Your trevor meta is making me realize how weird it is that the writers and cast were so insistent that mickey wasn't coming back, because I don't think theyve ever really known what to do with ian's story without him. They put him in these lukewarm relationships and tell us they're so much better and healthier, but then have ian straight up admit that he still loves mickey and nobody else has made him feel the same way. How do they set that up and then have him go back to trevor? They set up ian moving on with "I'm not that person anymore" and follow up with season 8. It's like okay...who he is now is gay Jesus? Lmao. He's always been the shows forgotten middle child and after they wrote mickey off "for good" they could have taken him in a million directions but they chose one so shitty it basically made cam leave lmao. Sometimes it feels like fan insistence kind of forced mickey back but in actuality, the seasons where he's gone just hammer home that he was always the inevitable end to ian's story. So bizarre how little the showrunners understand their own story sometimes.

Ok. I’m going to be a little more Doylist here than I usually am, because we’re talking about what the writers are thinking. And I’m also going to take this opportunity to share this fascinating article from the AV Club in 2016: When Fan Engagement Goes Wrong. Everyone beware, it contains significant spoilers for The 100. But it’s also largely about Gallavich, the fact that online promotion of Shameless leaned hard into the popularity of the couple, and were up against it when Noel left. I’ll quote: 

“[Supervising Producer Shelia] Callaghan’s choice to be honest and straightforward when engaging with fans is admirable, and yet also on some level futile. She can’t tell them exactly why Fisher chose to leave, she is (logically) unwilling to spoil future storylines outright, and she can only speak her own mind as part of a collaborative process over which she holds only some influence. So while many fans respect her effort to maintain the connection to this now marginalized community, others attack, reinforcing that attempting to manage these situations is a full-time job that no one has been properly trained for.” 

This article links some tweets and the one I find the most interesting is this one:

“But the actor left.  So...what to do? Have them just break up?? Felt way less true to me than a forced separation!” 

That tweet is from Krista Vernoff, who wanted to convey that they tried really hard to come up with what they do with Ian now that he’d lost Mickey. And I’m sure they did try really hard. And.... People hated it. Mostly. 

Here’s what I think, based on what I’ve read and the interviews I’ve seen, on deleted tweets and Tumblr rumours and YouTube clips: The show didn’t want Mickey to leave the canvas. At all. Noel wanted more money. The show could not come up with both that money and the money they needed for everyone else. The show let him go. And hoped they could solve the creative problem their budgetary problem had dumped in their lap. 

I actually think Ian’s story in season six is decent. I miss Mickey, of course. I find the last scene with him really painful -- but it’s not painful because the show is trying to diminish him. They write and then cut together a scene where Mickey is DEMONSTRATIVELY still deeply in love with Ian. He’s carved his name in his chest. He is looking at Ian like he’s the most beautiful creature ever given breath. And Ian can barely meet his gaze. They tell us Mickey is being sent away for 16 years but when we see the last of Mickey Milkovich in season six I think “God, this is so sad. They love each other so much and this is so fucked up.” 

I do NOT think “We are NEVER EVER EVER getting back together.” 

The show always knew what it had with Ian and Mickey. They leaned into it promotionally. They gave meaty storylines to the characters, particularly given that Ian was the fourth lead on a family dramedy built around six children. John Wells replaced Aaron Sorkin on The West Wing. He knows how hard it is to follow a phenomenon. 

The more I think about it, honestly? I don’t think they tried. I think they knew that they couldn’t bring in Mickey Milkovich, the sequel in season six, so they brought in Caleb. And maybe they meant for him to be a LITTLE more viable than he was... but I think there’s a pretty good chance they were just throwing something at the wall to see if it stuck, while being fully aware that the important storyline in season six was getting Ian from despair to a fulfilling career. Caleb was just there as a catalyst. 

Season seven if more interesting, because Trevor is brought on and it’s very much... “Hey, let’s do something new. Let’s bring on a transmasc character and put him into a relationship with Ian and explore those complications.” 

“Great! Put it up on the board!” 

“Also. Let’s call Noel Fisher’s people and see what we can work out because we can do better with Mickey’s send off and people are yelling at me on the street about it.” 

Quite honestly, these are not equal tasks for his writer’s room. You have one story -- Create a whole ass new character. The only thing we know is that he’s trans. Figure out the romance from there. You have six episodes to get them together as an established couple. 

Then: Bring back the well-established and beloved character for an epic romantic two-episode arc where he reunites with his true love and they run away together and then ultimately realize it cannot be, and say goodbye and it all feels like I Will Always Love You should be playing in the background. They actors worked together for five years. They have a great professional partnership. They like working together. They have a ton of history so there’s lots of juicy subtext. The longing and sexual tension comes pre-established. See what you can do. 

HOW do you make both those things work out so that they are equal? You need lightening to strike. And that already happened on How I Met Your Mother. They squandered their good luck and now there is none left for Shameless. I do not disparage Elliot Fletcher at all when I say that for Trevor and Ian to really work he’d have had to have come with scorching chemistry with Cam, rich material that really gave them a good opportunity to build rapport between the characters, and A wizard standing by to cast spells in the wings. They had SIX episodes, a pretty average connection between the actors, and the “these are the LGBTQ+ people in your neighbourhood” scene. 

I just can’t believe that someone with as many years of TV writing under his belt as John Wells has expected that to work. He hoped the Trevor story might be good, and was certainly going to break some ground in terms of telling trans stories. And the Mickey story was going to be the highlight, because he knew people wanted it and he also knew that they’d had something pretty special to start with. Which is why people were yelling at him at Comic-Con. I DO think he hoped it might placate fans a bit. But... he wasn’t going to completely close the door on Mickey this time, either. 

So... I don’t really think the show every intended to write Mickey off “for good”. I think they wrote him off “for now, and we’ll see what happens...” -- and they did that with Karen, Shelia, Jody, Steve and Fiona, too. They only brought a few of those people back... They brought Mickey back three times. They ended Gallavich FOUR times. Noel is in ever season except eight. I don’t think they wanted Mickey gone -- but I KNOW the fans also made it pretty hard for them not to know his value, so absolutely I think that played a role. But when you create something people love and you get that lightening in a bottle like they did with this story, I think writers are always going to be excited to get that back. They like praise! They like people to be excited about their show. And Gallavich was always one of the things that got people excited about Shameless. 

I think they also wanted Gay Jesus to be a great story. But that’s why the lightening in the bottle is so valuable. You can’t just get it anywhere. 

Alright, so today’s the three-year anniversary of Reputation a.k.a the greatest album of all time, my baby, the light of my life, the album that deserved a Grammy (trying desperately not to think about the scene from Miss Americana😭), the album that introduced us to the most beautiful couple ever, the album that shut Kimye up, and I better stop now, or else I’m not gonna shut up.

So in honour of this momentous occasion (and the fact that I reached 200+ followers! Thank you so much you guys!🥺 Love you all 3000💙), here’s a loooooong post on why Reputation is the Ethan and MC album.

1. ...Ready For It?

No one has to know

Throwback to MC saying the exact same words back in Miami.

In the middle of the night, in my dreams

You should see the things we do, baby, mmm

In the middle of the night, in my dreams

I know I'm gonna be with you

So I take my time

Remember back when MC asked for Ethan to get into bed right away during their first time? Ethan told them that he had dreamt about the moment for months, so he wasn’t going to rush it.

2. End Game

Big reputation, big reputation

Ooh you and me would be a big conversation

These two dating would be the talk of the hospital, and they know it.

Even when we'd argue, we don't do it for long

And you understand the good and bad, end up in the song

For all your beautiful traits, and the way you do it with ease

For all my flaws, paranoia, and insecurities

Think these lines are pretty self-explanatory😌

I hit you like bang

We tried to forget it, but we just couldn't

*gets war flashbacks of the ‘reset’ phase*😭 They tried to make it work, but we all know how Ch 8 of book 2 went😌

I swear I don't love the drama, it loves me

Perfect for our chaotic MC😌

3. Don’t Blame Me

Do I... really have to explain this one?

For you, I would cross the line

I would waste my time

I would lose my mind

They say she's gone too far this time

Do we need a recap of our rule-breaking MC?

And baby, for you, I would fall from grace

Just to touch your face

If you walk away

I'd beg you on my knees to stay

He was willing to risk his (mostly) rule-abiding reputation for being with MC. And there’s no way he wouldn’t beg for MC not to leave him if he ever screwed up🤷‍♀️

4. Delicate

This ain't for the best

My reputation's never been worse, so

You must like me for me

Ethan stood by MC’s side throughout the Ethics hearing, when her reputation was completely smeared, and people only saw her as a patient murderer. He didn’t know about the sabotages, but he would’ve definitely supported her if he had known.

We can't make

Any promises now, can we, babe?

Commitment-phobia🙃

Sometimes I wonder when you sleep

Are you ever dreaming of me?

Sometimes when I look into your eyes

I pretend you're mine, all the damn time

They spent so much of time apart, not able to be with each other, so the least they could do was dream of being with each other all the time.

5. So It Goes (an underrated af bop)

What can I say... it’s a sex song, okay? Don’t make me go into the details😂 Just listen to the lyrics, and all will be clear.

6. Gorgeous (Tumblr won’t let me put any more links)

MC’s eternal anthem to Ethan.

Whisky on ice, Sunset and Vine

You've ruined my life, by not being mine

We all know Ethan loves Whiskey, and the second line? C’mon!

You're so gorgeous

I can't say anything to your face

'Cause look at your face

And I'm so furious

At you for making me feel this way

But, what can I say?

You're gorgeous

Ethan Ramsey is famous for two reasons. One: his smart brain, I guess😒 Two: HIS LOOKS!!! HE’S GORGEOUS, AND DON’T DENY IT.

And you should think about the consequence

Of you touching my hand in the darkened room (dark room, dark room)

Ah, the olden days of hand holding in the diagnostics office🥺

Ocean blue eyes looking in mine

I feel like I might sink and drown and die

No explanation required.

You make me so happy, it turns back to sad, yeah

There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have

You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad

The wonderful will-they-won’t-they saga. The frustrating hot-and-cold behaviour. The ‘We can’t’, ‘It’s unethical’ and ‘It’s complicated’. MC deserves an award for her patience😓

7. King Of My Heart

I'm perfectly fine, I live on my own

I made up on my mind, I'm better off bein' alone

Ethan ‘I don’t believe in soulmates and nobody’s waiting at home’ Ramsey.

And all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for

King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa

And all at once, you are all I want, I'll never let you go

King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa

This could be from both Ethan and MC’s perspectives. The love they share isn’t something that you get easily. It’s something that MC has waited for her whole life, and something Ethan never knew he needed, but now can’t live without🥺

Late in the night, the city's asleep

Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep

Change my priorities

The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury

This was definitely Ethan throughout book 2, after he finally gave in. He let go of his previous rules and regulations, especially during the time of the attack. He was clearly affected, and once MC was alright, his main priority was her, and her alone.

Is the end of all the endings?

My broken bones are mending

With all these nights we're spending

Ethan’s been burnt a lot in the past. But all those wounds are now healing thanks to MC.

Up on the roof with a school girl crush

Drinking beer out of plastic cups

They act like lovesick teenagers around each other, like, that’s literally their description if you choose to kiss Ethan for the first time in Chapter 14 of book 2!😅

Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff

Baby, all at once, this is enough

We all know about his initial fear of his mother reaching out to him for the sake of his money. To him, MC not talking advantage of him is a pretty big deal, even though it’s never mentioned. You just know, you know?🥺

8. Dancing With Our Hands Tied

My, my love had been frozen

Deep blue, but you painted me golden

Again, Ethan doesn’t have the best experience with love. But MC changed that.

I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted

This could go both ways, cause they’re both piping hot messes😬 (but love each other anyway🥺)

The rest of this song could have made so much more sense for them if we had gotten some sort of a secret relationship storyline. But oh well, I’m definitely not complaining about the gala😌 (and definitely not believing any of the supposed cancelled storylines)

9. Dress

Our secret moments

In a crowded room

They got no idea

About me and you

I mean... pretty obvious😌

Even in my worst times, you could see the best of me

And I woke up just in time

Now I wake up by your side

My one and only, my lifeline

This is practically Ethan’s train of thought, and you can’t convince me otherwise.

As for the rest of the steamier lyrics... I’ll um... let you guys listen to it yourselves😁

10. Call It What You Want

I wrote an entire fic inspired by this song, so excuse me for the shameless self-promo, but go give it a read?🥺👉👈(totally fine if you don’t! I’ve probably made so many posts about this song that y’all know the meaning anyway😅)

11. New Years Day

Don't read the last page

But I stay when you're lost and I'm scared and you're turning away

I want your midnights

But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

MC has always stayed by Ethan’s side, even when he’s pushed her away. These lines perfectly explain how she wants his worst times, and his best, the midnights they spend staying up together, and the moments where it’s just the two of them, when everyone else has left, like the aftermath of a New Years party (still mad at the fact that we didn’t get to see the gang celebrate New Year together😭)

I'll be there if you're the toast of the town babe

Or if you strike out and you're crawling home

The above explanation for these lines as well.

Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere

Becoming strangers to each other would be their worst nightmares. Knowing that the other was out there in the world somewhere, but not being in their lives would kill them.

You and me forevermore

These two are each other’s soulmate, they know it, even if they haven’t said it yet. Forever wouldn’t be enough for them to shower each other with they love they hold for each other. But it’s a good start.

——————————

If you guys made it this far, then I honestly love you more than words can ever express🥺💙 Thanks for putting up with my Swiftie-Directioner-Ethan stan ass, cause I dunno if I’d ever be able to handle someone like myself. And if you read all the above stuff, then I hope you wanna know why this album means so much to me.

Reputation is perceived as a dark album, when in reality it’s truly about finding love amongst all the noise. This album, and Taylor and Joe’s story, taught me what true love actually is, and Ethan and MC cemented that. This album and these two couples (quite literally) saved my life.

The most beautiful part about both these relationships is that even though they never showed it openly, for the sake of their relationships, both Ethan(in the story) and Joe stood by the side of the one’s they loved, despite half of the people who they knew hating on them, or betraying them. And I think that’s what’s truly important. Forming a true relationship like that, be it platonic or romantic, is long lasting, and I hope everyone finds those kind of people to fill their hearts with. Sending much love, and sorry for being a huge sap😅💙

Tagging a couple of my Swiftie homies: @swiftlydarcy @nikki-2406 @dxnicaramsey @kaavyaethanramsey @caseyvalentineramsey @drariellevalentine @justanotherrookie

Hey Sarah! Congrats on getting your card! I'm sorry you've been having a few rough days of writing. Writer's block stinks big time. Could I possibly request mercy killing from your card? If you have time and want to. I'm picturing the whimper maybe doing it to "free" a friend of the Whumpee that has also been captured? Thank you so much for all the effort you put into your stories. Please don't pressure yourself about them. We love them whenever you publish then. It should be fun for you!

Baby, buddy, my friend... thank you so much for your kind words. Also, you may regret asking me this. Because I saw this request, and immediately decided on doing the worst thing ever.

Have an Au of my vampire series, where Callum does not find and rescue Ash in time. Instead, Ash remains with the hunters who originally captured him. Callum happens to stop by years later to visit a friend. 

Content Warnings: Major character death!!! (non-canonical, but still) mouth/face/eye/finger gore, blood, broken/shattered bones, aftermath of torture, injuries, dehumanizing language, muzzles, put on display, tortured literally out of his mind, brief vomit, mercy killing. 

Tagging the vampire gang: @pepperonyscience @angelsuperwholock @pennsss @silver-sparrow-462 @silverinkgoldenquill @kestrelsparverius @learningtowhump @shameless-whumper @latenightcupsofcoffee @thebluejayswhump @what-huh-imconfused  @lostbetweenvampiresandmusic @vickytokio @pink-and-purple-flowers @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow @whump-em @umniyah-s

-- 

The creature twitches and shudders as it falls to the packed earth. The crowd of onlookers is thinner, now, as dusk starts to fall. A few of the townspeople linger, though, and the hunters just stand around and watch as they deal a flurry of kicks and insults to the quivering lump of flesh on the ground. 

That’s all it is, anymore. A lump of flesh. The muzzle is a part of its face, and its eye sockets are empty behind bleeding eyelids. 

There’s the rattling of strained, laboured breathing, but there is no other sound. Not even when one of the larger assailants sets his foot on the vampire’s chest and shoves. Something cracks as the creature’s torso caves in. 

“Alright, alright. ‘m afraid you will have to come back tomorrow, boys.” One of the hunters scoops up the chain attached to the creature’s collar. “Don’t worry, it’s not going anywhere.” 

One of the men laughs, wiping his boot off on the grass as if he’s touched something filthy. “Yeah, I should hope so. That thing’s practically our mascot now.” 

It takes some time, but the remaining villagers slowly start to disperse as the hunters drag the still-juddering corpse inside. It’s breathing, technically, but it’s still a corpse. There’s nothing about it that looks human anymore, not its face or its body. Its skin is still smoking, and the stench of burning meat still permeates the courtyard. Night falls, and the courtyard is empty, and the creature lies in a cage made of iron and floats on a sea of nothingness and agony. 

-- 

“Didn’t you say you have a vampire here?” Callum takes a long draw out of his tankard, drumming his fingers on the wood of the bar. He doesn’t know the hunter in front of him that well, but well enough that not stopping by when he’s in town would be rude. Derik is short and rotund, thick and broad. 

“Aww, yeah, man.” Derik is considerably deeper into his bottle than Callum is. “ ‘s hardly a vampire now, though. It’s a money-maker. Who’da ever thought people would pay to stand around ‘n watch us break it? It don’t even respond, anymore. ‘s boring.” The man slurs, glaring pensively into his bottle. 

Callum hides his grimace fairly well, but his next swig of beer tastes bitter on his tongue. He’s done awful things to these creatures, of course, but he tries to keep it quick. A bolt to the chest, or a clean decapitation with a silver blade. But then, he’s never been short on funds, so maybe he shouldn’t talk. “Hey. If it puts food on the table...” 

Derik snorts. “Barely. ‘sides, tha’s not the point. It deserves it.” 

“Ah.” Callum takes another drink. “So you guys caught it, and just... kept it?” 

“Mm-hmm.” Derik’s cheeks are flushed, and he looked about ready to pass out. But his eyes brighten suddenly, and he leans forward, nearly unbalancing on the stool. “You wanna see?” 

“Do I want to-” Callum breaks off. He doesn’t understand why the question fills him with a nameless sort of dread. He doesn’t want to see. He doesn’t want to know. And yet, that terrible dread is translating into sick curiosity. “I’ll take a peek.” 

“Yeeaaahh, that’s my man,” Derik crows. He slings a careless arm around Callum’s shoulders, and his breath stinks like booze. 

Callum is starting to regret coming here at all. 

--

“This is your vampire?” The words fall from his lips as horrified, and for a split second, for just a moment, it feels like it’s happened before. But everything is different, this time; everything is worse. 

They’ve disassembled the creature, piece by piece. Callum mistakes the dark lump for a shadow at first, but then the shadow moves. Callum’s hand falls to his knife automatically - but the figure is keening, quiet and raw. It sounds like a child sobbing, or a wounded, dying animal. It sends shivers down Callum’s spine. 

“Oh, yeah. It don’t do much no more...” Derik stumbles over to it, and he’s not steady on his feet, but he’s aware enough to spit down on it. The flesh of its lower face is burned away. Callum can see its cheekbones, and that it’s missing its teeth. Not just its fangs. All of its teeth. 

Callum gags a little and takes a step back, feeling horror roil in his gut. “What is wrong with you people?” 

Derik is busy fumbling with his pants, like he’s going to take a piss right on the creature’s broken body. He pauses at the words though, brow creasing. “Wha’s wrong with you?” He counters. “ ‘s a vampire. I can do.. wh-ever I want.” 

Callum can’t catch his breath, suddenly. The smell in the little stone room is rancid; filth and piss and rot, and the sour, overlaying stench of terror. The vampire is missing fingers, and the ones that remain are bent and crushed. Callum feels very cold, suddenly, and then very warm. 

His fingers shake as he grips his knife and draws it. He is driven by cold horror as he moves, his mind not even catching up with his body. 

Derik is too drunk to see him coming. Callum knocks him over the head with the hilt, and the man drops like a stone. Callum has to stifle the urge to keep hitting him. 

The vampire does not seem to be conscious of his presence... or of anything at all, really. Callum walks over to it, and the longer he stares, the more he feels the alcohol twisting and turning in his gut. 

It’s only when he sees the creature’s severed tendons, and the way the bottoms of its feet have been mangled, that he turns and vomits all over the floor. 

“Oh my god,” he mutters, wiping the back of his mouth. This goes far beyond overkill. This is - this is something else. This is the deepest expression of human evil he’s ever come across. Callum has never been religious, but this is an abhorrence.

There’s a stake in his hand as he crouches beside the trembling lump of skin and bone. Its head jerks in his direction, and the keening gets a little louder. 

He can’t heal it. Callum has tested the limits of a vampire’s body himself, but he’s never seen torture like this. He’d have to drain three people or over to even think of fixing it, and even then... Callum looks at the way its empty eyelids flutter, the way the exposed, caved bones in its chest rattle and wheeze. No. Healing it would not be a kindness. 

The hunter draws in an unsteady breath and grips the stake. It will be easy from here; a quick plunge, not even a moving target. But he can’t help but reach out, just once, as if something else is guiding his hand. As if allowing this creature’s last moments of contact to be violent is too much.

There’s no patch of the creature’s flesh that is not maimed in some way. Callum settles a hand as gently as he can over its empty eyes, and his jaw clenches at the way it shudders and twitches. 

“Easy,” he murmurs, even as he readies the stake. “You can rest now.” He doesn’t know why he’s trying to talk to it. It can’t understand him. Callum squeezes his eyes shut just for a moment, as if hoping to purge the gory image from his mind. But it’s still there for him when he looks again, and the creature is limp under his hand, finally fallen silent. It’s waiting, he realizes. Callum’s hands shake with fury, but he squeezes the stake harder and grits his teeth. “I give you mercy.” 

It’s a harsh motion, quick and decisive, and the creature turns to dust beneath his fingers. Callum is left gripping the worn wooden steak with angry tears in his eyes. Everything about this is wrong. Everything. 

He’s sick at heart as he stands, and as he goes back to the bar and pays his tab, and as he finds his way out to the stables and saddles his horse. There are monsters in their world, Callum knows this. But he will never again forget that the worst monster is and always has been humanity. 

It’s just one night in the course of his life, but Callum isn’t ever able to forget what he saw. And when he gets home and goes to collapse onto his cot, for some reason, the lab feels emptier than it ever has before. 

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde rewritten - Ch. 36

36. Tension

Jekyll thought that, since Hyde now had a partner in crime, it should only be fair that he'd have one as well.

Turned out that for someone who was always the voice of reason, Lady Summers was quite mad herself. And she was delighted to share her own scientific discoveries with him.

Sometimes they spent the evenings in her cellar or his lab, experimenting on her samples or working on his formulas.

One evening, it was her lab they were in and she was showing him a dark powder in a vial.

“So I have identified the impurity that made your formula work.”

He beamed at her. “Really?!”

She grinned sheepishly.

“Well, to be fair it was actually my butler. I managed to separate it and when I showed it to my servants, Sameer recognised it as a drug from his homeland India. He said that Indian sages use it for meditation. Together with a few other compounds it's supposed to enable you to access the wisdom of the cosmos or something, I don't know. Ask him, he can explain it better. Anyway, it's a spiritual, transcendental thing, so it should interest you more than me.”

He laughed. Yes, no doubt it would.

Despite being a medium, Lady Summers was sensible and pragmatic. Rising higher than anyone else, she remained a woman of the world. She never lost touch to reality.

Jekyll had no idea how she did it, but he envied her for it.

She smiled at him. “You give me too much credit, Doctor. Now, do tell me of your discoveries about the blood samples I lent you.”

The Doctor blushed awkwardly. “It sounds a bit far-fetched, Milady, but …”

“But what?”

Seeing her intrigued mien, he continued: “It seems that your blood indeed has rejuvenating qualities. I don't know why, but it's different from normal blood. That would explain why I suddenly looked much younger, after you donated your blood to save Hyde and me last autumn.”

She beamed at him.

“Eureka! So this is why I'm not growing older!”, she cried in delight, “Now all we have to do is to find out what gives it its rejuvenating powers! I have failed to find the answer for thirty years, but now it's within my – pardon, I mean our, grasp!”

Jekyll enjoyed the times when he cooperated with the Lady.

But the time he had was limited by the fact that he had a surgery to run.

Which was a bit complicated by the fact that Hyde was being particularly fidgety for some reason.

After seeing off his last patient and retreating to his office for the paper work, he found that working was going to be hard.

Why?

Because Hyde had to choose now of all times to appear in the mirror, because he was bored and … well, being his shameless, attention-whoring self.

Namely, he was nagging and flirting.

After he somehow, miraculously had got a considerable stag of paper work done (in spite of Hyde's nagging), his patience was on the verge of snapping. He still had work to do, he couldn't concentrate and all the whining was giving him a headache. Not to mention he was still sour about-

“Hyde”, he growled slowly. “Shut. The fuck. Up! I have work to do and I really don't feel like putting up with your nonsense! Not now, not here, not anywhere else and definitely not any time this week!”

Hyde frowned. “Whoa, Jekyll, warn me next time you're in your red phase!”

“I don't care, just shut up!”, Jekyll snapped. He was just so done right now. “You're really in no position to whine into my ears!”

If anyone is, it's me!

The brunette puffed his cheeks. “Don't be so snappy. I don't complain, when you beg for my attention, when I'm out.”

The blond's eyes narrowed. “That's because you're a fucking attention-whore, who sucks up any kind of positive attention he can get! And I don't ask for your fucking attention nearly as much as you for mine. Now if you would just shut the fuck up already, because for just one day – one fucking day! – I want to be able to do my work in peace!”

The younger man frowned: “Got out on the wrong side of the bed? Jekyll, what's the matter? It's not like you to say 'fuck' so extensively. Or to insult me so harshly, for that matter. I wasn't asking to be let out, just for you to spare an hour for me.”

Oh, that was too much!

The Doctor jumped up and slammed his hands onto the table.

“You want to know what the problem is? You want my attention so badly? Alright, fine! If that's what you want, you'll get it, you brat! You're pissing me off! After the terrible things that happened to us, I tried to take it easy, but do you have the faintest idea how hard that is, when you constantly nag and whine into my ears, when I try to get work done?! Just a kind reminder, you live on my wealth, but my wealth isn't infinite! I've had no income for several months! Almost half of my fortune is gone! I pay for everything! The money on your bank account? It's mine! And on top of that, I pay Lady Summers 1500£ per month for our therapy!”

Hyde lifted an eyebrow. “Are you finished-?”

“DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M FINISHED???”

The brunette winced.

Jekyll took a deep breath and growled: “I'm just getting started! You have no room to complain, you brat! I've been letting you out more often than usual, and not just because I wanted to get drunk and laid! You know that, Hyde! It used to be so, but I find myself doing it for your sake just as for mine these days! You're the one who gets to go wild and free and now you have even more fun, because there is someone who's just as crazy as you are! Hasn't the fun been doubled for you, thanks to Miss Donovan?! Does it not feel great to have a partner in crime?! Do you think that I don't feel how ecstatic you are, that someone likes the things you like, thinks the way you think and even joins you in your – in our – debauchery?!

And don't even get me started on your interaction with Gabriel lately! I can understand, that he chose to give you his first kiss, because in that moment you fucking needed it! But now you had to go and steal his first French kiss too! What will come next? The entirety of his body?! His heart?! His soul?! His first confession of love?! Why is it that you get to be first in everything, while I always come in second?! Why you?! You don't know about the emotional depth Gabriel puts into the things he does! Every time he lets you have one of his firsts, he gives a part of himself to you! But you don't understand that! It means nothing to you! You don't love him, you don't even know what love is! Every single of his affections means the world to me, but you … you …”

His voice failed him. He sank back into his chair and buried his face in his hands.

It wasn't fair!

Hyde didn't love Utterson. Utterson didn't love Hyde.

So why, why did he get to be first in everything?

It was just all too much.

He broke into sobs and cried into his hands.

“Jekyll …”

The blond winced, when he suddenly felt his alter ego's icy hands pry his warm ones away to cup his face.

When did he leave the mirror?

“Come now, my Doctor”, Hyde cooed, “I know that you're jealous, but this is ridiculous.”

“Shut up!”, Jekyll sobbed, “It's not like you actually understand my emotions!”

“Jekyll …”

“I hate you, Edward Hyde! I hate you so m–mmph!”

Hyde kissed him.

“No, you don't”, he mumbled against his lips, “Don't lie to me, Henry.”

Then he kissed him again, more forward this time.

Jekyll tried to push him back, but the smaller was holding his head in a vice-like grip. He sobbed against those icy, chapped lips.

He wanted to kiss back, but at the same time he did not.

I hate him … I love him … why is it so hard for me to make up my mind?!

Finally the little bastard broke the kiss completely and let go.

“You're too emotional”, Hyde remarked, shaking his head. “Acting like a child right now, are you?”

Jekyll glared at him: “No, Hyde, you're just not emotional enough. Also, you're one to talk. You were being childish earlier!”

The brunette shrugged: “Well, to my defence, Henry: as Edward Hyde, I'm technically less than nine years old. At the same time I'm both legally twenty and your age. But you're simply a fifty-years-old man. You're supposed to be the mature one, not me.”

Jekyll laughed joylessly: “That's no excuse, Hyde. Also, thank you for reminding me, that wanting to screw you makes me a bloody paedophile! As if I wasn't already vile enough!”

The younger man sighed irritably: “It's not paedophilia, if I'm not a minor. Goddammit, Henry, we already had that discussion! It's not a child's body you're lusting after. We both know, that you didn't make me twenty, just so I could legally screw around!”

“When I created you, your legal age was eighteen”, Jekyll reminded him drily. “You only told me two years ago, that you didn't want to stay like that forever.”

“Your point? You just could've decided over my head, that I'm fifteen or younger. Look at all the people who believe that I'm thirteen or less!”

The blond stared at him in horror. “That's disgusting, Hyde!”

“Exactly. Now remind me, why did you make me older?”

Jekyll reflected for a moment.

That was a good question, actually.

Why had he decided that Hyde should be older?

At first sight, the brunette looked rather androgynous and definitely very young. He was thin, had narrow shoulders and an effeminate face. And he often acted like a hobbadehoy*.

Then he thought of how Hyde's body actually looked under his clothes and remembered.

“Because your physique is too mature to belong to someone so young. And because you can judge a situation and act accordingly. You're impulsive, but you know what you're doing.”

Hyde smiled and nodded in satisfaction. “Exactly. And because you're – at least in this regard – not a total pervert. The fact I don't want to fuck minors either proves it. So don't worry your pretty head about it, my dear soulmate.”

Then he kissed him again.

This time the older man kissed back and wrapped his arms around the younger, pulling him onto his lap.

Hyde chuckled against his lips and wrapped his arms around his neck in return.

They didn't go further, not this time.

Yet it was oddly intimate.

It wasn't one of those heated, rough battles of dominance filled with anger and hateful lust.

It was tenderness and reassurance and the promise that everything would be fine, one way or another. That they would always be there for each other.

Henry Jekyll loved and hated Edward Hyde, but in that moment, he could forget about the latter.

When the make-out session ended, he felt renewed and alive.

“Edward …”, he whispered and leaned his forehead against the other's.

I'm sorry for lashing out at you earlier …

“Forget about that, Fairest”, the brunette responded to his thought. “You're exhausted. Go to sleep. I'll take care of everything for you.”

Hyde shooed his creator over to the couch and then turned his attention to the paper work.

Jekyll had finished a considerable amount, but there was still a lot to be done.

Hyde frowned.

Oh dear … that sure is a lot of bills and letters to answer!

He decided, that he would do the letters first. Mathematics would be a relief after wrecking his brain over Jekyll's correspondence.

There was just one problem: like Jekyll, he was naturally right-handed, but he had taught himself to write with the left to distinguish himself from his creator. Jekyll's handwriting wasn't his.

I have to forge it.

The brunette took an empty piece of paper and tried to write a few sentences with the right hand.

At first the writing was a bit shaky. But a few attempts later, the autograph resembled that of his creator perfectly.

Note to self: practise writing with the right one again. Better to be able to write with both hands equally.

That decision being made, he went to work.

His hand started hurting after a while and he was tempted to do the rest with the left. But no matter how hard he tried, he wouldn't get the exact slope by writing with the left. Whelp. He would have to suck it up and deal with his cramped hand later.

After finishing the last letter, he sighed in relief.

Oh, how he hated that part of Jekyll's work! Not only was it the most time-consuming, but writing the letters just the way Jekyll would, with the exact same wording, that was torture!

Thank goodness, now I can finally do the bills!

That was child's play.

At least to Hyde it was.

To many people – Jekyll included – mathematics was dull and boring, but not to him. It was like himself – cold, practical and flexible. There weren't a hundred ways to interpret mathematics. There were many ways to come to the same conclusion, but not the other way! The calculation was either right or wrong. It was that simple!

If only people were as easy as mathematics …

Hyde had just finished the finances, when he felt his corporeal form begin to weaken.

Good timing. He had feared that he wouldn't be able to keep it up long enough to finish all.

Fuck, that was exhausting!

A soft moan got his attention.

Jekyll was sleeping on the couch, out like a light.

Hyde sighed tiredly and floated over to him.

The older man shifted a little and mumbled incoherently in his sleep.

The younger crouched down next to the other's head and listened. Just like himself, Jekyll talked in his sleep sometimes. What would he say this time?

“Edward …”

Hyde frowned. That was oddly coherent. Was the blond not asleep after all?

“I love you …”

The brunette's eyes widened and he felt his cheeks heat up. Alright, the blond was dreaming. There was no way he would have said that while awake!

“Please don't go …”, the other whimpered in his sleep. He was having a nightmare, that much was clear.

Hyde grew concerned. “Henry, I'm right here.”

“I'm sorry …”

Alright, what the hell was the other dreaming?! The young man held his hand to the sleeping man's forehead. Pictures flashed before his eyes.

They were separated. He was there, wearing his black raincoat, carrying a travelling bag. There was an argument between him and Jekyll, a nasty one. He saw himself look at Jekyll with a cold mien, then turn his back and leave.

Oh, Jekyll …

“Henry”, he whispered, “Can you hear me? I'm not leaving you. I'm right here.”

The blond sniffed. His arms twitched, as if he wanted to hug him.

“Really?”

Hyde sighed and stroked his creator's blond, tousled hair. “Really. It's just a dream. I'm not going anywhere.”

“Just a dream …”

For a second the brunette thought that he'd wake up. But he didn't.

“You'll never leave me, right? Not even, if I separated you completely?”, the other choked.

“Shhhh”, the younger cooed. “My dear soulmate, don't start bawling on me again. I'm here. I will always be there. For better and for worse.”

He didn't know what compelled him to promise that. But he meant it.

Jekyll leaned into his touch like a cat.

“I love you …”

“I know”, Hyde answered sadly.

He would never be able to say it back, he knew. Whether he loved his other half or not.

And Jekyll would never say it consciously. He had no qualms telling him that he hated him, but he would never tell him that he loved him. Not when he was awake.

I can't say I love you, Jekyll.

---

*hobbadehoy - Victorian Slang:  a youth who has ceased to see himself as a boy, but is not yet regarded as a man.

Ali & Tommy

Ali: Now on the coach Ali: How's Ro been? Ali: Tried to give her as much space as poss Tommy: I'll give it a minute before I let ma know, yeah? Give you some space too like Tommy: Proper shut down. Standard Tommy: She ain't said a word to none of us Ali: Cheers Ali: Been a fucking event, don't think even Ma can top the drama but not dying to find out Ali: I thought as much 😟 Ali: I don't think there's much to be done but be there when she's ready though, right? Ali: idk, plenty of friends cried on these shoulders but never Ro over this, its new ground Tommy: You're alright Tommy: I reckoned as much when she flew home Tommy: Like I've been in with tea but I'm blatantly juggling cups and nothing else Tommy: She ain't about my efforts Tommy: Offered to dance battle him and she didn't even laugh Ali: Tah for being tea boy though, more necessary and appreciated than it might seem when she's catatonic Ali: to be fair, that isn't funny, babe 😜 Tommy: Giving it a go Tommy: x 2 like Tommy: oi I'm well funny Ali: 💚 Ali: hmm Ali: i hope that's not your aim w this theatre school lark Ali: standup you ain't Tommy: Laugh it up or you ain't getting your welcome home cupcakes honey Tommy: 🌟 baker I am Ali: tears of a clown baby bro Ali: 'cos bet mary berry herself didn't whip up anything for your arrival only days previous Ali: that's da Ali: mum is OBVS paul Ali: the accent, the blue steel, the unnecessary harsh judgment Tommy: 😂 Tommy: The cupboards were bare before yours truly showed up to help with the big shop Tommy: Working my ballet body without rest here Ali: wanna have a fab summer not a flab one darling Ali: only thinking of all the money they ain't had to put into your training #datscholarshiptho Tommy: Put your claws away if you ain't aiming them at a diff blonde lad Tommy: That'll be why I'm shameless fave not cause none of yous are about Ali: seriously don't Ali: he better square up when we're in that car park Ali: if the teachers don't get him first...you won't believe the fucking scandal blatantly occurring rn Ali: obvs 😘 'til Bea and Fraze become the big ballers they wanna be and start paying it back Ali: all 'bout that dolla Tommy: if you heard that lad, gotta post up 🥊 Tommy: someone better smack that cunt Tommy: Spill it sister, how is he on worse behavior? Nearly a proper skill at this point Ali: I plan to Ali: just followed Carly into the fucking cupboard bog, like Ali: in what world are you not getting caught Ali: we're in a fucking tin can Tommy: ERRR Tommy: Your Carly? Tommy: she can do better Ali: I been telling her Ali: best believe Ali: can't drag her out like time out bitch Ali: he's a disease s2g Ali: every fucking girl I know Tommy: 💔 not about that for her Tommy: Every girl except you? 🤔 suspect Ali: nah Ali: don't need to tell you he treats her like shit, duh Ali: ☕ Tommy: let me at her inbox tbh Tommy: not having this Tommy: she's a cutie Ali: do it Ali: meddlin' gay who smugly knows best defs a better stereotype than jealous ex Ali: 😣 no tah Tommy: Valid Tommy: Your eyes ain't gone green though, have they? Tommy: If this is a triangle, or love square tell me now bitch Ali: Bitch Ali: how dare you do me down like that Ali: Nah, I just want her to be happy Ali: and ain't happening with that cunt Tommy: Don't you reckon she knows that Tommy: She was happy with you but that went how it went maybe she's not looking for it to be like that again Ali: Oh, so I just let her fuck her life up Ali: polite smiles from the sideline like SOOOOO happy for you babes, what a man! Ali: Pfffft 😒 Ali: be a better gay Tommy: Nah but putting yourself out there for the real shit is such a THING Tommy: I get it Ali: So dramatic the lot of you Ali: not gotta get a pug and a mortgage Ali: if you ain't going out there tryna be happy every day every way Ali: what's the point Ali: a madness Tommy: Maybe she's all out of trying after putting up with your high maintenance arse for so long ☕ Tommy: 😂 Tommy: Nobody's bringing their best for that basic fuckboy Ali: 🖕 piss off hair product Tommy: Like you take any less time putting together your 'effortless' lewks you faux hippie Tommy: Don't be coming for my crowning glory Ali: Bleurgh Ali: forgot how much of a bitch you were Ali: when you going back again? 😘 Tommy: We've all seen you #bringitforberlin Tommy: Not that I'm jealous nah Tommy: But how was it? Drama aside Ali: 👼 Don't push me down the stairs, watching my back now like 👀 Ali: It overshadowed everything lowkey but yeah Ali: still ace Tommy: You'll bring it back around when you flatten Drew Ali: 🍑👏 him Tommy: 👑 Tommy: what are we gonna do about Ro and Carly though? 🤔 Must focus Ali: soz, my booty has that affect Ali: but seriously Ali: I am fresh out of ideas... Ali: maybe he's like Samson and we need to give him a buzzcut Ali: break the spell Tommy: or shove a bowl on his head and ✂ Ali: ain't far off Ali: ☕ it ain't that cute a cut Ali: its just shiny and blonde, snap out of it ladies! Tommy: Honestly Tommy: Meena got all the looks and that's the tea Ali: Oooooooooh! 😉 Ali: No argument tho even if you're 😍 Tommy: SHUT YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU TALK TO ME ALISON Tommy: She's just better than him very HIGHKEY Tommy: Take it up with our man JC Ali: 😂 Ali: Bless Ali: so sweet Ali: and finally Ali: a matrimony we can all get behind Tommy: excuse me he made me and her both queens Tommy: too fabulous for your hetero baiting of the audience Ali: sure jan Ali: can't fake that chemistry Ali: told you, you're a shit actor Tommy: Take a step back Marsha if you don't want me coming for your weave Tommy: You reckoned on your ex a few back? Marlene would blatantly kill Drew no questions Ali: 💅💄 jealousy's a disease, get well soon bitch 😷 Ali: now you gay baiting! Tommy: 😂 Ali: Let karma sort him out Ali: Ro's well out of it Ali: Carly, I hope, knows what she's doing, even if I don't fuck with it Ali: he ain't gonna 💔 Tommy: Yeah Tommy: Still, drink and debrief when you get home? Tommy: I wanna hear how the teachers throw down Ali: fosho Ali: dog or you SO 100% G.A.Y. now you refuse to go anywhere that ain't flying at least 2 rainbow flags at all times? 😉 Tommy: 🌈 or bust Tommy: not gonna be Ro's scene but if you wanna bring Carly that cunt isn't gonna set foot in such hallowed ground Ali: A different concept for scared straight but I'm with it Ali: I'll ask her Ali: got a party dress I didn't get to debut, gotta save something for the home crowd, like Tommy: I'd watch THAT show Ali: wouldn't we all Ali: so much teen mum to catch up on, you best not have watched it without me! Tommy: Not trying to get struck down ta Tommy: That fury's all for Drew Ali: unless you've deleted all the recording like ur burning after reading, you're alright kid Tommy: Honey I know what's holy Ali: thank God someone does Ali: Drew getting kicked straight to hell and off this bus if he don't chill Tommy: They still going? Tommy: Ugh Ali: Nah Ali: Laoise and her crew dobbed, which fair enough literally no one needs it, doubt they got started before the teachs' were yanking them out Ali: if they had handcuffs Drew would be chained to his seat rn no lie Ali: citizen's arrests and full-scale riot behaviour going down rn from everyone slating Carly Tommy: omhg Tommy: I hope someone's streaming Tommy: Gonna send my girl 💚🍀 Ali: no doubt Ali: reckon we might have to make an emergency stop Ali: couldn't even make the trip home Ali: really lads REALLY Tommy: And I thought my school was full of drama queens and kings Tommy: Christ alive Ali: honestly Ali: got nothing on the common people Ali: i'm so over it Ali: gonna knock myself over the head in a minute so i don't have to deal Tommy: I'd suggest a sing song but don't reckon that'll cut it Tommy: Call me a bad gay again but Tommy: Never hear you over the war cries like Ali: 😂 if there was ever a moment for kumbaya Tommy: If they'd let you keep your 🎸 you'd be thriving Tommy: Yeah I heard about that casual confiscation Tommy: Weapon in more ways than one though, lads Ali: THANK YOU Ali: how we gon' play for peace now Ali: gonna have to get real happy clappy Tommy: 👏stop👏 slutshaming👏 carly👏 Tommy: End with a mexican wave that knocks that cunt out Tommy: She alright? Tommy: I just saw a flash of Ro, safe to say she ain't Ali: I mean, as much as they're all just using this as an excuse to do that Ali: lowkey have a point on this one Ali: why here and why now Ali: its disrespectful Tommy: Talk to her Tommy: Someone's clearly keeping Ro in the loop somehow, is that likely to be her? Ali: Idk Ali: I don't think its her style Ali: she isn't doing it to be malicious to Ro but yeah, idk why she is Tommy: Is she proper 💘 on Drew Tommy: 'Cause lord Ali: How could anyone be Tommy: I have literally no clue Tommy: But Ro's not 💔 about her German accent or whatever Tommy: It's all about him so there's gotta be something we're missing Ali: Oh, that ain't about him Ali: about a lot of things but him being a vessel for her intimacy issues and insecurities is just one of 'em Tommy: So he could've been anyone? Score - 1 for Romeo Ali: Any dickhead who's not gonna make it real on his end and ruin the fairytale, yeah Ali: dime a dozen Tommy: ☕ Ali: safe to say he's fucked the narrative still tho Ali: although, has he? 'cos secretly feeds into the 'i'm wrong and strange' deal we all know is there Tommy: Savage Tommy: But accurate Ali: I know Ali: Die before I said it to her face, like but Ali: makes me worried if she needs to prove that theory right again he could make a reappearance Ali: everyone loves a bit of self-destruction Ali: can't judge but I am Tommy: Samsies Tommy: Fuck's sake Tommy: This family Ali: Rocky the only one with a healthy functioning relationship tbh Tommy: The realest Tommy: Even ma's met her match in ro rn though Tommy: She's lowkey freaking me out and I'm used to you weirdos Ali: Explain Ali: I've seen her at her freakiest, remember, so are we talking worse? Tommy: True maybe I'm just out of practice Tommy: Ghost like vibes catching me off guard Ali: We'll have to keep an eye on the food Ali: she doesn't eat much, and never in front of any of us now Ali: but I can tell when she's had something Ali: make sure we're not hungerstrike vibes again Tommy: I reckon she'll be alright-ish when you get home Tommy: Much as she ever is, you know Tommy: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Tommy: She's not gonna want to go to hospital or any of that shit Ali: Yeah, you're right Ali: I'm being dramatic, it's catching Tommy: 👑 Tommy: Bea will be if she sees her Tommy: Jesus take the wheel and spare me that Ali: 😬 Ali: can hear the 'I told you so' from here Ali: we're all thinking it but shh Tommy: Inside voices like we do at least Ali: Never know Ali: might be the motivation she needs Ali: Bea disappointment Tommy: Oh snap Ali: You know it works Ali: on Fraze too 😂 Tommy: 😂 Tommy: Yeah