#this got away from me YET AGAIN
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need mastermind kokichi and gonta going mwah mwah
the angel/demon theming working together perfectly, matching the mask/reveal scene in chapter 4 only to reveal they were working together the whole time
the mind games, the clashing personalities and bodies yet melding perfectly together, in despair and in love, it's like
they were made for each other...
//on to notes like
**i am now also BEGGING YALL to read the tags
i'm still working on the designs but i know i have some drafts here hmm
>for their mastermind fits, i'm thinking gonta being all white , with his hair being more curled and really framing his face for that angelic round-faced look, plus his ahoge making a little halo to really top it off. one eye of his glasses are red for monokuma. with a black choker . nice fancy 3 piece suit that really accentuate his muscles, giving the image that he's not someone to mess with despite his angelic demeanor and damn, he looks good in it too plus an all white , n gold/red accented overcoat! letting the boy be dramatic and fancy and beautiful 2k24.
*more notes at bottom
kokichi's fit is a sleek, sharp black. but still comfortable to move and store things in. He can still be silly and dramatic in it but It's be really cool for his new fit to be purposefully cold, controlled and intimidating , a good contrast from his usual clownness to really grab their attention. //need to explain this one to be an 'oh! he was doing that to distract us' but more... oomf . hm He has a a white glove, and a black one to draw more attention to the former. black captain hat with devil horns, or just the horns? hm. plus the black cape for the demon bat silhouette. inside is one of those cool n kinda slutty but loose all black formal fits, like (ahhh i need to get pack into drawing or outfit scrapbooking but imagine with me)
**** gonta's black choker and kokichi's white gloves is supposed to a) show their connection via the colours lol. but also represent a dog on a leash deal. however gonta can take off and on the choker when he pleases, showing his willingness and equal choice in this operation despite it seeming like ouma has the upper hand [plus feeding into the 'ouma is controlling him!' schtick their classmates got going on, thus making them suspect him less and not believe him and kokichi are purposefully working together! boom baby
also, the kink factor. hehe
**** i do wonder if i should cave and make them both wear chokers matching the other's colour though. i like chokers , and colour symbolism
#ougoku#danganronpa#kokichi ouma#gonta gokuhara#they argue about how best to gut the others in the mastermind hq then grab the other and make out sloppy style#gonta being the.. only one able to do the command grabs but hey- the grape can trip and push him and be all damn guess this big oaf's falli#for me yet again despite his stature! and gonta smirks and calls him another insect based petname which he KNOWS ouma would bitch about#which he does and pins gonts down lower and aaaa they stare#and gonta closes his eyes as the purple dictator leans down#till he can feel his soft breath on his lips#and senses a smile a nanometer away from his month#k - put in a little more effort next time hmm#the grin on his face as gets up reminds the entomologist why his partner got the devil role#g- ...#g - that motherfucker....#writer's note: RAAAAAAH you THOUGHT#I couldve made them kiss but in the middle of writig i was like#you know what would be funny? you know what would be a dick move? hehehe#ndrv3#also random but they are both super cute and pretty here like i can really imagine#gonta randomly pulling back ouma's hair when he notices it's all over the place#while still talking#and ouma beng 1) shocked at the boldness 2) smiling none then less 3) resting his head in gonta's palm#then the big guy realises what he did and goes 7 diff shades of red heehejhebhjhfaclknufa.e#and the others wondering when they got so close and how kokichi could have man-ipulated him bc gonta cant think hur durr#or gonta talking about bug patterns or some tamer ento- shit while kokichi's chilling with him in his lab#he's sleeves are rolled up#and his hands keep running too push back his hair and he rambles. his eyes are bright and firm his hands busy as he works in the sunlight#ee this has leaked into my regular ougoku thinkings but eeeeeeeee#them being made for each other and their story was already a tragedy but them now having to make themselves feel despair on purpose but
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how do you know the difference between a huge anxiety attack and a panic attack?
#i think i had a panic attack yesterday but idk......#god it felt so awful and it went on for like 3 hours#but i also had like a hundred things going on so idk if it was like the accumulation of everything or if it was really a panic attack yk#i was at the fair with my family waiting for my best friend to arrive bc i was going to hang out with her#and yk it's a place full of people and we were standing right next to a huge speaker hearing a man talk#and also each place in the fair has different music playing super loud and you can hear all of them at the same time (+ the flashing lights#all that causes me anxiety every since i was little (even if i didn't know it was anxiety back then)#so i *knew* i was going to have the greatest time and i didn't really want to go there in the first place#but even with that i wasn't really haven't a bad time (yet)#we were just stading there and i was waiting for my friend to call me so we could go somewhere else#she called me to tell me she was coming and right when i hung up the phone i felt a really strong pang on my belly#and idk at first i thought it was period cramps but it was weird bc my period had actually stopped that same morning#also i had taken a painkiller right before going there bc all that i mentioned earlier also gives me migraines so there's that too#so yeah the pangs kept getting stronger and it hurt so fucking bad to the point my legs started trembeling#my vision blured and every sound around me seemed to almost fade away#there wasn't any place i could sit down so i gad to cling to my dad and he had to hold me so i didn't fall to the ground#i think i almost (?) fainted in his arms too#after a while the dizzines went away and my dad went to get me smth to drink and i mostly got my hearing and vision back to normal#all that was like 10 minutes max but then the pangs kept hitting every minute or so for the next 3 hours#we found a place to sit and find smth to eat but i couldn't eat anything without wanting to throw up#my legs wouldn't stop shaking like fucking crazy and i kept going from feeling like i was freezing to sweating from how hot i felt#idk i've had smth like this (w/o the pangs) happen to me before a bunch of times but never That strong and it usually lasted 5-10min max#we ended up having to go home and i had to take some more painkillers and my sleeping pills to be able to calm down a little#i'm pretty sure i fell asleep from exhaustion after everything and i'm still feeling a bit weird after almost 24 hours since it happened#anyways. the thing is idk if all that was caused bc of my anxiety#or if it was smth completely unrelated and i just had such a bad tummy ache that it made me feel bad enough to cause All That yknow#i think it felt pretty much like how i've heard people describe a panic attack but again i'm not sure#yeah.........#maca speaks
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seriously can catastrophes stop happening for five minutes my brain is already fried from the ones we're already experiencing
#I fucking. missed d&d tonight by accident#I straight up forgot#and just didn't show up to the session#my sleep schedule is absolutely fucked#I should be sleeping now but brain won't shut up#my creative output is the lowest it's ever been and I've been in some level of depressive funk since like early january#I am just deeply unfathomably exhausted#like mentally and spiritually#all the time#my memory and sense of time are both shit#my spelling is worse than it used to be for some reason??#I really don't know what to do to make my brain start functioning again it's frankly worrying me#I couldn't even handle college so it should come as no surprise that I'm reacting poorly to the world being a perpetual screaming trash fir#and yet#idk it's been hitting again lately that I have never succeeded at anything in my life and just keep tripping and falling up for some reason#fucking everyone is in hell right now and with my overall success rate I should be dead in a ditch but I'm actually doing spectacularly#due to a series of improbable accidents and weird circumstances that happened to turn out in my favor instead of completely fucking me#aside from the looming spectre of my various failed attempts to have some kind of life trajectory#it just doesn't feel like this can keep up forever#like surely at some point the luck has got to run out I can't just keep living like some kind of folkloric trickster archetype#but my motivation and sense of purpose kind of died after the last failed attempt so I'm still just here#doing whatever this is#maybe I should drive out to the coast#maybe staring at the ocean would fix me I've been away from it for too long#I mean it can't make me worse#I should wait until further into summer though so I don't have to drive back in the dark#everyone around here has trucks with those goddamn LED headlights and I've got a little sedan that's directly in their blast zone
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...
#sorry im thinking abt death again#because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died#that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from#time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed#i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she#died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way#my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today#for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days#and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt#future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her#last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that#and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving.#sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless#others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club#i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her#stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i#dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my#family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters#probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno.#i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity.#again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a#full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length#unrelated
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the reason I like Grimmjow so much is, obviously, because he’s a feline-adjacent character and that’s all I really need. and that’s also why my mission in this life is to slap as many feline traits on him as possible.
but before that I need to reinforce my “cat person Ichigo” agenda, because he would definitely be one, and not just because of Grimmjow, no. I just feel like if Ichigo had to get a pet it would be a cat, because cats are rather self-sufficient and independent, they don’t require 24/7 attention (rather hate it even), their needs are easily met and over all they are quiet, calm. cats enjoy a great nap and lazing around, but do get into a playful mood at times, which all sounds to me very much like Ichigo. also I think the ways cats show affection would really appeal to him, as well as their companionable silence, their presence small, but comforting, because they let you know you’re not alone.
so, enter Grimmjow with all his feline grace, a predator to his very core, snappy and yet intelligence shines in all that he does. and when things come down to affection he is still so very cat-like with it. a cat who’s been hurt, had to fight and hunt to survive, bristly and quick to anger and oh so slow to trust. just like the stray that you see on a street, that you get down on your knees for and thrust your hand out so it can sniff it or swipe its claws at or get frightened by, forcing it to retreat, run away, whatever wins out in that stray’s mind: curiosity, flight or fight. and Grimmjow is that stray too, but pride won’t let him run away and he’s been wondering the world long enough to not be so easily swayed into what could very well be a trap by mere curiosity. that is, until Kurosaki Ichigo.
and so Grimmjow meets him and falls into his trap, not willingly, not without a fight. he hisses and growls, he yells and spits venom, he scrambles to get out, claws like daggers swiping at everything, anything, to find something to dig into, so he can pull himself out. and yet he can’t, and with time resigns himself to the fact, that he doesn’t even really want to.
Kurosaki’s presence at first disappoints, nothing, but prey in all his terror, shaking hands, erratic movements, but as the fight goes on the boy feels less and less like prey, and then his mouth is twisted into something deranged, something similar if not identical to Grimmjow’s own smile, all sharp teeth and the promise of violence. maybe not so disappointing after all. every next time they fight each other after that Kurosaki’s presence gets more intense, at times making Grimmjow’s hair stand on end. and then they don’t see each other for a long time, and then they do, and Grimmjow somehow failed to notice when Kurosaki’s presence stopped feeling like something crushing down on him, urging him to fight against whatever it is and destroy it, and more like a blanket, light, but there, seemingly insignificant and yet comforting and warm.
Kurosaki Ichigo doesn’t feel like a fight all the time anymore, although Grimmjow enjoys every second of it when he does, and he finds that he doesn’t mind it as much as he thought he would. the boy, who’s not even a boy anymore, is there, on his knees before a stray, holding out his hand, ready to bleed, but hoping for softness. and Grimmjow is that stray, ready to claw and yet choosing to trust, if only for a second. and when that trust doesn’t result in hurt, Grimmjow finds it brings security.
anyway, before I ramble even more, oh my god, what is this?!?!?? all I wanted to write was “Grimmjow and Ichigo are like those lions you see in TV programs about wildlife, nuzzling each other’s heads and then flopping down against the other for a nap”??? what is this shit 💀🙏🏻??
#grimmichi#self-indulgent bullshit yet again#they are in love#I trully don’t know what this is#cat person Ichigo bc I said so#am I projecting? nooo… well… okay maybe#feline Grimmjow supremacy what can I say ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ#this got away from me#in this episode of ‘the ramblings of a madwoman’ I forget the original point and start waxing poetic but the poetry is bad#shit writing ppl *\(^o^)/*#proffesional yapper if you haven’t noticed#if you noticed me giving Ichigo cat-like traits no you didn’t
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C. A moment’s respite.
The Last Light Inn was a small bastion of safety in the shadow-cursed lands, the darkness held at bay by Isobel's magic. It was a welcome reprieve for the party of adventurers seeking to take down the Absolute and the cultists in Moonrise Towers – the fairy’s blessing had provided protection from the shadows, but it still was good to have a safe harbour to retreat to.
Having tucked herself away in a corner, Devi sat on a rickety chair, watching the tieflings, the Harpers, and her friends mingling about the inn’s common room. Every once in a while, she could hear Karlach's laughter as she conversed with Dammon, or a shout as Wyll cleaned some other hapless dice player out of their gold with a good-natured grin. Yet her gaze kept travelling back to the wizard in the next seat, sipping on a cup of wine and intently reading a scroll that he had found on one of the bookshelves in the inn. Gale appeared to be completely lost in thought, a little furrow lining his brow, his hand sometimes abandoning his wine cup on the table to stroke his beard as he considered something.
It made for a lovely picture, the wizard so lost in thought, focused on the words before him and not on his surroundings. A man reading really shouldn’t have been that interesting – and yet, Devi found herself transfixed. Something about the angle of his brows, or the set of his jaw, or the way his long fingers moved in the lamp light made her want to study him, committing him to memory.
Because Mystra ordered him to become a memory, a little voice in her head muttered. When we find the Absolute, he's going to follow her damned orders to blow himself up taking it out. That made her look away, gazing into her own wine, lips pressed together tightly as though she could avoid having them tremble, betraying her feelings on the matter. Damn the gods for throwing them all into this predicament, and damn Mystra in particular.
A nudge to her side got her attention. Her heart leapt when she saw Gale's smile at her; he'd apparently lost focus on the scroll. “I'm surprised you're not playing against Wyll again,” he commented with a chuckle.
Devi snorted. “And lose even more gold pieces to him? That bastard’s too damn good at dice.”
Gale smirked. “Have you forsaken your goal of winning the pants off of him in payback?”
“It's taking a temporary pause. But I will say, if his left boot goes missing tonight, I had nothing to do with it. I'll get one of the tiefling kids to give me an alibi.”
That got another chuckle from Gale. “Ah, the mark of a wise criminal. As I would not like to have my own boots stolen in payback, rest assured, I'll keep your secrets intact.”
“Smart man.” Devi grinned and sipped her wine, then gestured to the scroll with her cup. “Find anything interesting in that?”
“Not as much useful information for our predicament as I'd hoped for, but it’s still very fascinating reading.” Gale looked back down at the scroll. “Apparently, if we can make our way to the cellar of the inn, we may be able to find a Selûnite refuge, hidden away from the Sharran Justiciars. The former innkeeper, before the shadow-curse took over, was apparently sympathetic to the Selûnites.”
“Huh. Interesting.” Devi nodded thoughtfully. “Shadowheart might get a laugh out of it, at least. I’m just happy she and Isobel haven’t had a spat yet.”
“Yet being the operative word,” Gale muttered. “Still, Shadowheart does recognize that not all of us have the protection that Shar lent her, or the pixie’s blessing, and Isobel is invaluable for everyone’s safety. Regardless of their… disagreements on their goddesses, they’ll keep the peace for now.”
Devi nodded again, watching as Gale rolled the scroll back up. “Sorry if I’m distracting you from your reading,” the thief said. “I know you love your books.”
“Think nothing of it,” Gale chuckled. “You are quite pleasant company to have around, even if you are quite a bit quieter than usual tonight. A gold piece for your thoughts?”
“That’s the most anyone’s ever offered to hear what’s in my head,” Devi laughed. She looked over at the sound of dice clattering, and Wyll gracefully accepting a rare loss with a seated bow to a triumphant-looking tiefling, raucous laughter drifting over to the corner. “My mind’s all over the place tonight. I’m just…” Thinking about you and how unfair it is that Mystra’s ordered you to your death. No goddess deserves that level of devotion! Forgiveness isn’t worth that much. “I’m thinking about how good it is to see everyone relaxed and safe for the moment.”
“It is pleasant to see,” Gale agreed, looking away from Devi to survey the rest of the inn’s common room. “Would that we could see this more frequently, with everything happening to us. The tadpoles, the Absolute…” He shrugged. “But it could be argued that the rarity of these moments of respite make them that much more valuable, when we do get them. We more fully appreciate them.”
“I think I’d appreciate them fully, even if we got them more regularly,” Devi grumbled. She heard Gale chuckle, then looked back at the wizard. “So… found any more interesting reading?” Usually any books that she found while exploring were immediately handed to Gale or Shadowheart – Devi could read, but she struggled in making sense of the markings on the pages. She lacked Gale’s ability to easily comprehend the written words. Education was more valued for a wizard prodigy and not a back-alley Baldurian thief.
“Quite a bit,” Gale said with a smile. “I have a small library growing in my tent from the books that we’ve found on our travels. If you would like, I could read some of them to you.”
“Would you?” Devi perked up, interested by that prospect. “Any chance that book you mentioned about, uh, stimulation is in your library?”
Gale chuckled. “Alas, no – that particular book is in my tower in Waterdeep. However, I do have a few other tomes in my collection here that may be of interest to you.”
“Consider me intrigued,” Devi said with a grin. She finished off her wine, watching Gale set his own empty cup on the table. “Shall we go investigate?”
“Precisely where my thoughts were, my dear.” Gale grinned and stood up, offering her his arm like a proper gentleman. “We’ll leave the others to their revelry for now. Time spent with you is always a pleasurable experience.”
“Even when we’re both covered in blood and gods-know-what?” Devi laughed and took Gale’s arm, letting the wizard lead her out of the inn and back towards the party’s camp, set up on the lawn outside – all the rooms in the inn had been claimed by Harpers or tieflings.
“Even then.” Gale’s smile made Devi’s heart skip a beat. “Although a peaceful moment like this is always preferable.”
“You won’t hear me arguing that.” Devi smiled, savouring the moments she could spend in Gale’s company, in relative peace and quiet. Gods help me, I will talk him out of sacrificing himself to destroy the Absolute. He deserves to live, and I want him to live. She offered up a silent prayer to any god that would listen (except Mystra) – let Gale live. Even if he never loves me the way I do him, let him live.
#kel writes#kel answers prompts a million years later#bg3#bg3 fic#gale x tav#Gale/Devi#gale of waterdeep#Deviali#slow burn#minific#where the words somehow got away from me yet again
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bobby carruthers I understand u babe but what u have done is spilling blood all over ur sister as she watches her husband she's just learned catastrophic information about die in her arms. gods what a case
#s&co#sherlock and co#HUGE spoilers tag#I need to draw something for violet she's got it so fucking rough man#well lets make my case clear first. if zach died there I would not have mourned him#he should NOT have been there in her ARMS though he should die like behind a shack or something#it's killing me that like. all bobby has done ultimately is deciding things for violet yet again. after a long period of exactly that#s&co is very good but sometimes it reminds me so starkly of why I've slowly drifted away from the crime genre lmao. gods. man#end of wedding score: 0 - 0 husband is an abusive dipshit and brother is now in prison. we win NOTHING !!!#brought it up on bsky already but this like. echoes gloria scott so perfectly lmao. one more case zero to nil babeyy#gods I hope john and sherlock keep in touch with violet after this. she needs someone in her corner too. what a fuckign case#lmao at least now we have the answer to why john posted this one with no censoring she wasnt doxxed <3 its her shithead husband
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i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane
(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)
#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school#so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away#i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute#and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with#someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over#so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job#not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people#and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie#or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn)#so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired#i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family#but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying#and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home#logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do#i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out#and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years#i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year#i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out#even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times#and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable#i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something#plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later#vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space#and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year#and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends#so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything#i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything#but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know#i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to#vent
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Yet another beautiful day to have the Maxwel tag blocked (can't see half of the posts in the Wendy tags)
#rat rambles#starve posting#maxwell posters have lost any semblance of tolerance from me ages ago Ive yet to meet a maxwell fan who's just like a normal person#and to clarify I actually do like maxwel as I am the number one just some asshole whos in too deep enjoyer#but dear god are ppl just absolutely incapable of being normal abt this man and everyone around him#and even beyond that ppl just do not get this man like please he is indeed interesting but not because of some 'retconed redemption'#like pls we can live in a world where he is not an irridemable monster and is in fact just some guy while also still being a flawed person#like the fact that he is so deeply flawed in ways that he never actually properly adressed and challenged is the interesting thing to me#like look at me. he went through horrible shit he didnt deserve. that didnt inherently make him a better or worse person#it just made him a more miserable person#and he didnt escape because of some change of heart or character development#and afterwards he teamed up with wilson because of necessity#I do think on some level he genuinely cares abt the other survivors and he does have genuine regret for how things turned out#but again those things dont inherently mean he moved past the flaws that got him here it just means he has the ability to recognize that#shit sucks and that he wish none of it happened#its why encore is one of my favorite animations from a character perspective because it shows some juicy charlie and maxwell stuff#mainly it shows both that charlie has not forgiven his ass and is manipulating him and that maxwell is still susceptible to it#which isnt a sigh of them rolling back development it's just a sign that maxwell is easy to manipulate with the right cards#which adds up considering his past and his present very well in my opinion#this is a man whos historically always ran away from his problems and is always on the hunt for a sense of control#and charlie tapped into both that and his ever present guilt#its in fact very unsurprising and not out of place for him to fall for that sort of manipulation#and it also makes for a great set up for the inevitable betrayal from charlie as maxwell is hit by the harsh reality of his situation#and that whole situation would lead to some yummy tasty parallels when charlie inevitably gets betrayed herself (I hope)#the ways charlie and maxwel are so similar yet so different facinates me deeply I love how much charlie doesnt realize shes kinda fucked#I want her to be betrayed so hard and left in the dust with no ground to stand on I want the rug pulled out from under her feet#her composition comes from her confidence in the necessity of her actions and the moral superiority she feels over maxwell#so having her sense of superiority be revoked would make for a super fascinating dynamic as she tries to justify the situation in her head#I wanna see her siral and then maybe change her pronouns idk
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i think what upsets me most, besides the fact that this means no more accordion unless i somehow miraculously get it fixed, is that despite my best efforts to be careful and not mess up, i still managed to make a mistake and fuck it up. despite understanding and appreciating how expensive and valuable and fragile this instrument is, despite my best efforts to keep it safe and in good condition, i still managed to mess up and damage it.
like ... I just mess up. I have something nice, something of value, and I cannot seem to keep it safe and taken care of. things end up ruined. shirts get holes, dresses get stains, electronics get battery acid leaking or cracked, dishes get broken, book pages get torn or bent, trinkets get chipped, instruments are bonked and rattled. i am so terrified of handling anything that things most often just stay sitting in lidded bins so they are safe from carpet beetles and dust and dirt and food and me.
i just feel awful, i dont understand why I can't just keep things safe and in good condition ?? why is this so impossible for me, especially when i care so much ??
#i think this is partially why i dont allow myself any good art supplies#I got a set of charcoals several years ago and I've barely touched them bc im terrified of fucking them up#but if i get smth from the dollar store? that stuff is getting used immediately#bc its cheap and its not very good quality#im not afraid of using things up. im afraid of ruining them#im such a careful person too but i just. always end up fucking up some time#idk what is wrong w me#this sounds so melodramatic but god im tired#i still feel sick that my nice shirt from the 70s got a tiny hole burned into it bc of fire sparks that i didnt know were around#like i just. cannot have nice things idk. i have the absolute worst luck it seems like. or maybe i just am not careful enough#idk how to be any more careful though honestly fhfkdl#like i either keep things stored away safely sealed up or i am exceedingly careful in handling them#and do everything i can think of and find out to make sure nothing happens#and yet !#i just feel like a massive idiot for this idk fhfmkl silly me to think i could be trusted w this instrument#there are some websites and videos teaching ppl how to fix accordions but... its complex#but i either attempt a fix myself or never play it again bc getting a professional is too expensive#so ... i guess I'll have to take the dive and tinker w it if i want even a chance at playing again#im just terrified I'll break it even further#also i dont think i have access to everything I'll need for fixing it depending on whats gone wrong#so idk if it'll even be possible even if its doable like. i need Tools and leather and felt#i have spare leather scraps but no felt :|#and no special pliers fjfkdl#argh argh im so upset w myself for this#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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U THINK MY SONAS SO CUTE MAYBE I SHOULD DRAW OUR SONAS HOLDING HANDS WHAT THEN HUH
I THINK MAYBE THEN I WOULD POSSIBLY HAVE TO RETALIATE BY DRAWING UR SONA HOW YOU LIKE THEM APPLES‼️‼️
#Ravage.png#pumkinpy#moondust#ITS FR SO ADORABLEEEEE UR MIND IS SO HUGE WHEN IT COMES TO DESIGNS#honestly seeing u post so much of ur art recently is what inspired me to get up and start drawing caedes again i didn’t realize how much i#mithed xem AUGH#honestly i don’t think i’ve got a real sona design made yet ?? ive got my og from before i changed stuff up online but that one was p much a#weird e.evee w/ super thin antlers hmmmm im gonna have to start finding some inspo HEHEHE#regardless of that tho id DIE if you drew me/a sona repping me n ur sona holding hands omg 🥺🥺 lmk if you want any ideas or smth for it if u#end up really wanting/trying to do it!!#man i have GOT to stop looking away when im writing tags bc ill forget what i just said and have to pray that the sentence doesn’t come out#weird when i post it 😭😭😭😭
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look at this fucking ass.. comes home instead of neuvillette and after c6
#is just.. pain#genshin impact#take him away from me never show me his face ever again#like you could give me dehya i don’t have her yet#tighnari cons are nice#ive never got a keqing cons#but no.. it must be diluc diluc diluc#thanks for the 5 wishes they didn’t give me a neuvillette just so you know#let me see one person that says ‘you should be lucky i never had a diluc’ im actually going to war with them#like i got him first thing in the game and mained him for so long#i got him his skin and his signature weapon and c6 him#all i ask is that he never ruins my 50/50
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Im all partied out after the last two days 🙃
#Tonights adventure was a quote ugly sweater party#And it started out as kind of a nightmare#This white woman I did not knlw got right in my face and asked me what my skincare routine was#And I was like.......I shower?#And she said in a tone I could not decipher if she was judging or shitting on me or not#She was like You shower!#I left that interaction thinking yeah I need to go kill myself after that#But the rest?#Idk I just... v much got the sense these were not my people#Like my sister had fun and good on her this whole deal is with her clients and shit#But these fucking white people were talking shit about the homeless#And I#Do NOT like when people insult or gossip or talk about how crazy homeless people are#I judge hardcore for that in point of fact:l#Because I WAS fucking homeless once#And idk#I just... came away from it not sad per se but kind of down#and realizing that yet again these arent people I can click with#long term?#I kind of.... question if there is a place at a party or THE party for me?#Sigh#Sorry#Long tags are long#Long post nobody read
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my thoughts on fire emblem will never be coherent because on one hand you have the nerd part of my brain who hates fire emblem three houses for every second it spends outside of traditional fire emblem gameplay flavours and on the other hand you have the gay idiot who just rewatched ferdinand & hubert's A+ support for the 5th time this year and also has about 280 hours put into fe3h
#'i dont really like 3h' i say starting yet another fucking playthrough#when 3h peaks it PEAKS ok. its just that im not a fan of p5r for the exact same reason. the Life aspect for ME takes away from the main draw#id like p5r more if it was mostly just dungeoncrawling with turnbased combat (i know this because i have and enjoy smtv)#and id like fe3h more if i could skip through the months with no repercussions. now that im chaining ng+#and yeah thats on me for wanting to make s rank everything byleth a reality. i know. i just get bored during the months#and also just the entire first act of the game because again. ive played through it so many times#theres a reason i appreciate fates having the option to just skip to the part where the path diverges on subsequent playthroughs#im so tired of tutorials...#'wow byleth have you considered standing in the trees' WHEN THIS GAME RELEASED I WAS 15 ISH AND AT THAT POINT I HAD ALREADY BEEN STANDING IN#FIRE EMBLEM TREES FOR AT LEAST 2 YEARS. ID BEEN AWARE OF THIS MECHANIC FOR 3 OR 4#I GOT MY FIRST FIRE EMBLEM GAMES WHEN SHADOWS OF VALENTIA DROPPED STOP TRYING TO TEACH ME OLD SHIT WAHHHHH#i am once again asking for separate toggles for general fire emblem gameplay tutorials and gmae-specific tutorials#also bring back having harder modes skip tutorialization entirely#i dont even mind playing the prologue or the first few chapters that much i just hate the constant interruptions#only for jeralt to tell me that i can stand. in the fucking forest.#fe3h blew up the franchise. ok. i get the tutorial is necessary for newer players because fire emblem can get really confusing#especially when youre new#but pleas.e... separate toggles... let me turn off gameplay hints including the forced tutorial in the prologue..... im begigng
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teeth achieved. [goes to sleep]
#just me hi#i'll turn that off later it's just very Hm to me loll#not exactly funny not really annoying but very Hm. Hum.#the only reason i turned on that badge was because there was a Big fricken thing on the corner of the screen announcing#HEY. YOU POSTED 100 TIMES#yea. back in 22. are you good‚ dude?#i have done that ten times over you're a little late. i'll take that though gimme them teef#//also it's one a.m. again babyyy ya boy has no idea how to go to sleep at a normal hour heck yeaaa [guitar]#anywho sneeping now. going to sneep. and after i have snooped? why‚ who knows. today sleep‚ tomorrow the world#i have got to stop quoting that movie#it starts playing in my head afterwards and i start giggling like an idiot at 2 a.m.#why did they have an exploding octopus. who knows. truly inspired#you'd think the guy dressed as a duck would be all for animal rights but nah‚ he's chucking those bad boys out like pigeon food#wait he's a penguin#you get my point though he's a birdb. he should know these things. penguins are endangered i think‚ why is he doing this to the sharks :/#inspired and yet definitely mad. so- Truly inspired#could use less animal abuse but i think he's going somewhere with that#like why not dress up your goons as exploding octopus? now THAT'S scary#imagine: you're swimming away from the penguin's current base and you feel something brush against your leg#you think 'oh no! the exploding octopus!' you look down. just then‚ it takes hold of your ankle and you begin to flail as it tests its#pulling strength#you glance down again‚ for one fleeting moment the world is on its head and your vision is swimming harder than the rest of your body#a man - anchored to the waterbed by a rope but kept just a couple feet below the surface by some arm floaties - dressed in what seems to be#a very cheap octopus costume. your head feels light‚ all the pounding in your chest starts to feel miles away. your head is suddenly#underwater‚ somehow you remember not to breath. you meet his eyes for one moment- and then BOOM exploding octopus cosplayer Explodes !!!!!#That's scary#exploding octopus is just sad. that little dude didn't even know what it was doing :(#//ANYWAY i am going to bed now hvhfbsfa#no idea why i wrote all that. tis the hour ig lolll#nighty !
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When you’re so committed to the bit that you don’t stop holding hands even when focusing on a completely unrelated problem A++ for effort ladies
#madre solo hay dos#ana servín#mariana herrera#shitty screencap posts (TM)#sorry I'm on a roll but this episode really got me inspired lol#idk I just loved this bit like there was NO REASON to hold hands lmao#if they hadn't no one would have questioned the veracity of their relationship I'm pretty sure#and yet here we are :))))#also not pictured bc it was a really small moment to cap (possibly even to gif)#but in a previous shot of ana mariana and the gay couple making a toast and clinking their glasses that is from the pov of juan carlos#you can see ana tilt her head tenderly towards mariana when she goes to clink her glass with hers#and I can't get over it like the way things like that just come so naturally to ana this early in their fake relationship#and how even from a far away shot you can distinguish clearly that she's doing that GAWD#once again how am I supposed to be normal at work today when all of this is happening????
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