#theyve fucking ruined me and have the gall to say they love me no matter what
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vent, suicide ment in tags. I'm safe rn I'm just in a bad mental place rn because of a conversation with my parents.
#im crying so hard i feel like i cant breathe#i hate my fucking parents#theyve fucking ruined me and have the gall to say they love me no matter what#and that theyve always been proud of me#what a fucking lie#youve made me feel like a worthless piece of shit and an embarrasment my whole FUCKING LIFE#you made me want to kill myself SINCE I WAS A LITTLE KID#fuck you!!!!! just because you went through worse as a child doesnt mean you get to tell me im overemotional and dramatic#and that i just need to leave it in the past#YOU MADE ME LIVE THROUGH PURW FUCKING HELL FOR 18 FUCKING YEARSSSS#you made me feel like i deserved to die because i was a waste of time and space#I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED WHAT I HAVE NOT VECAUSE YOU DID A GREAT JOB AS PARENTS#BUT BECAUSE I HAVE SCRAPED AND CLAWRD AND DONE EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO SURVIVE AND GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM YOU#i wanna puke. they really believe themselves when they say i 'never tried' and always put in the 'bare minimum'#while i was so depressed and anxious i couldnt eat or sleep#and attempted suicide every month or so for 7 YE A R S#i STILL want to fucking kill myself!!!!!!! every day i think about taking all the pills in my medicine cabinet and washing it down w booze#i cant own a gun because i know ill probably blow my brains out#and they just dont believe me. nobody fucking believes me when i tell them how much fucking pain and anguish im in.#they tell me they should have beaten me more as a child!!!! that maybe then i wouldve fucking acted right#i wish my dad would have just fucking killed me back then just so theyd have to fucking deal with the consequences and i could finally rest#i remember seeing the nails jutting through the wall he slammed me into and being disappointed they didnt go right through my fucking head#all the horrible fucking things they have said and done to me#i wish i could make them feel even a fractuon of my fucking pain and suffering and self self hatred#you all have no fucking clue how deep the fucking trauma goes. the things ive heard and seen and been through#the things ive done to myself#i remember one of the happiest moments of my whole life- i had just taken every pill in the house i could stand. i washed it down with soda#and i remember smiling so wide. the pain was finally gonna be over! i was finally gonna be able to escape and rest#i was so happy nd excited and relieved. my parents wouldnt terrorize me anymore. its not like i was ever going to be anything but a failure
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