A couple weeks ago I met with my former Handsome Boss and Beautiful Coworker for a drink, because I was downtown and....well, I miss them quite a bit. So we had drinks and talked about work and life and children, and it was wonderful to see them.

Then Handsome Boss asked very casually whether I'd ever come back...?

I had no response.

The thing is, I miss him and working with that team enormously. My loyalty to them is unimpeachable; they are the people I worked with during lockdown, we created a whole book club out of boredom and spit; they could call me tomorrow and I'd pick up the phone, give them whatever they asked. But to be honest....I do not actually miss the work. My current job is broad and under resourced and I'm tired all the time, but I am unequivocally in charge of it. People will do what I tell them to do. I've forged partnerships, I've discovered information siloes and started breaking them down, I understand aspects of our company that even my more experienced colleagues don't see, I have resources that we previously didn't even know existed. I talk to people all across the world and have to worry about global reach, I am trying to juggle about twelve different projects---it's overwhelming but it's also good.

Unfortunately "I'm suffering, but in a way that makes it interesting, weirder and more enjoyable than the suffering I knew when I worked for you" is a singularly strange answer. I wish I had another one.

i’m taking a mental health day today and it is making me really not want to go to school tomorrow either

I do not miss any of the friends I have removed from my life but I respect them in the sense that there are things they loved that remind me of them. I never wish I could still talk to them and show them those things but it’s like - everything is an altar, even to things you don’t ever want to see again and that’s okay. it’s just the remembering that matters I think. 

Determined to show up to the things I committed to lately. Because eventually everything is shitty but I committed to THIS specific sometimes-shitty thing. I’ve only committed to like 4 things but I’m showing up!!! To all of them!!! Consistently!!!!! So there’s that. 

“I don’t need desk accessories! I’ll be just fine with the basics,” she said like a fool.

It has actually been almost twelve months since I got ghosted.

👻

👻 = What is the scariest thing to ever happen to the mun and muse?The scariest thing to happen to Pakku thus far is the war he partook in. It was what caused him to start down his current path. His world really fucked him up.As for me...Its hard to say. Call it as you will but I believe in the paranormal, supernatural, what ever you call it. Gods, spirits, and im sure even the darker stuff all exist. I don't care what anyone saysTo make a long story short I’ve had some experiences and seen shit that just shouldn't exist. Some of these things still give me the shakes if i think about them to much -.-;;

You can not tell me that something Sorkin wrote was not written by Sorkin

I know what he's written. I've read them all.  And I probably have seen it so many times I can quote them and I know how it's lit.