hello love! i already read your reply the night you sent it but i was way too tired to string two sentences together and then i got a bit too drunk to answer properly so i’m gonna reply now :) i hope you’re doing alright and you’re having a good day!

without your support it would’ve been a lot harder! you have nooo idea how much i needed some reassuring words last week! (and dog pics! loved the dog pics!) oh he got us burgers from a very fancy burger grill place, like not mcdonald’s kind of stuff but really good ones :) hehe thank you, we had a fun night out :) hmm yeah i do get the concept of self care, it’s just that i don’t really know what i like? maybe i should try and figure that out…or do you have any suggestions for me? i would love that actually, come over!! THIS!! i love taking care of others and it’s so hard for me to take care of myself!

i mean they should be wearing off by now, it’s been three weeks i think, but maybe i’ll just have to talk to my doctor again :// me neither, the first two night in a new place are always the worst for me at least…i hope you got some well deserved rest! mhm yeah, it’s kinda sad. especially when you think about the fact that you’re stuck with yourself forever and the people you put all your love into are not guaranteed to stick around you know? like why wouldn’t i put more effort into the one person i know is gonna be here forever? and what you said totally made sense! i struggle with the high standards i set for myself a lot just because i feel like there’s no way i’ll ever be happy with myself, no matter what i do :/ but then at the same time i think the standards i set for myself prevent me from being an asshole haha :) anyways! oh i get that haha, i have punched a few people (accidentally!!!) that just snuck up on me and touched my shoulder or something :)) hehe yes i remember! with the right people i’m a very touchy and clingy person as well, i just have to give them the mental “okay” i think haha :) well, if you’re down? i’d be alright with it hehe ;)

hmmm okay, just let me know if there’s anything else i can do to make it a little easier for you ;)

yeah, i wish we as a society would just get a little more comfortable around “uncomfortable” emotions…but i suppose that’s not gonna happen anytime soon :/ yes i agree! especially if you’re an ugly crier like me haha, it’s not a pretty sight to see :) i’m very glad to hear i’m not alone in feeling that way haha, i always thought it’s sort of weird haha… no you’re right, if it works it doesn’t matter! after you said that i thought about a few situations i’ve been in that i thought we’re super embarrassing…but really they weren’t! because if they happened to someone else i know i wouldn’t care for a second haha, very useful strategy you taught me!! doesn’t matter whether you know the word or not, i understand what you were trying to say! umm okay, i’m sorry! i didn’t mean to make you tear up *wipes your tears* it’s just something i do i guess? yeah i understand, sometimes i feel like that as well and then the only thing that helps is hearing everything is still alright.

well, in that case i’ll go with the standard shipping option, next day delivery would be nice but i don’t think that’s gonna work out financially for me :) very generous return policy, although i don’t think i’ll need it ;)

high school p.e. was the worst!! very weird concept to just force kids to exercise in front of their 30 classmates haha :’) i’ve never heard of netball before and i suppose that’s a good thing? i mean that sounds like a nice way to spend a p.e. lesson! when you forgot your stuff at my school you had to wear the clothes your teacher handed you (because they had like backup shirts and shorts lying around??) or you good a bad grade and that was NOT cool haha :// it IS the exact opposite of what you should do!!! please don’t stare and move on if someone’s taking care of the person who passed out! but also i understand that it’s difficult for one teacher to manage 30 other kids while i’m on the ground not feeling well. OOOHHH JUST REMEMBERED AWKWARD THING I BURIED DEEP IN MY BRAIN! i had to do physical therapy for an injury once and the lady asked me to lay down on my back on this table thing (which was weird enough already because you know, laying down in front of people is super embarrassing) and being the IDIOT that i am i laid down on my STOMACH, THEN REALISED I WAS WRONG AND HAD TO SHUFFLE AROUND ON THIS TABLE THING TO LAY ON MY BACK ALL WHILE THE WOMAN WAS WATCHING ME!!!!!! i must’ve looked like a stranded whale trying to get back into the ocean haha…anyways! i hope you had fun reliving embarrassing memories with me :) if you have a list please tell me more haha, i’d love to hear more :) and that’s the exact reason why i’m not using umbrellas anymore! not making a fool out of myself like that again in public! (i have limited options in visualising what i’m trying to say so using this (— and this )— was my best bet haha, i’m glad it entertained you a bit)

well, no need to worry! you’re doing amazing! awww that’s very sweet of you to say! i mean most of the mean stuff my brain says to me just stays inside my head but sometimes it gets…a bit much…and that makes it very hard not to believe myself you know? but now i’ll just tell you so you can say it’s not true! :)

Hello, am back from coffee (and shopping😑) now. Warning: I have had an awful headache for like… 2 days now, and waking up with one has put me in a foul mood, but I’m hoping answering this will cheer me up. (I’ve been adding to this throughout the day but my head has stayed consistent in it wanting to murder me, so I’m so sorry it’s come to you so late🤦).

I’m so glad I helped, but please make sure you’re giving yourself enough credit darling (I am always equipped with dog pics, so many dog pics… and cat pics…). Mmmmm yum! Uhhhh suggestions…… um okay so what I tend to do is play on the xbox, playing games and stuff is a good way to unwind. Uhhh I guess in a way sometimes I nap as self care? I’ve never been super into going on a walk to unwind (because where I live isn’t particularly an unwinding walking place🤣) but I think that’s a popular one. I dunno, it’s just whatever you want to do. Not anything you need to do, but you want to. I think at the very least once a week people should do one activity that is not done in the name of productivity or for any particular goal other than “I want to do this, so I’m doing it.” But it can be literally anything. Idk what you’re into, but if you’re artsy then you could draw or make something, or if you really love music then you can listen to music or sing to music or dance to music, as long as you’re not doing anything productive alongside it. It could be anyyyyyything. Also I’m running out of ideas now🤣. I’ll literally be there in a heartbeat, I love taking care of people, it’s one of the few things I’m really genuinely good at. And it would be my pleasure to come and take care of you🫶🏼.

Aww nooo, I really hope side effects are wearing off now and you don’t have to talk to the doctor again☹️. YES, we have ourselves forever and that’s for certain. For as long as I live, this body will be with me, so why place more worth in others than me? Why are other people so easy to love and myself so much harder? It’s gotta be one of the saddest things about humans. And I feel like with our standards for ourselves… there’s gotta be a balance to it but it’s so hard to get it right🤦. I remember when I first started working at the pub I used to work at and before people knew me I was constantly jerking away from people when they’d pass me and do that thing where they like… touch you to move you? Like a hand on the arm or the shoulder? Ugh it was awful for weeks. But then people caught on to that I didn’t wanna be touched and also I got closer with them so it wasn’t so bad as well. That makes sense, like… must be pretty hard to be touchy with people you barely know? I dunno, makes me uncomfy thinking about it sort of🤣. Well of course I’m down🙄nap date with such an adorable sweetheart? Who could turn that down? (Answer: not me!)

Oh don’t worry, I will😉I’ll have to have you make it up to me somehow…

I agree (hello. I fell asleep about here for an hour. So if the tone or whatever changed, that’s why🤣). Uncomfortable emotions aren’t always bad, at least not always in the long term. There’s a discomfort in so many things that end up being good in the end. I dunno, I think if people go through life avoiding every scenario where there’s a possibility of discomfort or pain then they’re gonna miss out on a lot of brilliant moments. Like some of my best moments involved taking a chance and being scared, or doing something that I feel is embarrassing or doing something I know will hurt, but in the end will benefit me. And the truth of it is, you can’t avoid uncomfortability. It’s gonna happen. So why not just accept it’s gonna suck big time for a while and hope that it’ll come out all okay in the end? And maybe make the best of the discomfort if you can? Fun things are usually scary, imagine how much fun would be missed if people took the discomfort as a sign to not do it🤷. I’m glad my strategy has helped you see that they weren’t actually embarrassing then!! We shouldn’t be embarrassed simply for existing and doing normal people things and sometimes you just need to see it from an outside perspective😌. Don’t apologise😭you’re so fine. That’s just the sweetest thing I’ve heard and ahhhh you’re awesome. I’m glad I’m not alone then🫶🏼I always feel super bad about having to ask if people hate me yet🤣

Hmmmmmm, now… you can’t go telling anyone this… it’s our secret. But there’s a super secret sweetie discount, it’ll give you next day delivery for the grand total of… free!!! But again, our secret. Not just anyone gets the super secret sweetie discount😉. Well aren’t you a little flatterer? Well the return policy is always there just in case anyway😌

OMG AGREED. So weird. I almost never did p.e in school, I hated getting changed in the changing rooms so I’d either take the detention or I’d try and lie and say I can’t do it because I had an injury (this one… admittedly didn’t work often because I’m… not a great liar😑). THEY GAVE YOU CLOTHES TO WEAR??? You poor poor soul😬that’s awful. P.e is bad enough in your own clothes, but in random clothes they hand you??? Nuh uh. Hate that actually🤣. I feel like it’s just… common sense and common courtesy? Like the person passed out is in a very vulnerable situation, so mind your own business?? Idk people are kind of dumb sometimes… and too nosy. HAHA OH NO. THATS SO EMBARRASSING. But again it’s one of those things that shouldn’t be??? Because like… maybe it’s a bit awkward, but not embarrassing necessarily? And I’d say you probably looked like a human turning over from being on their front to being on their back… unless you’re secretly a shapeshifter and forgot to mention it to me? Anyway, of course, here’s some more things that feel embarrassing that aren’t: when you’re walking up a hill or stairs and are out of breath and there’s someone near you and you hold your breath so they don’t know that you are struggling. Why is breathing heavily when you’re doing something physically exerting so embarrassing? It shouldn’t be. Oh when your shoes or a chair you’re moving squeaks really loud. Omg walking across a zebra crossing or crossing the road at a traffic light??? Like why am I suddenly compelled to give an awkward smile and go into that weird half walk half jog thing?? When you go into a shop looking for one thing and then it not having that thing and then having to leave the shop empty handed? That’s embarrassing, dunno why, just is. Also I’m always scared I’m gonna be accused of stealing stuff. Throwing stuff in the bin if you’re in the middle of a lesson? Lifts (elevators) with other people. OMG WHEN YOUR MOUTH/THROAT/STOMACH MAKES AN AUDIBLE NOISE THAT OTHERS CAN HEAR😃and then the awkward explanation being like “woah my throat made a weird sound ha… haha… yeah…” and then realising that no one really took any notice anyway🫣. Sneezing in public is always the worst. Scratching an itch anywhere on your body in public. I have this weird thing with how I’m standing? Like… I can’t stand too still because A: I feel like a weird robot or statue, and B: I can’t sit still for the life of me anyway. But I also feel super embarrassed if I move too much? So basically just standing anywhere is embarrassing for me. Also I forget how to position my arms when I’m standing and I don’t have pockets. WHERE DO THEY GO??? Because my go to is to have my arms crossed, but I’m scared that makes me look like an asshole. Anyway, that’s all for now, hope you enjoyed! It was very clever hehe

Thank you darling🥹. I understand, brains can be very convincing at times, but yes, please do come to me and let me know if your brain is telling you mean things. I’ll gladly tell you that it’s lying to you❤️