not to be sob story eyrie was a solider for a violent imperialist nation on main, but boy howdy their little brain in stormblood was being extremely mentally ill

they’re caught in this self internalized battleground between helping because they feel an obligation to help for two different reasons: 1) their actions as a solider and helping to make up for the hurt they cause, and 2) their duty as the WoL to help those in need. Those two align pretty well on paper and they content themselves with point 2 being a means to reach point 1, but that doesn’t make the guilt easier to stomach.

they don’t talk about it because it’s such a long story, and part of what makes their guilt such a monster is because there aren’t many people from that time that are 1) still alive, and 2) in these places. Twenty five years rendered much of the world they saw back then as unrecognizable and the people much the same. Where does their guilt fit in with people who would take their guilt and rightfully shove it back in their face? Their guilt has no place to go—it’s not right for them to apologize, and there’s no good sense in searching for redemption they aren’t owed. a redemption they don’t deserve; anyone who could forgive them is dead.

so they sit quietly and help where they can—doing what they can at the very best to make a better future. Not to cloud their own past, but because it’s the right thing to do.

also they don’t talk about what happened bc despite being so old when they did join, they didn’t know war. They knew keeping home safe and they knew killing people, but war is something else. The trenches of bozja, the streets of ala mhigo—they can’t talk about it. “The horrors of war are indescribable.”