#they can’t burn us all | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

towards-toramunda · 6 months

Text

Hey do you ever think about Orym being a self proclaimed romantic who is “super lonely all the time, especially at night” and how guilty he feels about wanting romantic connection because he still loves his husband, and sees Will’s face every night before going to bed, but he’s starting to realize his deeper attraction to Ashton as something real and realize his pining for Dorian as something he shouldn’t ignore, but he was supposed to be with Will and he’s come to terms with Will dying, but sometimes it hurts so much, and yes he wants romantic connection and he’s so lonely, but he still hasn’t gotten revenge for Will’s death, and he may die soon so why pursue anything if he’s gonna be with Will again in the afterlife, BUT he may die soon and why hold off on admitting how he feels when he knows that despite losing Will the time they had was real good and he wouldn’t trade it for anything, and what if he doesn’t die what if it all turns out okay and maybe he now really has a reason to want and hope for not just *the* future, but HIS future because that future could include Dorian or Ashton and is it bad to not want to be with Will sooner or is it better to want to live and be with someone who cares for him because thats what Will would want and he wants romantic connection and he is so lonely all the time, especially at night, and what if I started chewing the drywall huh?

#Hello My Brain Is Only Thinking Orym Thoughts #Liam can’t just drop that Orym is super lonely all the time especially at night and expect any of us to be normal about it #critical role #cr spoilers #orym of the air ashari #this is your chance to get a peak into my craziness #ashrym #dorym #again I’m not much of a dorym girlie pop #BUT #I see the vision #and if Robbie comes back for a long time and can give me the good good slow burn I desire? what then am I to do but agree #but I’m still on my ashrym bull shit #I’m so deep in my ashrym bullshit my passive perception is 48 #a forehead kiss and loneliness admission makes me lose my gd mind #I admit that this is excessive but blame the adhd hyperfixation I am just along for the ride

227 notes · View notes

mvffinhamster · 1 month

Text

ttrpgs fuck you up

everyone says “try out dnd”, including me but dude believe me, dnd fucks you up, ttrpgs fuck you up

there’s this person in your head and you can only scream about them to the other five idiots with their own little guys in their heads

and sometimes you can’t even scream at them because first you have to reveal the backstory you came up with and you don’t want to do that immediately

ttrpgs fuck you up because they make you daydream about your little guy and what happened with them AND YOU CAN’T STOP THE THOUGHTS

try out dnd (or any other ttrpg), they say… but what they don’t say is that it’s all emotional damage

and the worst part of it is that you enjoy every fucking minute of that emotional damage

ttrpgs fuck you up.

#last night’s vtm session was a fucking rollercoaster #i can’t stop thinking about it #we started with a tattooing session andit was absolutely cute because the npc was a sweetheart and my character got a tattoo #a little line art #based on her pet rats #and then shit hit the fucking fan #we owed an npc and she asked us to investigate why her runner guy haven’t got back yet #he was supposed to get back with the fugitives hours before #and shit really hit the fan when we got to the meeting point #the guy was dead #the fugitives too #they were fucking massacred #and the runner guy was burned to final death #and my character saw them die in a vision #and the vision was like a fucking epilepsy attack #because i had to roll a rouse check and it was a fail #which meant that cassandra (my character) was bleeding from her hand and feet and forehead because she’s a fucking stigmata #and then the other roll was a messy critical #she saw the whole thing in all red #and then one of the hunters who killed the three of them throw a fucking molotov cocktail on us #one of us almost died #we fought him and i drained him so he died #my humanity level haven’t changed but the thought that cass killed a guy was there #and then the secret kindred radio announced simon’s death because he was also a malkavian the host played a song for his sister #cry little sister by chvrches #i cried and i’m still thinking about it and crying a little because it really fucked me up #vampire the masquerade #vtm #san antonio by night #i am not okay

12 notes · View notes

chandralia · 2 years

Text

“SO BASICALLY THIS KID GETS HIS POWERS BY SAVING HIS CHILDHOOD FRIEND AND FORMS A COMPLEX RIVALRY WITH HIM DESPITE THEIR BAD HISTORY WHICH LEADS THEM TO CONSTANTLY STRIVE TO OUT-DO EACH OTHER IN THE PRESTIGIOUS HERO SCHOOL BUT THEIR OBSESSION WITH THE OTHER NARRATIVELY COMES OFF AS ROMANTIC SINCE THEIR DYNAMIC HAS AN OVERWHELMING AMOUNT OF PARALLELS TO OTHER CANON COUPLES THROUGHOUT HISTORY AND—“

#resisting the urge to tell people I just met that Hori drew them as Godzilla and Mothra who are canonly the King and Queen of the Monsters #that the tarot cards for vol 33 have bkdk standing in The Lovers position #that Deku’s favorite meal is katsudon.. like KATSUKI’S NAME #and that their eyes are complementary colors #Toga’s words of ‘You wanna be the person you love’ when Ochako is asking ‘what would Deku do?’#ONLY FOR DEKU TO ASK ‘WHAT WOULD KACCHAN DO?’ and constantly mimic him #that the 2nd User used ‘hokan’ when saying ‘The one who can complete Midoriya Izuku now is…’ THEN BAKUGO APPEARING IN THE SKY LIKE AN ANGEL #those official rings that have quotes from characters saying things to Deku but DEKU’S RINGS are something said to Bakugo only #’You looked like you needed saving’ and ‘I spent my life chasing after you’#that Deku said ‘I can’t imagine a world in which Kacchan doesn’t exist’ in a light novel #and Deku KNOWING Bakugo had a fever just by how he acted and checked by touching his forehead-#only for Bakugo to angrily check DEKU’S forehead later with ‘You’re burning up too idiot’ IN THE TENT FROM ANOTHER LIGHT NOVEL #AND THE FACT THAT couples in mha LOOK LIKE bkdk… Bakugo’s parents resemble them- Shindo and his GF look identical to them-#Toga and Ochako have the sharp eyes/round eyes thing too !!#the fantasy au ending song was WRITTEN for them as said by LiSA herself #‘I imagined what it would be like if Izuku were singing his honest feelings to Katsuki. This is a song dedicated to Katsuki from Izuku’#and in all the official art from Hori for that au Deku and Bakugo are wielding the same sword from All Might broken right down the middle #*out of breath* there’s a million more but bkdk are always shown side-by-side drawn as equals two halves of the same whole #’win to save save to win’ you know???#I’ve said this already but this story started with them and it will END with them #bkdk #dkbk #bakudeku #dekubaku #:’)

353 notes · View notes

mattodore · 18 days

Text

tagged by @agena87 in this couple picrew <3 actually did this on the 14th when nene sent me a link to it but i posted it on the sideblog instead sooo here we are now with mattodore anddd the werewolves :)

not sure if anyone else is interested in doing this but @omgkayplays @rottengurlz @lucidicer @stinkrascal feel like y’all might like it 🚬

#river dipping #theodore doe #matthias evanoff #a burning house to live in #echthroi #alessandria zeferino #delphi sol #blur into you #nicholas xiao #dionte duval #be the thing that buries me #lykos #LET THE RECORD SHOW !!! that dionte and nicholas are basically the same height but you can’t adjust heights in this so. shrugs #there’s only like a 2cm difference but oh well #i tried making imani and romeo but the noses were all wrong for imani and none of the hairstyles looked right for either of them #romeo especially… all the short hairstyles were the wrong texture #there were no waves for dionte either so i just used the locks that were similar to that last hair i put him in #didn’t put facial hair on dionte either bc his shape wasn’t there </3

13 notes · View notes

def-not-kaz-brekker · 9 months

Text

*Me when I was young and naive, being a gryffindor and holding a Harry Potter book and waving my wand that lit up when I shook it*: omg I love jk Rowling so much I wanna be like her when ur grow up—

*Me now, gay and trans, opening ao3 to read another wolfstar fanfic on my phone after reading “the sun and the star” and another kanej fic, being a slytherin even tho on the test it said ravenclaw, smirking deviously*: oh she-who-must-not-be-named would hate me so much

36 notes · View notes

fkmt-promotional-stuff · 11 months

Text

Once again thinking about this terrible little kaiji phone screen cover that overlayed kaiji and the kaiji logo on your phone screen at all times like a permanent watermark in case you wanted the hypothetical experience of a phone produced by one of those shady free anime sites.

It’s a privacy cover that prevents people on either side of you from seeing that you’ve made this decision.

No clue when it was released since there’s little info online, but it’s seen in listings alongside other merch with minimal online coverage that lead me to the conclusion they were likely sold physically in stores around the time of the animes release

#this is the only image I have of it in action #but there’s so many listings of it still in box #can’t imagine why no one used it #kaiji #fkmt #side note my old posts were like well researched but this is like top of my head #I’ve just got all this info burned into my brain now

38 notes · View notes

willowfey · 10 months

Text

starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal

#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept #i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them #if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens #i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it #i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut #it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair #my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking #if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back #if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off #ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal #but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends #i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens #and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too #since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out #i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now #now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that #i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill #in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it #my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes #sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know???#but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested #i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore #i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world

39 notes · View notes

xbraveheartx · 5 months

Text

The increase of AI “art” and “creations” I’ve seen on this site is so gross. Already blocked a few people. Because if they made one thing with AI, what makes you so sure they didn’t use it for other things?

I don’t care if you claim to have done your own drawing, or voice work, written your own fic, or strictly used photoshop for an edit. You’re now labeled the AI user in my eyes, especially when you don’t TAG IT and ADMIT to having used it in the DOZENS of other “creations” you posted and claim to have made.

Self care is blocking these accounts on sight when AI use is found.

#Sorry just rambling. I’ve seen some people sharing AI stuff and it makes me cringe so hard #Like it’s not anyone’s fault that people can’t tell. I’m not blaming the people for sharing. I’m blaming the posters #for not being transparent. It’s so gross. The deception and pretending for notes.#Oh you posted a fic?? What bot did you use to write it out for you buddy? Huh?#Gross. Just gross gross gross. Hate AI with a burning passion.#As someone who puts hours and days into art and writing and edits and gets CRUMBS of notes in comparison to AI nonsense.#Just so stupid. It’s all so absolutely stupid. Fuck AI ✨

16 notes · View notes

drygrasses · 2 months

Text

🔇-

#I need to sleep #I need to be in my own home #I’m so unsettled I’m stuck and I never do anything I want to be doing #there’s something to do that I don’t want to do and I don’t do it and I don’t do anything #and I’m tired already and I’m just going to be tired forever #if I do do something it’s all I do until my body gives out #executive function machine is broke but it’s always broken like this is a McDonald’s that never has soft serve #idk I know I can just survive but that’s all I’ve been doing for years and it doesn’t mean anything #get to the next day yes and that is valuable but will it ever mean anything #I don’t have the energy to find out #because each day is worn so thin #stretched out #too little butter on too much toast or whatever Bilbo said #idk it’s hard to put to words bc it’s not like I’m busy #it’s not like I have more to do than other people #but it costs me so much #and it never feels satisfying #even when I’m finally doing it I’m always doing it at the wrong time #always the wrong time #no one has this much time to burn #I’m worried I’m killing myself with this but I can’t even feel it #I just need to get moving but even if I do it will be the wrong time #I have the time but I shouldn’t use it like this it’s wrong so I don’t have the time #don’t trust your brain in the middle of the night kids #it’s not a good one #for the priv

4 notes · View notes

camgoloud · 6 months

Text

i simply feel that if you burn shit in your roommate’s skillet you should then feel the obligation to be the one who scrapes it out and cleans up

#sometimes i think about the fact that i’m literally the only person who’s cleaned the kitchen in this place for the entire year and a half #i’ve lived here and i get. a little pissed off #i’ve tried being polite and bringing up the problem without explicitly pointing fingers by leaving cleaning products (which i bought)#out on the counters and sending a text in the group chat like ‘hey! 😊 i got these wipes for us! i think that all of us could #use these a little more often so that the kitchen doesn’t get so gross!’ but it seems that everyone either has no sense of shame or just #genuinely doesn’t mind living in filth for the periods between the marathon cleaning sessions i do every few weekends when i have the time #one of the guys who lives downstairs will just walk right by me cleaning up on his way to the fridge and pretend he can’t see me #which is still better than the other one (the one who just burned shit in my skillet) who once saw me cleaning and asked if he could help #and when i got all pleased and asked if he could maybe take the trash out for me while i was cleaning counters (a small and simple task!#when he’d literally asked me if there was anything he could do!) he visibly deflated. said ‘well i’m not really around here much [so it’s #not my trash in there etc.]’ and wandered off. without doing anything #like. HELLO???? you could have just been like the other guy and pretended you didn’t see me doing all the work if this was how you were #going to be about it #but i guess he wanted to feel good about himself having offered/expected me to just say ‘oh no thanks i love being your housekeeper 😊’#tbh i really need to be more assertive and be like ‘hey guys i’m sick of this’ and maybe. bring up the Sexism of it all. because.#you know. the whole situation feels pretty gendered #was complaining about all this to an irl friend the other day and she said i should start a chore chart but i don’t want to be responsible #for maintaining the chore chart either! take on the mental load of managing the housework and also turning into Resident Bitch for asking #men to do things for me. you know. there is simply no way out here #there is another woman who lives here as well but unfortunately i don’t think she’ll be much help in forcing the issue because. she doesn’t #clean shit either!#actually in the days since she moved in the shower drain in our bathroom has become horrendously clogged which. well. i mean not to point #fingers but one of us has got about two inches of hair and the other has got a foot and a half. so #i also simply feel that if you clog a drain you should be the one to unclog it but i’ll probably do that as well #sorry for the massive tag rant by the way i really shouldn’t make myself out to be some kind of martyr because i’m not particularly neat #myself but…. ooooh god if the bar isn’t all the way down in hell #anyway i just did a whole bunch of dishes but i left that one skillet to soak passive-aggressively overnight #i don’t think the aggression will come across though because i think he genuinely won’t even pay attention to the fact that it’s still #dirty and i’ll end up being the one to clean it tomorrow #caseyposting

9 notes · View notes

deus-ex-mona · 7 months

Text

youtube

it’s that time of week again…

#and M A N today’s getsuyoubi was extra yuuutsu #first i dropped 2 cup things filled with water. cool. a mess was made. nice.#t h e n my workstation shook by itself and one of the cup things toppled down again. only it was filled with (diluted) acid this time!!!!#i wish it fell onto me bc at l e a s t my bad day would’ve ended with just an acid burn instead of getting worse #bc *then* we found out that we were near-out of [insert reagent here] that we need to run blanks for [test thing] yay!!!!! joy!!!!!!!!!#so we had to use a substitute solvent (sadge)#if only it ended there aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #i left work on time -> waited forever for the delayed bus -> decided to get some coffee or sth as a pick me up t h e n…#the coffee place happened to run out of single bags so i decided to put it into my bag instead (mistake)…#…a n d dropped my phone while trying to prop the stupid drink upright so it wouldn’t spill.#unfortunately for me though... some rando picked up my phone some time within the 30s-1 min wherein i realised that my phone was gone…#…and took it home with him instead of handing it to the customer service counter at the nearby train stations. ha.#called my phone a couple of times with the phone from a customer service counter but he~~ didn’t~~ pick up~~~~~~~~~#and so. long story short. i had to leave the house an extra time to go to this guy’s place to pick up my bb (read: my phone)#bc the dude~~~ can’t~~~~ speak~~~ english~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ so he didn’t understand me when i told him my location~~~~~~~#and now it’s almost 8.30 in the pm. im waiting for the delayed bus to go home from wherever tf i am now. and i haven’t eaten all day :))))#(aside from a small cake thing but it’s negligible tbh)#aND HOLY FK I HATE THIS I FLAGGED DOWN THE BUS BUT IT SKIPPED THE STOP HELP ME I JUST WANNA GO HOME #.am i allowed to cry yet. i. just. i just wanna eat my dinner.#…come to think of it my drink ended up spilling in my bag while i was hunting for my phone. so. there’s that to clean up ig.#ughhhhhhhhh i wish that guy had just left my phone where he found it. s o b s #so yeah. if you read this i hope you had a good monday at least…#this truly is my ✨t r a g i c c o m e d y✨

9 notes · View notes

yogurtlid10000 · 8 months

Text

collection of old unfinished link arts-except the tp link one, that’s new-THAT ARE SO FIRE TBH ‼️‼️🎉 how did I conjure this up last year what was I ON😕 yippe

I love how it’s a different facial structure every time. 😞

Tomatoes

LA la la La I’d like to draw Cyclonus next but also I Magnus cuz I missed his birthday ( secretly Magnus is my favorite transformers charcater )

#Jusssst kidding perceptor and brainstorm are forever my favorite but I feel like Magnus is under apprecaited #Fantastic shoulder man!#Anywaaaaaay er I did the whole yiga quest thing in totk (I’m so behind) and that’s why I felt like posting Zelda idk #Zelda #totk #legend of zelda #linkus #u burned your FUCKING ARM OFFF???#if oot link chopped off his ears don’t u think he’d look like edward elric from his anime fullmetal alchemist brotherhood?#if ed put on some elf ears istg he could cosplay oot link #oot link #OOT LINK YIPPPEEEEEEEE #I love saying that out loud “oot” oot oot oot like ooooot #😨the bidding for the perceptor figure I wanted ended and now I can’t get it I’m so sad #eeebeebeee I can’t believe the fandom I’ve been in the longest is transformers (I realized that today) idk why I’m saying all of this in ta #Bro when I was like 5 or 6 I used to PLAY transformers with some neighborhood kids and and #And I was bumblebee I ROLE PLAYED BUMBLEBEE heeehee #It was super fun! Or at least what I remember… and there was this big book with all the transformers and I’d look at the #OK IM DONE good bye I hope no one read allat #JESUS CHRIsT i wrote too much in the tags #I hope the neighborhood kids I played with never find this.

18 notes · View notes

exopelagic · 7 days

Text

I need to go to bed I’m just gonna shout a lil

#ice hockey needs to chill the fuck out #I had such a good night tonight!! was ssosososossososososo happy #but afterwards people started shouting in the group chat #and they all have very valid reasons for being angry but my god the us vs them mentality is STRONG #I am concerned abt how much people want to escalate things and how quickly they’re moving to do that #I am aware I am a doormat and a people pleaser or whatever but #I mean for one this is a tense political situation and we don’t wanna burn bridges #(there is no real politics i am being dramatic to be clear)#two clubs. alike in dignity. in fair Verona where we lay our scene #and I am personally managing at least 4 fragile egos that are all highly volatile #as well as an internal divide that’s threatening to cause problems very soon #I also should not be part of this anymore! and yet.#also why are specifically men who play team sports so dramatic when you get them all together #like that’s a whole shitstorm that is so easy to set off #anyway with my club I can’t blame the committee for being dramatic (different way to what I just said they’re not the same people)#bc I sure as fuck was overdramatic which fed into other people ramping up BUT that normally snapped me the fuck out of it #so I tempered the worst of it yknow. but I don’t think this new committee has that #/is not willing to listen to the person who would play that role #anyway if people don’t play nice it’s going to start some actual shit which will be deeply unpleasant for everyone #particularly the people who are in both clubs and do not deserve this bc they’ll be getting it from both sides and theyve done nothing wrong #anyway! bedtime now <3 I’m just frustrated bc the person who maybe would’ve calmed everyone down is out of commission #and I should not and am not willing to have the power to tell people to stop even though I probably still could #it’s whatever. sleep #luke.txt

2 notes · View notes

oglegoggle · 3 months

Text

Went to nonbinary support group earlier this evening. A fun and silly question was asked, “What’s your non-traditional gender?”. The person asking described their gender as some cigarette butts floating in a gross puddle, another person describing themself as a cigarette butt with lipstick stains on it, my love described themself as a bunny rabbit, and when it came around for me to answer I said I’m a dirty hippy. The person asking then spent ten minutes going off on me about how #problematic hippy culture is, ignoring multiple bids from me to say yeah there are things wrong with it I know full well but they did not relent, eventually remarking that punks look mean but are actually nice and hippies look nice but are actually mean and telling me my gender is pretty much folk punk anyway?? My love stopped the convo by asking the others in the group who didn’t get a chance to answer to do so but the vibe was not great after. This is such a strange and petty encounter but something about it still rubbed me the wrong way in such a way that continues to linger in my mind. What the fuck?

#this is goggles #me sitting there in my purple tie dye breezy skirt and multiple pieces of ☮️ jewelry #😐#like comrade I know full well that hippy culture is rife with weird appropriation #but there’s a certain irony about derailing a group discussion to tell me all the reasons why my aesthetic is shit #and then turn around and say people of your aesthetic are nice and mine aren’t???#like I know full well that the people around this community really don’t like hippies #I’m certain in part because of a specific hippy who used to go to these support group meetings until they started threatening people #but like holy fuck?????#second time somebody who frequents queer hangouts has been fucking weird to me about being a hippy #I miss my burning man friends #I miss being a dirty hippy with other dirty hippies #they are…. a lot different while still being just as gnc #more open towards older folks and more masc presentation of gender fuckery #It’s always been hard for me to integrate with social groups #but the burning man community is one I immediately fit into with absolute love and belonging #I won’t pretend it’s perfect by any means but it is forgiving with imperfection #I miss it I haven’t been to a Burn in a couple of years now #I want to go get fucked up in the woods with a bunch of weirdos and artists again #I want to go back to the farm where I work up in Washington already #I can’t sleep and I wish I were back in my cozy little van #I wish I had the comfort of being somewhere I feel like I belong again #I hate city living so much

4 notes · View notes

kazzyboy · 9 months

Text

I have a love-hate relationship with going on tiktok for cod content because most people either see Ghost as a sex god or a toxic, unhealthy, abusive creep/a heartless war criminal. Or both

He is literally just some guy

#given a majority of those people I bet are still in high school #still #he’s not a bad person for being quiet and traumatized #obviously he’s this video game idealized soldier badass but like guys #I don’t want to go in an old style rant like I used to but #like he’s just some guy??? he’s quiet and awkward??? but he’s not a bad person????????#he made the Goldfish Joke he’s not going to date u and say u can’t have any friends #like someone says that and all I can think of is that time in the comics he saved a girl from his friend #I say friend I mean his old backstabbing teammate #not to mention his burning hatred for his father #he probably isn’t the most healthy person but he knows what abuse looks like and he wouldn’t stoop that low #just love when people hc an abuse survivor is abusive #cod #simon ghost riley

12 notes · View notes

milo-is-rambling · 1 month

Text

I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?

#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like.#what? am I missing something here?#my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day #but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both #gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a #bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of #being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even #with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like #go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m #afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make #this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s #so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room #and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until #my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and #that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad #anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know.#honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down

6 notes · View notes