#the justifications he must have told himself when belos finally showed his true colors and gave him that scar
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never okay about hunter owl house
#sometimes i think about how long he spent in the emperor's coven#how long he spent alone in that tower#believing in belos and his purpose#the justifications he must have told himself when belos finally showed his true colors and gave him that scar#no that's not his uncle. not really.#he's... he's in pain. he's...he believes in me that's why he's disappointed#he knows i can do better#(i can't fail him. i can't fail him. not again.)#i think about how darius watched and let it happen because he had to but also because it hurt#to see his mentor's face following that monster so blindly#maybe some part of him thought the new guard deserved it#some small ugly part of him.#it doesn't win in the end because. that's not darius. not really.#but maybe it was for a moment. maybe he feels guilty sometimes. maybe that's why he had to change his mind.#sometimes i think about how hunter owl house ran away at the end of hollow mind#and how it took weeks of being away from belos to muster the courage of saying /you're lying/#how it took months of being in ANOTHER WORLD to muster the courage to say /he was wrong/#months before he could admit he never wanted what belos gave him#what belos forced him through#the golden guard 'i liked the mazes and the traps'#to hunter 'i want to learn wild magic i want to play flyerderby with my friends'#golden guard who would willingly give his life to protect belos vs hunter who tried to give his life to stop him#wahhhh#(explodes about it)#the code word is oreo
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