#then someone completely uninvolved reminded me that I lack and the person I care for won't look past that.
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sometimes I want to post stuff I've written while in the feels but I also worry about clogging the blog with irrelevant stuff
I guess I'll rant in the tags but sometimes I try to do therapeutic writing and it helps but s i g h
#sehtoast rambles#I just... I had a really good day. a really fucking good past 24 hours. but someone had to say something#something fucked and rude and something that they'd be *hurt* if someone said to them#but because it was me. because it was to a trans person who they know is insecure about said topic... it was just fine#it's always okay for people to remind us of what we lack. but if we did it back... there'd be true hell to pay#idk i just feel like dog water now. always just the most insane pain that nothing I do or become will ever be enough#that I will be alone for choosing peace#and every fucking day. somehow some way someone throws it all in my face#I just want to feel like I'm worthy of anything#but I'm so often reminded that I'm not#all i wanted was to know I made someone I care about happy#I don't even fucking want anything in return. but it was nice to think for a second the interest might have been mutual.#for even a fuckin fraction of a second#then someone completely uninvolved reminded me that I lack and the person I care for won't look past that.#and I know objectively... those aren't the person I care for's words#but it still hurts to know my happiness needed to be shot down simply because I chose to find peace with my vessel#and I should be reminded at every opportunity that my peace is nothing so long as someone can find a laugh at the expense of it#and remind me that I will never be enough
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