#this entire fic was technically written in the bathroom i think that's very on brand | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

feminaexlux · 4 years

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Branded

It’s the @lukanette-exchange fic! After a long while it’s here!! @kingsglaivian I hope you enjoy! Also thanks to LBSC and @quickspinner in particular for finding the cool soulmark prompt lol

I am super, super excited to share this with you!

Original prompts: “childhood friends AU, soulmate AU, and an AU of the exchangee's choice.”

∴

It’d been just a few minutes after they first met when she first wrote her name on him.

She had come closer and stared over his shoulder when she saw he’d been drawing something. Was it a drawing? It looked like he had been drawing circles on a bunch of lines. Oh, Maman had showed her how music was written, it was music! “Hi! Are you drawing music?” She had asked cheerfully.

The boy had startled, apparently not having seen Marinette earlier. His pencil had marked across the entire page. “Aah!”

“Oh no!” Marinette whined. “You messed up!”

“Y-you made me do that,” he frowned. “You scared me.”

“Are you drawing music?” Marinette continued asking.

“Oh, yeah, yeah I am,” he said, turning the pencil around and erasing the errant mark. “I think about music all the time.”

“So what does that mean?” she asked, poking at his paper.

“That’s uh… that's…” he thought a bit. “I think that’s D and the next one is F and another D but this one’s higher. It’s a song from a video game.”

“You play video games?! Papa and I play games too!”

They talked back and forth about a bunch of different little things and he completely forgot what he’d been doing. Then it got to the point where Marinette had pulled out one of her markers and started writing her name on his arm. “– and if stays tomorrow it means you found your true love!” Marinette smiled up at the boy she’d been talking to. He looked like he was a few years older. Maybe he was even 10? Maybe he was younger, he looked really kinda small to be 10.

She was at the playground next to her family’s bakery. She’d been running around and playing with a few other kids there, but she saw this one boy sitting by a tree in the shade. He looked like he was alone and Marinette wondered if he’d been bullied. She knew what that was like, even at the tender age of 5. But it was easy to talk to this boy, he was much less Crazy Mean Boy than Kim was. He was more like Nino! And Nino was nice.

“Is that your name?” the boy asked, staring at her neatly written letters. “Marinette?”

“Yeah!”

“So if it stays tomorrow you’re my true love?” He asked, confused. “Mom told me that writing names on other people is bad… But why?”

“Maman and Papa have their names on each other’s arms,” Marinette said. “It’s not bad! Oh but you have to draw over it ‘cause it’s important that you do it,” Marinette added.

“Why?”

“It’s important,” she clarified. It looked like he was going to keep asking why until his mom called out.

“Ay laddie, it’s time to go,” a lady with a long braid said in their general direction. She had a girl on her hip and was walking over to the boy. “Why hello there lass, are ye makin’ friends with me boy?”

“I’m Marinette,” she said up to the lady. She wasn’t Lass, she wanted to say.

Marinette saw the boy quickly pull down his sleeves from his hoodie to hide her name. “Itwasnicetomeetyoubye,” he said quickly, before Marinette could whine about him hiding her name. He ran away to hold onto his mom’s hand. “Let’s go mom,” he continued, pulling his mom away in a slightly embarrassed fashion.

“Don’t ye want to say farewell? We won’t be ashore fer a while son.” Well, she didn’t know at the time he had wanted to run away and hide so the nice new girl wouldn’t be weirded out by his mom like most people were.

“See you tomorrow!” Marinette yelled after him.

She didn’t.

∴

It’d been just a few days after they first met.

Luka scrubbed and scrubbed at the M on his wrist but it wasn’t coming out. He’d scrubbed himself raw at the sink, his flesh feeling tender and his skin close to bleeding. He’d written over the girl’s marker with a pen a few days ago, idly curious if the mark would stay. At least he’d written over just the M, thinking about the nice girl who’d been curious about him.

“Luka?” He heard his mom call out. No, no, no. It wasn’t coming out and his mom would see it and she’d freak out and he’d have to make an excuse or find some of her makeup or something. He’d been told to take off his hoodie by… that man and so he ran back to the bathroom to try to do something about the M on his wrist.

Anarka opened the door. “Luka, my boy what are ye–” Oh no oh no she saw the mark. He put his hands back in the sink and kept scrubbing, starting to cry. “Luka what…” His mom started, initially alarmed and then… and then she came over to hug him.

“Mom what do I do?” He cried. “It’s not coming out!”

“Who'd… no, it doesn’t matter. Luka stop doing that, it’s not going to come out. It doesn’t, lad.” His mom took his hands from the sink and started to dry them. “It stays no matter how hard ye try to get rid o’ it.” She spoke to him with the rare moment of solemnity. “Ye'e been Branded, and there’s nothin we can do about it.”

“I don’t wanna be Branded!” he wailed.

In a quiet, heated hiss Anarka whispered “This is why I told ye to never write names on yerself!” She looked at her son crying and sighed, shaking her head. Luka would realize later she’d been more disappointed in herself that she’d let him get Branded like he did. She thought she warned him, but how could she blame him for something no one ever thought would happen at 7 years old?

Who finds their soulmate at 7?

But it’d be a shackle for the rest of his life. Luka would grow up wondering if this M would ever be part of his life again, whether M would even want to be his partner. If he did find someone else to be his partner, they’d wonder if they’d ever be loved like whoever this M was. “Here,” Anarka sighed. “Ye can’t get rid of that Luka. But ye can cover it. Forget about it now, lad,” she said gently, taking off the wide leather cuff she had on that had covered her own Brand. “This 'ere’s yers now. I’ll get ye all freshened up. Granpa’s waitin for us,” Anarka said, pasting on a fake smile.

Luka hated that man. He was angry and hateful and mean, but Anarka had wanted to see her own Ma again, to have her Ma help guide Anarka in the raising of two children Anarka never originally planned to have. Granma was nice. But Granpa? No. Luka swore to himself he’d never be like Granpa.

His mom put the cuff around Luka’s Brand, looping twice to fit the small wrist better. “All covered up now. Is that fitting, Luka?” He nodded, staring at the “S” on his mom’s wrist.

“Was… that dad?” Luka asked, pointing at the Brand.

Anarka laughed. “It stands for Scotland,” she said lightly. “It stands for the Sea. It’s not yer da, no,” Anarka lied.

∴

It’d been a few weeks since Marinette met Adrien Agreste.

She’d been convinced Adrien was her True Love, and was continually disappointed every morning when his name disappeared off of her arm. “Tikki, it disappeared again,” Marinette sighed.

Tikki shrugged. “Maybe he’s not ready?” The Kwami had seen this before. The Brands were a form of magic that humans had that linked two souls together, signaling that they’d found their soul’s mate. A person would have to write another’s True Name on themselves somewhere, and it would disappear at sunrise if it wasn’t meant to be. Sometimes, though, it depended on if the other person was even capable of loving back. A Brand that had disappeared earlier might “take” later, when the soulmate was ready.

Tikki wasn’t sure if it was a good thing for Marinette that Adrien wasn’t capable of loving Marinette back yet. Maybe Adrien had a different name? The kwami wasn’t going to put forth the suggestion that it might not be Adrien at all. Marinette seemed convinced, and Tikki knew better than to doubt her bearers.

Marinette’s parents proudly wore the names they had on their arms, a very simple “Tom” on Sabine’s wrist and a beautifully formed script of “Sabine” scrawled across Tom’s massive forearm. Of course it simply encouraged Marinette into writing several names on her own arms throughout the years, even if most people found writing names on themselves taboo.

Recently, though, it’d just been Adrien’s.

None of the attempts ever stuck.

“It’ll happen one day!” Tikki said cheerfully. “I believe that you’ll find your soulmate one day. But right now you should get ready for school!”

∴

It’d been a few months after Juleka showed him that the picture curse was broken that he met the girl that’d been able to break it.

“I’m Ma-ma-ma-Marinette!”

He’d laughed a little and it hurt her feelings. Good job, Luka, that was a great first impression. Luckily he was able to apologize and smooth it over.

It tickled him, just a little bit, that he’d met another “M” in his life that he actually ended up liking. He ended up liking her a whole lot, which… ultimately kinda sucked because she’d been interested in someone else. Well, that was alright. He’d been used to the idea that he’d never find “the one” since he technically already had and lost them so many years ago.

But this one? This “M”? She was pretty cool and he found himself more interested than he’d ever been in anyone before.

There’d been one other “M” in his life a couple of years ago before his mom decided to move them all back to France, and Paris in particular. Her name had been Meryl and she was a pretty awesome girl, but she’d been several years older and already in University. She’d still given Luka some attention though, apparently finding it cute that she had a boy doting on her like he did. She was nice and she said he’d look good with some blue in his hair, and it’d been the last thing she said to him before she found herself her own soulmate. It hadn’t been Luka, of course.

He’d gotten into a fight with Granpa over his hair after Luka had dyed it. Juleka joined him by dying her hair purple. Anarka had finally had enough of her and her kids being put down and said she was going to go back “home”. It’d been a hard conversation with Granpa, but after Granma had passed Anarka and her kids had little reason to stick around in their Scottish family house. Anarka’s little wildlings were less little, and Juleka and Luka were both in their tweens to teens, largely old enough to handle themselves now.

Anarka had found some nearly-derelict fishing barge and spent a few weeks with her kids fixing up the ship, making it their new house, and they left Scotland as soon as they could. She sailed the newly christened Liberty back into Parisian waters, claiming the Seine as her new home. She gave a little wink to Luka, a nod to the new “S” in Anarka’s life that her Brand now represented.

It’d been good to see his mom coming back into her old self, the wild, chaotic, free spirit that she’d always been. He was no longer embarrassed of her like he’d been so many years ago. And he had to be honest to himself, the boat wasn’t the first choice he’d make in having a place to come home to, but something about Paris just felt right.

Juleka had been feeling better too. The younger Couffaines had been under their Granpa’s oppressive shadow for too long. And now they were slowly discovering more of themselves over time.

Rose was one of the first friends Juleka had made after coming back to Paris a few years ago, and they were “best friends” since. Today, Juleka showed him a neatly written “Rose” in a flourishing script on the back of her right hand. Juleka apparently hadn’t minded getting the Brand at all. “Marinette did this too,” Juleka smiled. “She’s been drawing names for people who ask. It’s so cool,” Juleka mumbled.

“She’s amazing,” Luka said out loud. Jules gave him a look and even he couldn’t figure out what it meant. “What?”

“She’s got eyes on Adrien, you know.”

“I’ve heard your schemes, I know.”

“I’m on team Adrienette.”

“Alright.”

“She deserves to be happy.”

“Sounds good.”

“It’d be weird if you two dated, anyway.”

“But we’re not dating. She doesn’t seem to notice me.”

Jules frowned at that and grumbled something that sounded to Luka like “she notices and it’s weird.”

He thought to himself, Not where it matters.

∴

It’d been a year since Adrien lost his mother, and Marinette finally said the words “I love you” to him.

Yes, it was a video recording and yes, Felix had apparently gone through and deleted it before Adrien ever got to see it, but she’d done it! She’d done the thing! She could do it again! It had to be easier the second time, right? The second… time.

She couldn’t bring herself to do it. It’d been nearly a full year of her attempting Adrien’s name on her arm, and nothing changed. She’d stayed up and watched it fade out when the sunlight hit it during a few fitful mornings. She wrote his name so often it stopped looking like a word and more like a familiar pattern. Just shapes and no meaning.

Marinette had tried out a few different names over the year as well, just so she’d be certain… in a slightly unsettling way. She kept it discreet, writing on her ankle or in another place easy to cover up in case it was… taking. She’d written “Nathaniel”, once. It disappeared. She’d written “Chat Noir” and nearly sighed in relief (and maybe deep down in slight surprise) when it disappeared. Not that it was his real name anyway.

She’d secretly tried “Nino” once, even though he and Alya had gotten together. It hadn’t stuck. Nino and Alya hadn’t asked for Marinette to write each other’s names down, and maybe… maybe that was actually healthy? Like they didn’t need any external validation in order to really enjoy time spent with each other.

There might have been a lesson in that.

She tried “Kim” and “Wayhem” and “Theo”, even though the last one kinda creeped her out a bit. She tried “Kagami.” Nothing stuck.

There was still one name she hadn’t tried but… but she’d been absolutely terrified of it. Luka had more or less admitted to the world at large that he loved her after he’d gotten akumatized. There’d been genuine affection that was unfiltered, unbiased, uninfluenced by whatever the magic was that made names stay on people. He didn’t seem to mind that she was so, so into Adrien. Even if she wasn’t his soulmate, he’d love her.

S-So she’d be able to do that for Adrien! Yes, that made sense. Yes, that soulmate stuff was all kid fantasy anyway. Even if it was demonstratively real.

But if Adrien found his soulmate and it wasn’t Marinette… what was she supposed to do? Just step out of the way?

∴

It’d been a decade since Marinette and Luka first met except neither remembered that first time when they were young children, even if they’d been in the same place: the park nearby the bakery.

He’d held onto her as she broke down crying about the heartbreak and how tired she was. Luka told her he’d listen and be there and hadn’t lied about any of it. It was why she chose to sit next to him after letting her infatuation go and stepping out of the way for Kagami, watching Adrien and Kagami have their Sweetheart’s ice cream together like it was always meant to be Adrien and Kagami instead of Adrien and Marinette.

Marinette chose to sit next to Luka instead of going home.

She went to bed that night deciding that the whole names and soulmates and True Love thing was just a big huge distraction from what she really needed to focus on, which was getting through school, defeating Hawkmoth, and getting her name out there as an up and coming Fashion Designer!

It lasted all of 3 days until she finally gave into her curiosity and wrote an L in the crook of her left arm before going to bed. She really had meant to write out the rest of his name, but then her phone buzzed and there’d been an akuma alert. She sighed and rolled into action.

Her Lucky Charm gave her a guitar pick. That was a little too on-the-nose, Tikki? Ladybug zipped over to the Liberty, somehow not surprised that Luka was still up and leaning against the Liberty to overlook the Seine, looking cool and thoughtful. Actually, scratch that. He looked a little haggard and worried, and he’d been expecting to see Ladybug. Well, at least it meant she didn’t have to go in and wake him up.

“… you must return the Miraculous after…” Ladybug trailed off, noticing as Luka reached out to take the bracelet that he hadn’t been wearing any of the normal… accessories he chose to wear most of the time, most notably the leather cuff he usually had on. Something bothered her and she caught his hand before he touched the bracelet. She turned his right hand over and looked at the pen mark on his wrist. “Is that an M or an E?”

Luka pulled back his hand immediately, embarrassed. “An… M,” he said reluctantly.

Then Ladybug remembered it’d been incredibly rude of her to ask. “Oh, I’m so sorry I-I shouldn’t have done that.”

“It's… been 10 years since I got that, I don’t even remember much about it,” he shrugged.

Ladybug smiled, biting back a sudden urge to scream, and offered Luka the snake Miraculous again. “If you agree… I’d like your help, Luka.”

Ladybug, Chat Noir, and Viperion were able to save the night and have everyone able to go to bed on time. She picked the Miraculous back up from Viperion, who seemed to be confused the akuma victim wasn’t who he’d expected it to be. “Anything wrong, Luka?”

“No… no, I’m glad I was able to help. I’m okay,” he said, clearly still a bit frazzled. Ladybug furrowed her eyebrows at him and he eventually sighed. “I guess I’m worried about a… friend. She’d been going through a lot so I’d been… I’d been waiting to see if she’d either call me or… or God, I don’t know,” he laughed, a little bit in disbelief. “I almost thought she’d been akumatized tonight. I’m so glad it wasn’t her. But it kinda makes me feel like crap for even thinking that.”

“It’s kind to be worried about your friend. W-Which friend by the way?” Ladybug asked. “I could pay her a visit if you’d like?”

“I don’t know if she’d appreciate that, actually,” he sighed. “She can kill me later if she wants, but yeah it’d be great if you’d check up on her. It’s Marinette Dupain-Cheng.”

Instead of being worried that Luka was worried over her, she asked “Is she your M?” Ladybug got blindsided by her own question, but she only felt the impact and implication after she asked it. “Oh no, no, I’m so sorry I’ve been so rude.”

He blew out a breath. “I wish,” he mumbled. “I don’t know,” he said, his tiredness making him slightly more obvious about being miserable. “I guess I could know for sure by writing out her name.” That was said like he had been convinced it’d disappear…

“I’m pretty good at writing out names. If you want I could write… the rest of her name out on your arm?” Ladybug offered impulsively.

“… Sure,” he agreed. He watched her as she grabbed a nearby marker and wrote out Marinette on his arm. “Wow, that… looks pretty dead on to her signature.”

“Pfft,” Ladybug laughed. “That’d be the worst identity reveal ever. Marinette’s signed a few things for me too, I’ll have you know.”

“You might have a future in crime with your forging skills if you ever decide to stop being a hero,” Luka chuckled.

“I’ll stick to saving Paris, don’t worry,” Ladybug giggled. “You do have to write over it yourself if you want it to stay. I mean… if she is… you know…”

Luka nodded. “I know. Probably a long shot. Thanks,” he said.

“I’ll check up on her. Thank you for caring, Luka,” Ladybug smiled. “And you know, I’ve got a good feeling about this one,” she said quietly, biting her lip while tapping his arm. “I’ll be off. Have a good night, 'Bug out!”

Ladybug landed in her bed and detransformed. Tikki floated back to her little nesting spot while the kwami watched Marinette pull out her phone.

hey luka just got a visit from LB! thanks for thinking of me

Marinette looked down into the crook of her arm, grabbing a marker and filling out the rest of Luka’s name. She’d recognized that M on his arm.

Had it really been 10 years when she first met him? It was kind of funny that she didn’t remember until now. He hadn’t given his name back then but she remembered the disappointment the next day when her new friend didn’t show.

Had it really been a whole year of writing… the wrong name on herself?

It’d been months since Luka told her she’d been the melody in his head. Months.

And she had spent a week in heartbreak over the wrong boy.

It’d just been a few days since she decided she was going to let Adrien go. And she found her soulmate after that? How lucky was she? Marinette looked up at the sleeping Tikki and squinted suspiciously. Maybe she was Lucky™, except that she had apparently met Luka when she was 5.

Marinette stared at her phone, watching the minutes go by. She wasn’t going to be able to sleep tonight.

The sun rose after an agonizingly boring time of rolling back and forth in her bed, too excited to go to sleep but too tired to do anything productive. She kept checking the name on her arm and it’d still been there all throughout the night, but now at first light… she was… scared. She closed her eyes and covered her head with her pillow, half dreading what she’d see if she looked down at her left arm where she wrote his name.

“It’ll be there,” she said to herself, feeling more certain of that than anything. The warmth of sunlight hit her left arm. She lifted the pillow off of her face but kept her eyes closed. Slowly she opened one eye.

His name was still there. “It’s you,” she whispered, feeling the tears fall from her eyes.

She launched herself out of bed, turning into a little hurricane of activity. She threw her jacket on and ran downstairs, kissing her Maman and Papa on the cheek and telling them she’d be out for a while. They’d been too surprised to see her up at the crack of dawn to complain much, just insisting that she take her phone with her and that she wear proper shoes.

She ran down to the subway entrance and guessed the nearest station where Liberty would be moored, taking the subway train there. She emerged from an entrance about 10 minutes later, ignoring the confused looks the other commuters shot her since she’d been a mess of pigtails and pajamas. She ran toward the Liberty, climbed up and leapt over the railing onto the ship when she saw that the gangplank wasn’t extended.

“Marinette!” she heard Luka’s alarmed shout. She knew he’d be up. She knew it! He ran over to her. “What the heck–” He’d been wearing a different hoodie, a long sleeved one that covered up both his arms. She frowned at him, noticing the dark circles under his eyes.

“You’re up early,” she said.

“S-So are you! And you’re-you’re here? What’s wrong?” His voice had dropped from a high pitched panic to his deeper, concerned tone in the span of two words.

She took off her jacket and extended her left arm. She saw him flush but start pulling up his hoodie from the hem, taking it off and tossing it aside. He turned his right palm up to show her the name written across his forearm.

Their names had stayed. He breathed out. “Did Ladyb–” She cut him off, her hands on either side of his face to pull him down, planting a kiss on his lips. They pulled back a second after, looking at one another in surprise.

“It’s you,” she said, resting her forehead against his shoulder. To be honest she’d been embarrassed that she’d just kissed him in the disheveled state she was in, having left to see him as soon as she got out of bed, but she felt giddy and… right.

He pulled her in, wrapping his arms around her to hug her tight. “And… it’s you.”

#marinette dupain cheng #luka couffaine #lukanette endgame #soulmarks #fxl fic #lukanette exchange 2020 #lukanette #endgame lukanette

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thing-you-do-with-that-thing · 7 years

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Her Last Goodbye

Characters: Jensen Ackles, Y/N Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Misha Collins, Jensen and Y/N’s families mentioned.

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Warnings: Character death - aside from that I will list the warnings in the tags since I don’t want to give anything away.

Word Count: 2300ish

A/N: Hey guys welcome to SPN Angst Appreciation Day 2017 - I hope y’all are ready to cry. As one of your hosts I thought it was my duty to do my best to make sure you go to bed with puffy eyes tonight so I am posting 3 brand new one shots in honor of this day. This is number 3.

It is also written for @impalaimagining Angst Challenge - My prompt was Kodaline’s All I Want.

Thanks a billion to my sassy lil sis @mysupernaturalfics for betaing angst for me

***My fics are not to be saved nor posted on any other sites without my express written permission.***

Jensen closed the door after practically having had to shove Jared through it. Being his best friend, he hadn’t wanted to leave. Jared didn’t like Jensen being alone, but damn he needed it. All Jensen could think about while the house was buzzing around him was to be alone. He didn’t feel a damn thing when people walked up to him, offering their condolences. The last time the house was this full stuck on his mind.

Jensen had rolled his eyes at her, offering up one expensive venue after another. He wanted her to have it all, but Y/N had refused. She wanted them to get married at the small church they went to every Sunday when he was at home and she wanted the reception to be at home. Finally Jensen had caved and Y/N had, had the wedding her way. Off course she had been right. It had been perfect, small and intimate. It had fit them better than the extravagant wedding Jensen had wanted to give her.

Jensen didn’t see the darkly dressed people in his living room. Not really anyway. He saw her and the way she spun around the floor dancing and laughing with everyone from his dad, her dad, his brother to Jared and Misha. Jensen loved watching her from afar and he had done so from the longest of times until he finally made his way across the floor, when the music changed to a slower tune, laying a gentle hand on Misha’s arm.

“Can I cut in?” Jensen asked and Misha instantly nodded, giving his friend a tight hug before leaving the floor.

“I thought you’d forgotten about me,” Y/N teased as Jensen pulled her close, slowly swaying to the music and Jensen tenderly pressed his lips against hers. He loved how perfectly she fit in his arms and the way she would always lean into his touch. He smiled down at her, and his heart almost stopped. She was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen. Y/N was practically glowing as she looked up at him. He couldn’t remember ever seeing her this happy and in that moment he vowed he would do everything within his power to keep her like this forever.

“I could never forget about you,” he promised, making her face light up in the brightest of smiles before he made her squeal with laughter as he spun her around the room, dipping her to the floor and kissing her again.

“I could never forget about you,” those words rung over and over in Jensen’s head as soon as the door closed behind Jared. For the first time in a week, he was truly alone. The past few days someone had stayed over. If not his mom, then Y/N’s, McKenzie or Jared. It was as if everyone had agreed never to leave him alone and it had taken Jensen almost screaming at his best friend to leave him now, when it was all over.

The silence was deafening now and he almost tore the door back open, screaming for Jared to come back, but he couldn’t. This was something he was going to have to go through. He took a deep breath before walking through the house that seemed to be filled with bad memories now.

The living room where she had dropped a vase out of the blue for no reason for the first time, the kitchen where she had cut herself and screamed at him she needed to be able to atleast do some things on her own, when he had tried to help her, the bathroom where she had fallen in the shower and Jensen had to lift her off the floor and carry her back to bed, only a few weeks ago. The bedroom where he had held her as she cried after that incident and the first time she had expressed to him a wish to leave this world on her own terms. It had scared the shit out of him and he had refused to talk about it. Something he had regretted every moment for the past week. If he had only listened to her that night, maybe she would still be here. Maybe he wouldn’t have found her lifeless in their bed with the open bottle of pills on the night table. Maybe at the very least he could have been with her, she wouldn’t have had to go on her own.

The blame and guilt had been overwhelming over the past few days and it had been all he had been able to focus on. Had he just listened, taken her serious. Told her that he wanted her and loved her. Told her that no matter what was going to happen he would never leave her, he would always be there for her, loving her every step of the way. Had he just spoken up, maybe his wife would still be alive and waiting for him in their bed.

Jensen felt his legs give out from under him as he reached their bedroom, his knees hitting their the floor as the room came into vision. The bed was big and empty, but he could still see her lying there. He could still remember how cold she had felt when he had clung to her, screaming out her name, begging for her to come back. Begging for her not to leave him. He gasped for air, struggling to breath properly as he tried replace that memory with a happy one in his mind, but even than hurt.

Y/N squealed when Jensen pulled her back in bed, instantly rolling over her and pinning her beneath him as his lips trailed down her neck.

“Jay!! I am meeting with Mac and Gen in a few hours,” she laughed, struggling halfheartedly beneath him.

“You’re newly wed. You’re allowed to be late,” Jensen teased, hating that the honeymoon had ended. They hadn’t been back home for more than a few days and he already missed staying in bed with her all day. Their friends and family wanted to see tham and all Jensen wanted was to be with her. Touching, kissing, talking. He wanted her to never leave his arms, but Y/N had other plans.

He had always been completely under her spell. Even as friends when they were both seeing other people, there had never been anything he wouldn’t do for her. She had always been his first priority even if it had taken him years and failed relationships to realize that. He still remembered the surprised look on her face when he had finally grown the balls to ask her out, he still remembered how nervous he had been the entire day before picking her up. The first kiss and how everything seemed to fall into place as their lips met. She had given herself to him that night and from that moment on he had never let her go. Dating had turned into engagement. Engagement to marriage and Jensen had never been happier than he was holding her, kissing her, touching her. She was his entire would and he was happy to let the outside fade away for a few more days, staying hidden away from reality with her in his arms.

Jensen growled when she finally managed to slip out from under him, but his annoyance was sort lasted. Y/N didn’t bother to get dressed, instead her hips swayed as she showed off her soft, very naked body to him, turning around in the bathroom door, crooking her finger at him and Jensen was out of bed so fast his head was spinning.

Jensen would never have that again. He would never feel her soft, warm body moving beneath him. He would never wake up in the middle of the night, feeling happy and content as she snuggled closer to him in her sleep, practically lying on top of him. He had never loved anyone the way that he loved her. She had been his best friend and the love of his life. They had wanted a family together, a dream that had been shattered instantly when the doctor’s had made their diagnoses. ALS. Y/N didn’t have more than a few years left and even if a baby was technically possible, Y/N had refused. She didn’t wanna leave her kid without a mom and Jensen had respected her wishes. All he wanted was her after all and he had never stopped looking for a treatment. He had never stopped talking to doctors all over the world fighting to find some miracle cure, he deep down knew didn’t exist.

Y/N had wanted to live as normal as possible and she didn’t take about the disease much. Jensen brought her with him to Vancouver to shoot as often as possible and Y/N gave him that, knowing it was his way of spending as much of the time they had left together. He had no doubt in his mind this was eating at her as much as it was him. She lost everything she had ever wanted or dreamed about with one doctor’s appointment. A doctor’s appointment Jensen had forced her to go to in the first place, because even though she had always been clumsy she falling and the bruises were getting out of hand.

She had been quiet for a few days after, before announcing to him that she was still her. Telling him not to tell anyone before they had too and she didn’t want him to change around her. Jensen hadn’t. He had done everything the way she had wanted too. Not telling their families and friends for the first 6 months. He had struggled to pretend as if it was nothing every time she got hurt because she would get angry when he didn’t. He knew that she was struggling and he had tried the best he could to make it as easy as possible on her. He loved her and being there for her from day to day, had made him forget the fear of losing her. Most of the time anyway. The days he spent in Vancouver without her was literal hell. Not because he was afraid she would get hurt and him not being there, because Gen had promised to stay with her as much as possible and when she couldn’t Jensen knew she would arrange with Mac or Y/N’s mom to drop by. It was his mind. Being without her, reminded him of how it was going to be soon and still nothing had prepared him for what he felt in the moment she was actually gone.

It wasn’t the disease that had taken her from her. She had left him. If she had really loved him how could she have done that? Jensen felt the anger bubble in his veins as he screamed out for her into the empty bedroom. He screamed, missing the person he had been with her. She had brought out the best in him. Something he would never see again. She had been his everything and now she was gone. She had left him alone and Jensen wanted nothing more than to have her back. He hated her for not staying, for not fighting and at the same time he understood. He understood how much she had been struggling. Struggles that was on him. He should have been able to make it easier for her. He should have made her want to fight, to keep going, to stay with him.

Jensen had no idea how long he had been kneeling on the floor before he finally got up, dragging himself to the big, cold, empty bed. Placing himself on her side, breathing in the scent of her shampoo and perfume still lingering in the sheets, before slowly opening the night stand. He pulled out the letter he had been hiding. The letter he still hadn’t read. Tears streamed down his face as he unfolded the page, seeing her troubled handwriting.

Jensen… I know this is going to hurt you, and I am sorry. But no matter how this happens it will hurt you. I don’t want you having to clean and bath me. I don’t want you to become my caregiver. I love you and I want you to remember me the way that I was.

This is me setting us both free Jensen. My body is betraying me and it is starting to feel like a prison. I know how much you want a family and you will. You will find a girl who sees what I see. She will love you and she will give you children. You will be happy again Jay. I am so sorry, I couldn’t be the one to give you any of it. I am so sorry our love was cut short, but just know I will always love you and I will wait for you. Just take your time getting here okay? Live a long, happy life for me.

Forever yours.

Y/N.

Tears streamed down his face as he read her last goodbye. He read the letter over and over, before he curled up into a ball, wishing he could feel her wrapped around him again one last time. Wishing he could hear her voice or kiss her goodnight. Wishing he could tell her he didn’t want anybody but her and no matter how it ended he didn’t regret a single moment spend with her.

Jensen Tag Team

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