not to be in my early 20s but i feel like i’m going insane. i’m not making enough money, there will never be enough money. i feel out of control but the only ways to exert control are to get a piercing, a tattoo, cut my hair, dye my hair, or buy something. i want to change my wardrobe but i have no money. i don’t need to be throwing all of my clothes away. i want to be a minimalist. i can only find myself through having stuff. nothing i do matters. i am constantly under surveillance. i am behind on my book goal but i have never stopped reading. life is going too fast and too slow. nothing feels enough. everything is too much. nothing feels like it matches my desired gender presentation but everything feels So Much