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bandaigaeru · 4 years

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19 - han jisung

synopsis: when you turn nineteen, the first words your soulmate says to you appear on your wrist. you all know that tiktok trend. word count: 6.8k

You gawk at the blank canvas of your wrist. Soon, words would fill the skin and thus seal your fate.

It's common folklore that in the early ages, two Greek Gods by the names of Aphrodite and Ares were sent to Earth. They traveled the land until they came across two mortals. An old married couple living on a farm just outside of today's Patras. Aphrodite was known for enticing people into conversations with her beauty. Over time, the topic drifted to the pair's longlasting marriage as Aphrodite airily asked, "How did you know you were meant to be?"

The elderly duo shared a look attended by small smiles. The man spoke, "We don't truly know, but the feelings in our hearts lead us to believe we are."

Aphrodite was shocked. Something as pure and sacred as love was being tossed around by the mortal world. So, she looked at her husband and ordered him to contact his parents (who were widely seen as the monarchs of the Olympians). After a long argument, Ares managed to pull through. He had convinced his mother, Hera, to pull some strings. From that moment forward, mortals' wrists would be tainted with the first words that their loved ones say to them, but only after the mortal reaches the legal age.

However, this deal would only happen under one condition. Wars and violence would become common among the mortals to counteract the joy that comes with easily finding a lover. Ares took this feat with joy. He made his wife happy while simultaneously becoming the god of war.

Or at least that's what we think happened.

"Y/N? You in there?" the boy across the table waves a hand in front of your face.

Glancing up, you offer a meek smile. "Yeah. Sorry."

"Are you thinking about the words again?" he asks, leaning forward.

He rests his forearms against the cafe's table for a moment before reaching out for your hands. For a moment he just holds them. But then he brings them to his lips and kisses your knuckles. In a low voice, he states assertively, "We're in this for the long haul, babe. It's you and I 'til the end. Remember?"

You smile, butterflies clashing against the caves of your stomach. "Of course. Y/N and Hyunjin until the very end."

You retract your hands to bring the straw to your lips. The boy ahead of you simply watches your motions with heart eyes. When he had turned nineteen, he refused to look at the words. He wanted to wait for you. And now, a little less than two weeks separate you from the ultimate conclusion. Even though he was confident you were the one, thoughts at the back of your mind nag the dreaded possibility.

You look over to the road beside the cafe. Through the window, a teenage girl walks her small dog. Beyond that, a traffic jam sheathes the road with cars.

"Hey, um, Changbin and I were thinking about throwing a party for your birthday. Are you up for that?" Hyunjin slips his phone out of his pocket.

As he's unlocking it, you reply, "Yeah that sounds fun. Who all are you going to invite?"

"The boys and whichever friends you want me to," he pushes his phone towards you. It's displaying an empty note page. He continues, "Just put whoever you want."

You adjust the device in your palms before typing out the list of friends you wanted to celebrate with. Kijeong never fails to serve for a good party. Doyoung has connections to getting expensive alcohol. Momo always brings Japanese candies. And so on.

When you slide the phone across the matte tablecloth, Hyunjin marvels at the list. "How do you know this many people?"

"There's only like ten people," you giggle. Then, you tap your finger on your chin and ask, "Don't you know over a hundred?"

As if you had hit a soft spot, he winces back dramatically. "No! It's more like eighty-nine."

A giggle bubbles up from your core and you feel at peace. For once, you weren't stressing over those stupid words. Hyunjin has that effect on you. He could probably distract you from WWIII if it ever happened. And for that, he has to be your soulmate. He just has to.

ii.

Hyunjin had gone out of town on a school trip, leaving you in Seoul with nothing to do but sit around and read heartfelt testimonies of others' first words. One had mentioned that the couple had been dating for barely a week before the words appeared. And then, when they found out that they were dating their soulmate, they got married spontaneously in Las Vegas. Like from a rom-com.

You wanted to be the main character of a rom-com too.

A knock sounded from the other side of your door. Quickly closing the tab and opening your homework, you shout, "Come in!"

Your mother peaks her head in with a drastic bright smile. "Hey there, sweet thang."

"Hi, mom," you chuckle at her goofiness. She enters the room with your dog, Fluffy, trailing close behind.

"I just came in here to talk about the whole nineteen shebang," she sighs, folding her leg under her as she takes a seat at the foot of your bed.

You sit up, adjusting your pillow behind your back. Her smile fades as she begins, slightly hesitant, "Do you have a plan for if it's not Hyunjin?"

"What?" your eyebrows twist. You pick at the corner of your laptop with your nails.

"I'm not saying that he won't be, but have you considered all the outcomes?"

"No, but I don't have to. I know it's him," you shake your head. And suddenly, the doubts come flooding in again. A lot of the stories you've read show a common denominator. A couple that has been dating for a while becoming heartbroken when they've realized what they felt wasn't true love.

Your mother presses her lips into a fine line before glancing down at Fluffy for reassurance. He stares up at her with a smile, tongue hanging from his mouth carelessly. As she releases a heavy breath that seemed to weigh down the rest of the room, she announces, "Whatever happens, just know me and your dad will always be here for you. We love you, Y/N."

Tears begin to pool in your eyes. Stumbling over your words you manage to push out, "I-I love you too, Mom."

Patting the bed, she pushes herself up. "Then I'll leave you to it. Do you want me to take Fluffy?"

You shake your head, "No, leave him here."

She gently sets the Pomsky on your bed. You open your arms to the dog and he barrels towards you. Your mother closes the door on the way out, leaving you alone with the heartbreaking thoughts and a dog to cry into.

Fresh tears fall onto the dog's fur and he curiously looks up at you. He cocks his head to the side and whimpers. In an attempt to stop the mysterious liquid, he licks at your cheeks.

"Fluffy," you sob with an unstable voice as you hug him tightly. "what am I gonna do?"

Outside the door, your mother stands. A hand is covering her mouth to muffle the cries of her own. The buildup of your childhood is reaching a standstill in a week's time. You would be free to make your own decisions and what would your mother have left to do? It was time for you to leave her shelter.

Quivering, your mother lets her hand fall to her side. She has to be strong for you right now. One of your biggest moments is approaching. Sadness cannot deter her support. Although tears are still slipping from her eyes, she straightens her posture and advances down the hall.

iii.

Kijeong sits at your mirror with a glow in her eyes. It had been months since she had gone to a good, unforgettable party. The goosebumps trailing down her legs are a sign it's going to be good, she claims.

But you think it's because your dad cranked the AC up.

"Wear the skirt and the sweater," Kijeong advises. She brings her Starbucks to her mouth, contorting her lips in a funky way so that she doesn't ruin her red lipstick.

You glance down at the outfit she had chosen. It's a fuzzy lavender sweater and a high-waisted black skirt.

"It's cold outside," you protest, looking back at her.

She looks at you as if you've dethroned Beyonce and put Kanye in her place. "Is the party outside? No. Put the outfit on. We're gonna be late."

"Fine, dear party master," you mumble.

You retreat to the bathroom to change. As you're tugging the sweater over your body, you look in the mirror. Huffing, you stomp back to your room. "I look like a psycho Furby that just escaped the asylum."

Kijeong rolls her eyes as she stands from the comfort cave of your bed. She advances to you, tucking your sweater in. "Now you look like a Furby hooker who I'd gladly fuck given the chance."

"My legs feel naked," you cross your legs and ball your fists to hold the skirt down.

"Then put on some fishnets," Kijeong rummages through your closet. She huffs, blindly sweeping her hand on the overhead shelf. Humming in content, she tosses the leggings at you.

You can't win with the party girl.

Barely ten minutes later, you're stepping out of your house with your mother hanging in the door frame. "Be careful. Text me as soon as you find out!"

"Of course," you shout back at her reassuringly as you're climbing into the passenger seat of Kijeong's black Toyota Corolla.

Upon startup, the radio is blaring rap music in a language you're unfamiliar with. She bumps her head to the beat as she pulls onto the road. You stare down at the wallpaper of your phone. It's a photo of you and Hyunjin on your first date to the movie theaters. His head is on your shoulder and his hand is squeezing your cheeks. He looks up at you with those loving eyes and a simper.

Rolling down the volume, Kijeong glances over at you. She nibbles on the inside of her cheek before saying, "I know this is stressful for you, but just live through tonight as if we were partying under normal circumstances. It sounds like shitty advice, but trust me."

Though your shoulders are still weighed down with stress, you smile. "Thanks, Ki."

"I'll stick around you for the whole night if you need me to. And that's saying a lot. Doyoung's bringing wine from the Iberian peninsula and I want that shit," she lightens the mood.

You stifle a laugh. "I can handle it. You go drink that expensive shit."

Kijeong maintains the glimmer of a smile on her lips until she pulls up to Changbin's house. It wasn't necessarily a mansion, Changbin always claimed. In the flesh, however, the truth unveiled a different story.

"Holy shit," you marvel, looking up at the intricately carved pillars.

At the front door, Hyunjin is there to welcome you. He holds a red solo cup as he's welcoming you with a hug. When you finally pull away, he offers it to you.

"What is it?" you inquire.

"Some kind of fancy wine Doyoung brought," he informs, peeking into the cup as if to examine the dark liquid.

Kijeong snatches it from his hand. She downs it before either of you can react.

"That's good shit," she coughs, "Where's Doyoung?" Her eyes are wide, like a crazed killer feeling the first euphoria of killing.

Still taken aback, Hyunjin slowly gestures over his shoulder. "He's in the ki-"

But it's too late. She's already on the hunt.

Shaking his head in utter awe, he refocuses back to you. "So, how does it feel?"

You coerce a somewhat genuine smile to rest on your lips as you say, "I'm not sure. I guess I'm just feeling nostalgic?"

Hyunjin nods along to your carefully chosen words. To make you feel better, he leans to your ear and whispers, "That's the thrill of becoming an adult, darling."

One of Hyunjin's friends (Seungmin, you think his name was) lunges into Hyunjin, knocking him back from you. "Bro, Jeongin's about to do a fucking keg stand. You've got to see this," he shouts, guiding Hyunjin to the backyard.

Over his shoulder, Hyunjin yells, "Duty calls."

You slowly walk around, taking in the monumental views of parties. People making out on the couch. A girl twerking on the wall. And even someone puking behind the couch.

The humidity of the living room suffocates you. And despite the sea of people wading in your personal space, you have never felt so lonely. The promise ring Hyunjin had bought you strangles your finger almost as much as it was mentally suffocating you.

Your breaths become ragged as people block your view on every side. Desperately, you push through. Beads of sweat congregate in the threads of your fishnets.

A flash of fresh air slaps you across the face as you finally break through. Ahead of you, the back door is ajar. You can spot Hyunjin cheering on a group of people playing cup pong. That Jeongin kid must've finished his keg stand. Or chickened out. He catches your stare. He sends a smile before leaning in to the game to say something. And then, he's walking towards you.

No. You can't face him right now.

Quickly, you fade into the hallway. Glancing into the cracks of each door, you eventually find solace in the bathroom. You lock the door behind you before rushing to the toilet. The anxiety caught up with you and your lunch is now sitting in the toilet. Splashes of yellow cling to the bowl as you flush.

Still shaking, you approach the sink. You rinse the suds off of your hands before splashing your face with the cool water. Rejuvenated, you dry off your hands. Droplets of water fall from your face. You pull your sweater up, using the hairy fabric to lessen the moisture.

Though fresh, you still can't build the courage to reemerge into the pool of bodies.

You glance down at your phone. 11:19. Only forty-one minutes separate you.

You could camp in the bathroom until then. It's a safe haven.

For the remaining time, you sit by the toilet just in case. When there's only one minute left, you roll up your sleeve and stare at the empty skin.

As the clock strikes midnight, your wrist aches. You wince, gazing down. Beneath your skin, what feels like fire ants work together to ink the words letter by letter.

Your heart hangs in your throat. The world stops spinning and you're just sitting there, staring at your arm. The door shakes as someone knocks from the other side.

"Y/N? You in there?" Hyunjin's voice sounds through, though muffled.

So this is what those testimonials meant when they said you undergo an out of body experience. It doesn't feel like you're in control when you slowly rise and go to the door. You open it, still gawking at the words.

"Happy birthday! What does it say?" Hyunjin reaches for your arm with a bright, hopeful smile.

It vanishes when he reads the words. His voice cracks as he reads them aloud, "Brighten the mood, sunshine?"

"I-I'm sorry," you sob, snagging your arm back to bury your face in your hands.

Through teary eyes of his own, Hyunjin shakes his head. "No. Y/N, we love each other." He reaches for your shoulders, but you step back, arms dropping to your sides.

"We're not each others' soulmates," you look up at him.

"They're wrong! They have to be!" he shouts.

You know what's going on in that head of his. There was no use arguing with him.

You slide the ring off of your finger. Slowly, you inch forward to him. You grab his hand, resting the ring in his palm. Then, you curl his fingers up, protecting the ring from the evils of the world.

"I'm sorry."

iv.

You tug your knees to your chest. The empty car isolates you from the flashing lights and booming music from inside the party. All you can seem to do is cry. When the tears let up, you glance down at your wrist and they appear again, stronger than before.

Something comforting rested in those words, though.

A hollow knock from your right trains your focus away. Outside the window, a few boys hover.

"We're Hyunjin's friends," the taller of the bunch shouts, though it reaches you muffled. Standing there is a boy you had crossed paths with a multitude of times before. Seungmin, his name was. From earlier.

You inch away from them quickly. You're practically sitting on the middle console.

"Wait, we're not gonna hurt you. We just want to talk. Jin's taking it pretty hard, and I was sure-" Seungmin reassures, though is interrupted by an elbow to the ribs.

"We were sure," a shorter boy corrects. His face looked familiar, though the strange depth of his voice proved otherwise.

"Right, we were sure you were feeling in the dumps too. Can you open the door so I don't have to keep yelling?" Seungmin offers a small smile as he mends to his ribs with rubbing circles.

Hesitantly, you unlock the door and weakly step out. Your knees almost buckle beneath your weight, but you lean against the car for support.

"So," a different boy speaks with a slight slur, "I'm Jeongin."

"Felix," the boy with the deep voice introduces with a small wave.

Seungmin leans against the car with you. The soles of his feet ache from standing around and rushing people to not disrobe in the living room. Glancing down at his shoes, Seungmin asks with a pitch in his voice, "So, uh, what does it say?"

"Brighten the mood, sunshine," you recite with clarity, though you're choking on tears at the back of your throat. Or puke. You're not quite sure.

"Y'know who would say that?" Jeongin drunkenly laughs, grabbing everyone's attention.

"Not the time-"

"Jisung would say that shit," he declares, despite Felix's warning glare.

Wrapping a protective arm around your shoulder, Seungmin whispers, "I'm sorry about him, this was his first party and he got a little carried away with the drinking."

You shake your head. Seungmin's cologne reminds you of Hyunjin's. Soft but masculine. Woodsy, almost. "It's fine."

"Happy birthday, by the way," he says.

You chuckle for a second. "Happy?"

"I'm not too good with this whole heartbreak thing, but I know this whole thing will blow over. It'll hurt, but in the terms of the universe, this heartbreak is setting you up for finding your soulmate," Felix says.

"The universe is bullshit," you scoff.

"Brighten the mood, sunshine," a boy calls out from the gate of the house. His arms are crossed against his chest and he's onlooking the scene with narrowed eyes.

Your heart is doing a frenzy within the cage of your chest. Playing it off as if you and the boys around you don't know what just happened, you warily shout back, "Suck my dick, mister sunshine."

He jumps back, his own heart caught in his throat. His arms fall to the side and he stares. Mouth fallen agape, he slowly lifts a finger and points at you.

He lets it drop, a smile filled with bewilderment filling his lips. "Hyunjin's gonna kill me."

His name is Jisung and he had been indebted with running to Hyunjin's car to get something when he overheard your conversation. He knew you had no control over it, but he just wanted to be petty for the sake of sparking drama. It was a bad habit, he admitted later on in an apology email he had sent to your student account.

It's been a week since your birthday. Passing Hyunjin in the hallway never takes an off day to open the pit in your stomach. But the butterflies had disappeared the moment you met Jisung. And you fucking hated it. The memories with Hyunjin were too fond for you to succumb to falling in love with Jisung.

"Hey, Y/N," he skips next to you on your way to your final class of the day.

"What do you want?" you stop by your locker. You twist and turn until the lock unlatches.

As you're shoving your books in, he presses his shoulder to the locker beside you and leans close to you. "Am I not allowed to talk to my one and only?"

"Not here, okay?" you huff, slamming your locker shut. You poise your strut with confidence despite the jelly of your legs.

"Can I at least get your number?" he jogs to catch up with you.

"Only if you can convince Hyunjin to talk to me," you abruptly stop.

"What? Why?"

Above, the bell screeches its monotonous tune.

Nibbling on your lip nervously, you say, "Because I don't want him to hear about it around school or something."

"Why can't I just talk to him?" Jisung asks, eyebrows knitted in confusion.

Sighing, you mumble, "I don't wanna ruin your friendship with him."

Jisung's hearty laugh echoes in the empty hall. He grabs your hands, slightly swinging them as he declares, "We'll do it together."

"Go to class," an elderly teacher croaks from the doorway of her empty classroom.

"Meet me after school by the cafeteria," he nods before pressing a surprisingly warm kiss to your forehead.

You sit in eighth period with a permanent smile. Rather than participating in the sociology project, you stare at your palms. They still had his warmth.

Love had a peculiar way of operating. And maybe Jisung wasn't so bad.

"Good day?" Kijeong inquires, her gaze not slipping from her laptop.

You press your palms to the desk as if they held a secret only you could know. As your sight falls over to her, your face burns with heat.

She glances over. Seeing the lovestruck grin sitting confidently on your lips, she gasps. "You didn't-"

"I found him," you shrug casually as if fate had only given you $10 on a scratch-off ticket.

"When?" she grabs your shoulders, shaking you violently.

"Last week. At the party," you cup your head as you prop your arm on the desk.

"And you didn't tell me? Who is he?" her questions fly at you with high velocity and her volume grabs the attention of the people in front of you. They congratulate you with broad smiles before redirecting their focus.

You lean over to her, braving for her bullying spree as you whisper, "Han Jisung."

"The squirrel looking dude? Wait, isn't he friends with Hyunjin?"

Smile slipping from your features, you nod. "We're gonna talk to him today. I still feel so bad."

"Don't be. He's entitled to his feelings and you're entitled to yours. He can be hurt, but he'll have no right to hate you and Jisung for it. And if he does, it'll only be momentarily," Kijeong says, her voice trailing into one similar to her mother's. Wise and pristine.

The stability and confidence in her words spark those own feelings within you. You straighten your posture as you assert, "Yeah. You're right."

vi.

Waiting alone in the cafeteria serves for awkward conversations sparked by the lunch ladies and dirty glares from Hyunjin's fangirls. The whispers fail to bother you as Jisung approaches you with a duffel bag slung over his shoulder. The butt of his baseball bat peeks out from the zipper.

"Ready?" he breathily says, securing the bag with a tight grip.

"Yeah," you nod, following him as he leads you through the hallways. The walls were painted by the first class. Murals, the principal had announced at freshman orientation. They tell stories, but they usually go overlooked.

As you emerge into the empty half of the parking lot, Jisung reaches back for your hand.

"Where are we going?" you ask to deter your focus from the comfort of his touch.

A glimmer of something that ignites butterflies in your stomach flashes in his eyes as he glances at you over his shoulder. "Going to meet Hyunjin."

Up ahead, you see Hyunjin sitting anticipatingly in his car. His elbow is propped on the door, holding his head as he stares down at his phone. You watch from a distance as he brings the pad of his thumb to rub bits of dry skin flaking from his lip.

You wiggle your hand out of his grip. He stops, turning around to look at you. "I don't wanna hurt him like that," you admit.

"Like what?"

"Like this," you say, motioning to the both of you.

"Oh. Right," Jisung smiles meekly, swiveling around to pursue the upcoming conflict.

You can do this, Y/N. You have to. 'Cos if you don't, it'll hurt him more.

"Hey, bro," Jisung claps against the top of the car.

Jumping, Hyunjin looks up. His eyes are puffy and the bags under his eyes are darker than usual. His hair is in disarray and tousled lazily.

"Oh," he glances between you two. He lets his arm fall to rest against the door. "Hi."

"Hi," you swallow your pride for a moment. Offering a smile, your posture straightens tensely.

"So," Jisung begins, resting a sneaky hand on the small of your back to push you.

Maybe that's why he was your soulmate. He encourages you to fight your own battles. At least, that's what he's doing now.

"Um, I found my soulmate," you nod along as you spoke shakily.

"Oh, really?" Hyunjin forces a smile. "That's good. Who is it?"

You stumble over your words, glancing at Jisung for guidance.

Catching the hint, Hyunjin chuckles. "Nuh-uh. You're lying."

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't want you to find out by someone around the school. You know how rumors spread," you tell him abruptly. Your lips fall agape, exhaling heavy breaths that encourage your body to tremble nervously.

Taken aback, Hyunjin glances down at his lap. He gnaws on his lip. "I'm not gonna lie, it kinda hurts, but I'm happy for you two."

He pauses for a moment, looking back up between you two. The awkward silence is lifted as he laughs. Tutting, he adds, "You two do look good together. I only ask of one thing, though."

"What?" Jisung asks quickly as if he's been on the edge of his seat to talk. You glance at him. His fists are balled by his side and, he too, is shaking.

"I gotta be the best man," Hyunjin points at Jisung, eyes wide with seriousness. Not even a sprinkle of a chuckle clings to his words.

"As if you weren't going to be the best man anyway," Jisung scoffs.

"Wait, if you two are so close, why did you never talk about him?" you propose the question, looking amusingly at Hyunjin.

Jisung jumps back, overdramatically falling to the asphalt and clutching the heart of his tee.

"Look, Jisung's a ladies' man. Even if you can't quite tell right now," Hyunjin shouts over Jisung's fake cries of pain.

You look down at the boy screaming on the ground and shake your head. Yelling up to the clouds, you inquire, "Are you guys sure this is my soulmate?"

"I can't believe you even have to ask that," Jisung finally sits up, gazing up at you with puppy eyes.

"Don't you have baseball practice to get to?" Hyunjin points out, glancing at his radio clock. The time was ticking close to half an hour after three.

"Oh shit, yeah. Seungmin's gonna beat my ass," Jisung jumps to his feet. He nods to you before jogging to the field.

"I'll drive you home, Y/N," Hyunjin offers. Then, the doors of his sedan click.

Oh. That's weird.

"Text me when you get home," Jisung turns around to point at you.

"Don't break anything!" you call out to him.

"No promises," Jisung shouts back.

You dip yourself into the passenger seat of Hyunjin's car. The ride is eerily silent until you ask, "Are you sure you're not mad?"

"Why would I be? Fate brought us here and there's nothing we can do about it," he shrugs, eyes focused on the road. He doesn't glance at you like he normally does when he's driving you around.

Additionally, he says, "I just hope I find my soulmate soon."

"What're your words?"

"Word, actually. It's just 'hi.'"

"That's ambiguous," you state, looking out the window at the buildings whizzing by.

"I kinda like it though. It'll force me to treat every person like my soulmate," Hyunjin remarks, drumming against his steering wheel.

"You say that as if you aren't the nicest person to walk the face of the earth. D'you wanna know what my first words were to Jisung?" you look back to him. A smile is lingering on your lips.

It feels like old times. Before the whole romance thing, you and Hyunjin were actually good friends. Inseparable, even.

"I'm sure they were fine and dandy," Hyunjin mocks, sarcasm dripping from his tone. He offers a look in your direction as he's approaching a stop sign.

"I told him to suck my dick," you admit, fighting the cackle that tempted your throat and left its mark on your lips.

Hyunjin gasps sarcastically. He releases a hand from the wheel to shield his mouth in dramatic disbelief. "The nicest person I know would never say such a thing."

Memories of middle school Hyunjin press the tip of your tongue and you're prepared to tease him when he pulls up to your house.

"Thanks for the ride," you glance at Hyunjin as you're unbuckling your seatbelt.

"Anytime," he smiles. And for a moment, you can spot the genuineness.

Just as you're about the close the door, he says, "Don't break Jisung's heart, okay?"

Offering a meek smile, you reply, "It's not on my agenda."

vii.

The moon casts a soft glow on the rooftop. It encases you in an aura of safety.

Beside you, Jisung whispers, "I can't believe it's been six months."

You inhale the fresh air as your eyes fall. You whisper, as if this were a secret, "I love you."

"I love you too," he says, draping an arm around your shoulders.

"Do you think they know we're up here?" you open your eyes to count the stars.

"If they did, we wouldn't be up here," he points out.

You look over to him. Of all the stars, he shines the brightest. You shift your eyes down to his lips.

Catching your gaze, he mumbles, "You know you don't have to ask or wait for me to-"

With that little hint of permission, you press your lips against his. The world shifts to a halting stop as the breeze fades. Warmth engulfs your body and nerves trickle goosebumps down your spine.

He slips away for a moment too long. Craving the warmth of your lips again, he meets with them once more.

He knows he's going to marry you, but he wants to treasure moments like these. Without the burden of children. Just pure teen love.

Once more, he breaks apart. His ragged breaths are hot against your face as he asks, "Do you wanna go to a party with me tomorrow?"

You hesitate, acknowledging the bore of the party twenty feet below you. "Whose party is it?"

"Seungmin's. Don't worry, it's his little brother's party. No vodka. No Kijeong twerking on the wall. Just pizza and, if we're lucky, a game of Apples to Apples," Jisung describes. You can envision it now. Jisung messily slurping down pizza with grease splattered across his face and hands. And for some reason, you wouldn't miss that sight for the world.

"Count me in."

"Sweet. If the pizza gets snagged, we can go to Dominos or something. I think Jeongin's working tomorrow," he offers.

"We haven't had a pizza date in a while," you state, resting your head on his shoulder.

"Do you even remember what happened last time?" his infamous giggle fills the void of night.

"Yes, but tell me the story again," you hide the blush that paints your face by nuzzling into his boney shoulder.

"I'm not telling the world that awful story!" he exclaims, jokingly shoving you off of him.

"You mean the one where you called our waitress 'babe' because you didn't realize it wasn't me?"

His cheeks burn with embarrassment as he stammers, "I-In my defense, I was looking at my phone. And, and from the corner of my eye it looked like you!"

"Oh so you don't even know what your own soulmate looks like?" you tease.

"Shut up," he pouts, crossing his arms defensively against his chest.

You try to unlock his stiff arms so you can weasel your way in. But he remains strong, chanting that you apologize.

"Fine, I'm sorry," you manage through bursts of laughter.

As soon as the laugh fully slips from your parted lips, Jisung tackles you in a bear hug.

"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you," he repeats over and over. The words fill the air with such simplistic ease. As if they didn't weigh three hundred thousand tons.

The butterflies never grow tame, you realize. Of course, neither does the loud pounds of your heart when he's around. With Hyunjin, at least the butterflies would calm down on the occasion. And your heart wouldn't ache when he was gone for too long.

viii.

You enter the party with the comfort of Jisung's hand in yours. Ahead of you, a piñata swings from a branch and children are circling chairs as a polka blares from someone's phone.

"Ah, you came!" Seungmin grins, clapping Jisung's shoulder and offering you a welcoming smile. You hadn't talked much since the night of your nineteenth birthday.

"Here's his present," you pull a small, wrapped box from your purse.

"What is it?" he interrogates, a small purse to his lips as he examines the box.

"Baseball cards. One of them's signed," Jisung jumps in, draping a lazy arm around your shoulder.

"I might have to steal these," Seungmin eyes the light blue wrapping paper. Jokingly, he tries to sneak it into his pocket.

"Who all's here?" Jisung asks, settling the laughter that followed Seungmin's stunt.

"Hyunjin, Minho, and Chan are playing Just Dance with my dad in the living room. A few of Soobin's friends from school are here. They're the only ones who've shown so far."

"Do you wanna go talk with them? I need to talk with Seungmin about something," Jisung glances at you, slowly retracting his arm.

Bobbing your head, you say, "Yeah, of course."

Before entering the home through the open glass door, you glance back at Jisung and Seungmin. They're boisterously laughing, so the conversation must not be too serious.

You feel bad. For these past six months, Jisung spent every waking minute with you. Aside from his games and classes, that is. Today should be good for him, so he can get out and socialize.

As you poke your head into the living room, Hyunjin shouts as he drops the Wii remote, "Has he proposed yet?"

Stifling a laugh, you shake your head.

"Bro, you're ruining our score!" Chan reaches for the fallen controller. Seungmin's dad sits on the couch contently. He cheers on his teammate quietly.

"What the hell is he waiting for?" Hyunjin's eyes widen as he slowly approaches you with his arms crossing his chest.

You shrug. "I'm not sure, but I don't really care that much. Teen love is nice without the whole marriage question."

Seungmin's dad nods his head at that. Without breaking his gaze from the animated figures dancing, he announces, "Don't feel pressured. Seungmin's mother and I waited until she got pregnant with our eldest. Made the wedding photos a bit more special."

As you're about to open your mouth, a girl around your age with a lavender dress enters from the backyard. "Oh, uh, hi."

Your eyebrows jump as you stare down Hyunjin. He shakes his head before holding the girl's gaze. "Are you here for Soobin?"

Based on the stumbled attempts she made to speak, it was pretty clear what was going on.

"Hyunjin, I think you've just found your soulmate," Minho finally pauses the game, glancing back to send teasing heart eyes.

You slip past the scene, back into the noisy yard. Jisung waves you over with a grin. Seungmin stands close, showing him a random meme on his phone.

You quickly cross the yard, declaring with a broad smile, "Hyunjin just met his soulmate."

"What? Who?" Seungmin asks, radically shocked. He didn't expect Hyunjin to ever find his soulmate. Now he owes Jeongin twenty bucks.

"I don't know her name, but she's wearing a lavender dress and her hair is in a braid," you describe.

Seungmin peers behind you, gasping at the girl he sees. "You're actually joking."

"Who is she?"

"My fucking cousin. I don't wanna be related to Hyunjin!" Seungmin cries, stomping his foot and pushing out his lip like a child.

"Just get disowned. It's not that hard. You already dropped out of baseball," Jisung points out, mocking the way Seungmin had sobbed at their last high school game.

The glare Seungmin holds scares even you, though Jisung doesn't seem phased. You had always admired that confident perk of him. Though, one day, you knew it was going to get him killed.

ix.

With his arm wrapped protectively around your waist, Jisung sleeps. The TV hums at low volume. It's the home shopping network, advertising socks that are moisture resistant.

Your thoughts prevent you from slipping into the dream world, though your eyes were aching with tiredness. It's nearly been three years. Hyunjin and his wife have already wed. Even Jeongin married his soulmate. But Jisung still shows no sign of even proposing.

He couldn't be losing interest, could he? People have said that there are glitches in the system. Inaccurate soulmates exist.

The mere thought trembles your body as tears wet your cheeks. The salt stings your skin. It reminds you of the words inking themselves into your skin. Forever, they would taint your wrist. A constant reminder of the boy stirring beside you.

Huskily, Jisung mumbles, "Are you awake?"

"Yeah," you whisper, the tears creating a scratch in your throat. With the pads of your fingers, you quickly swipe at the culprits.

"Why are you shaking? Are you cold?"

You turn in his arms, sniffling. "D-Do you still love me?"

"Why would you even think that? Of course I do," he tightens his grip on you. As if you would turn to dust and slip away. He buries himself in your hair, basking in the sweet smell of your shampoo.

"Then why aren't we progressing? Why haven't you proposed?" your voice cracks as you break out of his hold. You sprout for air, strands of hair sticking to the dampness on your face.

Sighing, Jisung hesitates. "I guess I'm scared."

"Of commitment?"

"Kinda. I'm scared you'll get tired of me. Or annoyed. A lot of people already think that, but the thought of you thinking it is my breaking point," he releases you, sitting up in the bed. He grabs his pillow and hugs it close to him.

You sit up too. Reluctantly, you place your hand on his arm. Tears sting your eyes as you say, "I could never get tired of you. If anything, I'd die wishing I had more time with you."

Jisung drops the pillow, reaching out to hug you. He plays with the ends of your hair and fights tears of his own as he says, "I don't have a ring right now, but I do want to marry you. Beneath all that fear I truly do. Really bad. Will you do me the honors?"

"Ask it properly," you scold, hiding your laugh by burying your face in his neck.

Your breaths tickle his neck as he grins, "Will you marry me?"

"Of course, Mr. Sunshine. I will marry you."

"Sweet," he slips away from the hug, settling back down into the mattress. With his back facing you, he mumbles, "I'm really fucking tired and probably won't remember this in the morning. Remind me about this, will ya?"

You scoff, picking up your pillow and smacking him with it. His laugh fills the room, drowning out the TV and warding the bad thoughts away in a heartbeat. Jisung has that effect. It's like his superpower.

Spending the rest of your life with this...manchild is a blessing. Every conflict you would ever face would be fought with him by your side. A reassuring hand on your back or his arm draped around you to push you. It's weird. But you weren't quite sure if you would ever trade it for the world.

a/n: not my best, but I needed to write something so here it is.

#han jisung #stray kids imagine #stray kids #han jisung imagine #jisung stray kids #jisung imagine #jisung au #bandaigaeru4419 #skz imagines #skz scenarios #skz jisung #skz reactions

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