#the same loveless empty cycle as my parents in hopes that my life can offer some kind of fulfillment to someone in it n meet someone's
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truly cannot tell if lc/nc has been poison or antidote for me LOL
#not like i have any choice in the matter anyways but. like i can't tell if the feeling that it's making me like. worse about everything#is just my brain's attempt to get me to like. idk . like i'm not GONNA give in and become some horrible toxic monster#but i can't tell if it's my brain trying to get me 2 go begging for some alternative or if that's just part of what going nc is like#like it's technically low contact but it feels more like no contact + weekly message sent over to keep my brain from actually caving#it feels like a level below nc LMFAO#idk . it would be nice if therapy was free bc there is no other way for me to figure out the answers here LOL#idk. i feel like i get worse about everything by the day. but getting worse means that i'm farther from any kind of like. idk#like none of this feels like it's heading towards any kind of healing of any sort ever LMFAO#like i feel like i'm bleeding out energy? and i'm just gonna end up a raisin#but everyone around me thinks i'm like. letting go of stuff and clearing out an apartment before i redecorate#like i'm sorry but that is nowhere close to what's happening and i literally feel like i'm gonna end up perpetuating#the same loveless empty cycle as my parents in hopes that my life can offer some kind of fulfillment to someone in it n meet someone's#expectations n hopes cause mine truly genuinely do not feel like they exist#neg#:)#i feel crazy#it is what it is ig#mano.mindtalk
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