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degeneratekitten · 4 years

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When there’s no Hope

I ended up pushing myself too far for some of the stories, the result was a massive burnout that I’m still not completely recovered from, I think this was actually the last story I made that pushed me over the edge. I only just got around to editing it. Anyways enjoy.

!!!WARNING!!! READ TAGS BEFORE READING. BITTY TORTURE. DONT LIKE DON’T READ

Some cases are simply too dire to help, this was one of them.

You seldom got cases as bad as this, cases where training simply was not an option and the owner was simply too blind to see it. The woman in front of you was describing such a case, tears in her eyes as she described what had to be the most dangerous bitty you’d ever heard of.

The bitty in question had grown to the size of a bear, just feeding him alone was breaking her bank, he still had the childish, dumb demeanor of a pure bite. Furthermore his breed specific problems made you flinch a little, you were well aware of how dangerous they could be, whether from being unmuzzled to only having regard for their own needs you knew full well that a bear sized toddler with knives for teeth was not good. Furthermore, despite leaving out what must have happened to her, you could tell exactly what had happened to the woman coming to you for help.

Her descriptions of this pure bite only cemented in your mind that she had become so blind to what was really happening that she forgot about everything but her tormentors' feelings. You ended up having to stop her halfway through her pleading to firmly lay down a hard truth for her to hear.

“I can’t help you, and frankly I’m afraid I can’t let you go home to this bitty either.” You stated, watching as the woman in front of you stood shocked and teary eyed at you.

“Nonononono! You misunderstood me! He’s really a sweet boy he just gets muddle headed during heats!” She replied, staring at you desperately as you shook your head.

“Ma’am no. There is only one thing that can be done about this bitty.” You stated, fixing her with a look. “Firstly, he was never meant to be a pet, and due to his size he’s long past the point where he’s allowed out for the exercise he needs. Frankly he has two options, a zoo, or death.” You stated, watching as the woman stared at you in shock. “But based entirely on the stories you’ve told me of his treatment of you and the bitties around him, I know for fact that no zoo would take him.” You stated, before sighing one last time.

“I also cannot in good conscience let you go home and wait to be murdered by this bitty either.” You stated, and watched as the woman’s face twisted in anger.

“You can’t do this! I came for help and you’re talking about MURDERING my baby! He would never hurt-” You stopped her before she could finish her sentence.

“But he already has.” You replied, pointing to the bruises littering her form. Her arm was even in a cast, and she got silent. You could tell that the bitty in question had done something unspeakable to this woman. He likely couldn't take no for an answer given his intellect and she couldnt force him away due to his size.

“Now, in consideration for your feelings for your bitty, I’m only offering you this so he won’t suffer.” You stated, as you stood up, and walked over to her, you had been in a fortunate enough position growing up to be one of the lucky few with a more developed magical sense. It had always been an option for you to become a dedicated mage due to it, even now you were still getting offers of magical colleges to further develop it. You never had any interest though, you always preferred the sciences over magic. You supposed though, that now was as good a time as any to use a little of your magic to get your point across. Summoning a green light you walked over and brushed the woman’s cheek with your hand. The bags under her eyes disappeared and she stared at you with wonder, looking at your hand as she felt the magic wash over her.

“I could call the humane society, they would most likely come and subdue him without the use of magic, which would be a violent and huge affair. Or…” You held up your glowing hand.

“I could come in and make the situation as painless as possible.” You stated.

She looked at you with so much uncertainty in her eyes that you sat back down.

“The choice is yours, I know it’s hard, and you probably already resent me. But someone is going to die. Whether it’s you or the pure bite is entirely up to you.”

----

The woman was so distraught by your ultimatum, screaming profanities at you about being heartless, inhumane, a murderer, but you simply pulled out your phone and looked up the number for the humane society, making sure she could see you do so. She ended up collapsing onto your sofa, crying something intelligible, before agreeing. She looked guilty, so guilty, about being raped by a bitty, about supposedly breaking some sort of promise to the bitty, about her assumption that this bitty wasn't dangerous despite the fact that she’d already been hurt so deeply by him.

You ended up talking more, with you urging her to seek help from a mental health professional to help with her grief, she still tried to beg you to reconsider, but you wouldn't budge, making sure she understood very clearly that she would die if she continued to defend the bitty.

Surprisingly it was easier than you thought it would be to convince her to put down the bitty, you weren't entirely too thrilled about it having to be you who she wanted to put the creature down, but nonetheless it was more likely to end painlessly.

Despite your offer to subdue the pure bite, it was still something that was incredibly difficult for you. You had to pull out some of the old magic books that your grandfather gave you and your siblings when you were younger. Your siblings had all gone down the path of dedicated mages, while you decided you loved horses more than magic. You had long forgotten some of the spells you learned when younger, and had to look up a spell to subdue a large violent creature. Eventually you found it, but still had to write it down on your hand even as you left for the woman’s house.

---

Seeing the bitty was an entirely other matter though, and you had to suck in a deep breath as you stared at the bear sized bitty in front of you. You struggled to comprehend just how it could have grown to this size. You’d heard of certain breeds of bitties who grew as they aged, but you had no idea how old one of those bitties would have to be in order to get as large as this pure bite.

The owner wasn't glaring at you anymore, she seemed to be cowering as she stared at the bitty. You could tell just by looking that he was in the middle of a heat, he was pumping at his large cock as he stared at his owner.

“Mom.” It grumbled out, and it seemed to lumber towards its owner, he reached out a hand and really you werent in the mood to see a giant bear bitty rape anyone, so you didnt waste any time.

You took one look at your hand before shouting out a spell, drawing a shape in the air with your finger as you said it.

You were out of practice, and a small puff of purple escaped your hand.

Growling to yourself, you stared at the giant bitty as his owner pulled away from him. He bared his giant sharp teeth and let out a frustrated noise.

“Mommy! Make me feel better!” He growled out, reaching for her again, this time his large boney hand caught hold of her, and she shrieked a little.

“BABY NO!” She yelled, staring at you with a pleading look. You grimaced again, and collecting yourself you tried again.

You ended up succeeding in your second try, and a large purple symbol slammed into the large bitty. He ended up stumbling a bit, but shockingly enough he ended up shaking it off.

Your eyes ended up widening at this development, and you backed away in fear at the sight of the bitty. He looked angry, angry and still pumping his giant cock furiously as he glared at you.

“Go way! I want mommy not you!” He shouted and let go of his owner to lumber towards you.

Panicking you casted the spell again, and another purple symbol crashed into the bitty, this time causing him to howl in utter rage. He practically started sprinting towards you. You only barely managed to run past his lumbering form as he smashed into the door of his owners house.

“Nooooo! Baby please be good! She’s here to help!” The woman cried, bitter fearful tears running down her cheeks as she shook in place. You ended up casting the spell again frantically. Watching it slam into the bitty only to slow him down.

You realized exactly what was happening after that, and in response, before the bitty could turn you casted again. You could see the giant pure bite was wobbling, and could no longer run, so you casted again, and again, and again. Until finally, the giant lumbering threat fell, face first onto the ground, practically drooling.

“Cnt mvvv.” He tried to say, and you ended up sighing in relief. Your heart was pounding, and there was a hole in the door you came through.

The woman was still shaking, seemingly petrified by the giant bitty on the ground. She didn't even approach, just stared at him helplessly. You gave her a once over before you decided that it was better to get this all over with quickly.

The fact that casting the spell once had not been sufficient was a glaring reminder of just how out of practice you were with this. You weren't a dedicated mage, and while you were sure your siblings could have done this in one try you were different. Still this next part was something that you had done countless times at a young age. It was one of the basic elements of becoming a mage.

Making your way over, you planted your feet firmly on each side of his body. You hadn't done something like this in a long time, but really it was relatively painless despite how it sounded.

Lifting the shirt of the pure bite you reached into the very center of his magic, placing your hands firmly around the massive pulsating AI that rested in his chest. Then, careful so as not to completely damage the flow of your own magic, you started to absorb the magic resting within him.

The pure bite grunted at first, before he started to yawn. He stopped being able to move as the magic drained from him, and got progressively more tired as the process went on. You struggled a little to circulate the magic in a way that allowed your body to make the magic your own, and frequently had to stop for long moments to give yourself time. Really all the practice with places of power when you were younger made this process incredibly familiar, and eventually you fell back into the groove of how it was supposed to be done.

The pure bite eventually fell into a deep sleep, and shortly after parts of him began to dissolve gently into dust, floating away as you worked. You felt your own center of magic expanding, a little uncomfortably at first, the years that you hadn't done this coming to catch up with you, but eventually you had flexed your magical muscle enough that the expansion started to feel natural, pleasant even, like breaking through into a new level of power.

It wasn't long before you got comfortable enough with the flow of magic to where you could finally end the process. You practically glowed as you completely sucked up the remaining magic in the pure bites reserves, and closed your eyes to go into a deep meditation, as the body of the pure bite basically dissolved into dust. There was no screaming, no pleading, just a deep sleep that ended painlessly. You sat for a long time circulating the flow of magic, before you could finally open your eyes to see the woman in front of you staring almost confused at the dust on the ground.

“He just fell asleep... “ She stated, and she looked dazed as she said this, not distressed, not sad, just in disbelief. Honestly it looked like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

Nodding at her, you smiled gently. “He just fell asleep..” You stated, which seemed to cause a dam to break in the façade of the woman. She didn't answer you, just placed her head into her hands as she cried. Whether it was from relief or grief you had no idea.

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healthandfitnessrecipes-blog · 6 years

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Running away from yourself

https://healthandfitnessrecipes.com/?p=6951

The benefits of regular exercise for improving mood are widely accepted. Exercise releases feel-good brain chemicals that may help to combat depression and, according to the Mayo Clinic, can make a big difference to mood and wellbeing. Researchers claim there is a “compelling” body of evidence around exercise boosting mood. A 2006 review of 11 studies investigating the effects of exercise on mental health found it to be a strong intervention for depression, and the charity Mind recommends regular cardiovascular exercise, such as running, as effective for treating mild to moderate depression.

I’ve always used exercise to help manage stressful life events. In the past 20 years, running has helped me cope with break-ups and family stress. I turned to running one again last summer when I suffered a tremendous loss. When my mother died, I decided to sign up for a half-marathon.

I believed the focus of a fitness goal would help me deal with my grief. It didn’t entirely work out that way. I enjoyed the training and it certainly boosted my mood, but my energy levels were poor and, on race day, I really struggled, despite completing all the training. I underestimated the amount of physical fatigue that grief can bring. On race day, I simply didn’t have enough fuel in the tank. Not that my performance mattered. There will always be other half-marathons.

But it did make me wonder if I’d fully dealt with my grief. I hadn’t been overly emotional about losing my mum, despite being very close to her and caring for her for almost a decade. Which begged the question, had I fully dealt with my grief or just buried my emotions while overdoing my training? At what point is it better to confront your emotions and deal with trauma head on, rather than trying to distract yourself entirely through running?

Experts gladly acknowledge the mental benefits of exercise but admit there is a balance to be found and it shouldn’t be used to suppress emotions. “Exercise, such as running, is a great way of helping us to keep our emotions regulated and balanced and produces natural endorphins within the body that help improve mood,” says Dr Nick Mooney, a clinical psychologist for brain health experts Re:Cognition Health (recognitionhealth.com). “Regular exercise can therefore be very helpful in helping us to get through difficult and traumatic periods of our lives. However, like any activity, there is always the possibility that we can choose to exercise as a means of avoiding unpleasant emotions. This might prevent the natural and painful processing of these emotions. You might also inadvertently learn that the only way of coping with stress is to exercise.”

Spotting the signs Recognising the signs that we may need help or support alongside regular exercise is crucial. “A person might like to seek professional support to manage difficult emotions if the coping mechanism – i.e. exercise – is causing them to behave in a manner that is at odds with how they would like to be,” says Mooney. “For example, a person may choose to avoid socialising or seeing family members in favour of exercising if this means they can avoid uncomfortable conversations.”

When it comes to dealing with bereavement or a break-up, we are conditioned to work through the five stages of grief. Skipping them can cause problems. The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance (see box). “Every single human being is designed to acknowledge a loss in the five stages of grief,” says Christophe Sauerwein, a psychologist and spokesperson for the iCAAD, the International Conference on Addiction and Associated Disorders (icaadevents.com). “We believe sadness to be bad sometimes but, actually, we need to become sad about something we have lost to realise we have lost it. Doing a bit of exercise will help to smooth down the process of expressing our emotions and will channel them out, but running could inform a process of denial that’s not healthy.

However, Sauerwein points out that running may play a role in the second stage of grief – anger. “Running or doing exercise is a good way to channel out the anger, so there’s something healthy there,” he adds. “Moderate exercise helps because it’s about getting you out of a state of numbness.”

If this state of numbness stems from clinical depression, though, it is a completely different story and must be handled with care. Using exercise to feel a bit better and not dealing with our problems is an extremely fine balance. “Are you running away from something when you run?” asks Sauerwein. “What are you running from? Your thoughts, obsessions, inability to accept the situation? This is when it becomes a toxic process.”

It’s important to stress that the five stages of grief apply to divorce and relationship break-ups, as well as bereavements. “Divorce is a loss,” says Sauerwein. “We lose a relationship and what makes that difficult is the ex-wife/husband or partner still exists. The loss and grief is about the loss of the relationship and the fact that the other person is still here, running his or her own life.”

Confronting emotions Whatever the reason, grief is not to be underestimated, even if you think you are feeling OK. “Any type of loss creates grief and, in my experience, grief is the most painful emotion that a human can experience,” says psychotherapist Anna Pinkerton, author of the book Smile Again: Your Recovery From Burnout, Breakdown and Overwhelming Stress (annapinkerton.com). “Runners may avoid grief by doing more running or taking it up for the first time. Grief is so disabling and overwhelming but it needs to be worked through.”

So what are the signs that might suggest we aren’t working through our grief properly? “If you know a person who was bereaved or has lost a partner and you know they haven’t cried but they are still managing to run every day, it could be a simple equation like that,” says Pinkerton. “Lots of people can deal with physical agony caused by extending beyond their physical limits, like in extreme sports. They can feel that pain because that’s more approachable for them than to feel the utter devastation of grief.”

To find the balance between using exercise to make us feel better and working properly through our emotions, we need to accept our feelings. “We were all born to have the full range of feelings so no feelings should be out of bounds,” says Pinkerton. “Envy, jealousy, happiness, anger… we should experience them in order to create an inner balance. We are out of balance if we say: ‘I’m never going to experience grief. I will carry on regardless and fill my life with activity and not have feelings’.”

Another sign you could be running too much and not confronting your emotions is if you are not enjoying it. I didn’t enjoy that half-marathon. I knew I had pushed myself too far. “Are you doing it because you need it as a drug?” asks Pinkerton. “If your enjoyment has gone, that’s an early sign you’re not dealing with things.”

Pinkerton also believes that we can never truly escape from grief. “It’s normal to want to avoid pain but the sooner you can get on with grieving, the better, because otherwise the body will store it,” she says. “It’s very, very hard to have an emotional injury. It requires our time and attention. I work with sports people and people very high up in companies. They keep denying self-care and, unfortunately, something else will happen to make them be aware of it. That’s where breakdown and burnout comes in. Bereavement is the most horrendous experience. Listen to what you need. It’s OK to have what you need. Be prepared to be fully human. We think envy and jealousy are terrible. We think we’re supposed to be happy all the time. Feelings are transient and you move through them. Feelings aren’t meant to last.”

Counselling may be the answer, alongside regular exercise. “Alongside the exercise and good, healthy habits in moderation, counselling combines pretty well,” says Sauerwein. “We also know that any loss is helped by socialising. Running can be a lonely, isolated activity. The most important thing to be aware of is that, if you exercise excessively on unprocessed feelings, the feelings are going to be repressed but will come out some day. It’s like putting a lid on a volcano. It all seems OK, then, one day, there is an eruption.”

The five stages of grief explained Denial initially helps us overcome our loss. We are still in a state of shock and this helps us to pace our feelings of grief. Anger is a necessary part of the healing process. You might be angry that a loved one died or a relationship ended. Bargaining means you would do anything to hold onto that person. You’d never be angry at them if God would let them live. Depression is when you feel empty; this is natural. It would be unusual not to feel depressed after losing a loved one. Acceptance doesn’t mean your loss is OK. It’s about accepting the reality of the situation and starting to live again.

Emotions and physical health Experts believe that shutting out our emotions and not dealing with them can be detrimental to our physical health in the long run. “When we continually try to avoid dealing with uncomfortable emotions, we tend to make them worse,” says Dr Nick Mooney. “Not only can avoidance be physically and mentally exhausting, it can also take us away from engaging in activities that bring us true pleasure, like socialising. As a result, there is a greater risk of these normal painful feelings growing into something more serious, such as an anxiety disorder or clinical depression.”

Too much exercise and avoiding emotions can also cause other issues. “Regular physical exercise, motivated by an avoidance of emotional distress, can also be associated with eating disorders,” says Mooney. “There is also a greater risk of developing injuries that may not be resolved properly. Exercise is a great way of improving mood but other ways include maintaining a healthy, balanced diet; regularly socialising with others; engaging in hobbies and meaningful activities, like giving back to others; good sleep; and getting plenty of sunlight.”

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