#this belongs on fabric in official merch | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hanazou · 3 years

Text

𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙨𝙩𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙙𝙖𝙯𝙖𝙞.

— first date, first confession, first kiss, first ‘i love you’, first time unwrapping his bandages, and first time doing the deed.

Genre : Fluff, romance, angst, NSFW. All the good stuff

Caution : NSFW, mentions of suicide (apparently)

Note : mich mich! baby! My muffin! I was super happy to see you in my inbox ;-; I finished this so quick LOL Anyways, there was a lot to unpack here! Dazai is a complicated character to write, this is a combination of character analysis and headcanons, my favourite. I hope I didn’t disappoint you!

Please enjoy this, bubba! (reposted because i’m a boomer who doesn’t understand tumblr tags)

𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲 ;

» This depends on what you would define as a ‘date’, actually! If by date you mean any private time together, then your first date would be when you both are assigned to something job related, and it’s going to be mischievous.

» Dazai would be so suggestive yet playful during the trip, since it’s just the two of you. He’d talk to you as if you’re his official lover; he fluently compliments every inch of you without feeling cheesy at all (it takes talent and experience to do this)

» He takes your hand to his lips like a western medieval suitor greeting his beloved

» It's very hard to resist his charms. Dazai never plays a game he’s not sure of winning.

» But you have to know, he’s not toying with you, not in the way meant to break your heart. This is just his way of having fun with you. And if during his job-related trip he happens to already have some ‘feelings’ for you, his mischief will kick it up a notch. He’s trying to see if you’re just fun to mess with or if you hold a special spot in his heart.

» Your headache will also double. Dazai would voice his suicidal jokes out loud just to see your reaction. He enjoys seeing the changes around your eyes.

“If I use my coat’s sleeve as a noose to hang from that tree, which will break first? The fabric, the branch, or my neck?”

You breathe in a groan. “My patience.”

“Oh! Are you going to strangle me?” His eyes sparkle. “Please be gentle, I’m a fragile man.”

» When it comes to having a romantic activity together, it will be both cute and silly. He could take you to places where he swooned every woman he hooked up with, but he doesn’t want you to be compared to them. Hence, he’ll be innovative.

» He’ll ask Atsushi; “Where do you think is the most romantic place to go with your lover?”

» And also ask Kunikida. “Kunikida-kun, if you weren’t so lonely and single, where would you go on a date?”

» After being smacked on the head, Dazai will combine both their opposite opinions and take you there. The polar opposites will confuse you, but this way, he's giving you the best of both worlds. It also aligns with his goal to make your first date with him memorable, since the odd combination is almost impossible to forget. He wants his presence to be ingrained in your memory.

» Dazai offers to buy you every single merch he sees on the street. It will range from cute, sweet, romantic, to stupidly random.

» Cat balloons? Muffins? Tacky shirts? Secondhand books? A spatula on sale? A bouquet? Origami? A pet hamster? A hammer? A radio?

“Tell me whatever your heart desires, and it shall be yours!”

» Will not hesitate to get into pda (assuming you’re alright with it). He wants to let everyone know he’s yours, that he finally has someone to cherish and belong to. He’s not a lone soul anymore. Doing pda makes him feel validated

𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 ;

» CEO of mixed signals. It will be so frustrating at first, but trust me. It will be worth it.

» Confessions wouldn’t be straightforward. They (plural here) will be small pieces of information; the small moments of his vulnerability, hidden in the most random moments. It will eventually build up for a single moment.

» If you want to date him, he has to feel attached. (Since this is the keyword with Dazai, I’ll be mentioning this word a lot)

» The droplets of confession can drip down during the most random timing, like when Kunikida just finished chokeholding him.

» “Gosh, if I died just now, I wouldn’t have the chance to say goodbye to you!” He complains to you, walking back to his desk while rubbing his neck.

“Why would you need to say goodbye to me?” Your expression twists. Is he playing games again? He has been giving mixed signals these days...

“I don’t know,” He sits down and fires an ambiguous smile. “You tell me.”

You didn’t answer. How were you supposed to respond to that?

» It’s a long (and tiring) process that requires time and patience. You have to wait until his tiny droplets of transparency and attachment fill the whole bucket of affection that has to be spilled out or else it will crack.

» The prolonged yearning is both deliberate and undeliberate from Dazai’s side. He knows he’s beating around the bush with your feelings and his own because of two simple reasons:

» One. He wants to see whether you really accept him in his worst or not.

» Two, and also the undeliberate side; he’s still scared of opening up. The slash on his heart doesn’t sting anymore, but the large dent will never close. The only time he was vulnerable, things didn’t end up well (I’m not going to talk more about you-know-what. This is a taboo for me)

» Not to mention he has to figure out whether you’re just a rebound or someone he really values.

» He’ll realize it’s the latter, so he’ll proceed. If you’re just a rebound, why would he fear hurting you? The process of ‘properly’ courting you will be slow, steady, and sure.

» He’s having another double suicide joke again, but there’s an addition that makes your eyes pop out.

» “If I have to be frank,” He props his hand behind his head like a pillow. “I don’t want to have a double suicide with you.”

You look at him as if the sun pops out during midnight. Is that an insult? Is he saying you’re not worth having double suicide with? Is that his way of pushing you away?

Dazai gives you an all knowing side look complete with a grin. “You must be thinking, ‘Am I not worth having double suicide with?’ right? I may not know my place saying this, but you ought to raise that self confidence.”

» That was another piece of his confession. When else does Dazai try to boost up someone’s ego? Never. You’re the exception.

» Finally, finally, when Dazai does confess, the confession wouldn’t be a cliché “I love you”. It will be way sweeter. More special, more private. The words coming out of his lips will be something that only you can understand.

» The confession won’t be a one-sided speech. He doesn’t want to monopolize the special moment by being the only one speaking. It will be an intimate conversation. He will talk, and you will talk. It’s a mutual confession, Dazai doesn’t want to leave you in the dark nor does he want to be confused with his own feelings.

» Everything between you both has to be clear until he speaks the final, and the most important part;

“Am I worth your acceptance?”

» At this point, it doesn’t matter how you say ‘yes’. A nod will do, a hug will do, a kiss will do, crying will do (but make sure to clarify you’re not stressed or pressured).

𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗸𝗶𝘀𝘀 ;

» This man is a pro to get you to stand on your toes for more. Your first kiss will be cute rather than passionate. Save that heat for later.

» The game will start with him teasing you, ‘motivating’’ you to be more active to actually get more since it’s usually him doing the first moves. It’s a long-term plan of consistent teases and jokes, but the results are guaranteed.

» It’s also his way of confirming whether you really want him or not.

» He wants you to seal the deal. Where’s the fun in making him do all the work, right? It’s a relationship, not a one sided crush. He works his way on you, and you on him.

» Dazai will not hesitate to use his cunning observation habits to know what kind of gesture makes you want more.

» He’s into those childish acts of pretending there’s something near your lips just to brush his thumb over your lip.

“Oh, lookie here. There’s some ice cream on your lip,” He says, his thumb staying on your lip for unnecessarily too long.

» When you secretly touch the spot where he touched when he’s looking away, he’ll stifle his snicker.

» Here’s a teaser; Dazai would be less teasing if you’d kiss his cheek first.

» One day, when you’re asking him for a favour, he’d take that chance.

“Hm, maybe I’ll help, but it comes with a price~”

He crouches down a bit so you can reach, leaning his head sideways to you to show off his cheek.

You’re not dense. You take the hint, and slightly standing on your toes, you peck him on the cheek.

“There,” You huff. “Will you help me now?”

This sneaky bastard. He’ll turn away, whistling, “Suddenly I’m lazy! Try again, and maybe I’ll be convinced.”

» You won’t be the only one giving pecks on the cheeks though. Dazai will kiss you on the cheek too, but they will be your surprises. He’d sneak behind you, tap your shoulder, and when you turn the other way, he reappears on the other side with a kiss.

» Sometimes they’d be rewards too if you did something that unintentionally makes him happy

» After the mutual kisses pile up, only then Dazai kicks it up a notch. It’d be in a playful manner, too.

» “My lips are freezing,” He whines, eyeing you with an anticipating smile. “Will you warm them up for me? Only you can do it.”

» His eyes are closed, and although his lips are ready for you, that grin can’t be hidden.

» He’d crouch down a bit for you, but you also have to make the effort of reaching upwards more to finally kiss him for real.

» During the kiss, Dazai’s hands will go to your hips, lift you off your feet a little to give a little help, just enough for your toes to graze the ground.

“That certainly hit the spot,” He smiles at you. "Quite daring today, aren't we?"

𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 '𝗶 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂' ;

» Dazai doesn’t say his first “I love you” as an independent statement by itself.

» It will be a part of whatever solemn, loving, and tender sentence he says to you. That doesn’t mean it loses its momentum though.

» It will be when you find him alone, holding a bottle of sake, drinking his sorrows away despite the smile he has when he welcomes you to sit next to him. He’s not easily drunk, but the alcohol will loosen the lock around his heart a bit.

» If you ask simple questions, he’ll answer them faster with less nonsense than usual.

» Simple yet deep questions will undo the chains.

“Aren’t you tired?”

» The answers will be technical rather than emotional at first, but the more you ask with those concerned eyes, the more drunk he gets. Not in alcohol, but by his emotions and you.

» You notice the eventual loss of focus in his eyes. His mind is travelling back to the past, gutting him up from the inside.

“I told Atsushi-kun that self pity makes one’s life miserable,” Dazai mutters. “Truthfully, those words came from experience.”

He shifts nearer to you, leaning his head sideways to rest on your shoulder. “But ever since I love you, I’ve never found the need to pity myself, you’re always there when I turn around.”

» I recommend you to verbally return the “I love you”. You can say it just as it is, or say it in a way he did it, it doesn’t matter. He needs reassurance.

» Smooth down his hair as you tell him you love him too.

𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝘂𝗻𝘄𝗿𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗯𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗴𝗲𝘀 ;

» If you want to unwrap his bandages, it will only happen after you officiate things with him. It can never be the other way around. You have to earn his trust, and there are many levels to reach the top.

» Think of it like playing a game with lots of level ups.(If you can’t level up from this stage, there won’t be any intimate ‘dirty business’)

» You have to be the one offering to change his dressing. He will shy away from it (as in changing the topic) at first, it will take some time until he eventually agrees.

» When you both sit down on his messy futon, legs crossed, facing each other, make sure the situation is quiet and serene. Close the windows, shut the door. Absolutely no distraction, so it will be done in the evening or later.

» When you unwrap the bandages, whatever scar you see, no matter how big, how nasty, how fresh, do not say “I’m sorry”. Dazai doesn’t want you to say that, because it sounds as if you’re the one to blame for his suffering.

» Verbally and physically assure him that you will always be by his side. Never give him the benefit of the doubt that you’ll someday leave him like others did, but don’t be too overly sappy.

» Touch his scars, kiss them. If you have to express your love, say it in a low volume to keep the atmosphere calm.

» Dazai likes it when you have to move behind him to wrap the bandages around his body and neck. He feels most taken care of, pampered, when you kneel behind him.

» He appreciates the way you carefully wrap the new bandages so gently, especially around the wrists.

Dazai lightly chuckles, the sound soft compared to his usual misfits. “Don’t you have such soft hands?”

You hum, eyes still on his wrist as you wrap the bandage. “They’ll always be here for you to call them soft.”

𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 '𝗱𝗲𝗲𝗱' ;

[NSFW for the rest of the post]

» Contrary to the popular belief, Dazai’s first time with you wouldn’t just be steamy. The kinky nicknames like “master” come after your first time, don’t expect spanking, punishments, or insults (yet)

» Dazai having sex with you will be different than the ones he has with many others (sorry, but it’s canon he’s a womanizer), because doing it with you isn’t only driven by lust or the need of release, there’s also affection. Attachment.

» It will be fast paced, filled with body worship and lovely nicknames like “my love” and “darling”.

» Lots, and lots of hickeys. He tries to control himself during the first few, but the lower he goes and the more vocal you get, the darker and bigger the bruises.

» Dazai tops you and takes the lead, obviously (and is very good with it), but he asks for permission during the first half, every. Single. Time.

» He wants to kiss? He’ll ask first.

» He wants to shove his tongue in? He’ll ask (as if his lips hadn’t made yours swollen).

» He wants to unbutton (actually rip off) your shirt? He’ll ask.

» Take off your underwear? He’ll ask.

» “For the last time, Dazai,” You try to sound patient despite the arousal already pounding your head. “I want you, so just do it.”

» Despite the gentleness and goody goodies, it’s a little sad how he’s always asking for your permission or expecting you to stop him.

“Are you sure you’re not asking me to go?”

» Sure, the frequent asking is partly because he wants to be sure you’re not just going with his lead (and because he likes edging, but ssh), but he’s also waiting for the rejection.

» (But another reason is because his wilder side wants to hear you beg. He wants to hear the validation, and it comes with a sweet and kinky package)

» (If he sees you rubbing your thighs while patiently telling him that you want him already, he’ll make that smirk.)

» The rejection will never come anyways, the doors to your heart are always open (and so are your legs)

» His aggressive side will break out if you cry “Osamu” instead of “Dazai”, and I’m talking about his Port Mafia Executive side he tries to throw away.

» So yeah, if you do it, things will get a lot more heated.

» He will double the pace if you cry. He bruises you at this point. He loves to see you writhing under him. It encourages him.

» King of edging.

» “Aren’t you a cute little desperate thing?” He coos, brushing the tears off your cheek. “Tell me, who do you want?”

“You, Dazai, you!” You choke out. You’re already twitching between your legs.

“I can’t hear you, you have to be louder.”

“I want you, Osamu! Please, please!”

» And there goes your legs for the rest of the week.

» Dazai apologizes during the aftercare and be extra sweet and romantic during it. He wants to make up for the roughness.

📜; like what you read? visit my bookshop!

#dazai x reader #dazai x y/n #dazai x you #dazai #dazai headcanon #dazai headcanons #dazai osamu #dazai osamu x reader #osamu dazai #osamu dazai x reader #dazai imagine #bsd incorrect quotes #bungou stray dogs imagine #dazai fluff #bungou stray dogs #bsd hc #bsd hcs #bsd fluff #[📜] — book checkout.

1K notes · View notes

all-my-elegies-eulogize-me · 3 years

Text

hi! <3

and oops! sorry i haven’t posted in a while - taylor swift has just been VERY active (with the release of fearless - taylor’s version etc) and i’ve been indulging heavily in that haha.

mr perfectly fine has a CHOKEHOLD on me right now i swear - 🎶 HELLO MR PERFECTLY FI-INE, HOW’S YOUR HEART AFTER BREAKING MI-INE 🎶

i’ve also watched taylor’s documentary ‘miss americana’ on netflix twice in the past week along with a rewatch of the reputation stadium tour for good measure!!! i love the documentary and stadium tour soooo much (i can’t believe i didn’t get a chance to see the reputation tour live but being able to rewatch it again and again on netflix almost makes up for it!!!!)

i can’t afford any taylor swift merch right now but i do have some fabric pens and a plain white t shirt and so am SERIOUSLY considering making the ICONIC ‘you belong with me’ t-shirt!!!!!!!! ONE DAY i will buy some official taylor swift merch though!!!

i am so very overwhelmed with taylor swift content right now but i’m loving it - and i love watching other people’s reactions to taylor swift content on youtube too - i mean seriously i’ve watched like 5 other people on youtube react to ‘miss americana’ and have watched COUNTLESS people react to the albums and live performances - what can i say? it just brings me happiness.

OOOO also taylor calling olivia rodrigo and conan gray her children was the cherry on top of the whole week (i mean !!!!!!!!!!!!!!) - i really got lucky having those three be some of my faves!!!!

anyways,

that was my little catch up but i’ll make a proper post soon!!!! (not that anyone is reading these haha)

- cherry 🍒

@taylorswift @taylornation

#taylorswiftfan #taylor swift #taylorswift13 #swifties #swiftie #taylor #taylor nation #taylornation #i love you taylor #taylorsversion #fearless #evermore #folklore #fan #olivia rodrigo #conangray

0 notes

ramajmedia · 5 years

Text

The Ultimate Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse Gift Guide

In 2018, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse was released. This computer-animated movie is about Miles Morales, who teams up with Spider-Men from different dimensions in order to save New York. The animation, story, humor and soundtrack were all recognized in positive ways, which is why this gift guide exists.

Those who enjoyed the movie, who are fans of Spider-Man in general and who are already looking forward to a sequel story can turn to these clothes, decorations, books, toys and other pieces of merch. They are all inspired by this flick and are all sure to please any fan out there!

10 Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

Amazon

Of course, owning the movie is a must. There are lots of shows and films that are centered around Spider-Man, but this is like no other. The style of it all, the main character (a teenager from Brooklyn), the other versions of this superhero…

It is something that fans of the genre have to see and own, and it opens up new possibilities for more animation like this. So if a birthday, milestone, holiday or celebration is coming up soon, keep Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse in mind when shopping, as it is a unique and incredible piece of entertainment.

9 Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse Soundtrack

Amazon

Another refreshing and amazing thing about this flick is the soundtrack. The setting and tone allow for some really cool songs by artists such as DJ Khalil, Lil Wayne, Ty Dolla $ign, Shaboozey, Nicki Minaj and Black Caviar.

And there is a hit song that is quite special to this story, which is also included on this soundtrack: “Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee. plus, many people who have never even seen this movie right here or who are not even into superhero stories at all would still enjoy owning this CD.

8 Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse Titan Hero Series Mile Morales

Amazon

This 12-inch version of Miles Morales is a neat toy for young fans to play with and/or a marvelous piece of memorabilia for older fans to display. The details are a nod to the artistry of Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse, and as a Titan hero figure, it gets better:

The Titan hero power FX pack can be connected, in order to activate sounds and phrases from the movie! So this isn’t just some ordinary action figure… It is one that a fan of this character sort of has to own!

7 Spider-Man Into The Spiderverse T-Shirt

Amazon

Tees are thoughtful presents to think about when shopping, too, as they show off particular passions to the world and can be worn by anyone at any time and anywhere. This shirt right here is 100 percent cotton, an officially licensed product and made of soft fabric that features a tagless collar. The main attraction, though, is the graffiti-style Spider-Man logo.

Those who have seen this film know how important this art style is to the story, and this graphic is located on the front and on the back of this T-shirt, for double the fun.

6 Watercolor Spiderman Into The Spiderverse Poster Prints

Amazon

Three of the characters from Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse are seen on this post-prints: Miles Morales, Peter Parker and Gwen. Yes, this is a set of three different 8x10 pieces, which are created with high-quality inks and papers. Imagine these hanging in a superhero-themed bedroom, in a game room above a movie collection, in a home office that belongs to a comic book fan or in a dorm room that needed just the right pop of color and coolness.

There are many ways that these could work, as lots of fans would enjoy hanging these watercolor prints up.

5 Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse - The Art of the Movie

Amazon

The film itself is loved, but many people would surely like to learn more about how it was created. That is where the next suggested item on this gift guide here, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse - The Art of the Movie, comes into play.

This book is full of concept art, storyboards, commentary and sketches that show how Phil Lord and Christopher Miller gave the world this hit. Behind-the-scenes books like this are always appreciated by fans since they deliver even more goodness and information and make great additions to existing collections of memorabilia.

4 Spiderman Into The Spider Verse Hoodie

Amazon

A hoodie that is inspired by Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse can be worn in everyday situations, it can be worn when dressing up for, say, Halloween, a themed party or a comic convention. This one has bright printing and graphics that won’t fade, as it is laser-printed on the front and back. There is also a drawstring hood, and there are two pockets, which all provide some extra room and warmth.

Yes, this jacket is very awesome and would look great on a variety of people who are into this movie and this hero!

3 Funko Pop Miles Morales Spider-Man Collectible Figure

Amazon

This list wouldn’t be complete without a Funko Pop action figure… This replica of Miles Morales, the main character in this flick, is a smart buy. Kids play with these figurines, pretending like they are fighting off the bad guys.

And adults collect these pieces of merchandise as a way to show off their love for the genre even more. There are tons and tons of Funko figures that exist, but one based around this new Spider-Man (and, more specifically, that is based around Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse) is something that a true fan would appreciate receiving.

2 Spider-Man Into the Spider-Verse Gwen T-Shirt

Amazon

An additional tee to consider getting is this one that is all about Gwen! Everyone loves a leading lady, and she was arguably one of the best parts of this movie. As an official piece of Marvel merchandise, this shirt is made out of a lightweight jersey fabric that offers up a slim fit.

It comes in sizes for men, women and youth, and it is available in black, navy, purple and baby blue. There are many options and many reasons to love a T-shirt that focuses solely on Gwendolyn "Gwen" Stacy, who was voiced by actress Hailee Steinfeld.

1 Spiderman Into The Spiderverse Movie Poster Prints

Amazon

Gwen wasn’t the only awesome new face in this film, though… As seen with these six prints, there were several characters to love here, such as Miles Morales, Peter Parker, Spider-Ham, Peni Parker and Spider-Man Noir.

Everyone is used to the “normal” version of Spidey, but seeing these alternate heroes was fresh. That being said, fans can hang up these 8x10 prints (in any room and in any space) in order to celebrate this story, this art, this genre and this superhero some more.

NEXT: Minecraft Gifts You Need To Have

We hope you like the items we recommend! Comic Book Resources has affiliate partnerships, so we receive a share of the revenue from your purchase. This won’t affect the price you pay and helps us offer the best product recommendations.

source https://screenrant.com/spider-man-spider-verse-gift-guide/

#screenrant

1 note · View note

idolizerp · 5 years

Photo

LOADING INFORMATION ON HEAVEN’S MAIN DANCE RYU EUNBI...

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: Evie CURRENT AGE: 26 DEBUT AGE: 18 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 15 COMPANY: 99 SECONDARY SKILL: Fashion design

IDOL PROFILE

NICKNAME(S): lemonie (due to her alleged lemon obsession), eve (due to the close proximity of her stage and group name with religious themes), peitho (in english, name of the goddess that personified persuasion and seduction, much like herown image). INSPIRATION: claims to be inspired by company seniors, as well as her parents’ work ethic. SPECIAL TALENTS:

speed dancing: has good choreographic memory, can accurately perform a variety of routines in different styles and at increased levels of speed.

physical flexibility: resulting from dedicated practice (especially in acro dance), she likes to impress with gymnastic manoeuvres such as front/side splits, and backbends.

NOTABLE FACTS:

has a reported IQ of 145

sang in a youth choir at a local church before joining 99 entertainment

has an eye for fashion, designed much of her own streetwear during heaven’s debut era

avid lemonade lover; fans often bring her lemonade beverages and lemon-themed accessories.

IDOL GOALS

SHORT-TERM GOALS:

within the next six to twelve months, while continuing to solidify her place in the fashion industry through various program and brand appearances, eunbi would like to focus on branding herself as a serious and well-seasoned dancer, despite being from a group whose choreography routines aren’t the most complex. if possible, and in attempt to generate additional buzz, she’d like to assist with heaven’s choreography, revert the public’s attention from the fact that her solo did poorly. she’s especially interested in having people see multiple sides of her through dance, rather than just 99′s fabricated version of her. in this way, not only would she continue to hone her dancing skills, but she’d effectively prove that such capabilities make her something more than just the member of heaven who flopped.

LONG-TERM GOALS:

in the long run, eunbi wishes to revel in levels of fame only graced by some of the legendary seniors before her. despite previous setbacks, she still wishes to have a successful solo career somehow, and avoid being forgotten during the eventual fall of third generation girl groups. however, bearing in mind the reality of the situation, eunbi also hopes to achieve a prominent position in the fashion world. well into the future, she’d like to manage her own multi-national luxury fashion conglomerate and have it see success in both domestic and international territory. the ability to showcase and model her own designs would be ideal, as to not resort to faceless background work. in addition, due to eunbi’s unwavering passion for dance, she’d like to continue honing and utilizing her skills. this could potentially be as a choreographer for the company, but as with other aspects of her career, eunbi wishes for her work to be highly publicized. she enjoys recognition.

IDOL IMAGE

following heaven’s formation, eunbi was presented to the public as the rosy-cheeked babe of heaven, the timid girl next door. evie, they’d called her. and evie was a riveting combination, a sultry mix of soft and sexy, and a poster girl when it came to tried-and-true summer styles. as a result, 99 marketed her in a manner meant to be appealing, but never to the extremes. she was to be balanced instead– innocence and cuteness, desire and allure.

as the years progressed and evie blossomed further into womanhood, however, she became the owner of a figure well-praised. her long legs and slender frame steadily rose to attention on forums, and netizens commented over again and again about the silhouette of her curves beneath loose clothing, her suggestive acts and how she was teasingly aware of them.

with more exposure and attention came more confidence and pride, more insight towards the power of her sexuality. evie eventually developed a tempting gaze, a perpetual desire to test the waters and perform brazen movements for the stage. she made it a point to leave people wanting more, more, more. she was the girl next door, after all, forever and always ideal and desirable. but older now. wiser, too. more sure of herself. she’d transformed into the summer IT girl, a coquettish beach doll that could fascinate a room with even the most banal of activities.

the general public loved to ogle at evie, loved to watch as she took a sip of water or climbed immaculately out of a pool. something about her was classically beautiful, captivating.

and she was theirs for the viewing, entirely; their sensual and soft toy; their gratifying object, available for consumption at the press of the button. she belonged to them, and for the sake of her career, eunbi adhered to the position. she yielded without complaint to the image her company had crafted for her, surrendered bits and pieces of herself until she was nothing but a shell of her former self.

the new version of her was perfect and polished, eyes dull, but spirit keen. she worked like a robot, making each decision through a strictly calculative mindset. she was always thinking, planning, plotting. life was about maintaining connections, to her. seeking opportunities.

if i move like this, will it encourage views? if i smile a little wider, would merch sales improve? if i was honest about my thoughts, how would people react?

as far as eunbi knew, there were always systematically correct choices to make, always the smartest decisions to propel her forward in the industry.

she’d thought it to be a curse, disguised as a blessing, but 99 continued to eat it up anyway. they regarded her ambition, her desirability, as something to generate profit from. and though she sometimes hated it, she allowed it, because the truth was like this: somewhere within the mental chaos and the management of her porcelain perfection, she’d achieved something.

she’d mastered the art of being ryu eunbi, and she held onto that dearly.

IDOL HISTORY

from a young age, her parents had demonstrated their strong drives, their unwavering ability to work hard. she watched, day by day, as they lost themselves to untouchable dreams, she listened and learned as they prioritized work over family. and it was okay, then. “you work so hard!,” friends and family would comment to her mother. strong work ethic, everyone thought. their behavior was inspiring, they were chasing their dreams. and perhaps that really was the case. her parents had been passionate about their respective careers, and through frequent absences, they’d instilled their daughter with the same excessive values. by five, she already knew work to be the number one focus in her life. her mother kept busy as a neurosurgeon, her father slept nights in his recording studio. as a result, eunbi was usually tossed off to the hands of a church, their choir program becoming an integral part of her after-school routine.

✦✦✦

eunbi was fourteen when her parents announced their divorce.

her response came in the form of a wayward tongue, bouts of rebellious behavior with a cold glare to match. though she insisted that she didn’t care, that she’d seen it coming, the school counselor suggested otherwise. “it’s not uncommon for children to display behavioral issues after divorce,” he’d said in a meeting with her mother once. her father, as usual, hadn’t been able to make it. he’d made up some lie, concocted a story about the recording studio and an unfinished track. as it’d been revealed later, however, in the later years, it wasn’t music that so often distracted him from the family he had at home. his interest gradually faded with the dawning realization that his career could never be helped, and instead, he sought comfort in other places. other women, other homes, as if the original hadn’t been sufficient enough for him. and eunbi’s backwards response to the truth of it left her mother with no choice but to give her an ultimatum.

focus on her studies (read: keep out of trouble), or face being exiled to a school abroad.

exasperated, but never allowing anger to cloud her logic, eunbi easily chose the former. in a questionable amount of time, she’d left behind the underage parties and drinking, switched it out for after-school study rooms and dance studios instead. when her head wasn’t dipped far into a book, brain crammed with formulas and facts, eunbi would dance; it’d become her way to distress, and she was a natural, indeed; her body a mere instrument in its ability to project movement so clearly and efficiently.

after a year of discovering her new hobby, it’d been announced through fliers on walls that 99 entertainment was in search of new trainees. more than fear of missing out, eunbi’s desire to participate was born out of a love, a thirst, for competition. of course, she enjoyed the idea of celebrity life too, the riches and fame and attention and gifts. but competition, it motivated her even more, always fueling her drive to be the best. and when the time arrived, when rumors of an upcoming girl group began swirling around company buildings, eunbi knew she needed to prove herself. she knew just how to do it, too; set herself apart from the remaining group of aspirants; excel in the areas that they simply could not. for her? that was dance. she focused consistently on perfecting her technique, working herself to exhaustion, day and night, on far too frequent of a basis. but it all paid off in the long run, those arduous routines, immoderate perseverance.

upper officials thought her to be a perfect addition to the group they had envisioned, and just like that, she was added to the lineup of their new girlgroup: HEAVEN.

✦✦✦

when heaven made their official debut in 2010, eunbi was far too young then to know better. eighteen, naive as possible, idol life never seemed like something that could constitute as a problem. instead all she saw was the cameras, the flashing lights, the television screens that were responsible for the pretentious display of her group. and it’d been fascinating, initially. distracting, a breath of fresh air from her toxic home life, her mother’s growing alcohol habit. it was a rush to film the music videos, a rush to perform on stages and be pampered with the likes of stylists or makeup artists. as time went on though, eunbi’s happiness slowly diminished. she grew unhappy with heaven as a group, the image 99 had curated for them. she’d never been a fan in the first place, but now she was tired, disturbed even, by the recycled concepts and corny songs that failed to represent her. she wanted more, felt desire burning in the pit of her stomach, this need to demonstrate that she was more than just a background member in the group. she had the potential to be a grand soloist; the ambitious drive and creative mind; the sharp singing skills, even sharper dancing skills.

when the company allowed her to try her hand at solo music, eunbi thought, genuinely, that it would all work out in her favor. she’d taken advice from company executives, went with what they considered “safely sexy” but public friendly. it didn’t matter that, as usual, the sound and style didn’t align with her personal tastes. she cared about having the song be well-received, having a catchy hit to blow up the airwaves. what she’d gotten though, turned out to be quite the opposite. 99 had failed in its venture to properly promote her, and the public had been no better either, failing her as well when they refused to react the way she had hoped for. rather than praising or hyping her up, the song became the subject of minor controversy, with many people criticizing it for its provocative choreography and “cheap, lazy” feel. in turn, it suffered from mediocre sales and lowly-placed positions on music charts.

evie the soloist simply wasn’t profitable enough.

✦✦✦

there were many intolerable aspects about working as an entertainer; taxing work schedules, outré speculation. the strict image constraints and lackluster concepts that’d been played out one, two, three times too many. despite everything though, heaven remained at the center of eunbi’s universe, forever and always her treasure. the fact that her solo career hadn’t worked out only solidified the idea – she was nothing without the group, nothing if she couldn’t stand tall and proud as heaven’s evie. since the release of the debut track, and all of its glorious aftermath, longevity became one of her main goals and continues to be so in present day. aside from personal endeavors in both fashion and dance, eunbi found it necessary to maintain the group’s relevancy, often working with her parent’s zeal to ensure their good standing. she feared the impending waves of new groups, the threat they posed to her position, to her group’s. and it was true, perhaps, that she needed to let go. heaven was going to disband eventually, she couldn’t cling onto them forever. but she wasn’t ready yet. heaven had become too big of a thing in her life, the life vest that’d kept her from drowning. until she successfully found an alternative, a path as equally as fulfilling, she refused to stop.

#id.bio #id.99 #id.heaven #id.lee sunmi

0 notes