#told alfie this already but i should invest in a walker
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status of the now. i have not slept its 5am
#i am so tired but theres so much i need to do and i wont get it done if i sleep#because like ive been putting off showering and cleaning for multiple days now because i keep blacking out#and then shocker! person with chronic pain and probable heart issues is too tired to do anything but doomscroll in bed eat and then pass out#i wish i was like seven again so i could get rewarded for very menial tasks#give me a small dollar tree knick knack for brushing my teeth#i did not get knick knacks for chores at age seven but hypothetically#not a depressive episode but ive had zero motivation for anything lately#and i think its just because of my poor self care as of the past few weeks#its so hard to stay. in a routine though when you need to sit on the floor because you wiped down the counters#showering is such an ordeal i always narrowly avoid passing out#i need a shower chair probably but my parents would be pissy so sigh#also i dont own one#told alfie this already but i should invest in a walker#theres dust building in my room again too because i dont have the energy to stand on a chair and clean it#that and the last time i stood on a chair and blacked out and fell off#love being disabled slash ess#skyler posting#sorry for the rant this is my diary you understand
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