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dadzawa-adopt-dabi · 4 years

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secret baby ch13

(im so sorry for the wait! thank you for the patience! i really didnt mean to leave anything this long without a update.)

The hospital always brings back bad memories. Memories of being stuck lying to the nurses as they ask him where bruises and burns come from. He remembers a specialist being hired to heal his old scars from training and how frustrated the nurse had been when Dabi had told him the lie of the month. It's different now, he knows that and reminds himself to relax. Kiyoko will pick up on his distress and start fussing if he lets himself stew too long. The past is the past and while he can’t change it he can ensure Kiyoko won’t fear hospitals or grow up like he did.

“Dabi urameshi?” the receptionist calls for him and he raises his hand. He can’t follow after her right away but does his best to be quick when putting Kiyoko back in her brightly colored stroller and shoving her toy back into the diaper bag hanging off the handle. Kiyoko whimpers at the loss of her toy but since Dabi can’t run around after it when she decides to throw it he trades it for a pacifier.

Everyone else has a significant other with them in the waiting room. This visit isn’t for Kiyoko and Dabi hadn’t wanted to ask his babysitter to watch her again this early in the morning. It's just a checkup, his heat should be coming soon and he needs his scent patches refilled. Just a quick visit but it makes him feel lonely, knowing everyone else has someone else to rely on and that enji has wrecked something as simple as a checkup for him.

“Thank you for waiting” he mumbles and pushes Kiyoko through the door the receptionist is still holding open. Hawks and his ridiculous habit of holding open the club door or his apartment door spring to mind. Particularly his habit of bowing with a mischievous grin on his face as he did so. He must be feeling really sentimental today, every little thing seems to be tripping him up. Maybe it’s just the stress.

“It’s not a problem.” Maybe it's just Dabi but the smile on her face and the chirp in her voice feel strained. It’s not like he can help that he’s dealing with a baby on his own or that hero’s are all pieces of shit.

He needs more sleep if he’s going to be this irritable. He would give anything for just one night without waking up from nightmares. Kiyoko mostly sleeps throughout the night thankfully so he hasn’t had to calm her down as well as himself as he checks locks and searches the house for a flare of red. He steps into the room his receptionist gestures to and checks to make sure Kiyoko hasn’t lost her pacifier yet.

“Hello, I'll be your doctor for today, I understand that you're looking at a general checkup as well as a prescription?” she doesn't peer at Kiyoko in her stroller, Dabi having slammed the hood on it down when she walked into the room.

“For heats and for scent blockers.” it's going to be a little bit of a stretch to afford both prescriptions but he still has his ‘maid’ business going. He had resisted calling it a maid service at first, preferring home cleaning or something similar. But it really was just a maid service.

“Oh you won’t need suppressants for awhile” she let out a small laugh but stopped when Dabi didn’t join her. Her face quickly morphing into something more troubled. “Your file said that you gave birth to a healthy little girl about 6 months ago right?”

Dabi mirrors her frown and nods. That’s why the suppressants were so important right now. Every 8 months most omega’s went into heat. Some of course went through it more often and others less but Dabi’s had always been hard to track. Coming and going as they pleased with no pattern.

“Your body won’t enter heat for a while. Has no one explained this to you yet?” she questions gently while trying to get Dabi to hold eye contact with her.

“Not really I guess. I’ve never had a regular cycle and I wasn’t allowed birth control when I lived with my parents.” he stares at the shadow of Kiyoko in her stroller. If he had been on birth control he wouldn’t have had her. He doesn't regret becoming pregnant or running away with her but he wishes he had been on birth control all the same. He’s heard it could make his heats less painful but enji had believed he would start sleeping around and Rei hadn’t stood up for him.

“Birth control can help with that. It can also make heats less intense or painful if you experience either of those symptoms.” she sat down at her desk in the corner and swiveled her chair so she was facing him. “For now unless you have someone you feel comfortable leaving your baby with you won’t have to worry about it.”

“I have a babysitter I usually leave her with. Her other father isn’t in the picture and neither are my parents.” He feels like he should know this already, should know enough about his body to not request medication he won’t need at the very least.

“Your babysitter won't count. They would have to be family or like family in order for your insticts to calm down and for your cycle to restart.” a little plastic block on her waist goes off and after quickly checking it she shuts it off and puts it in a drawer.

“Wasn’t that important?” Dabi raises an eyebrow slightly amused.

“This is more important right now.” she waves it off. Like she truly believes that whatever caused her beeper to go off can wait. “Suppressants are more expensive than most people realize and you don’t need them right now.”

“Because I had Kiyoko?” His voice comes out quiet and unsure. He never had these kinds of talks about suppressants or children with his mother. By the time he had realized he needed someone to talk to it they hadn’t been getting along. He had been angry and bitter that she was still with enji. Then he had started going out and soon enough he was pregnant.

“Well yes and no. Omega’s have their own built in heat suppressant system. It's still mostly a mystery as to how our bodies do it but until you have some form of packbonds your body won’t send you into heat. Sometimes if a young omega frequently takes care of younger siblings or relatives their cycles will become irregular due to their ‘inner omega’ as we will call it, deciding that they are a primary caretaker and putting heats on the backburner. There is a bit of a tradeoff the longer you go without one and that is just that the first heat when you do go through it will be more intense than normal. Something that can be balanced out with birth control.”

Dabi spends an hour and a half asking any question he can think of to the doctor, eventually she gives him some websites to visit and has to end the appointment. She has other patients to see still and Dabi has taken up enough of her time. He leaves with the prescription for scent blocker pills and less frustration than he started out the appointment with. She also prescribed him soem light sleeping medication to help him sleep through the night. Kiyoko has almost always slept through the night and being such a light sleeper he has no worries about not waking up if she needs him.

At least now he won’t have to worry about going into heat on top of everything else. Now he just has to wait for Giran to give him a call and keep his own business afloat in the meantime. He just needed a little help, he can still raise Kiyoko on his own.

Dabi doesn't get his first job from giran right away like he half expects. He spends the first few days on edge until he realizes that it won’t do any good to stress out over. Focusing on Kiyoko helps him push the constant anxiety away. His home cleaning business eats up whatever time Kiyoko doesn't. He’s determined not to raise Kiyoko completely on crime. There is no telling how often he would get a job from Giran or if he will always be paid as fast as the last time. The biggest change Dabi can make right away is being pickier with his clients, dropping anyone who has been judgemental and anyone that has ever given him the creeps. Kiyoko no longer has to stay with his sitter, he is able to take her with him again, and it takes a lot of his tension away from him. He hadn't known exactly how much denying his instincts to keep her close had been weighing on him until he could obey them. His remaining clients are mostly people who just don’t have time to do the work themselves or the elderly are left. Combined with being able to actually sleep through the night he feels almost like he did when he was spending nights with Hawks. He feels almost like everything will turn out okay. It's strange after the months of worry and stress but Dabi embraces the change as best as can.

Kiyoko distracts him from his thoughts by reaching for her favorite toy that is just out of her reach where she is lying on a tummy time mat. She’s also taken to knocking anything she doesn't like away from her. Making a mess with food and toys constantly. She’s still on formula for the most part but he was given the okay at her 6th month checkup to let her start trying solid food.

“Yay! Good girl Kiyoko! You're getting so big!” Dabi cheers his daughter on as he eats his lunch while she turns herself over, still trying to reach the toy. Her wings flutter quickly and help her finish turning over. Dabi has the sinking feeling that she will eventually be able to fly with them.

Kiyoko fakes a small cry at Dabi, wanting to be off the mat and be held instead. Being on the tummy - time mat makes her upset because it puts her dad being out of her sight. There’s no tears in her eyes when Dabi gives in and picks her up a few minutes later. It's hard to leave her on the mat when she cries.

“Crying for just any old reason? Uncle Natsou would call you a faker. Uncle Shouto would probably just pick you up when I wasn’t looking.” He was still doing his best to include his family in her life even if she might never meet them. Talking about his siblings and referring to them as “Uncle” or “Aunt”.

The sound of coins jingling comes from his phone while Dabi is in the middle of bringing his fork back up to his mouth. It’s a notification sound he set for giran’s texts, the only person in his contacts that has a set ringtone. All other notifications come through set to a default tone. He flips his phone open and sets aside his food for the moment, appetite lost.

‘I'm Sorry to have your first job be on short notice but i need a message delivered to the manager of the auto dealership at the following location as soon as you can get there. Tonight preferably. Stop by the cafe to pick up the message.’ There is a large dollar amount at the end of the text. Dabi does a double take at the amount, that’s more than he was supposed to be getting paid per job. Another text is quick to follow, providing an explanation for the extra pay. ‘for the extra trouble Sugar. Let me know when it gets done.’

Dabi winces at the pet name again but sends a simple ‘K’ back to Giran. The less he says the better. He texts his babysitter for the first time in over 2 weeks. Then starts going through his anxiety induced ritual of pacing the apartment and applying his scent blocker while he waits for her response.

His sitter texts back when Kiyoko only has about five more minutes on the mat. He decides that's just enough time for him to check the windows and locks one last time. With everything secure he picks Kiyoko up and starts purring as he grabs her go bag, walking her down the hall.

“Dabi? It’s early, what do you want a babysitter for at this hour?” his babysitter grouches as they open the door still in their pajamas. It's actually almost noon but Dabi ignores both the time and her rudeness. He needs to stay on her good side so she will continue watching Kiyoko.

“I had something come up and I can't take Kiyoko with me.” He adjusts her bag as they think about it. “I know I usually give you more of a notice but i really have to go. I’ll pay you time and a half.” he tempts. Normally he would never offer but with the extra ay from Giran he can manage it this once.

“Do you know how long you are going to be gone?” they ask with a sigh as they hold out their hand for Kiyoko’s bag.

“I’m not sure but I’ll text you when i know more. I’ll be back by her bedtime at the very least.” Dabi gives Kiyoko a kiss on the head goodbye before handing her over. He waits until he’s a block away before he texts Giran that he is on his way.

@ruelukas22 @mostladylikeladythateverladied @xxsnowchildxx @i-like-to-shruggy

#dabi is touya #dabihawks #Dabi #keigo takami #secretbabyfic #omegaverse #omegadabi #alphakeigo

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bi-rezi · 7 years

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LONG below cut, just cosplay thoughts, nothing beyond lists of what i’d need for certain characters and some rambling

the reason for all this is that the friend who went with me to geek kon last year asked if i wanted to go this year. i told them maybe because on the one hand it was super fun but on the other hand i have a job now, so we’ll see. any amount of this may or may not pan out.

for jasprose:

white wig

white face paint

fur? (just for cheeks)

white cat ears

purple/pink headband

long-sleeved white tunic (with purple/pink trim and puff sleeves)

white leggins with pink/purple trim

pink/purple socks

white shoes with pink/purple trim

the fucking, neckpiece thing

pink/purple party hat

fangs (opt.)

pink/purple contacts (opt.) (ONE EYE OF EACH WOULD BE SICK AS FUCK)

for davepeta:

so much god. probably not worth it, sadly.

for karkat:

new, better wig

loose plain black shirt (to add symbol)

plain gray pants - do i already have these?

teeth (opt.)

gray/red contacts (opt.)

ears (opt.)

for dave:

wig (throwback to when i had dave hair haha)

shirt

red contacts (opt.)

for rose:

new, better wig

white/lavendar pencil skirt

purple contacts (opt.)

for dead aradia:

wig maybe

horns - wire, tinfoil, yarn, paint

black t-shirt - cut up sleeves + slit in bottom hem

long gray skirt - cut up

red and white socks

black vans w/ white laces (opt.)

white mesh contacts (opt.)

ears (opt.)

for kanaya:

wig maybe

black t shirt

red skirt - make?

white face paint (opt.)

green lipstick (opt.)

purple sash with green stain (if white face paint) (opt.)

gray/green contacts (opt.)

ears (opt.)

for roxy:

wig

shirt

skirt

legwarmers

scarf (opt.)

pink contacts (opt.)

for dirk:

wig (and id have to style it, ugh)

shirt

glasses - probably part thrift, part make, though it depends on what kind of stuff i can find

i have a broken styrofoam head so its a pipe dream of mine that i sculpt that with clay into a semi-realistic severed head and then either carry it around as dirk with the sendificator over my head or as jake and kiss it occasionally, but i have a lot of different feelings over the latter lately so probably i’d do the former. either way, that’d be a lot of work.

for sollux:

wig (hopefully not same wig as karkat/kanaya/anyone else)

horns

shirt

gray pants

a pair of white shoes and a pair of black shoes (which is annoying as fuck BUT i could use the black shoes for aradia w the white shoes’s laces and vice versa for roxy so id be able to use them for other stuff. plus vans-type shoes are cheap)

red and blue glasses (probably make somehow??)

red/blue contacts (opt.)

teeth (opt.)

ears (opt.)

nepeta’d be cool but a pretty particular (purrticular) type of person (nepeta stans, basically, and i’m not one of those) tends to cosplay her so ill pass

for terezi:

wig

horns

shirt

glasses - make somehow

red shoes

red contacts (opt.)

teeth (opt.)

ears (opt.)

for vriska (pre loss of eye and arm because that shits hard):

wig

horns

shirt

gray overshirt

glasses

red shoes (preferably something that looks like converse but i could just use the same shoes for her and terezi)

i dont actually remember if i have good blue lipstick or not. i know i have shitty blue lipstick that basically doesnt have pigment but im not sure about good blue lipstick. in any case i know tricks for that but hm. not sure.

blue/gray contacts (opt.)

fangs (opt.)

ears (opt.)

equius... im just not really interested. i once thought about doing eridan but i dont like him anymore so nah. feferi... would be cool, but i think the skirt would be a little beyond my knowledge of sewing. i could do jane or jade but frankly i find them harder to emulate as a cosplayer and i could do john, jake, or dirk, but i just dont wanna.

for meenah:

braids - i wont make the mistake of trying to make them out of real fake hair again, i promise you that, i still have two seven-foot chunks of loose hair in the basement that im not doing anything with

trident - i literally have all the materials for this i just havent made it

glasses - make somehow/thrift a pair

shirt - the one i used to have is ruined (i know canonically she wears a t shirt but for some reason everyone cosplays her in a crop top, including me.) (i fucked up my shirt by not knowing how to work the printing stuff i got, like, the night before the con.)

tank top (depending on whether my current one fits me still)

horns - the ones i have are pretty much beyond fixing now so i’d have to start over. that’s fine though, i have plenty of materials.

teeth (opt.)

mesh contacts (opt.)

ear fins - i have these but i could stand to paint them pink since atm theyre purple, but otherwise theyre pretty close to perfect as is.

universal items i’ll probably need no matter what:

black and white t shirts (thats pretty much everyone)

screenprinting paper for dark or light shirts, depending on who i do

i have paint but having more wouldn’t hurt, and i might want/need white paint as well

fangs/teeth - for these i’d like to buy nice scarecrow fangs and use those and then maybe make some shitty mouthfuls of teeth with fake nails and that melty plastic shit

wigs - i’m willing to shell out a bit more for these as well. i’d like a nice short black one for karkat, kanaya, and if i ever decide to do jane, john, or jake, and though i have a long black wig it sucks pretty hard and i need a better one, probably curly, with bangs. though straight would be okay for most of these anyway. the only person who needs a medium length wig is terezi, and that’s actually pretty much true for all of hs, which is... too bad.

horns - i have a few pairs of horns already and PLENTY of clay to make more, but for bigger horns i’d need more than model magic. for aradia (and probably eridan and mmmaybe equius though im not doing either of them) and maybe vriska and kanaya (just to make those joints easier) id use the wire, tinfoil, and yarn method, but anything smaller than that i can use my clay. i already have peixes and vantas horns, though the peixes horns are broken and are resisting being fixed and the vantas horns don’t attach very well. i also have leijon horns in the works as well that were originally for davepeta. but id use clay to make vantas, captor, leijon, maybe maryam, pyrope, and maybe equius horns, and i used it for my peixes horns (though i didnt attach them well to the headband so those didnt go great).

contacts - i have actual regular contacts now, so now i wont have to worry about being blind ever. the next step is to get cosplay lenses (yes i know safe sites to get them from, yes i know my prescription and what size to get, yes i know how to be safe buying contacts). the best investement for sure would be a gray pair and a mesh pair, just speaking in terms of sheer number of characters. beyond that, it depends on who i end up cosplaying as to what color lenses i buy. for instance, if i decide on aradia, meenah, and dave, white and red lenses make the most sense. if i decide on rose, jasprose, and karkat, purple and gray ones make the most sense.

for any glasses, i’m going to be looking at thrift shops first and foremost. if i don’t find anything in a reasonable time, i’ll find stuff online.

i have probably two-thirds of a pot of snazzaroo, which will probably be enough, but if i decide to do a sprite or vampire kanaya, i’ll need white paint as well. plus if i decide to do more than one troll, i might want more gray paint anyway.

ears - i dont have any rn. i know a few methods to make them and a few places i can buy them but i’d probably end up making them anyway, mostly for cost-effectiveness.

as for money... well, i’ll do my best. i have an actual job now, and it’s pretty good. ive worked a lot in my first few days and ill keep working so even with taxes my paychecks are gonna be pretty sweet. id take commissions but i still have yet to consistently create any kind of art so im waiting til i can do that. also i dont have a way to get that money rn. nbd either way; i dont have any expenses besides this type of thing atm so its not like im hurting for money.

also i wouldnt have to cosplay only homestuck but a) im lazy and b) ive never loved anything the way ive loved homestuck so i kind of wouldnt want to betray my brand(tm)

(but if i wasnt going to cosplay only homestuck, which might be a good idea since idk how much homestuck the person i’d be going with is doing, i’d probably do taako.)

#id kind of actually prefer if yall didnt reblog this its mostly just a post for me #cosplay ref #i guess #i literally did every character i'd be willing to cosplay and then some #i dont think id really want to cosplay sollux if it came down to it lol he just seemed pretty easy #same w dirk #dirkjake mention in there but it's really subtle - it's when im talking about cosplaying dirk #it also refers to a canon event #decapitation under the cut but again its for like two lines while im talking about cosplaying dirk so #god i remember back when i did used to regularly cosplay though #well regularly is a loose word i guess #i did like three omeglestucks and posted fifteen bajillion pictures of makeup tests #i also did a SICK ASS BLOODSWAP i was fuchsia karkat and my friend was purple kanaya and it was GREAT

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askdurianrider · 7 years

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Man I watch the video of you and FL doing your q&a up the doi when she roasted you about being on Test and your reactions are so strange. Were you in denial or just saying off things to fool the audience? I mean she's basically saying "you're taking Test, it's fucking with your head, you've become someone else, you need to stop." Or was she just flat out lying? It's the weirdest 30 mins of footage I've ever watched haha

In my head I was thinking ‘Ive just invested the last 9 years into you, saved you from being a broke stripper in Sydney who was getting passed around amongst the meat head steroid bodybuilders of randwick fitness first, hide your lies, backed you up every day, taught you how to eat and train to get the body you currently have and helped you cure your eating disorder and NOW you are trying to pull this trick so you can sell more ebooks than me? Take me out of context on by pretending that I NEVER made those videos in late 2014 sharing my steroid experiments by going to the local family doctor and getting given AAS by them? what next, delete me from my own website?’.

That is the stuff I was thinking. I was in shock AND denial that she would do something to me like that. Afterwards I said ‘you better put that in context tomorrow otherwise everyone is going to know about your botox and how you NEVER told anyone about that and lied to all their faces every time someone brought it up’. FL said ‘haha you wouldnt!’ and then I assured her that I would so if you watch the next days vid you see her basically put everything in context and backpedal faster than one of those italian tanks in WW2 that were designed to go faster backwards than forwards.

Watch my vids from day 1 and you will always see Im talking about diet and fitness and stirring the pot. Nothing has changed in my core delivery except I USED to think that if you swore on youtube that you WILL get deleted lol so I was all nicey nicey but once I saw Jenna Marbles swearing then I changed my delivery tone.

Watch my vids today and same time every year the last 6 years and its the same shit. Watch FL’s vid and you have to severely question her mental health. She can’t even zoom the expensive camera in or she doesnt notice it. Those face fillers and botox really have changed her and that is the main reason I no longer wanted to be with someone that lacked the self confidence just to let their face be natural when it looked fine in the first place.

Doing botox and face fillers etc means there is something else going on inside. FL likes to pretend that I ‘forced her ‘into plastic surgery addiction but the reality is she got a boob job when she was just 21 so was obviously that kind of person before I even met her. I 10000% against botox and face fillers because to me it is DANGEROUS injecting something so close to the human brain.

FL focuses now too much on money and looks and I got bored of that. She just rented an ENTIRE house and called it ‘minimalist’. Why didnt she let a homeless family stay downstairs for a bit? Find a legit homeless family who isnt on drugs but just needs a place to stay for a little bit whilst she rents it out. NAH!

FL would probably let her own mother starve to death if it meant another botox shot could be afforded lol.

FL needs to have no wrinkles in her face to feel happy therefore she is addicted to botox. She will continue to lie about it because she has lied so big about it and she can’t handle the backlash if she came clean.

Me? I made videos about my steroid experiments back in late 2014. In those videos I show EXACTLY what I took, how I got them etc. I document how it killed my climbing and running abilities because it just stacked on muscle weight that even today is hard for me to shred off and that is why I don’t climb as fast as I used to like in 2013 and early 2014. When I was on steroids FL used to say how good I looked. In the past when she was angry she would call me a ‘skinny faggot’. I didnt want to stay on steroids though because I know the longterm health implications and risks. FL doesnt have much substance anymore so when I saw that I knew our time was soon to be over. She is like most handbag/botox basics - they like guys who are on steroids but don’t ever want you to admit you are on them.

Im not a professional cyclist or athlete so I don’t need to dope to compete with other dopers. My income isnt based on my physique like those fake natty people so I don’t need to dope to have that ‘aesthetic look’ like they do.

FL needs to stop the botox and stop lying. NOBODY in LA now wants to be associated with her publically. If she called up shane dawson, trisha, those 19 year old botox twins etc none of them would return her call or they would give some flakey LA based reasoning for them being ‘too busy’ or ‘Id love to but actually my camera is broken darling!’. She is the one who changed, I stayed the same. Sure Ive made my mistakes but Im the first person to come clean and put those mistakes up on youtube.

FL? How about you do a video one day coming clean?

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globlenet-blog · 7 years

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The alternative 2016 sports awards: the years best quotes, gaffes and meltdowns

https://clearwatergolfclub.com/the-alternative-2016-sports-awards-the-years-best-quotes-gaffes-and-meltdowns/

The alternative 2016 sports awards: the years best quotes, gaffes and meltdowns

Your investment medal tables: it had been another big year for sporting soap opera. The quotes, the rows and also the capybaras that made yesteryear 12 several weeks special

Star of the season

Cristiano Ronaldo won a 4th Ballon dOr, launched a variety of CR7 blankets, tossed a microphone into a lake, inspired a tantrum meme, and located the eras defining football press conference, using the press banned from asking them questions. He denied it had been his idea to possess the questions resulting from a Uefa media officer rather: I decide nothing. Also, he made an appearance to goes a magic fully-created Euro 2016 TV graphic during Portugals quarter-final. Perfect.

Ian Finch (@FinchIan)

Not only a skilful player, Ronaldo may also gob out a replay wipe #POLPOR pic.twitter.com/UC44YRv5TA

June 30, 2016

Manager of the season

Claudio Ranieri, using the edge off 2016.Hey, man, dilly-ding, dilly-dong. Seriously! Former Ranieri player Gianfranco Zola revealed the saying was attempted and tested. Hes always stated dilly-ding, dilly-dong. Hes a vibrant guy. Initially when i first heard it’ understood what he meant. He explained it a lot of occasions.

Modern footballer of the season

Lots of contenders, but two Rental property men share the title: club captain Gabby Agbonlahor, relegated on the nitrous oxide legal high 2 yrs after extending his Rental property deal because: I get that very same buzz pulling around the Rental property shirt, and team-mate Joleon Lescott, who livened up last seasons harsh run-in by tweeting a photograph of a sports car following a 6- defeat and telling the press how going lower would be a real weight off the shoulders. He left on the free in August.

Also standing his ground: Poultry midfielder Ozan Tufan upset with media critique throughout the Euros after he was caught on camera doing his hair as Croatias Luka Modric formed as much as score before him. I do not get the way a single moment by which I actually do my locks are considered an error. It damages my confidence.

youtube

Best Olympic moment

Recording the atmosphere: Nikki Hamblin and Abbey DAgostino helping one another finish Rios 5,000m after colliding mid-race. Hamblin: After I went lower it had been like: Whats happening? Why shall we be held on the floor? And all of a sudden theres this hands on my small shoulder. That girl may be the Olympic spirit, immediately.

Story from the summer time

Syrian teen Yusra Mardini winning her heat within the 100m butterfly for that Refugee Team in Rio, annually after surviving the capsize of the six-man dinghy transporting 20 refugees towards Lesbos. This is actually awesome there are plenty of tales about me now and lots of people who wish to take my picture: its assisting to spread our message. This doesn’t stop here This isn’t the finish.

Most off-message

1) US womens football star Hope Solo, reflecting on their own Rio quarter-final defeat to Norway: We performed a courageous game but we performed a lot of cowards. The very best team didn’t win, I strongly, firmly think that. They wont allow it to be far. They provided the ultimate. And 2) The uniform golfers delivering their pre-Games causes of not likely to Rio. Rory McIlroy: Though the chance of infection in the Zika virus is recognized as low, it’s a risk nevertheless. Dustin Manley: My concerns concerning the Zika virus can’t be overlooked. Jason Day: The only reason behind my decision may be the danger to future people in our family. And Vijay Singh: I must take part in the Olympic games, however the Zika virus, you realize everything crap.

Best change of direction

Originated from Sepp Blatters substitute at Fifa, Gianni Infantino calling his new pay deal evidence of its emerging anti-avarice culture. Infantino stated his modest contract 1.15m fundamental plus bonuses, vehicle, house, 1,542-a-month expenses and funding for just one-off costs for example 1,100 for any tuxedo and 660 on flowers reflects greater than any word can reflect my strong will to finish recent conduct.

Former Fifa man of the season

Most relaxed because the FBI required a grip: former Concacaf mind Jeffrey Webb, who located a Harlem Renaissance-themed blackjack party in Feb while under house arrest in the Georgia mansion he bought with fraud money. Webb, looking for sentencing next May, required the Concacaf presidency this year pledging to attract a line underneath the organisations shameful Jack Warner era: We must move the clouds, and let the sunshine in.

Interview of the season

Gary and Paul ODonovan, live on RT in August after winning Irelands first rowing gold discussing the craic, Nutella, peeing in cups, how you can row (close your vision and pull just like a dog), and just how sad they believed to stay in Rio simply because they were missing the Rio-themed parties in Skibbereen. Recently these were named RT Sport Team of the season, appeared inside a new documentary Pull Just like a Dog, were interviewed for Graham Nortons New Years Eve BBC1 show, and named as Britains most Googled Irish-related search phrase within the entire 2016. Gary: Its funny the way in which its labored out.

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Best commentary moments

Icelands Euro 2016 coverage, which from Irelands Cathal Dennehy and Ronan Duggan, live streaming Aprils Irish Universities Athletics Association womens 4 x 400m dramatic relay final being an outsider billed in the depths of hell to victory. Dennehy accepted later hed achieved a pitch approximately your dog whistle along with a squealing pig All of us lost the brain.

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Worst commentary moments

1) Canadas Olympic broadcaster CBC apologising in August after their swimming commentator known as the entire mens 200m individual medley mistaking Michael Phelps for Ryan Lochte and 2) John Virgo, confident he was off-air during BBC1s live coverage of Mark Selby and Marco Fus epic contest at snookers World Championship in April: I wanted to watch a bit of racing this afternoon. Ill be lucky to look at some fucking Match during the day. Spokesman: Hes embarrassed and apologetic.

Pundit of the season

The clip that never grows old. Skys Steve McClaren in June, together with his in-play analysis of Englands reaction to Icelands equaliser: It has been the right response from England. You simply think: Not a problem, begin anew, keep dominating, keep getting pressure around the Iceland back four the only real factor they have got may be the big boy in advance Sigurdsson, nobody Sigthorsson Oh, ohhh

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Best attitude

Mike Allardyce negotiating the 400,000 top-up that ended his 67-day England reign. He guaranteed undercover reporters hed deliver their pretend clients keynote speaking, thats what Id do, Im a keynote speaker plus good value not only the keynote speech but additionally within the bar after. I do not are available in like many of them, bang, youre off. What happens I am talking about? Im likely to stand in the bar. Possess a couple of social drinks.

Best protest

Charlton and Coventry fans, staging some pot protest in October against both clubs boards by hurling hundreds of plastic pigs in the pitch. @CAFCofficial, 3.02pm: Play is stopped. Pigs on pitch. 3.03pm: (A fantasy ones).

Social networking awards

Best live tweeting: 1) Danny Willetts brother Pete, watching the Masters in April with tweets including: Without words. I once punched that kid in the head for hurting my pet rat. Now look and: Ive shared a shower having a Masters champion. His Ryder Cup online preview in September which branded US fans pudgy, filthy cretins along with a baying mob of imbeciles didnt go down so well. 2) @hastingsufc, remaining professional from the odds in October: Apologies for insufficient updates / Ive been stung with a wasp. Even game, no significant chances. 3) And Icelands @rvkgrapevine, giving one minute-by-minute evaluation of keeper Hannes Halldorssons summer time performance against Portugal. dinns breath propelled our heroic goalkeeper to swat away that weak-ass header and: Goalkeeper Such As The High cliff FACE AT DYRHOLAEY The Only Real Factor Which Will DESTROY HIM IS CENTURIES OF Seaside EROSION.

Most sincere tweet: Sunderlands Victor Anichebe, copying and pasting an excessive amount of what his PR team sent him after Octobers defeat to West Pork @VictorAnichebe: Are you able to tweet something similar to: Unbelievable support yesterday and great effort through the lads! Hard lead to take! But we go again!

Most confused: Californian Facebook user Petra Fyde, asking her buddies and family in June: At the chance of sounding stupid How come a lot of strange men within my facebook inbox saying WILL GRIGGS Burning, YOUR DEFENSE IS PETRA FYDE?????? What the heck is happening?

And also the best-crafted pledge: @Joey7Barton, 24 May: To be a Ranger would be to sense the sacred trust of upholding everything this type of name means within this shrine of football. 15 Sep: I apologise unreservedly.

Frederick Barton (@Joey7Barton)

To become a Ranger would be to sense the sacred trust of upholding everything this type of name means within this shrine of football. pic.twitter.com/nb5yTKq420

May 24, 2016

Best put-lower

Andy Murray in August, requested by John Inverdale: Youre the very first person to ever win two Olympic tennis golds, thats an remarkable task, is it not? Murray: I believe Venus and Serena have won four each. @jk_rowling: Murray just advised John Inverdale that ladies are people too.

Best analysis

One of the footballers reacting to Brexit in June: @PetrCech:It appears as though the greatest decision within the good reputation for the united states is made with different fake campaign and lies. Italys Giorgio Chiellini:The primary problem is an eventual domino effect. I do not think the straightforward United kingdom exit can alter the equilibrium from the whole European economy, besides the acid reflux everyones feeling. I believe the discontent shouldnt result in disintegration. Jermaine Pennant @pennant83: Now we’re not in Europe whats going to take place using the next euros 2018??? And Nolito: What’s Brexit? I believe its dancing. I might be wrong.

Wisest words

25 November:England coach Eddie Johnson, hailing wing Elliot Daly within the buildup for their game against Argentina: He is doing stuff you dont coach. 26 November:Daly sent off after five minutes.

Sharpest PR

Rio 2016 spokesperson Mario Andrada explaining why organisers couldnt be anticipated to simply fix the eco-friendly water within the pool overnight: Chemistry isn’t an exact science.

Best customer support

In August Englands slow over-rate against Pakistan motivated spectator Alexis Larger to tweet: I would like 10% of my money-back. Wouldnt visit football and discover it ended after 80mins. Alex Hales tweeted back: ok DM me your bank details then transferred 4.10.

Miss of the season

Italys Simone Zaza tiptoeing his way to stardom in the place against Germany in the Euros the summers single greatest non-Ronaldo meme. Among the remixes: Zaza like a seagull rubber stamping for worms, Zaza doing Olympic dressage, and Zaza inside a queue for that toilet. Zaza: Regrettably the ball went excessive. It will likely be beside me throughout my existence.

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Single worst moment of 2016

Setting a dark tone for Trump, Brexit, Farage and exactly what adopted Germany coach Joachim Lws distressing televised in-trouser scratch and sniff routine in mid-June. Im sorry for this. When you’re filled with adrenaline, unexpected things happen that you simply dont see. I’ll attempt to behave differently later on.

President of the season

Palermos 74-year-old owner Maurizio Zamparini entered 2016 searching to place his coach-eater image to sleep. Heres the way it unfolded:

10 Jan: Zamparini denies hes already feeling twitchy about his new coach Davide Ballardini. I won’t sack him, despite the fact that I possibly could. 11 Jan: Sacks him and hires Guillermo Barros Schelotto. 11 February:Finds out Schelotto hasn’t got his badges and hires Giovanni Bosi rather. 15 February: Sacks Bosi and rehires Giuseppe Iachini, who he sacked in November. 8 Marly:Calls Iachini a fool that has gone mad and replaces him with Walter Novellino. 12 Apr:Sacks Novellino, rehires Ballardini. People say Ive gone mad, but Im the victim here. 6 Sep: Hires Roberto de Zerbi after Ballardini resigns two games in to the season. 28 November:Denies he already has his doubts about De Zerbi. I’ll keep him. That’s my decision. 30 November: Sacks De Zerbi to be pitiful and hires Eugenio Corini to determine out a hard year. Why Corini? There wasnt much on the market.

Most British moment

In April West Indies needed an unlikely 19 in the final to win the planet T20 and Englands Ben Stokes was the person using the ball in the hands to shut the result. Four balls and 4 Carlos Brathwaite sixes later, it had been over. I send Ben commiserations, stated Brathwaite. Hes a complete legend.

Most unpredicted hero

Marcus Willbomb Willis, world No775 as he stunned Wimbledon and, almost, Roger Federer sticking it to trolls who dubbed him Cartman because of his big bones. His Wimbledon run ended having a cheque for 30,000. It is the greatest pay day Ive ever endured. I’m able to repay a few charge cards now.

Chant of the season

Huh! by Iceland. Also worth a mention: tactics-minded Carlisle fans having a Peter Andre-themed message to manager Keith Curle: Woah-oh-oh-oh, Mysterious Curle, I wanna play 3-5-2.

Best falling lower

2016s best football tumbles: Brazilian players Marcelo Cordeiro and Rossi pretending to have been headbutted by each other in October (Cordeiro: Thats just existence. Thats the sport were in) Toulouse coach Pascal Dupraz feeling upset in November by critique of his response to a paper plane brushing his head: Each one of these critics, theyre so brave and Louis van Gaals Miranda Hart pratfall in Feb, because he designed a serious point.

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Best Strictly contenders

a) Everton manager Roberto Martnez, filmed dancing at a Jason Derulo concert in Feb b) Mike Allardyce, spotted in Marbella in May spinning on the spot to Rihannas We Found Love and c) Alan Pardew, marking Castles FA Cup final goal by throwing dad shapes on Wembleys touchline. The 3 of these were sacked within several weeks.

Politicians of the season

Were Icelands Ministry for Foreign Matters, @MFAIceland explaining how their 23-man Euro 2016 squad chose itself by whittling lower their people in this country of 332,529.

MFA Iceland (@MFAIceland)

@pin_upicierno pic.twitter.com/ot0Mq2lsjM

June 27, 2016

Best celebration

Michail Antonios horizontal-running grass-dance in Feb after scoring for West Pork. I saw The Simpsons Movie a few days ago. I believe I pulled them back.

Least foreseeable setback

British cyclist Adam Yates, out while watching primary peloton within the Tour de France in This summer, simply to be flattened whenever a fans belt punctured an inflatable Vittel advertising arch. He still continued to win the white-colored jersey, though.

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Best clarification

Skiing star Lindsey Vonn, ambassador for Mind skis and bindings, reacted to some ski detaching mid-race in Feb by posting a video of herself destroying her Mind bindings having a hammer. After talks together with her agent she clarified: It was by no means, shape or form an expression around the performance from the Mind skis and bindings. In my opinion in Mind.

Most distracted

French fencer Enzo Lefort entering the Rio Games declaring: Ive given something to arrive here. Its important to not be distracted then being booed through the crowd after his phone fell out of his pocket mid-bout.

Best pose

Roy Hodgson, recognizing themself around the giant screen as England trailed to Iceland.

Danny Bloodstream (@dannyswfc)

Whenever you place your self on the giant screen and wish individuals to think there is a plan… pic.twitter.com/YLX3Mf6kB0

June 27, 2016

Best comeback

Andy Townsend, back on ITV for that summer time: Thats as blatant a problem as youll ever see. Could it have been certainly within the box? I do not know.

Worst luck

Australian rugby league star Jarryd Hayne, cutting short his presentation to 200 school pupils around the risks of the web when his screen began flashing up porn. Organisers stated the pictures didn’t originate from Jarryds device Hayne: It had been awkward. Wow.

Greatest last laugh

Louise Watson obtaining the second biggest fine in Wimbledon history, 9,040, for racket smashing 1,500 greater than Viktor Troickis acceptable for ranting from the worst ever umpire on the planet. She arrived on the scene ahead, though: winning 50,000 on her mixed doubles victory.

Cheapest blow

Spare a concept for Serb rowers Milos Vasic and Nenad Bedik, who showed up in Rio feeling good after 4 years of beginning training and sank after 1,250m.

Greatest attention seekers

Headlining 12 several weeks of viral animal cameos: a) an unflustered cat supporting play at Januarys Everton v Dagenham game, then losing its poise when keeper Joel Robles shooed it b) a squirrel doing the same at Marchs third T20 between Nigeria and Australia (@samuelfez: Watson in to the attack. Zampa at square leg. Maxwell gully. Squirrel deep point #SAvAUS) c) 20 mongooses storming a green during Novembers European Tours Nedbank Golf Challenge in Nigeria

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and d) two pitch-invading dogs one sparking an earlier tea in Novembers second India v England Test, another chasing Gois left-back Juninho throughout a Brazilian Serie B game. Juninho stated he ran since you cant tell with dogs locals told RBS TV the stray, Zulu, is simply soppy If he sees a ball, he goes chasing. Not one of them outshone time top sporting animal, though: Brazils hefty and nonplussed golf course capybaras. Australia captain Ian Baker-Finch: That bloody factor is big. Have you ever seen it? Its half wombat, half dog. US player Matt Kuchar: Its just like a moosehead on the gigantic rat. US director Andy Levinson: It appears as though your dog. A just like a dog-pig.

Plus special mention for: Lorenzo the horse, dancing to Smooth by Santana in Rios individual dressage.

Most thorough

These warning notices stuck over the toilets in Rios Olympic Village, banning a variety of unlicensed toilet activities. US basketball star Elena Delle Donne: Guess I will not be toilet fishing today.

Most depressing fact

For fans of the certain age: in May Burys Callum Styles grew to become the very first footballer born in 2000 to look inside a League game in November fellow millennial Moise Kean switched out for Juventus within the Champions League.

Getting people together

Wales midfielder Joe Ledley: dancing for Europe last summer time. One of the headlines: La drole de danse du Gallois and Ledley enflamme le vestiaire.

Best message

Cricketer Liam Thomas wasnt frustrated in October when his prosthetic leg came off as he dived close to the boundary while fielding for that England Physical Disability team. He jumped following the ball rather and delivered a fierce return. Should there be kids available watching who thought they couldnt take part in the game before week, he stated later, I would like these to know they are able to do anything whatsoever installed their mind to.

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Most satisfactory reply

Originated from 15-year-old Wimbledon women singles champion Anastasia Potapova answering press questions regarding her existence after winning the ultimate. I do not have siblings or siblings but I’ve got a duck, Vita. Shes small.

Best swagger

Haitian hurdler Jeffrey Julmis the undisputed star from the 110m hurdles in Rio. Within the selection before his race he gave your camera some textbook Usain Bolt-style attitude, then went mind over heels in the first hurdle.

Most uplifting

Showing the planet isnt totally damaged: Barcelonas under-14s side, lightly consoling their tearful Japanese rivals after beating them within the final of Augusts Junior Soccer World Challenge a mixture of hugs and pep talks.

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Plus: most offended

Japanese pole vaulter Hiroki Ogita upset by reports in August that hed knocked the bar off with his penis. Irrrve never expected the foreign media to consider me lower such as this. Its false, and i’m devastated they mock and ridicule me a lot. He later tweeted: Watching again, this really is pretty funny, basically let them know myself. LOL.

Find out more: https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2017/jan/01/alternative-2016-sports-awards-quotes-gaffes-meltdowns

#Football #Olympic Games #Rio 2016 #Sport

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