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suite43 · 3 years

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(summary: starscream and bumblebee have an argument, and turn to trusted friends for some advice. or: several long and winding paragraphs about love, redemption, and what we are worth. alcohol warning.)

"Be honest with yourself," Starscream sneered. "If we hadn't been forced together, do you really think you'd give a scrap about me?"

"Why does it matter?" Bumblebee shot back.

"Because, Bumblebee, you're wrong. You think you care, you think you're in love with me, but you're not. You were forced to be around someone you hated and you had to find some way to be okay with it because you're a good little autobot and you overcompensated. You're a victim of proximity. We both are. But y'know what? You're free now, so go ahead and run along back to your life and your friends and people you actually give a shit about beyond finding the moral high ground and leave me alone."

"Unbelievable," Bumblebee muttered. "You're unbelievable! Do you know how to do anything except wallow in denial? What is your fucking problem?"

"My problem at the moment is that someone was deluded enough to think he could squeeze millions of years of monstrosity out of me by telling me he loved me."

"Primus, Starscream, if you're not interested just say so! If you're angry, if you're scared, fucking say it! But you don't ever get to tell me how I feel!" Bee was screaming up at Starscream, pain and frustration radiating from him. "I don't know where I'd be if things were different and I. Don't. Care. I like my life, Starscream. Despite everything, I'm happy with it and I'm glad you're in it! Apparently you aren't, and if that's true you can leave! You've always been free to go whenever you fucking feel like it! But you haven't! So pardon me for assuming you had something going on in that thick fucking head of yours!"

"Oh, please-"

"No! Shut up! I'm not done and for once you are going to listen to what I have to say! You try so hard to convince everyone that you've got some black heart, that all you are is violence and malice, and I know that's not true! Whether you want to believe it or not I've seen what you're capable of! I know you, you let me know you, and I decided that I fucking love you and I'm willing to keep loving you even when you're a cruel, stubborn bastard. If you really want to leave, leave! Go! But don't run because you're afraid, or because you think I don't know what I'm getting into."

Starscream didn't say anything, just stewing. Bee tried to collect himself, mentally urging Starscream to just fucking say something.

"You don't know me."

"For fucks sake, Starscream," Bumblebee sighed and decided fuck it and gave into his impulse, pulling Starscream by his collar down into a kiss. He was frustrated and Starscream was caught off-guard, so it was messy and clumsy and awkward, but after a beat Starscream grabbed his helmet and pulled him into it harder and Bee nearly forgot he was ever angry in the first place.

It felt like a million years had passed when they finally pulled apart and Bee let his heels fall back into the ground. Starscream stared down at him, face unreadable.

"Sorry," Bee said, barely even whispering, hands settled on Starscream's chest. "I just. How do I prove to you that I mean it?"

"You can't," Starscream responded, pulling away from Bumblebee's touch. Bee just watched him go.

He sighed. Starscream would be back when he was ready. Or he wouldn't. Either way, Bee would be here.

///

"Are... Are you okay, Starscream?" Thundercracker asked, peeking out the door to the balcony.

"I'm fine."

"Um... Why are you on my roof?"

Starscream was sitting cross-legged on the roof of Thundercracker's apartment, staring off into the distance, one hand held over his mouth in thought, fingers idly tracing his lips as he couldn't drag his mind away from flittering fancies of Bumblebee and kisses and love. Thinking about dozens of late-night conversations and well-meaning gifts of cheap high grade and the way he laughs and the way he looks beautiful even when he's angry and- hm.

"You know about things, don't you, Thundercracker?"

"Most people generally agree the answer to that question is 'no', but. Maybe? What kind of things?"

"What does it feel like to be in love?"

"Oh. That kind of thing. Uh," Thundercracker climbed onto the roof awkwardly, pulling himself up next to Starscream, legs kicking where they dangled off the edge. "You know I don't really mess with all of that, right? Dating and stuff. I don't do it."

"But you know things," Starscream said. "You're better with feelings then anyone else I know."

"Not true," Thundercracker said. "You know Bumblebee!"

"That's exactly the problem, Thunders."

"Oh. Oh." Starscream could almost hear the gears turning in Thundercrackers head as he connected the dots. "Are you in love with Bumblebee?"

"No. Yes. I don't know. If I knew I would know what to do about it and I wouldn't be here asking you for romantic advice now would I?"

"I suppose."

"So then how am I supposed to know?"

"If you're in love?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I've never been in love. I don't know. But, in the movies, it's like... Usually two people kind of get stuck together in some kind of situation, y'know, they meet and they don't really like each other much at first. But then you think about them all the time. And then you keep running into them, and even when you think they're annoying, something about them is still kind of endearing. They make you happy. And then there's some big fight or misunderstanding or somebody gets scared or has to leave and it looks like nothings going to work out, but eventually they decide that they like being around each other enough that it's worth working out whatever they fought about or giving up whatever's keeping them apart, and then, happily ever after, I guess."

"Just like that, huh?"

"Only in the movies. There's no end credits in real life."

"So what happens next, then?"

"I guess just what happens with every other kind of relationship. You keep being happy and working and then fighting and deciding its worth trying again over and over until you give up or somebody dies."

"Unfortunately I don't think death is a viable reprieve for my situation."

"Oh yeah, I guess not. Sorry."

"No, it's okay. He's easier to tolerate when one of us is dead."

"I guess the question, then, should be, is he worth it to you? Are you going to get off the plane to Santa Fe or New York or Chicago and run back to him, or are you gonna go be a well-respected but no-fun businesswoman in the big city forever?"

"What?"

"Sorry, I think I got lost in the metaphor," Thundercracker laughed, a big, booming thing, clumsy and well-meaning and earnest, just like the mech it came from. "Something in there was probably good advice, though. You should ask me things more often."

"I really should," Starscream sighed, leaning over and laying his head in his trinemates lap. Thundercracker didn't stop him, and let one hand fall to rest on Starscream's midsection, just to say I'm here when you need me so Starscream can reply I know, Thank you, I'm sorry by taking that hand in his and squeezing it lightly. They watched the stars twinkle across the horizon as lazy clouds sauntered by, and Starscream started to wonder about what he was worth.

///

Bumblebee trudged into Maccadam's, his normal sunshine dampened by how just miserable and unfair everything seemed. He took his usual spot at the bar and ordered a drink, half as strong as usual so he'd have to spend twice as much money if he wanted to do something stupid, letting his thoughts brew around as he sipped.

"Hey, bigshot! How did it go?" Wheeljack slung his arm around Bee's shoulder, energetic as ever, but Bee just groaned and slammed his head into the bar.

"Terribly."

"Weelllll," Bee could practically feel Wheeljack trying not to say 'I told you so'.

"He's just. Agh!" Bee said. "He was just himself, y'know, determined to be as difficult as possible and allergic to his own happiness. And I yelled at him, which I probably shouldn't have done, and then I kissed him, which I definetly shouldn't have done, and now he's probably never going to even look at me again."

"Well, y'know what they say, fortune favours the bold and all that!" When Bee gave Wheeljack a skeptical, dont-try-to-make-me-feel-better kind of look, Wheeljack just doubled down, squeezing his shoulders. "Seriously, you shot your shot! That's all you can do, and if he didn't want you that's his loss!"

"He was scared, Wheeljack. I know him, I know that that's his fucked up defense mechanism or whatever and I knew he was gonna try to drive me away. Why did I let him drag me into that?"

"Because you care, Bee. You care a lot. You aren't the kind of person who can see somebody struggling and just leave them to it. You're like, literally incapable of not lending a hand. Especially when you love somebody."

"So then why the hell did I have to fall for the hardest to love cybertronian there is?"

"Oh, I'm sure there's been worse.I mean, Nova-"

"Not really the point."

"Oh. Because you have horrible taste?"

"That's more like it," Bee grinned. "Cheers?"

"To shit taste!" Wheeljack agreed, clinking their drinks together.

"Absolutely."

They left the bar a bit later, neither of them really drunk so much as in the zone, as Wheeljack liked to put it. It was right before you got too drunk to really do anything sensible but drunk enough that you didn't overthink things, and it was just the right level of alcohol consumption to go for a walk and talk about life.

"So, what're you gonna do then?" Wheeljack asked after the conversation had trailed off.

"About what?"

"Starscream. Y'know, I don't think he's very good for you."

"I dunno," Bee shrugged. "And i know. I know nobody thinks he's a good person but he tries, Wheeljack. He really does! He just, he's scared. All the time, I think, of everything. He doesn't trust me, or you, or anyone at all, and I hate it. I hate that he feels like he can't trust me, even after all the stuff we've been through. It makes me mad! Not even mad at him, just mad at- at- I dunno, at the universe, at the war, at Megatron, at every shitty thing that ever happened that made him feel like he needs to be afraid all the time. I want him to be safe. I want to make him feel safe. But I dunno how and he won't tell me, and how can I tell him my stuff if he won't tell me any of his, and if we never tell each other anything then it's not all that much of a relationship."

"I mean, what do you even want from someone like that? He's not got a lot to offer. I mean, he's kinda hot if you squint, I guess, but other than that?"

"I think 'kinda hot' is the understatement of the century, Wheeljack. But... I dunno, I just. Want something. I want him to be able to tell me he cares about me. I know he does. But I want him to say it. I want it to be real."

"Why? You're a good person, Bee, it's not like you don't have options."

"Because I'm happy when he's around. I feel more like myself. I feel like my life is better when he's in it. For better or for worse, he's got a perspective nobody else does, and he always comes up with things I'd never even think of. He's smart and observant and funny just as much as he's a wise-ass and a smug bastard. For every inch of him that's irritating there's another bit that's incredible. And a lot of that incredible feels like our little secret, like he only lets me see those parts of him, and I like that too. And, I dunno, I get to be angry and there's nothing wrong with it. He's never mad that I'm mad, he never tells me that getting pissed is a waste of time or energy, he just lets me be. He argues, but he doesn't try to stop me or make me be polite and friendly because he doesn't need or want me to coddle him. I like the idea of taking care of him because it's less actually taking care and more just. being there, and letting him do the rest. I share my input and he gives his, and eventually he comes to the answer on his own and I get to see him being better. He gets better because he wants to, not because I'm forcing him to."

"I guess I just don't get how Starscream becomes a better person without you dragging him into it."

"People are fundementally good, Wheeljack. Don't look at me like that! It's true! Everyone wants to be loved, and really we all want to do good so we feel worthy of being loved, but it's about opportunity. When your needs aren't met, it gets harder and harder to do good. When everyone around you treats you with cruelty, it gets harder. When everyone believes you're a monster, why even bother trying to prove them wrong? All it takes is one opportunity, one chance to do the right thing, one person to say I know you know what's right for someone to take a step in the right direction. I didn't do anything to him, I just. I tell him what I know, which is that he doesn't enjoy who he became any more than the rest of us, and I give him space to know that even when it's scary and even when he loses everything, I'm on his side. Even the worst of us can improve given the chance. I really do believe that. I mean, you were at Megatron's trial. He opened the matrix. If that guy, given the opportunity, decided to turn himself around, why can't Star?"

"Did you kiss him and then yell at him or yell at him and then kiss him?"

"What?"

"Earlier, when you said you guys fought. Was it all like 'oh im in love with you' and then you kissed and then you fought afterwards? or was it like 'oh we're fighting by the way I love you' and then you kissed?"

"Uh, neither. I told him I was in love with him and he told me I wasn't and that made me really really angry, and I'm not even sure why honestly. And then I kissed him, to uh, prove I meant it, I guess? Not my best idea."

"Maybe you're just tired of being told what to do."

"I think I just don't like other people telling me what I am. I know what I am. I'm Bumblebee!" He took a deep breath and started yelling. "I'M BUMBLEBEE! I'M ALIVE AND I'M IN LOVE! AND I KNOW WHO I AM!"

"HELL YEAH!" Wheeljack threw his arms up, just enjoying the act of making noise as they wandered back to Bee's apartment, and eventually the two of them devolved into pointless hollering and whooping, until someone somewhere through a little chunk of metal and bonked Bee right in the back of the head with a SHUT THE FUCK UP! and the two of them just started laughing, both trying to shoosh the other as they eventually made it into Bee's apartment and Wheeljack settled on the couch, barely sparing a muffled g'night buddy before passing out, leaving Bee alone to stare out the window and think about what he wanted.

///

Bee rolled out of bed the next morning to the sound of a knock at the door, rubbing at his eyes, wincing at the too-bright sunlight. He wandered past where Wheeljack was snoring on the couch, muttering a yeah, yeah, I'm coming, to the door as the knock came again, less sure of itself this time.

He wasn't really sure who he expected to be at the door. But it both was and wasn't a surprise to see Starscream standing there.

"Bumblebee." He said plainly.

"Uh, good morning," Bee responded. "What's, uh, what's up?" Ah, that felt like the lamest possible thing he could've said. Nice one, Bumblebee.

"I... I want to apologize."

"You... what?"

"I'm sorry," he muttered, hands clasped in front of him, not meeting Bee's eyes. "I. For everything. I'm sorry I'm impossible. I'm sorry I'm cruel. I'm sorry I'm petty. I'm sorry for my ego and my selfishness and for how I only drink the most expensive wines, even when you buy me the cheaper ones. I'm sorry because I know that none of this is going to go away and I'm going to have to keep apologizing over and over and it's going to get old. I'm sorry for doing every possible thing I can to drive you away and I'm sorry you're not stupid enough to fall for it because your life would be a hell of a lot easier if you would. This isn't easy. And I could stand here and apologize for hours and I still wouldn't hit everything, but, but. You're... I'm missing my train for you, okay?"

"Uh. You lost me on that last bit."

"Thundercracker's advice only comes through rom-coms, so, sorry for that too, I guess."

"It's okay. Uh. Thank you for apologizing. And I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry that I'm stubborn, I'm sorry for yelling, I'm sorry that I'm touchy and pushy and too much in all the ways you aren't. I'm sorry I always have to feel like I'm winning, I'm sorry about all my moral grandstanding, I'm sorry for all the ways I make you feel like a bad person. I'm sorry for the days that I don't have the patience, and I'm sorry for the days I have too much and it makes you mad, and I'm sorry I thought I could make you love me in the way I wanted just by pulling hard enough."

"It's okay. It's... It's okay."

"Are we... are we okay?"

"Yeah. I think so. For now. And if we aren't later, then I think we can figure it out." Starscream let his hands seperate, and Bee reached out to take them in his own, intertwining their fingers.

"Okay."

"Only if you want to. I know I'm not easy."

"Neither of us are easy. But that's okay. I meant what I said. I know what I'm getting into. If you think we can figure it out, I'd like to try, at least."

"I think I can do that. I can try."

"You wanna start by kissing me properly?" Starscream's face flushed bright pink.

"That sounds as good a place to start as any."

#red.doc #starbee #sorry for still not properly posting things to like. a website. this is the best ur gonna get beloveds #anyways. this was much much shorter and then i added the TC segment and got carried away #the tc bit is my favourite bit btw. its good.

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livingcorner · 3 years

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Best garden shredder 2021: rid your yard of branches, twigs and leaves

With this year’s dead bits hacked out, your garden is now trimmed and spruced in readiness for next spring. But what’ll you do with all those cuttings? Or perhaps you have a body to dispose of? Either way, that’s where the best garden shredders come in.

To assist you, we’ve called in cluster of well-received domestic models and put them through their paces using a variety of pruned vegetation. And it’s okay; we were joking about disposing of bodies. These domestic machines are nowhere near powerful enough for that.

You're reading: Best garden shredder 2021: rid your yard of branches, twigs and leaves

As we do when we’re rating any sort of garden tool or piece of machinery, such as the best pressure washers, best cordless lawn mowers or best garden tools, we’ve also supplied some buying advice below on what you should be looking out for in a garden shredder. This will help you find the right product for your needs.

What is the best garden shredder?

All nine of the models tested are good machines but our top choice is the quiet and keenly-priced Cobra QS2500, a model that is very similar in both design and function to the doggedly determined Bosch AXT 25 TC but quite a bit cheaper.

If you’re on an even tighter budget, the Einhell GC-KS 2540 is surprisingly effective even if it does scream like a banshee.

The petrol-powered Titan 15HP Petrol Chipper Shredder Mulcher, the mid-priced Bosch AXT RAPID 2200, the tall-standing Stihl GHE 355 and chunky Makita UD2500 all have their charms, too.

(Image credit: Cobra)

1. Cobra QS2500

The best garden shredder for value and performance

Specifications

Weight: 26.9kgs

Power source: Mains

Cutting capacity: 40mm

Collection box: 50 litres

Reasons to buy

+Great performance+Exceptionally quiet+Large collection box

Reasons to avoid

–Doesn’t cut some larger branches all the way though

Straight to the one spot with a silver bullet, the Cobra QS2500 is our new favourite garden shredder for performance, low noise level and price. Similar in both design and function to our former number one, the popular Bosch AXT 25 TC, this shredder impresses in a number of ways but mostly price, which is way below that of the Bosch.

This writer has used the Cobra QS2500 on a number of occasions and it has excelled every time. On at least two occasions I fed it about 25 beech tree branches with full foliage one after another and it just kept on churning, crucially without making a racket in the process. This model accepts branches of up to 4cm in diameter but I just rammed in any size of branch that fitted the portal. At no time did I have to reach for the reverse button to free up a jam.

Being of the drum variety, the Cobra is exceptionally quiet in operation – in fact it makes less noise than a cordless lawnmower. Its drum simply churns continuously, chucking the remnants of bushes and trees into its ample 50-litre collection box.

Granted, the fully-leafed beech branches I tested it with remained in one mangled piece as opposed to being completely cut all the way through, but that didn’t bother me because I wasn’t considering using the mulched results as garden fertiliser. Instead I simply poured the contents into my garden-waste bin.

If you’re after a top-performing garden shredder that is almost as quiet as a field mouse while being relatively cheap to buy, then this one comes highly recommended.

2. Bosch AXT 25 TC

The best high-end garden shredder

Specifications

Weight: 30.5kgs

Power source: Mains

Cutting capacity: 45mm

Collection box: 53 litres

Reasons to buy

+Superbly efficient+Very quiet+Well designed

Reasons to avoid

–Heavy and ungainly–Not cheap

Bosch shredders dominate the market and with good reason. They’re very well built, efficient and generally reliable. Rather like an enormous, masticating juicer, this quiet, electric-powered 2,500 watt turbine model uses a bladed drum that spins relatively slowly under massive torque, trapping, crushing and cutting branches up to 45mm in diameter against a solid plate.

This model handles both wood and leafy material as was amply demonstrated when I fed it half a fig tree, green fruit and all. It chopped and crushed the whole thing into tiny pieces and deposited them into the box below ready for easy disposal in the garden bin or compost heap – some shredding aficionados will even spread the nutritious remains over flowerbeds.

Rather considerately of Bosch, this heavyweight model comes ready-built with the wheels already attached, so all you need to do is clip in the top hopper, ensure the 53-litre collection box is properly engaged, switch it on and shred. The top of the chute has a wider access than others in this roundup and that makes it generally easier to stuff in branches of a more unwieldy nature, while the included tamper helps release mutinous vegetation.

Granted, it’s very top-heavy and quite tricky to move around the garden – the wheels aren’t really wide enough apart – but at least it splits in two for easier storage.

If you have a mixture of both woody and leafy materials, this Bosch is your best bet. It justifies its slightly higher price by being extremely effective, easy to use and quiet enough to not disturb the neighbours.

To see how this shredder fares against a top rival product, then take a look at T3’s Bosch AXT 25 TC vs Einhell GH-KS 2440 comparison feature.

(Image credit: Einhell)

Read more: How to Get Rid of Grasshoppers: Natural Grasshopper Control | Epic Gardening

3. Einhell Electric Shredder GC-KS 2540

An efficient budget-priced option for seasonal use

Specifications

Weight: 13.5kgs

Motor: 2,500 W

Power source: Mains

Cutting capacity: 40mm

Collection box: No

Reasons to buy

+Good price+Surprisingly effective+Easy to manoeuvre

Reasons to avoid

–Really noisy–Requires some assembly

You’re not going to get Bosch-like build quality at this price but what you will get is an extremely efficient multi-talented shredder that mulches both woody and leafy material in a thrice. Just be sure to keep tree branches below the 45mm maximum diameter and snip off any extraneous branches or they won’t fit through the feeder portal.

The 2,500-watt Einhell uses a pair of fast spinning blade to cut through vegetation but larger pieces of hardwood and too many leaves will likely block the chute which means reaching for the included tamper. It’s quite a scary machine, mind, since it literally slices through cuttings and branches in quite a violent and exceedingly noisy manner (thank heavens the blades are well out of ’arm’s way). Thankfully, a motor circuit breaker switch cuts in to protect it from overloading.

The Einhell performed surprisingly well when fed a pile of long, thick rose branches, chopping the whole lot up into small 5mm pieces with only the occasional hiccup. Although it’s equipped with a discharge funnel, you will need to place a sheet of tarpaulin or a large plastic trug (B&Q do an excellent range, btw) underneath the chute to catch all the clippings.

If you only do occasional pruning and don’t require the brute force of a Bosch or Titan, then this is a good budget-priced starting point. It’s light enough to easily wheel around the garden, small enough for shed storage and it performed better than some of the more expensive competition.

4. Bosch AXT Rapid 2200

Another, cheaper Bosch classic

Specifications

Weight: 12kgs

Power source: Mains

Cutting capacity: 40mm

Collection box: No

Reasons to buy

+Efficient chopper+Easy to manoeuvre

Reasons to avoid

–No collection box

If you can’t afford the all-conquering Bosch AXT 25 TC, give this cheaper but equally useful alternative a whirl. It’s a lot more mobile for start though you will need a box, tarpaulin or garden trug (one of those handy round soft plastic garden tidies that garden centres sell) underneath it to collect the ejected detritus.

The Rapid 2200 uses tough laser-cut blades to slice through vegetation (preferably of the harder, drier variety) in a thrice. It’ll happily swallow branches up to 40mm in diameter though you may need to trim a few stems in order to feed those branches of a more ungainly persuasion into the hopper.

This model is quite reminiscent of the much cheaper B&Q model we’re quite smitten with above. But, given it’s a Bosch with a whopping 2200 watt motor attached, we (perhaps ill advisedly) assume it will last quite a bit longer. But don’t take our word for it.

You can compare this garden shredder to the other top-rated Bosch unit in this guide in T3’s Bosch AXT 25 TC vs Bosch AXT Rapid 2200 comparison feature.

(Image credit: Ryobi)

5. Ryobi RSH3045U 3000W Silent Impact Shredder

A powerful garden shredder with large collection bin

Specifications

Brand: Ryobi

Maximum power: 3000W

Container size: 55L

Power source: AC

Colour: Hyper Green

Reasons to buy

+Mid-tier price point+Big 3000W shredding power+Large 55L collection bin

Reasons to avoid

–Not a looker

This Amazon exclusive garden shredder offers big shredding power and a large collection bin. It does so, too, for a very firmly mid-tier price point as well, meaning it can be bagged for much less than some other premium models.

With 3000W of cutting power at your disposal with the Ryobi RSH3045U 3000W Silent Impact Shredder, you’ve got enough grunt to go through all but the largest of garden detritus, with two reversible, hardened steel blades designed to shred branches, brambles, and shrubs to a fine mulch.

The mulch ends up in the collection bin, which as aforementioned is large, and there is a safety plunger that pushes any material fed into the machine into the its blades, thereby allowing the user’s fingers to stay well clear. A strong safety feature if ever we saw one.

The only real down side of this shredder is how it looks, which is not particularly premium, as too the fact that it certainly isn’t “silent”. You won’t need ear defenders or anything, but including silent in the name is definitely a bit cheeky.

Overall, though, a garden shredder that delivers plenty of bang for you buck.

(Image credit: Stihl)

6. Stihl GHE 355

Great multi-functional model for all garden materials

Specifications

Weight: 30kgs

Power source: Mains

Cutting capacity: 35mm

Collection box: No

Reasons to buy

+Tackles both woody and leafy stuff+Stihl efficiency and build+Easy to move around

Reasons to avoid

–Extremely tall–No chippings collection box–Makes quite a racket

Got a garden with a mixture of hard-wooded trees, firs, shrubs and rubbery plants? Step tight this way because this tall-standing, multi-functional model does the lot by dint of a unique ‘blade rotation reversal system’ that deals with both hard and soft materials.

For leaves, twigs and palm fronds, flick the switch on the front and shove some greenery into the large opening. The blades spin at high speed ripping everything to shreds. Likewise, when it comes to the harder stuff, turn the knob to the branch setting, feed in anything up to 35mm in diameter and out comes a pile of tiny wood chippings ready for the compost heap, the borders or the green wheelie bin.

This model doesn’t come with a collection box though it does at least feature a guard hood. I’d advise placing a garden tarpaulin underneath the exit chute so you don’t end up with a garden full of chippings and mulched leaves.

The Stihl GHE 355 is an extremely efficient shredder-cum-chipper but it costs over £100 more than the Bosch and, at 1.41 metres, is taller and a whole lot louder. But, hey, it’s a Stihl so you can safely expect it to shred till the cows come home.

7. Dirty Pro Tools Garden Shredder

A lot of shredding power for very little money

Specifications

Weight: 15kgs

Power source: Mains

Cutting capacity: 40mm

Collection box: Yes

Read more: Tips On How To Keep Kangaroos Away: Learn About Plants Kangaroos Don’t Eat

Reasons to buy

+Cheap yet effective+Has collection box

Reasons to avoid

–Blades blunt quickly

Dirty Pro Tools probably had a massive laugh after they came up with their name, but it is now dawning on them that they are stuck with it forever.

Never mind, their ‘dirty’ garden shredder may or may not be ‘pro’ but it is equipped with a powerful 2,500 watt engine that should be able to shred most things short of a crowbar.

Users queue up to applaud the way this cheap ’n’ chunky chaff chewer gulps down branches up to 40cm in diameter and then farts them out into a large 50-litre box as little wooden chips.

Ironically, the more seemingly lightweight likes of leaves can cause it to choke, splutter and come to a halt, so stick to the heavy stuff. You can clear blockages easily enough by unscrewing a knob and gaining access to the blades. I’d advise doing this with the machine switched off, but it’s a free country.

As is the case with most shredders, you’ll save a lot of hassle by just getting the ol’ leaf blower out, assembling them in a neat pile, then bagging them up.

At this price you’re not going to be getting the best quality components and, sure enough, one common online complaint with this shredder is that its blades blunt quickly. On the other hand (which I thankfully still have), to get something that shreds as well as this for a shade over £100 is quite a rare treat.

8. Makita UD2500

Keenly-priced shredder with collection box

Specifications

Weight: 27.6kgs

Power source: Mains

Cutting capacity: 45mm

Collection box: 67 litres

Reasons to buy

+Pleasingly quiet+Large collection box

Reasons to avoid

–Struggles with moist materials–Pretty damn heavy

This smart-looking electric model is about same size and weight as the Bosch and just as well built, though some assembly is required, including fitting the wheels.

However, it doesn’t tackle as many different materials as the Bosch and struggles with anything that has high moisture content like large leaves and soft springy branches. In other words it’s best suited to harder woods and larger branches without too much greenery.

I fed it the same type of rose branches that the cheap B&Q model made such light work of and it jammed up a few times requiring me to hit the reverse button to free up some of the leafy congestion.

Also, it doesn’t come with a tamper which would have felt somewhat safer than using a stick to coax in some of the more rebellious stuff. It eventually swallowed the lot but closer inspection of the huge 67-litre collection bin revealed that it had simply crushed rather than cut the branches. And that meant I wasn’t able to spread the remnants over the flowerbeds.

However, it made a much better fist of dealing with a couple of 30mm hardwood branches – like the Bosch and B&Q, it accepts diameters of up to 45mm – once I’d cut off a few gnarly twigs to get the branch through the small hopper opening.

It was pretty quiet, too, which seemed to please the neighbours.

The Makita’s price falls somewhere between the Bosch and B&Q. It’s a Which? Best Buy but it loses a bit of ground for me due to its relative lack of versatility.

9. Titan Pro 15HP Petrol Chipper Shredder Mulcher

Multi-talented, petrol-powered behemoth

Specifications

Weight: 103kgs

Power source: Petrol

Cutting capacity: 75mm

Collection box: No

Reasons to buy

+Chips large branches+Tackles most foliage+Lots of power

Reasons to avoid

–Expensive–Huge and extremely heavy–Ear-shatteringly noisy

An altogether more serious proposition, this costly, petrol-driven brute annihilates anything up to 75mm in diameter. We’re talking proper tree branches here, the kind of stuff other domestic shredders fear.

If you own your own forest, or at least have a very large garden with loads of trees and shrubs, this could well be the shredder for you.

Just be sure you’re fit enough and have a decent sized outhouse or shed to store it in because, despite having wheels, the machine weighs 103kgs and the feed hopper is about head height. Also, it spits everything directly on to the ground so your best bet is to use a tarpaulin to collect all the chippings or you’ll make a right old mess of the lawn.

The Titan comes with two main portals. The top chute accommodates leaves and twigs up to 10mm and uses a ‘flail arm’ system to mulch them into tiny fragments.

Look to the side and there’s a circular portal for branches up to 75mm diameter: simply shove in a branch and out comes a pile of wood chippings of near sawdust consistency. Unfortunately, the side chute only accepts straight branches so some sawing will inevitably be required.

The downside to all this is that the Titan is huge, heavy, ugly and noisy and it uses an electric-start 15hp four-stroke engine that will, at times, require some TLC. If you can stand the racket – and your closest neighbours are either a long way away, or profoundly deaf – then this beaver of the shredding community is right up your garden path.

How to buy the best garden shredder for you

It’s one thing hacking away at your overgrown hedges, trees and shrubbery but another when you’re then faced with an unwieldy pile of branches, twigs, leaves and other garden detritus that somehow needs to be disposed of. You could spend ages snipping all the twigs and branches to a manageable size for disposal in the green waste bin or at your local council dump. Or you could invest in the best garden shredder.

Let’s cut to the chase. These domestic shredders aren’t like those machines the council uses when pruning trees in the street, or like the one Peter Stormare feeds Steve Buscemi into in that memorable scene from Fargo.

Most of the models here won’t handle anything thicker than 45mm in diameter so you can forget stuffing in a tree trunk. You will also need to snip off stiff twigs and large stubby bits or the branch simply won’t fit through the hopper’s opening slot.

Think hard about whether you really need a shredder in the first place and whether you have room. Many people will likely only use it once a year and the rest of the time you’ll need somewhere to store it.

There are two main types of shredder: impact and drum. Impact shredders use sharp, fast-spinning blades to cut into garden waste and can process a wider variety of materials, including most hard wood branches and fresh, moist cuttings and leaves. However, they are extremely noisy and their blades will eventually blunt if used excessively. They can also jam up if asked to process too much at a time.

Drum (or quiet) shredders tend to crush the material using a slow rotating, bladed wheel that traps plant matter against a solid plate before cutting it into little pieces. Drum shredders make far less noise but aren’t considered as effective at dealing with leafy materials.

Most shredders are equipped with a reverse switch to release trapped vegetation (it happens a lot) and some are equipped with a handy tamper to help force undisciplined branches into the portal of death.

Be careful how you insert branches as they jiggle about violently while they’re being swallowed. If it’s a thorn-covered branch and you’re holding on to it, lacerations are a real risk. You’re advised to wear gloves and goggles or sunglasses. A stylish, hi-viz jacket is optional.

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Source: https://livingcorner.com.au Category: Garden

source https://livingcorner.com.au/best-garden-shredder-2021-rid-your-yard-of-branches-twigs-and-leaves/

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