girl I met while in line offered her hand for emotional support and i took it so fast bc oooooooh man I lost it. Minah kept posing so….. Suggestively like she knew what she was doing. Also I was super gay for Yura. When SVT came out ho boy I almost fell to the floor bc Jun was first and he was fcknin handsome and really tall????? Vernon is a work of art and Seungkwan is an actual baby. Mingyu was gorgeous I legit couldnt take my eyes off him man. I witnessed Wonwoo be a meme. He just looked at Minghao and had his hand on his shoulder, nodded a few times and looked away and Minghao just laughed to himself. Woozi saw some girls next to me who kept going crazy for him and I could tell he tried so hard not to laugh out loud and looked kind of embarrassed or shy about all the fangirling they were doing for a few seconds it was so cute. But tbh out of everyone except for Mingyu and Jun, Woozi kind of stood out to me the most. He was just so?????? Unique looking??? Idk how to explain it but he was beautiful. Chan was almost the last one to leave the stage bc he kept waving at the fans and doing the finger heart thing and he just looked so happy :’)))) Like Jun had to push his arm a little to make him go forward since Chan was the second to last. Also I had my banner up while they were about to leave and I saw Woozi look up a bit when I did and did a half-smile laugh mainly bc of the way I was holding it and doing a :| face ya know what I mean. So he basically laughed at me and it was an honor.

So the concerto. He was a good man. The venue wasn’t as huge as I thought it was going to be so our seats actually felt really close! Preshow: Of course Jun Curryahn was a good man when isn’t he. Then Korean Effects did some BEATBOXING and he was SO GOOD I felt the bass of that man’s voice in my chest. A girl that I do not know the name of came and sang blood sweat and tears to his beatboxing and that was the first time that night that Vanessa turned to me and screamed “IM SO GAY”. The show: Leo and Minah sang a song from Lalaland and it was beautiful. THEN JOSH VERN AND MINGYU came out as the MC’s and I was SHOOK I didn’t expect those boys. I don’t know SF9 but they were good I was amazed they got the stunts! Cosmic Girls were OF COURSE adorable and amazing. Then the screen was showing 17’s intro and we were like “OH SHIT BOY” but THEN it said “special unit performances” and we SCREAMED We didn’t think they would perform unit songs!! It was sad seeing Swimming Fool without Hosh but they did very well those boys. Habit OF COURSE WAS AMAZING I CRY THINKING ABOUT HOW I ACTUALLY HEARD THOSE ANGELS. And OHHHHHHHH BOYYYYYYYYY the day came. As soon as the first notes of Check in played Vanessa and I held on to each other and started screamiING. Check in is oUR JAM OOOOOOHH YEAHH. Then Girls Day performed and they were T H E hottest group there honestly these girls were RUDE. During their stage vanessa informed me 3 more times how gay she is. She was so angry at Minah for doing that^™. Then Cosmic Girls performed I Need U (boy) and SF9 & Cosmic girls performed Sorry Sorry AND GUESS WHO WAS NEXT THE KINGS EUNHAE. Now let me tell you a story. Super Junior was the first group I ever learned and I became friends with Vanessa and Mely because of them. Oppa Oppa? Vanessa and I have been dancing to that for 5 years and u bet we went HARD when they performed that. I’m still so angry that Eunhyuk made us say “LA oppa”. AND THEY PERFORMED I WANNA DANCE I WANTED THEM TO PERFORM IT BUT I DIDNT THINK THEY WOULD SINCE IT WAS A JAPANESE TRACK!! But the whole time they performed I was screaming about how much I hated their hair. Then Vixx performed and I could tell that a lot of fans were there for them (as well as Eunhae) they got the loudest screams. HYUKS ENGLISH WAS SO CUTE I HAD TO HOLD VANESSAS HAND MY BABY BOY. Im really lowkey glad they didn’t perform chained up tho I was blessed that night. And then………...it was SVT’s stage. I had no idea they were the headliners and OH BOY did those boys rock it. There was one VERY RUDE FOCUS ON JIHOON DURING DWC AND I CRIED INTO VANESSAS SHOULDER. I never didn’t think I was going to scream during this concert… but wow did I surprise myself. Even Vanessa was like “WOah”. But SVT performed a super sick remix of Rock and AND they had a little random play dance time which tbh they didn’t even try that hard but then they shot some tshirt cannons and I saw Jihoon rush over for one and honestly I was terrified for my life. He exudes such a different aura on stage that Jihoon really is “El Woozi”. AND HE STANDS WITH ONE HAND ON HIS HIP BOY WHAT IS THAT SASS FOR. During their ment Boo was being his lil Diva self he was so funny and Dino……. A man? He was so handsome I can’t believe. And Minghao got so many screams I was so proud and happy he deserves them all!! Really all the boys Looked amazing and performed so well I could go on for hours. I heard Seungkwan do the Boo airhorn sound effect and i shed a single tear. Dino was so stunningly handsome like??? He really actually does look older than Mingyu he does not look like the youngest at all what are they feeding him. At one point Vernon was like “Wow Josh, I can tell why you hype up your hometown so much” And JOSH gave him THIS LOOK it was so funny he looked offended, disgusted, and sassy I don’t even know who that man is. Good news: I personally caught no signs of butt touching but I /could/ have missed something. But really the whole concert was absolutely amazing, even if you don’t know all the groups the stages are all so great and I think it was just an excellent concert overall. And the next day we dropped off Mely and Vanessa at 11 for their Oh My Girl audience.. That started at 11. Im sorry Chicas but I’m glad u made it in time. ANYWAYS this has been my kcon experience I had a very good time and TBH I would probably consider going again if Seventeen never fkn comes to california.