#this reminds me of an eddie fic I wrote ages ago | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bi-buckrights · 1 year

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Fic origin story

Thanks for the tags 🥰 @alyxmastershipper @monsterrae1 @spotsandsocks @rogerzsteven @prettyboybuckley

What was your first fandom (reading and/or writing)?

I have been on this godforsaken site for so long and I don't even remember what fandom I joined for... but I quickly joined the Superwholock fandom. I didn’t get into reading fic right away bc i made the mistake of reading a Dan and Phil fic (cringe I know) on watt pad and it SCARRED me. After recovering from that particular experience I read so much destiel fic

What was the first story you ever wrote (even if it was never posted) and what made you decide to write it?

I didn't start writing anything until a few months ago. Before then, stories just lived rent free in my mind and I would play them like little movies while falling asleep 😂

Then I shared a buddie dream I had and my lovely friends encouraged me to turn that dream into a fic 🥰 (Sometime Around Midnight)

What piece of advice would you give your younger fic-writing self?

Just write the damn fic if you want!

What's an early fandom interaction that stuck with you (be it a nice comment, a friend you made, a fic that got a lot of feedback etc.)?

This is the first fandom I ever started creating content for, first edits and now fics too, and the support I have received has just been so surprising and amazing 🥺 and I never expected to find real friends but I did ❤️

Post a sentence or two from an older fic and a sentence or two from a newer one (if you want).

From Our Love is Like a Storybook Story, my third fic but first multi-chapter fic!

The kiss feels like nothing has changed in all their years apart. But things have changed, and the kiss is a reminder that their love is strong enough to persist despite that. Here, in Buck’s arms, Eddie is safe, and each kiss feels like it holds their future.

And another from my most recent fic Bottled Poetry

Eddie can’t help but think about how these grapes were being grown and harvested the year he met Buck, followed by several years of waiting patiently until the perfect timing. In all this time that Buck has been in his life, becoming a part of his family and making Eddie fall in love with him, this wine has been aging to perfection – to be poured into glasses for Buck and Eddie to drink together.

I think most people have done this already but tagging a few just in case! @swiftiediaz @lostinabuddiehaze @ajunerose @spaceprincessem @bekkachaos

#tag game

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tossertozier · 4 years

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hey i was wondering if you could talk a little about your thoughts behind eddie and richie's very limited playlist. i realise its quite an old fic now but something abt it has rly stuck with me since i first read it ages ago and i would be super interested to understand richie and the other losers perspectives on eddie and richies relationship. eddies head is always quite a lonely difficult place to be and i would love to know how you see this version of eddie and richie going forward 1/2

no worries if its difficult/youre too busy but if you have a moment i would rly love to read a little more about that universe. thank you !! 2/2

honestly anon i just read the beginning segment of that fic and i had to stop. i could call it projection: the fic. all of my fics are to some extent.... but that fic is nearly obvious. the entire opening sequence is straight out of my own life.

this is the fic in question if anyone hasn’t read it. i would read it before reading this post. the post is almost as long and will spoil the whole thing.

but of course in real life the guy i was fucking at the time was not my long term best friend so their relationship in the fic would be a lot more complex. i was never thinking about marrying my fuck buddy. but i did only fuck him bc he reminded me of someone else.

i decided to go with making it so new rules wasn’t necessarily applying to just eddie or just richie but could be about either of them. it’s definitely one of the more tragic of my fics. the part where richie and eddie have sex because they can’t have a conversation hurts me. it’s a very personal piece of myself to have written into a fic. “eddie laughs as he grabs his upper arms and he thinks to himself that this is it. this is almost enough.” && then later with the “i always thought you two were meant to be.” “please, please.” he tightens his pinky in hers, and spares a glance for bill “don’t say that.” like... the whole thing is so sad. i left it ambiguous in the writing with intention, bc i think it’s much more interesting to read things that leave room for interpretation, but when i was writing it, i was envisioning richie as in love with eddie. it’s unreciprocated but eddie needs to feel that love and attention anyway so he lets richie love him.

the other complicated piece of it is in this fic and really in none of my others, eddie really underestimates richies intelligence. “for fuck’s sakes, eddie.” he rips his hands off of him and eddie feels the cold bit his skin where richie leaves it, “don’t lie to me,” he stands up, whipping off his shirt even though it’s apparent they’re not having sex that night. “i’m not a fucking child.” he uses the deodorant on eddie’s dresser. he trades shirts out for one in his black leather bag. he shuts eddie’s door behind him. he doesn’t know what hurts more, that he’s off to find another what’s-her-face, or that eddie has to make himself care about it.

richie is well aware eddie doesn’t love him back but richie is content to take what he can get. eddie doesn’t love him back because he doesn’t think richie will ever love him in the way he imagines being loved. in the way he imagines bill loving him, or bill being as a lover. richie does love eddie, but eddie doesn’t really acknowledge that because it is not what he has always imagined love to look like.

he just wants to be in love with richie tozier, who doesn’t love him, but in a different way. a survivable way.

when i wrote this i was having a lot of thoughts about hero worship and eddie and bill and didn’t really have a space in any of my other fics to dive into it. it wouldn’t have worked in on pointe as eddie didn’t desperately need a role model at that point in his life. &tfat! eddie has already well moved past that. tfoas bill was a huge fucking mess. i wanted to put thoughts out there on what happens when you spend a lot of time fantasizing. i think a lot of young (especially gays) do. the creation of this person in your head and exactly how they would love you is such a hard thing for any REAL person to combat. really i just wanted to get out some feelings about how fantasy can really disrupt real life. bill and eddie not interacting in the fic is purposeful. i wanted to show that eddie’s fantasies are sort of baseless, but he clings to them anyway. they feel safe, even if they hurt him.

& then the

eddie knows richie does this purposefully, takes all the real decision making out of his hands. he asks the question but lets eddie decide what the question even is.

this is the passage that really sums up why eddie and richie don’t work in this universe. richie doesn’t even see himself as an adult. he is childish and selfish and immature and eddie confuses all of that with him not having actual feelings for eddie which isn’t true.

again... if you’re left wondering what happens next... it’s kind of intentional bc i did want it to be able to be read multiple different ways? but i’m gonna talk about what i was thinking of when i wrote it.

the entire last scene is... what it is. i used it will come back and i hoped readers would take that as even as eddie says that this is the last time it’s gonna happen, that’s just not true. they are hopelessly codependent. eddie thinks as he leaves about things dying before they can grow again, but then he also puts on blackbird. because people. aren’t trees. we have to take the broken bits... the longing and expectations and hurt of our past and move on with it stuck to us because you can never truly just shed your past like a skin and move on. eddie knows that he has to let it (bill’s marriage) hurt him and let that pain and rejection be a part of him because it will be whether he acknowledges it or numbs himself out to the point he can’t feel it using whichever vice (alcohol, attention, sex.)

does eddie think there’s hope for them at the end of that au? no. does richie think there’s hope for them at the end of that au? no.

do i think richie & eddie might have hope in that au? yeah... actually. i think they’re twin flames they’re characters that lend themselves beautifully to fanfiction because i can always see them falling in love over and over again.

it would take a lot of growth and recovery of course but... both of them know that. at the end of the fic, richie is confronted with that he is an adult now, regardless of if he wants to be one, and eddie knows he has to take himself as he is and keep going if he ever wants to get forward. that’s mutually good places for the characters to be... even if the ending feels a little desolate. it’s not. it’s bleak & bare... but it’s hopeful. there’s a life waiting at the end of winter.

thanks for asking anon!! this was fun to talk about. i actually like that fic more than i like a good number of my old fics so it was a nice quick reread.

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