So the broken pipe situation is mostly fixed, but until my asthma stops being on such a hair trigger I'm not going downstairs unless I am wearing an N95 mask, and even then limiting my time down there, so I've been spending a lot of time in my craft room/work from home office. Y'all, I have gotten so much done it's a little ridiculous. Today so far I have: - sewn together batting to make a piece big enough for a baby quilt - quilted the baby quilt - trimmed it down to size and added the binding - washed the baby quilt - did some unpacking - found a skein of yarn in a box I was unpacking, got distracted, and knit an entire hat - cut out all the pieces for a pride bee for one of my 2022 MTH auction winners and got most of the seams sewn (only two machine sewn seams left, then it's just stuffing it and handsewing on the eyes, wings, and antennae) - tackled some of my scrap batting pile, getting it sorted into "large pieces to sew together to use in quilts", "this one rolled up piece that is somehow the perfect size for the coasters my friend wants", "pieces to cut 2.5 inch strips out of for future baskets", and crumbs, then diced up the crumbs into smaller confetti to use as pillow or stuffed animal stuffing later

July 23 - 2023 Sunday

8:54 AM

Today I’m tired AF because I only got 6 hours of sleep. I’m feeling prone to overthinking at the moment so again I’ll try to stay occupied and not think too hard about things I know will upset me for no reason. Also communication is important, I gotta let my friends know whats up with me if I want them to know. A lot of stress comes from thinking my friends don’t like me because they can’t read my mind so don’t react to what I want. Although I also need to know when to back off because it can be easy to tell when someone doesn’t want to talk to me but not easy to accept. I want to avoid being pushy. 

6:43 PM

REALLY trying not to take it personally when I hint at wanting some time together/being in need of a friend and the “just a few” turns into 2 hours of me waiting around thinking it could be any minute now. Only because on the opposite side, I’d be there in a HEARTBEAT, especially if I thought it was important. There might be some miscommunication though, or maybe I’m being too needy. Either way it’s probably a good opportunity to exercise my autonomy, I already know better than to wait on others. 

11:11 PM

Of course the perceived abandonment from earlier had a very good reason, thats why I made sure not to jump to conclusions. I really need to have more faith in others, and myself. 

This morning I woke up clearly under capacity due to lack of sleep. I ate a very good self-assembled broccoli pizza for breakfast. For most of the morning I played Neopets games while watching Jonbams play his new Minecraft Madpack on Twitch. Keeping up with my recent self awareness work, I had a very good text chat with my friend where I was extra vigilant about actually speaking from my heart and letting my interests show through without fear of judgement. Not that I’m terribly afraid of being judge or anything but it’s not often I achieve such pure self expression like this morning. At around noon I began a VR painting study that will take 1-2 more sessions before completing. I also looked into fixing the networking sync issues with my new world but decided to put that off for now, I wanna do other things. I organized my OBS scenes and sources. I did a lot of chillin and goofin around. I was stressed in the afternoon for a bit because of the nearby fire and some general ‘in my own head’ stuff. It wasn’t super bad but it kept me from focusing on basically anything and I just wanted to talk to my friend at this point. Eventually she called and I helped her do some math for her fursuit which I was very glad to do. We watched the Wonderland special for Ever After High and I absolutely loved it. Then we laughed at some memes for awhile before she hopped in bed and we had a nice little chat about life and feelings. It was extra late and I wish we had more time to chat, I’m still in a stage where I would benefit from lots of talks like tonight. They will come as they come though, it’s important not to overdo anything. 

I’m proud of actually doing some more of the things on my list today, just little tasks to keep me busy. I feel like I should have been more on top of it because there was a lot of down time and loligagging but the point of the weekend is to be chill about things. 

I could have handled my anxiety better I think, I can’t say I didn’t try though. I let my self awareness slip a bit too, thats my biggest limiter I’m discovering. It is WAY too easy to fall into thinking about what I’m supposed to be rather than what I am. This is something I want to talk with someone about more. 

I wish to expand on things and what I talked about but it’s late. In short, we discussed where we’re at and where we wanna go in life, and boosted each other up a little bit. She gave me some perspective about how good I have it in some regards. Even though I already knew it, can never have too many reminders, especially when it comes from someone else’s perspective. 

I feel good that I’m starting to come to terms with myself more. I feel like I’m at 1% of discovering who I am which is better than the 0% I felt before.