we haven't reached full-on hate mail yet, but with how riled up a handful of people have gotten lately, I just figured I'd make it easier for future trolls to find me

this is how you get to my house

just slide right in whenever

eridave in the guardians au

so as previously mentioned, the central focus of the guardians au is eridan and daves relationship. its largely based off of a series of headcanons and aus that @roomfulloferidans and i have been cultivating for literally like. how long has it been now. a long time. im gonna be elaborating on stuff ive already talked about, so if you havent seen it already, you should go read the au summary and then come back

before they meet in person, eridan is just an online troll who hates daves shitty indie movies, and dave only really knows who eridan is by his online name and thinks hes kind of funny. when they do meet, its because dave happens to meet karkat and hire him as an actor, and when karkat complains to eridan about it, eridan almost immediately dominates the jam session by losing his shit about his moirail working for dave fucking strider and makes karkat introduce him so he can bully dave in person too

the beginning of their relationship is a lot of eridan pitchflirting and harassing dave, and dave not understanding and just being an asshole right back, because its kind of funny. its actually pretty bad, and they have a nasty habit of letting things escalate way too far. its also kind of public, because anyone whos familiar with daves work is now obviously fascinated by this fucking rando beefing with the unshakeable dave strider on twitter, especially when they find out that they actually know each other irl, because its fucking hilarious. the whole thing is so funny. its made worse by sollux, who doesnt particularly like eridan and does really like dave, and thinks its funny to stoke the fires. it gets to a point where karkat has to step in and he doesnt threaten to auspice so much as he actively auspices and then denies hes doing it at all because he is not auspicing for his moirail and definitely not for his moirail and this guy hes not even fucking dating (yet)

but after that very rough beginning, eridan does, eventually, ask dave out. and everything chills out. the establishment of a relationship clears up a lot of confusion and frustration and makes it easier for them to establish boundaries and read where the other is at, like, immediately. instead of constantly harassing each other, its mostly light bullying and specified dates for competitive nonsense. unfortunately for karkat the dates they seem to like the best (or the ones dave finds funniest and eridan likes the best) are fancy ones wherein eridan splashes champagne on dave and a dozen camera flashes go off as he storms out of the room. they drive karkat insane, but really theyre just having fun at this point. thats just how they are. eridan is insanely dramatic and dave fuels it because its funny as fuck and its doing wonders for his career which it turn makes eridan throw more fits which gets him more attention and its awesome

the problem is that, despite both of them being pretty happy in an actually very healthy pitch relationship, dave is still.... not exactly great with quadrants. hes only human. everything gets fucked up when, inevitably, dave crosses a line in one of their fights and eridan actually gets upset, and dave, like the fucking bleeding heart he is, immediately tries to make it better, and eridan is like. haha. fuck. and now weve reached the messy and hilarious land of quadsmearing because dave cant keep his quads straight and eridan is. kind of into it actually. very into it.

endgame is that they end up in the most obnoxiously pda filled relationship because dave and eridan are both dramatic and annoying enough to flip in and out of pitch easily and theyre also needy and affectionate enough that theyre so clingy and it all just works. they pretend to break up at fancy events at least once a month for fun only for sollux to post something the next day like god help me if eridan doesnt stop fucking chittering at dave like that im gonna kill someone. daves instagram is full of fucking stunning pictures of eridan captioned with shit like “im about to push him into this fountain lol” and eridan shows up on daves set just to distract him with affection so he doesnt realize until two hours in that theyre not getting anything done anymore. and its all fucking hilarious.