THE REFLECTIONS. THE AMBIENCE. THE POWER.

THE LITTLE GUY

" damn , you act like you were the only guy out here in the HCPD who had to deal going through Jacob's trials --- "

"Were you forced to put people through the trials? No. Were you sending your friends and neighbors in to kill or be killed? No. I was a part of YOURS, you probably didn't even recognize my voice." He was angry. Less at Hale. More at himself. At Joseph. At John. Especially at Jacob. Of course in that moment he had a guy almost a foot taller than him making him feel cornered with his anger.

"I - I could barely save you. I couldn't save anyone else. I was powerless. Do you have any idea how many people I've seen torn apart by Judges? It's a special sort of scream to get stuck in your head when your flesh is torn off your bones while you're still alive. Arthur Bane. Chris Broad. Frank and Annie Broussard who I grew up next to. The LeBlanc twins from my damn high school class. More whose names I never learned. Maybe YOU know how to live with this -- this -- this survivor's guilt. But I can't." Pratt was nearly in tears now and he didn't even care if Hale gave him shit for it. The guy seemed so strong to him even before Jacob got a hold of him. Something Staci wished he'd been. He'd fought tooth and nail just to survive and was chewed up until he could be spit out stronger than before. And he was. He fucking was whether or not Hale believed him.

"Maybe you know how to be the hero this county needs but I'm not. I'm twenty-fucking-six years old and I didn't sign up for this shit. I'm doing every damn thing I can to just try not to fall apart. Half the Whitetails don't even trust me staying with them. They think I'm going to lose my shit any moment now -- and you know what? I don't trust myself not to either! I can't bear to face Whitehorse. I can't go home. I can barely face you. I don't know WHERE I belong anymore. I don't feel like I should even be here at all. So get off my back. Let me have my anger. Let me be upset because it's the only goddamn thing I have control over any more."

Pratt let out a groan like he'd be shot, turning away from the older man with his hands gripping into his hair. He could feel hot tears stinging his cheeks and his breathing felt painful. "No. No. Fuck." Jacob would have laughed at him in pity had he pulled this shit around him. Was this anger or weakness? He couldn't tell anymore. "Who am I kidding. None of us have any control. We're being punished. We have to be punished before we can atone. Before we can move on from this place. Don't you see, Rook. No one's come for us yet. We're on our own. Nobody cares. This is all so fucked up and I don't need you giving me any more shit."