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psychospeak-blog · 6 years

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Won’t Go Slowly // 31

A/N: More of a fillerish chapter until Tyler gets back, but I still hope you guys enjoy it. Also...I had the hardest time trying to think of something embarrassing about Tyler as a child, and this is what transpired. I’m sorry.

One // Two // Three // Four // Five // Six // Seven // Eight // Nine // Ten // Eleven // Twelve // Thirteen // Fourteen // Fifteen // Sixteen // Seventeen // Eighteen // Nineteen// Twenty // Twenty One // Twenty Two // Twenty Three // Twenty Four // Twenty Five // Twenty Six // Twenty Seven // Twenty Eight // Twenty Nine // Thirty

You were not sleeping with Tyler again.

Well, it wasn't the sleeping that was the problem really.

It was the sex.

You had been concerned, when you started this whole thing, when he suggested it, that it would somehow negatively impact your friendship, that it would make things awkward between the two of you afterwards. You were happy it didn't, because you were just the same friends you'd always been. Closer, even, maybe, because he was supporting you through a pretty big event in your life.

You didn't, expect, however, that the problem would be not touching each other after you'd gotten pregnant. It was kind of turning into a thing, and you didn't want to have some type of weird friends with benefits thing, especially not with Tyler. Not with one of your oldest and best friends. And certainly, certainly not after the baby was here. You couldn't imagine telling your child how he came to be, and then having to have him try and figure out he accidentally caught Mommy and Uncle Tyler kissing. Nope.

It probably wouldn't be a problem, though, because this was not like you. It was probably hormonal, or something.

You didn't really regret it, either, it was great. The last time was especially great, too, so you could really end this thing on a good note.

You had kind of, a little bit, been avoiding him. Not dodging his calls or anything, but more so just you personally not being the one to initiate the conversations or the text. You'd think it'd be easy not to have a connection with him for a couple of days, seeing how you weren't even in the same city, but he called or texted you pretty often.

You had, however, sent him a picture of Gerry licking your face with the caption 'Best New Year's kiss ever', to which he had responded with a picture of him making a kissy face between Marshall and Cash, along with the text 'Two are better than one'.

And, just like that, it was a new year, a fresh start, the year your baby would be born in.

Also the year you'd stop shuddering anytime you took a shower, thought about raking a shower, or looked at a shower. Yep, this was your year.

" How were your holidays?" Danielle asked, after you'd asked her, and you told her about your Christmas Eve dinner at Tyler's house, and your Christmas with your family, and then just said that you and Tyler just hung out on Boxing Day, leaving out the whole fucking part.

"I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to see him."

"Yeah, he wasn't really here for very long," you said, as you turned into yet another aisle of the baby store you were in. You didn't expect for there to be so much stuff, and it was completely overwhelming. "He'll be here for 5 or 6 days though, so you can see him them." And maybe she should just stay with you at all times, so you weren't alone with him.

Okay, that sounded bad.

But, he was your best friend. You wanted him to be just your best friend again.

You slowed down, with the cart you were pushing, not even really knowing why, looking at a machine designed to help you make your own baby food, and then realized that the baby wouldn't even be able to eat that type of food for months after he was born. But, breast pads, were those something you needed? Or a breast pump?

"I think we're in the wrong section of the store," you said, heading towards the back, where the bigger things were, your hand slowing when you felt the baby kick, and then saying "Dani.." keeping your hand settled right beneath where you felt the movement, and she reached over, settling her hand there, and you shared a smile.

"Did Tyler feel him?" she asked and you nodded. "What did he think?"

"He liked it?" you said, "He said it was cool. He really wanted me to eat dessert so the baby got a sugar rush and his sisters could feel it."

Danielle gave you a gentle smile, "Did they?"

"Yeah," you smiled, smoothing your hand over your belly.

"How were they?" she asked, smoothing her hand over some soft swaddle blankets.

"Good," you said, swallowing the emotion that you were feeling, "Everyone's been really good." Honestly, their reaction was better than your own family's. Your mom was better now, too, not that you were actually pregnant, but she made a few comments over Christmas that made you feel like she was being almost a little overbearing, in that way she usually was. Luckily, your sister had come to your defense pretty quickly, letting her know that you had everything handled. You'd also asked your sister to tell your father, because you weren't sure what his reaction was going to be like, and you weren't entirely sure you wanted to put yourself in that vulnerable position emotionally.

"Oh my gosh," Danielle said with a gasp, and you followed her down an aisle she was going, taking in all the little activity gyms for babies until she lead you to the one that she'd spotted. It was shaped like a whale and had a canopy so it looked like the baby was laying in the whale's mouth, and it had all types of ocean-themed toys hanging down. "It's UV resistant, and it has a pillow for tummy time."

Okay, it was really cute, but you were not buying that type of stuff today. You just wanted to focus on the baby's room. "I think we need to go to Pottery Barn or something, where it's just furniture," you said, "there's too much stuff here."

"But you can use it inside and outside," she said, "You love being outside."

It would be great, actually, to keep him shaded and safe, especially since he'd still be so little going into the end of spring and the beginning of summer. But you needed to focus on his bedroom. "You can get it for me for my baby shower," you said, starting to turn out of the store.

"He told you?" she asked, and you laughed, because she knew right away it was Tyler and not your sister, "I'm not telling him anything ever."

"You were going to keep it a secret?" you asked.

"Well, no," she said, "But we were going to wait awhile to tell you."

"I was going to buy a bunch of baby stuff," you explained, "and he just wanted me to wait."

"Okay," Danielle reasoned, "But I'm not tell him any more details. Especially not the theme. I didn't realize he told you everything."

"There's going to be a theme?" you asked, and Danielle just laughed.

"Anyways, how is Gerry doing?"

"He's fine," you said. He'd been better than fine, actually. Like, perfectly well behaved, and you hadn't really witnessed any of the destroying of things that Tyler had talked about. "Tyler's been stressed about him though."

"Why?" she asked with a laugh.

"I think he thinks that Gerry's gonna be mean to the baby or something."

"But he's so sweet."

"I know, except he does get excited," you said, "He tried to jump into the baby swing, and I thought Tyler was going to have a heart attack." It was probably a good thing, actually, that he was staying with you and being around all of this baby stuff you were slowly accumulating, to get him used to it. Really, though, the biggest thing you were worried about was the baby's toys getting mistaken for dog toys, which really wouldn't be a big deal at all.

You breathed a sigh of relief when you walked into the furniture store, not feeling so overwhelmed with the bright lights and colours, the measurements of the space you'd were thinking for the crib and rug saved on a note in your phone. When you got to the kid and baby furniture section, the gliders and rocking chairs were the first thing you saw, and you found yourself sinking down into one immediately, thankful for the cushioning, and fending off the salesman who asked if you needed help by saying you were just browsing.

"Oh," Danielle said, sinking into one a couple of chairs down from you, "you have to try this one."

You lifted yourself up, moving over, and letting your body fall into what felt like the most supportive cloud ever, closing your eyes and setting your head back. "I could fall asleep here."

It looked really like the most comfiest armchair ever, complete with an ottoman, except for that it glided. You eventually, did, however, get out of the chair, because you had to go look at other furniture.

You thought you'd just wanted a simple, white or grey crib. But, there were convertible options, which seemed like a great idea, but did you want one that converted onto a toddler bed, or one that converted into twin bed and a day bed ? And there were changing tables, which you'd never even considered. Did you need one of those, too?

"I don't know what I'm doing," you whispered to Danielle, and she looked around a little.

"Should we ask someone?"

"No, they'll probably just tell me to get everything," you said, "and the people who work here might not even have kids."

You toyed with your purse, wondering if maybe you should call your mom, but you were pretty sure she'd be driving home from work right now. And then you remembered there was another mom you call to ask: Jackie.

"Hi, honey," she asked after a couple of rings, and you explained that you were out shopping for furniture for the nursery.

"I was just wondering, do you think I need a changing table?"

"A changing table?" She asked, "Um..I mean, I had one, but I really never used it honestly. But it's up to you."

"Okay," you said, exhaling and looking at the other people in the baby section of the store, a woman who looked slightly more pregnant that you, standing with what you assumed was her husband's arm around her, both of them looking down at a crib together and discussing it together, and making the decision together, even though they probably knew just as little as you did.

"Are you alright?" Jackie asked, and you realized she was still on the phone, the store all at once seeming way too big and spacious.

"Umm, yeah," you said quickly, looking around and all of the various furniture options that surrounded you. "It's just...a lot?"

" Well, you don't have to make all the decisions all today," she said, and you had to suppose that she was right. "You know, if want another opinion, I could come out there this weekend? We could get pedicures, or lunch, and talk about it."

"Really?" You asked.

"Of course," she answered, in those same words Tyler had said to you so many times, with a similar emotion.

"That would be," you said, smiling at Danielle who was still standing near you, looking around, "that would be really amazing."

Danielle was still looking at you when you hung up, feeling much more solid in your feet now. "Tyler's mom is going to help me decide on the furniture. We can just look around, and get ideas."

This felt better to you, seeing what was out there before you made the decisions, giving you time to make sure everything would work. It started to feel fun again, and you found yourself being drawn to things that suited your colour scheme, the first of which were a set of crib sheets with blue watercolour dogs all over them.

"Did you want us to invite Tyler's Mom to the baby shower?" Danielle asked, and you paused, looking down at the package of sheets in your hand, and then back up again. For some reason, you were always so worried about making her feel uncomfortable. But, the thing was, if it wasn't Tyler's baby genetically, if you were married or with someone and having a baby, of course you'd invite her.

"Yeah," you answered, "and Tyler's sisters, too." You weren't sure they'd be able to make it (hell, you didn't even know when it was, other than that it was in March), but of course they were invited.

Your eyes locked on something from across the store, and you just had to have it: a light blue, whicker basket, shaped like a puppy right down to the whiskers and the ears. It was exactly what you were going for, and now you had inspiration. You picked up a couple of other things before you left, a neutral textured diamond rug that was super soft, and a wood typography print that said "Happiness is a warm puppy", before you went to the paint store to pick out some soft blue paint samples, grabbing some dinner before you headed home to Gerry.

He, of course, greeted both you and Danielle at the door, jumping up on your shins until you bent down to pet him, "hi, hi, did you miss me? Were you good?"

"Hi Gerry," Danielle said, once he started sniffing her, "of course you were good, weren't you?"

It was a little while later, right when you were sitting down on the floor in the soon-to-be nursery to eat your dinner, Gerry lying next to you with his head rested on your knee, both of you watching Danielle paint squares of the sample colours onto the wall when your phone lit up with a FaceTime call from Tyler. Of course.

You answered it, holding up your finger when it connected, continuing to chew, him looking like he was sitting on the bed in a hotel.

" Are you seriously eating right now?" He said, and you nodded, swallowing the piece of sushi that was in your mouth.

"Did you want me to ignore your call?" You asked, and he laughed, shaking his head.

"I guess not, no," he said, "What are you having?"

"Sushi," you said, using chopsticks to grab another piece from your plate on the floor.

"I thought you weren't supposed to have that?"

"Just not the raw fish," you said, "I got mostly vegetarian stuff." It wasn't quite as good as the real thing, but it'd tide you over."

"He's not trying to eat it?" Tyler asked, and you realized that he could see that Gerry had his head in your lap, your dinner next to him.

" No," you said, petting him with your chopsticks still in your hand. "He's being really good."

"Are you lying?"

"No," you said, "he came to work with me yesterday and everyone was saying how well behaved he was."

"You took him to work?" Tyler asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, in the afternoon. I just had some paperwork to do."

"Did he get you fired?" He asked.

" No," you laughed, "he just laid under my desk and put his head on my feet."

Tyler sighed, running his hand over his face. "Okay, I knew he'd be way better for you than he was for me, but I didn't think he'd be completely perfect."

"How are Marshall and Cash?" You asked, stretching your legs out, wondering if they too were pulling a Gerry.

"Fine. They'll probably ignore me for a bit after I get home though," he said, "How was your shopping trip? Did you get anything?"

"Ye--" you started, and then tilted your head to the side, realizing you hadn't told him you were going shopping. "How'd you know I was doing that?"

He only grinned at you. "My mom tells me everything."

Remember how earlier you said you really liked water during your pregnancy? Well, it was still true, your head rested back on the comfy massage chair, your feet soaking in warm water, and Tyler's mom in a similar position to your side. You’d only just reached for her hand, settling it over your belly, and watching her eyes light up as she felt your baby kick for the first time.

"Anyways," Jackie continued, "I got one of those changing tables when I had Tyler, but I really only used it for the first couple months? You're usually not always in their rooms anyways, and they get so kind of wiggly, it's almost just easier to change them on the floor."

"They have these things you can put on top of dressers now to use them as a changing table," you said, using your hands to illustrate what you meant, "I was looking at those?"

"They never had anything like that 20 years ago," she said, shaking her head. "At least then you can see if you use it often enough to justify buying a whole changing table."

You nodded, lifting your feet out of the water so they could be scrubbed. "I wasn't really sure about cribs, either? These convertible ones sound great, but I don't really know if I need something that can be a toddler bed and a day bed?"

"I just used the same crib for all three of my kids," she said, and you realized that it would be something to make sense to think about reusing, but you had no idea if you might have more, you were just focusing on the now. "But I've kind of found that anything that you can get as long of use out of as possible is a good idea."

"How about a bookshelf?" You asked, because you were realizing you were getting all of your questions answered right here, more so than any book you'd read, and you'd just be able to go home and choose the look you wanted, now that you'd seen all the options.

"Umm.." she said, her eyes glancing upwards like she was recalling it all, "I mean, Tyler used to climb all over his as soon as he started to walk, and it used to give me a heart attack. The girls, not so much."

So no bookshelf, got it.

"I think you can get those ones you attach to the wall," she continued, "or just throw all the books in a basket or something, so they're easier to grab when they're little."

You already had just the basket, too.

"One thing I'd really recommend would be a really comfortable glider. You spend a lot of time in it. I slept in it some nights too."

"Did you have it in your room or the nursery?" You asked. You weren't really sure, especially since you were planning to have the baby in your room for the first few months.

"The nursery," she answered, "I didn't want to wake Tyler's dad."

Well, that was one problem you wouldn't have to deal with. In fact, you'd quite happily keep your baby in bed with you until he was 5.

Or, maybe, until you started dating again. Which you couldn't even imagine.

45 minutes later, your toes were trashy polished and your feet smooth, thanking Jackie for the pedicure, and commenting how amazing it felt. "I thought you'd appreciate it," she said, grabbing her purse, "Tyler said your feet were getting sore."

Your face flamed red immediately, just thinking about what transpired when Tyler had massaged, or attempted to massage your feet.

" Are you alright?" Tyler's mother, Tyler's freaking mother asked.

"Yeah," you said, fanning your face. "Just, I get hot flashes sometimes. I'll be fine in a second."

Luckily, she bought this, and you decided to go for lunch next, only after you made her agree that this would be your treat. You were taking a sip of your lemonade, trying to decide just what you wanted to eat, Jackie admiring her pedicure, and then looking up at you. "Have you ever seen Tyler's feet?"

"Tyler's feet?" You questioned, "Yeah?"

"You know after the baby's born, when they take their hand and foot prints?" She asked, and you nodded, "he had these really long toes, right? They were kind of ugly, but also really cute. Anyways, the doctor comes in afterwards because they thought the nurse made a mistake or something, I guess?"

You nodded, following what she was saying.

" And his second and third toe on both feet were webbed. Has he ever told you?"

You shook your head 'no', even though a small part of you as now hoping this wasn't something genetic. "You got it fixed?" You asked, because his toes certainly were no longer like that.

"I wasn't going to, as it's really just a cosmetic thing, and apparently it can help with sports and balance and stuff," she said, "but he was really, really upset when I think he was 8 or 9 and kids started making fun of him? So we got it fixed then."

Your heart did kind of break a little then, thinking of a child Tyler being mocked at school, or the pool, or when changing in or out of his skates. But you also bit back a smile, knowing this was something that would probably embarrass him, if he knew you knew. The rest of the lunch was quite nice, really, mostly talking about baby stuff and your heart filling with excitement thinking about putting his room together, but you couldn't resist calling Tyler after you'd hugged Jackie goodbye and gotten back to your car.

You were grinning as he answered, just ready to launch right into it. "How come we've been friends for over 13 years and you've never told me you used to have webbed feet?"

You heard him inhale and exhale, "Which one of my sisters told you?"

When you didn't respond, he then asked, "my mother?" Followed by a quick laugh.

"Your mom tells me everything, too."

He laughed louder at that, and you found yourself laughing, too, feeling unsure as to why you'd been so nervous to be alone with him again.

It was only Tyler.

Only your best friend.

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