i need to complain about my uni some more i found out so much shit today i am honestly so tired and i’m so glad i’m graduating this place is hell on earth

okay so... my uni is shitty in general right? i’ve had a lot... a LOT... of issues here... i haven’t done a conventional route for an undergrad what i did was i did a 2 year foundation degree [fda] and then came here to do my 3rd year, but i decided to go into the second year because i didn’t feel like i’d learnt enough on my fda, and there were modules i thought looked really interesting [for example... an exchange programme... which i’ll get to in a moment] so i went into the 2nd year as opposed to the 3rd [my mum went batshit at me but that’s another story sjdnjdvncd]

okay so!!! when i started there september 2016 AND i thought it was gonna be great... i’d moved to the city and i was living with a friend of mine + 8 other people [that was fucking awful i’m still kinda traumatised from that experience so this year i’ve lived by myself it was THAT bad] and it was easy for me to move to the 2nd year and everything and one of the lecturers who’s head of the course right he helped me sort out seeing a counsellor [that’s a mess], sorting DSA [disabled students allowance bc i’d been diagnosed with depression & anxiety] and a few other things and it was fine!!! i was managing to go to class almost every day despite shit happening in the module we did where the group i was working in we had to have THREE!!!! meetings with the aforementioned head of the course bc of how BADLY we were working together and that rly like... messed me up and i get anxious when there’s conflict so that made me kinda not wanna go to class etc. 

then they messed up my exchange and i ended up not going and that was a massive blow to my mental health i already wasn’t doing great for a bunch of other reasons :/ i got accepted into a really good uni in seoul that was hard to get into and i even got offered an EXTENDED exchange bc of how good they thought my grades were and yet my uni thought my grades were SHIT????? OKAY! 

then in december 2016 i got so bad to the point i tried to kill myself once and planned it at least twice more :// and my uni was aware of it and they’re SUPPOSED to intervene and didn’t lmao i was seeing a mental health worker on campus because, to quote the counsellor i saw TWICE, “my issues were too complex and deep rooted to be dealt” and then went and saw the mh worker she was lovely :(( but i was so fucking bad at that point i literally... didn’t care lmao and was too anxious to even leave my room [i’m like that now too] my uni IGNORED ME for over 6 MONTHS being aware that i’d been suicidal???? then sent letters about my attendance bc i barely attended uni for like 3~ish months from december-march time... and were threatening to kick me out which lead to this first ‘support meeting’ but the documents i got sent insinuated i was gonna be kicked out of the course regardless of the fact i was getting good grades????

i had that meeting in like may 2017? and they were discussing like whether i should be allowed to attend this summer school in shanghai that i went on [i did but i had a suicidal moment whilst out there bc of the stuff that had happened back here]... i got the notes back from the meeting and... wow. just wow. one part was insinuating i was a danger to other students and staff because i’d had suicidal tendencies. and they just went on and on about the well being and safety of other people completely disregarding... the fact... i wanted to die and had attempted that... like that alone to me is complete bullshit. there’s some other stuff as well but idk if i should say it’s supposed to be confidential wdojfnefdc i might expose it once i leave here tho bc it’s appalling????

like they ignored me after i had attempted suicide and it was a uni issue bc i’m in THEIR care and they were AWARE of VARIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES YET THEY WERE JUST LIKE NAH LET’S BLAME HER MAKE HER FEEL WORSE!!!!

so september 2017 comes around the summer i’d taken time to myself to recover etc and i had another one of those meetings, where i was told if i was ‘refusing’ to engage i would be kicked out or forced to defer and finish my degree at a later date. i was supposed to meet my lecturer every 2 weeks, and my mental health worker every two weeks. that happened for october and then!!!! my lecturer had a research trip for a month and never bothered to contact me like he promised, AND my mental health worker cancelled my appointments 3 times and i got an email to inform me she was sick and i would be contacted when she was back etc and i never got the email back...

i’ve been fine for the most part since then but of course personal things have happened that have made me have my moments and in december... with jonghyun... especially when it was the year anniversary of me like... being like that myself... i made a promise to him to try and graduate and not get like that ever again and mostly it’s been fine but... i’m still depressed and anxious etc it’s a long term thing i’ve dealt with but... it’s the fact my uni makes promises to take care of its students and then... has turned around to me and made me feel so unwelcome and stuff??? saying i’m dangerous to other people BECAUSE i’m mentally ill????? that’s not fucking okay????

and today i’ve found out SO much bullshit like they have favourite students, they refuse to mark stuff properly because they don’t want to influence the national average etc and other shitty excuses. AND THE FUCKING WORST.... RIGHT I STUDY PHOTOGRAPHY, SO YOU WOULD ASSUME... THAT THAT PHOTOGRAPHS WOULD BE CONSIDERED AS PART OF MARKING... APPARENTLY THEY DON’T REALLY MARK THEM :)))) LIKE???? SURELY.... SEEING... AS IT’S PHOTOGRAPHY.......THEY WOULD CONSIDER THAT AS PART OF MARKS......... BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

i’m honestly fuming i hate this place so much i wish i’d never come here or done my fda through them either LMAO